Clementines
by Nachos4Children
Summary: Bella hasn't had much luck in the love department. Will that luck change when she goes to college and runs into the handsome Dr. Carlisle Cullen? AH/AU OOC Non-canon. Rated M for language and lemons.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Of course, I don't own Twilight. Are you retarded?**

AH/AU OOC non-canon

Chapter 1

BPOV

It all started back in high school. Edward Masen and I started dating when I was 17 and he was only 16, and things were great. For awhile. We waited almost a full year before we decided to have sex. We were both really nervous. He was nervous because he thought that he wouldn't be able to perform. I was nervous because I didn't want to get blood all over my sheets because I didn't want my mom to figure out that I had had sex. In all honesty, I didn't really feel much the first few times we had sex. I don't recall being in pain, but it's not like I was experiencing a lot of pleasure either. Don't get me wrong, the sex was nice and everything, but well, it wasn't GREAT. I mean, neither one of us knew what we were doing. I didn't even know back then that I wasn't having orgasms. Of course, sex was FUN and killed some time, but it wasn't really about me, you know? Although, it's hard when you're worried that your parents could come bursting through the door at any time! However, Edward always managed to get his rocks off, which was nice for him I guess.

But as we approached our 2 year mark, our relationship started to change. Edward had become so over-protective of me; he never wanted to spend any time apart. It didn't really bother me at first; I was actually kind of flattered. I mean, sure it was annoying when he'd get pissed about little things, like if I didn't sit next to him on the bus on a stupid field trip or something, but I just chalked it up to the fact that he'd been kind of a loner before we started going out. Then one day he told me that he hated my best friend - Jacob - and wanted me to stay away from him. We couldn't go to any parties if Jacob was going to be there because Edward couldn't even stand to be in the same room as him. He once even asked me if I was fucking Jacob, which was utterly ridiculous - Jacob was my best friend since pre-school, and I could never imagine him any other way. Eventually, it got to the point where I had sneak away to go see Jacob and my other friends, Sam, Quil, Embry and my BFF, Leah. I would tell Edward that I was tired and wanted to go to bed early. Then after he would leave, I would jump into my beat-up truck and drive out to wherever they were hanging out. They agreed not to tell Edward what was really going on, but I could tell that they hated lying for me. My friends also didn't appreciate Edward's possessiveness of me and it strained my relationships with them. Especially my friendship with Leah, who I had been friends with since 2nd grade. She felt that I had abandoned her for a guy. We never fully recovered.

So it was no surprise that I had been having thoughts of breaking up with Edward for a long time. I knew that I was going off to college in the fall, and I hoped that the distance would be good for us. Kind of a "you don't know what you have 'til it's gone" type of situation. He planned to attend the same college as me, so I figured if it was meant to be, we'd be together and happy within a year. But there was a part of me that knew things were not going to be fixed so easily, if I wanted to fix them at all.

I started college at the University, and began my studies as an Open major. I really had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I had a feeling that I would end up as an English major, but I figured that I had plenty of time to figure that all out. I stayed in a co-ed dorm my freshman year and met a lot of really cute guys. I tried not to encourage any would-be suitors, but it proved to be a difficult task since I'm kind of a flirt by nature. One guy named Eric was especially persistent. Eventually, he wore me down and I agreed to go out with him. "What would it hurt?" I thought to myself. Eric was a very nice guy, and I really did enjoy his company. I didn't really consider going out with him as a date per se - more like, just two people getting together and having drinks together. I admit that I had a good time with him. We were laughing a lot. And drinking a lot. And one too many drinks later, I found myself in his bed. We couldn't have been having sex for any more than 5 minutes, when amazingly, my inebriated brain decided to intervene. "Stop!" I begged. "We can't do this! I'm so sorry, but I have a boyfriend!" Thankfully, and to Eric's credit, he did stop. But the damage had already been done. It was official: I was a cheater.

I was disappointed with myself because I had cheated, but not because I had gone out with Eric. It made me realize that I no longer loved Edward they way that I used to. I simply was not meant to marry my high school sweetheart. So, I made the decision that I had to break up with Edward. I knew that I had to do it in person, I owed him at least that much. I planned on taking summer courses, so my only opportunity would be the weekend of his high school graduation. I felt terrible about it, but it had to be done. Of course, he was angry and upset when I did it. He demanded to know what he had done wrong, and I didn't have the heart to tell him that I was the one who had had done HIM wrong. So I told him that there was nothing that he had done wrong, I just didn't feel the same way about him any more. I was careful not to say that I still wanted to be friends, but I told him that I would always care about him - not just because he was my first love, but because he deserved to be happy. That was the truth.

After Edward, I briefly dated a guy named James. I met him at a bar roughly two weeks after I had broken up with Edward, so clearly James was just a rebound. He was so different from Edward, and I fell pretty hard for him. He knew that I was pretty inexperienced in the relationship department, and he used that knowledge to his advantage. I didn't realize how mentally and physically abusive he was to me until it was too late. He would make comments about my clothes, saying that I didn't dress like I cared about my appearance, that I embarrassed him. Or he would tell me that I should wear my hair a certain way when I was around him, and if I didn't, he wouldn't talk to me until I changed it.

One evening, were supposed to meet up to go to an outdoor concert, and I suggested that we have a picnic in the back of my truck. "Fine," he said, "as long as you get your shitty truck washed first." Well, when I took it over to the automatic wash, there was an attendant standing out front with a sign that said "OUT OF ORDER". I didn't really think it was that big of a deal, so I drove to the park anyway. But he never showed up and after an hour, I finally gave up. I drove home with tears in my eyes - what an asshole! Then I noticed his car parked on my street, he was sitting in it looking furious. Once we were inside my apartment, I confronted him and demanded to know why he stood me up. That's when he threw me up against my bedroom wall. My back crashed into an antique mirror and I was cut pretty badly by the shards of glass that rained onto my head as I fell down. Of course, it had all been MY fault - he wouldn't have stood me up if I had just gotten my "shitty" truck washed like he'd told me to. That's right, he stood me up because my truck was dirty and he didn't want to be seen with it in public. The sickest part of that relationship? He broke up with ME. I was so glad that I had never had sex with him. In fact, according to James, I had not yet earned the right to fuck him. What a blessing in disguise.

After James, I was thoroughly disgusted with men in general. I didn't want to be nor was I ready to be in another relationship for a long time. I started giving in to the random hook-ups that presented themselves and engaging in lots of meaningless sex. I didn't even care that I was getting a reputation for being an easy lay. I should have cared, but it was like I was trying to fill some void in my life with sex. It didn't help that my good friend, and roommate, Angela, was in the same boat. We would go out to bars, hunting for men that we could go home with. If we were successful, we would hang out together the next day and swap stories. Once, we both set our sights on the same guy, a handsome man named Peter. Neither one of us would back down, so in order to settle the score, I suggested we play Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who got to take him home. I won. And let me just say that Peter was an awesome fuck. We went all night long, dabbling with bondage, blindfolds, and chocolate syrup. My bed was a mess by morning, but it had been worth it. Worth it, that is, until Peter ruined it by asking me if it would be okay for him to ask Angela out on a date. As it turned out, SHE was the one he was actually interested in! I conceded gracefully and gave him my permission to pursue her, but my ego sustained quite a blow that night.

I liked having sex and sexual encounters. However, something was missing. Orgasms. Namely, my own. It hadn't really bothered me, but I was starting to wonder if I was one of those women who just never had them. But it didn't make sense, considering that I could give myself the big O when I handled things on my own, if you know what I mean. Clearly I was capable, but it just never happened when I was having sex. So what was wrong with me? Although, I must admit that I could pretend quite well. I'd never considered myself to be a good actress, but I know that the guys I fucked couldn't tell the difference. Besides, I always made sure that their needs were met, so really, what did they care? Eventually, it began to take a toll on my self-image. I used to have a fair amount of confidence in myself, but apparently I was only good for a bounce and not much else. Of course guys didn't want to date a slut that had fucked their best friend - I was now damaged goods. The ones that I did try to date had issues all of their own. It seemed that no normal guy would ever want me. So eventually, I gave up on the idea of true love altogether, and decided that random hook-ups were pretty much the best that I could ever do. I had to face the facts.

But everything changed though, when I met Dr. Carlisle Cullen.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

BPOV

I had been working at the University library for just over a year when I first met him. I was pushing a cart of books to be reshelved and rocking out to my iPod (a big no-no when we were working) when I ran into him. Literally. I was listening to one of my favorite songs, rounding the corner - I didn't even see him until it was too late.

*CRASH*

I ran into the back of his leg like a ton of bricks. The cart swerved hard, causing at least half the books to topple down onto the floor.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry," I cried. I ripped the earbuds of my ears and looked up at him. "Holy shit."

"Excuse me?"

_Oh God, I said that out loud didn't I?_

"I mean, ar-are you, okay?" I stammered. This man, no this GOD, that I ran into was quite possibly the most gorgeous human being on the face of the planet. He looked even hotter than today's movie stars. We're talking blond, slightly wavy hair, a jaw line that could cut cheese, and eyes as deep as the Caspian Sea. He had broad muscular shoulders - I could tell, even underneath his navy blazer and pin-striped shirt. Now if only I could get a look at the back of those tight blue jeans...

Be still my heart.

"I'm fine," he smiled. "No harm done."

At the flash of his perfect smile, my insides turned to Jell-o.

"Again, I am so, so sorry. I should really look where I'm going." I crouched down and started picking up the books that had tumbled to the floor. "I'm such a freaking klutz."

"Ah, now I don't believe that. It was just an accident," he replied, squatting down to help me.

"Oh believe me. I make Gerald Ford look like Gene Kelly. And I'm not exaggerating."

He started to laugh, "You weren't even alive when Ford was president, so I don't think you're allowed to make such comparisons."

_Oh my God, that is the sexiest laugh I've ever heard._

I realized that we were both reaching for the same book, so I pulled back. As if to emphasize my point, the shift of weight threw off my balance and I found myself falling over. I managed to roll to the side before I cracked my forehead on the shelf next to me. I froze.

_Kill me now._

Mr. Gorgeous just stared at me with baby blues opened wide. "You did that on purpose."

Trying to be as graceful as possible, I straighten myself up to a kneeling position. "I wish, but nope that was all me. I told you so."

He started to laugh again, and I felt my cheeks get hot. I quickly started to gather the last of the books - I wanted to get out of there as fast as possible before I humiliated myself even more.

"I'll get those," he offered, still laughing.

"Don't worry about them. I've got 'em. But thanks anyway...uh...", I trailed off.

"Carlisle. Dr. Carlisle Cullen."

"Dr. Cullen. Nice to meet you. I'm Bella." _Oh, great a professor. Perfect._ "Again, my apologies for ramming into you like that. I hope you aren't pretending to be okay for my sake."

"Of course not, Bella. It's actually been a pleasure talking to you." He extended his hand to me, and I grasped it hesitantly. But his hand was so warm and firm, that I immediately relaxed. I found myself not wanting to let it go. He smiled at me warmly, and I tried to return it, but I'm sure I just looked stupid or crazy. Maybe both. "Perhaps we'll run into each other again sometime."

"I certainly hope not," I laughed.

_Jesus Christ, Bella. Stop talking._

But thankfully, he understood my pathetic attempt at a joke.

"I admit, bad choice of words," he laughed. "Have a good evening."

"You too, Dr. Cullen."

And with that, he turned toward the elevators and walked away. After he entered the elevator, he turned and before the doors shut, he grinned and gave me a small wave.

When I was certain that it had reached the 1st floor, I sighed heavily. _Did that really just happen?_ I cringed when I thought about how impossibly clumsy I had been, but in a way, I was glad. If I hadn't been such a colossal dork, I never would have gotten meet my Adonis in blue jeans. What a fucking hottie.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Do I own Twilight? You wish!**

**Also, a big thanks to my beta - uhyesplease. She's a hardworking mama and without her encouragement, I never would have started writing this. Love ya!**

Chapter 3

BPOV

I'm embarrassed to say that, when I got home, I immediately went up to my room and looked up Dr. Cullen on the University website. I felt like a stalker. But I HAD to know more about the sexiest man alive, so I pushed aside my shame and forged ahead. I typed his name into the faculty finder, and clicked on the link to his profile.

"Dr. Carlisle Cullen, Professor of Theory, School of Music," it said.

Great. I had almost a zero percent chance of ever running into him anywhere again. The English department was all the way over on the other side of campus - my only hope was running into him at the library again and even that seemed highly unlikely. I felt my heart sink at the thought of never seeing those gorgeous baby blues again. I clicked on his resume.

"Carlisle Cullen holds a PhD in Music Theory from The University of Iowa, a Master's degree from the University of Alberta, and a Bachelor's degree in Theory and Composition from the Royal College of Music in London, England. Cullen's research interests include 19th-century German Romanticism and French music of the later-19th and early 20th centuries with a primary emphasis on the works of Claude Debussy. He has a number of articles in print and in progress, and is in the early stages of a book project entitled_ At the Temporal Divide: Contextualizing the Music and Poetry of Claude Debussy_. He has presented his research at numerous scholarly conferences in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, and in Australia. Cullen teaches a range of undergraduate and graduate courses in music theory, including: the core theory sequence; 16th-Century Counterpoint; Schenkerian Analysis; and special topics courses centering on Debussy."

A lot of that sounded like gibberish to me. What the hell was Counterpoint? Shenkerian Analysis? Was that even _English_? Yeah, we had nothing in common. Why didn't I listen to my mother when she tried to force me into taking piano lessons? I sighed out loud.

"Hey, whatcha doing?"

I jumped about 2 feet in the air.

My friend/roommate, Angela, was suddenly standing behind me.

"Jesus Christ, Angela!" I cried, snapping my laptop shut. "Ever heard of knocking?"

"I never knock," she said matter of factly. I couldn't disagree. "So what are you up to?"

"Nothin' much."

"I'm hungry. Have you eaten dinner yet?"

I smiled. I knew where this was going. "Nope. What are you thinking?"

"You wanna go get pizza?"

The resounding growl from my stomach pretty much answered for me.

"Let's go."

***

The walk to our favorite pizza joint was a short one - it was only a few blocks away from our apartment. It was almost always crowded as hell because the place was small, but it was also totally worth braving the line for their famous thin crust. Thankfully, the line was small that evening, so I knew we wouldn't have to stand outside for too long.

"So how was work today?" Angela asked me.

"It was fine. I swear, my boss Nancy gets crazier and crazier every day."

"What did she do now?"

"She told my co-worker, Jen and I, that after she had paid all their bills at her house, they had $10 leftover and she wanted to give it to the two of us."

"So she gave you each five bucks?" The confusion in Angela's eyes was apparent.

"Isn't that weird? We didn't know what the hell to do, so we just took it."

"That is messed up."

"It's like she's trying to bribe us into liking her. I mean, she can try, but it's not going to work. Oh, hey, sorry to change the subject, but get this - I met the cutest guy today on the 3rd floor. Angela, you would not believe how hot he was."

"Ooooo!" She squealed. "Did you get his number?!"

"Nope. Besides, he's a professor over at the School of Music. Totally out of my league," I sighed.

"That sucks. The good ones are always either gay, taken, or forbidden."

"Or in love with one of your friends." I teased.

"Oh shut up. Peter was not in love with me," she slapped me across my shoulder. "Besides, I'm not down with your sloppy seconds! I already told you that."

"Several times, in fact!"

"That reminds me, Ben's coming in to town tomorrow and I want us to all go out together."

Ben was Angela's on again/off again boyfriend. They were a good couple, when they weren't fighting or fucking around on each other. I always kind of figured they would end up together in the long run, but they both had some maturing to do before that would ever happen.

I raised my eyebrow at her. "I didn't know you guys were back together."

"We're not. He's just coming in to town for a good time."

I rolled my eyes. I knew what that meant. "You don't need me around to show him a good time."

"Please?! If you don't come, it's gonna feel like a date and I don't want him to get the wrong idea."

"Ha! Wrong idea, my ass!" I snorted. "Like I want to hang around while you guys grind and make out all night."

"I swear, it's not gonna be like that. Besides, he's staying at his cousin's place, so I'll be going over there tomorrow night - I promise, you will not be forced to witness our indiscretions! You've been working so much lately, we hardly ever go out any more. Come out with us!"

"I don't know...I've got that paper due on Monday..." I was teasing her now.

"Puh-lease. You know as well as I do that you aren't even going to start writing that paper until Sunday afternoon. Don't bullshit me."

"Fine," I laughed. "But you owe me for this!"

"Oooooo," she squealed. "Thank you! We're gonna have so much fun tomorrow!" She hugged me tightly to her.

"If you say so."

"You have my word. Now, tell me more about this hot professor at the library..."

I smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. If I did, there'd have been a lot more bangin'.**

Chapter 4

BPOV

The next night, I prepared myself for a night out. We planned to go to one of our favorite bars, and I had to admit, it was nice to have something to look forward to. I don't dress up or wear a lot of make-up very often, so it's kind of fun when I actually do. I wore one of my standard going-out outfits: dark skinny jeans and a black halter top. Nothing too sexy, but I will say that it gave my "ladies" a nice presentation. I took my time applying black eyeliner and smudging it just right so that I didn't look like an emo kid or a raccoon. Some mascara and a little lip gloss completed the job. I topped the whole look off with a couple of gold bangle bracelets and matching hoop earrings.

I glanced at my watch and saw that I still had about half an hour or so before Angela and Ben were supposed to pick me up. I sank down into my comfy over-sized recliner and just let my mind wander. I thought about different topics for my paper - we were supposed to compare and contrast two Shakespearean characters. I thought maybe Juliet and Ophelia? Or perhaps Othello and King Lear? What was I in the mood to drink tonight? Beer? Malibu and Coke? Crap, did I remember to clock out from work yesterday? If I didn't, maybe my psycho boss Nancy clocked out for me. Again.

Soon my thoughts turned to Dr. Cullen. I replayed our encounter about a dozen times in my head, and imagined how idiotic I must have seemed to him. I thought of things that I should have said, ways that I could have gracefully prevented myself from falling over. Damn, I should have asked him what time it was or something, just to see if he was wearing a wedding band. I also wished that I would have found a discreet way to touch him. I could have pretended to pull stray hair or a piece of fuzz off of his shoulder.

Thinking of hair, I wondered what it would feel like to run my fingers through his. Was his hair soft to the touch? I imagined what it might smell like too - did he use product in it? I thought about his eyes - those beautiful deep blue eyes - and the way they had twinkled at me in surprise after I had fallen over. And his lips. Oh God, his lips were gorgeous as well. If I were kissing them, they'd be absolutely perfect - firm and full. I was willing to be that he was a good kisser too. I sighed out loud as imagined what kissing him would be like.

He'd probably start out slowly with soft kisses, our mouths parted slightly and I'd be able to taste his sweet breath. The kisses would intensify and soon I would eagerly accept his tongue into my mouth. We'd gently wrestle back and forth, our breath getting heavier and heavier. He'd control our pace by holding my head still with his hands on either side of my face. In return, I would wrap my hands around the back of his neck and pull him as close as possible.

Eventually, his lips would leave mine and they would travel to side of my jaw, nipping and caressing me lightly as they travelled down my neck. God, I loved being kissed on my neck! It was the perfect balance of being tickled, tortured, and pleasured, all at the same time! I wouldn't be able to stand it for very long before I would need to return the favor. I'd pull away coyly, and then bring my lips to his ear. "My turn," I'd whisper. I'd carefully take his earlobe between my teeth and gently blow warm air into his ear.

Then my lips would find their purchase where his neck and shoulder met. I bet he smelled delicious. My tongue would taste his salty skin, and I'd pepper it with gentle love-bites. I'd soon feel his hand travel from the back of my head down to my waist, catching just beneath my shirt. He would slowly bring his hand back up, but underneath my top now, snaking around to my back and stopping on the hooks to my bra.

He'd look into my eyes, but he wouldn't need my permission - he'd already had that from the moment our lips met. With one hand, he'd pop the clasps open and my breasts would heave with the high hopes of what was to come. His hand would slide below my bra to the underside of my mound to softly cup it as I'd close my eyes and moan. As his thumb lightly flicked across my nipple, it would immediately begin to harden. His other hand would trace lightly down my back and I would feel his fingers slide halfway down the back of my jeans. His lips would find mine again as he slowly brought his hand around to front of my pants before he worked his fingers underneath the waistband of my panties. Lower and lower his hand would go as I trembled in anticipation. "Oh God, please don't stop." I'd breathe. I'd hear him draw in a gasp as he slipped his -

*HONK HONK HONK!*

The sound of a car honking brought me out of my daydream. It took me a moment to bring myself back to reality and realize that Angela and Ben must be waiting outside for me. "Goddamnit," I groaned. "I'm coming! Hold your fucking horses." I grabbed my keys and my purse and ran out to meet my friends.

**A/N: By the way, I ain't the kind of girl to beg for reviews or anything, but please feel free to ask questions or offer suggestions. Thanks!**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I don't own Twilight, but sometimes I like to pretend that I do.**

Chapter 5

BPOV

'Hey girl!" Angela cried, pulling me into a tight hug as I climbed next to her in the car. She pulled back and scrutinized my face. "Are you sweating?"

I swiped my forehead with the back of my hand. Sure enough, I could feel the moisture on my fingers. "I was in a rush to get ready, running around the apartment and everything. That's all," I lied. _Time to change the subject._ "Hi Ben - how are you doing?"

"Fine. You shoulda came over earlier Bella, we were watching this awesome Kung-Fu movie."

I exchanged a glance with Angela. She absolutely loathes Kung-Fu. She grinned back at me. "Bummer, huh?"

"Totally." I laughed.

Ben started explaining the plot to me, but I only half paid attention. I, too, am no fan of Kung-Fu movies. Honestly, how boring can it get?

We pulled into the parking garage, and I must admit that I felt a small wave jealousy wash over me when I saw Ben open the door and help Angela out of the car. I missed someone doing little things like that for me. Sometimes, it was easy to see why Angela liked him so much.

He was still rambling on about Kung-Fu as we walked to the bar, when I noticed that we were passing my bank. That reminded me...

"Oh shit, you guys - I need to get some cash. Do you mind if I stop over here? Since it's my bank, they won't charge me any extra fees."

"No problem, we'll wait." Angela said.

"No, that's okay; you don't have to wait for me. I'll just meet you at the bar."

Ben looked at Angela and then at me. "Are you sure?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry - I'll be right there."

"Okay then. We'll see you in a bit." Angela kissed me on my cheek and headed off with Ben. I noticed that he had his hand stuffed into her back pocket.

_Great. It's already started._

There were about three people ahead of me in line at the ATM, so I leaned against the side of the building as I waited my turn. It was such a nice night - not too hot, not too cold - just right. The light breeze would help dry up any sheen left on my forehead from before.

"Excuse me Miss, but I think I was ahead of you in line," said a voice from behind me.

"The fuck you were." I spat, whirling around to confront my accuser.

I gasped. I could recognize those baby blues anywhere. Dr. Cullen was even more gorgeous than I had remembered him. I couldn't believe my luck that I had run into him so soon, but there he was - wearing blue jeans, a white button-up, and a tight vest. It has GOT to be illegal for a man to look that good.

"Holy shit."

"Excuse me?"

_Shit. Not again!_

"I, uh...I'm sorry. But I don't believe you were ahead of me." I said, making a face at him.

He smiled that same Jell-O inducing smile again. "I know. I was just kidding." He paused, then cocked his head to the side. "You were really pissed, weren't you?"

I laughed. "You're lucky I didn't kick your ass. I may not look like much, but I could still bring you to your knees."

I saw his eyebrows go up with that last comment, and I realized that I was talking to a University _professor_ for crying out loud! What the hell was I thinking?! I quickly tried to think of another topic of conversation, but he beat me to it.

"So what are you up to tonight?"

"Oh, I'm just going to a bar with my friend and her uh, friend, I guess, is what you would call him. What about you?"

"I'm meeting a colleague over at The Blue Note to listen to a few of his students play some jazz."

"Sounds like fun."

"Eh. I'm not a huge fan of jazz music. I can appreciate it, but it's really not my thing, ya know?" His eyes twinkled at me.

"You're more into classical music, right?"

He looked at me in surprise. "Right. What gave me away?"

_Uh oh. Shut up Bella. Don't let on that you've stalked him!_

Before I could answer though, the ATM became free. _Thank goodness for small favors!_

"Excuse me," I said politely, as I stepped up to the machine.

"Go ahead," he smiled. "So what bar are you and your friends going to?"

"The Hangout. It's kind of a dive. You ever been there?"

His laughter was music to my ears. "No, I've not had that distinct pleasure yet!"

"Hey, don't knock my favorite bar! It's actually a great place 'cause they've got an outdoor patio. It doesn't get really crowded or anything, but we usually like to sit outside. I get overheated easily."

"Good to know." Almost imperceptibly, his mouth twitched.

_Oh God, I did it again._

The machine spat my money out, and I stepped over to the side and quickly tucked the bills into into my purse. "It's all yours," I said.

"Oh, no, that's okay - I don't need to use it."

I was confused. Why was he over here if he didn't have to use the ATM? Not that I was complaining, of course!

"Okay then," I paused. I didn't really want to leave, but I knew that I needed to get going. "Well, I'd better go meet my friends. They'll start to worry that I'm getting mugged or something."

"Alright." Again, his eyes seemed to sparkle at me - how did he DO that? I started walking and to my surprise, he stayed at my side.

"Ummm, isn't The Blue Note back that way?" I said as I pointed behind me.

"Yes it is. But what kind of gentleman would I be if I didn't see you safely to your destination? I'd hate for you to get mugged or something on your way." And with that he held out his arm to me. _Was he serious?_ I nervously hooked my hand around the crook of his arm and reveled in how muscular it felt. _God, I could get used to this._

"Thanks."

We didn't talk at all during the short walk to The Hangout, partially because I couldn't think of anything interesting to say and partially because I had to focus most of my attention on not tripping over my own feet like an idiot. When we reached the door, I reluctantly let go of his arm.

"Thanks for walking me over here. You didn't have to do that, but it was very nice that you did."

"You can never be too careful." He looked at me almost like he wanted to say something else, but he must have changed his mind.

"Especially in my case." I laughed.

His eyes crinkled into a smile. "Have a good evening, Bella."

"You too, Dr. Cullen, and thank you again."

"No problem. It was nice running into you."

"Likewise." I smiled.

And just like that, he was gone. I sighed and then stepped inside to search for Angela and Ben. My eyes zeroed in on a couple furiously making out. _Are you shitting me?!_ I stomped over to them and stood there with my arms crossed across my chest. They didn't seem to notice me.

"AHEM." I cleared my throat loudly.

"Bella! Hey! I was...wondering where you were. You've been gone for like -"

"All of 15 minutes?" I cut in.

She looked at me sheepishly. "Sorry."


	6. Chapter 6

**I own Twilight. And as long as I dreaming, I'm also married to Peter Facinelli.**

Chapter 6

BPOV

The night did not improve. I couldn't believe that after all of Angela's promises, I was sitting here like a third wheel. I started pounding drinks in hopes that their making out wouldn't bother me anymore, or at the very least, not as much. Probably not the smartest idea I've ever had, but it seemed to be working.

I got up and staggered over to the bar for my 5th Baybreeze of the evening.

"Hey there, Beautiful." I heard a voice purr. "I like the way you move."

I turned to face him. "Seriously? Is that the best line you've got?" In spite of myself, I couldn't help but feel flattered. A tiny smiled formed at the corners of my mouth.

He smiled back at me, but it didn't turn my insides to Jell-O. Sure this guy was cute, but, well...I guess once I'd laid eyes on Dr. Carlisle Cullen, the bar had simply been raised too high. Still, it's not like I had any chance with the good Doctor, so what the hell did it matter if I flirted with someone else?

"Hi, I'm Felix."

"Hi Felix, I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you."

"It's nice to meet you, too." His eyes locked onto mine. "Could I please buy you a drink?"

"Sure. That would be nice." _Oh God, did I just bat my eyelashes?_

"What's your poison, Bella?"

"I'll have a Baybreeze, thank you."

"I'll take a bottle of Bud and a Baybreeze, please!" He called to the bartender.

"Felix. That's a very interesting name," I said.

"That's a nice way of putting it!" He snorted and made a face. "It's an old family name - I'm actually the 5th in a line of Felixes."

"I take it you don't like your name then?"

"I like it when it gives me a chance to speak to pretty girls."

"Is that so?" I giggled.

"See I'm not lucky like you - you have a beautiful name that goes with a beautiful face. Bella. Doesn't that even mean 'beautiful' in Italian or something?"

"I think so," I had to be blushing by now. "But my full name is actually Isabella. I always thought it sounded like an old lady's name, so I've gone by Bella since I was about 13 years old."

"Felix and Isabella." He mulled it over. "It kind of has a nice ring when you put the two names together, don't you think?"

_Not as nice as 'Bella and Carlisle' though._

I shrugged as the bartender handed us our drinks. I noticed that Felix must have forgotten to give him a tip, so I quickly tossed down two dollars when his back was turned. The bartended shot me a grateful look. I felt Felix's hand slip around my waist as he guided me to a private booth. It felt kind of nice.

*************************

I vaguely recalled telling Angela that I was leaving with Felix, but I couldn't really remember how we had gotten to my apartment. All I knew was that I was drunk and horny.

Felix was an aggressive kisser with scratchy stubble on his face that rubbed me raw. Each time his cheeks brushed against mine, it felt like someone swiped my face with fine grain sandpaper. He was also a biter, and every now and then, he would chomp down on my lower lip, and I wasn't entirely sure that I wasn't bleeding because of it. The thought occurred to me that I would much rather have been kissing Dr. Cullen right then. I mean, I wanted passion, but gentle and soft at the same time. This experience was none of those, but it seemed at the time, it was the best I could do.

The assault on my face lasted nearly twenty minutes (I know, because I checked my watch. Twice.) Then, almost angrily, he yanked my shirt up and over my head and ripped off my bra. He ran his hands roughly over my breasts, kneading them as if they were made of three-day-old Play-Doh. It was not the greatest sensation in the world. Suddenly, and without warning, he twisted one of my nipples so forcefully that I cried out in pain. "Ow! Jesus Christ, Felix! What the hell?!" I exlaimed, pulling back.

He smirked at me and then reached up and grabbed a fistful of my hair. "Oh don't tell me that you don't like it rough!" He then licked me from my collarbone to my chin. Disgusting.

The truth was, in fact, that I do like it rough sometimes. It's kind of fun to just let a guy have his way with you and be ravished. But this felt different. The hair pulling and biting wasn't for any of my enjoyment, only his. It actually felt kind of degrading.

His hands snaked down to my shoulders as he forcefully shoved his tongue into my mouth, but there was no gentle wrestling back and forth. This felt more like a quest for world supremacy over my mouth.

It was then I felt pressure on my shoulders, like something was dragging me forward and down. I wasn't sure what Felix was going for, so I shrugged out of his grip and used the opportunity to remove his shirt. But the second his shirt was lying on the floor, his hands were back, trying to shove me downward. Suddenly a light bulb went on over my head as I realized exactly what he was trying to do.

Let me just say that I have no problem going down on a guy. I'm good at it; I enjoy it. I've received many a compliment regarding my ability to suppress my gag reflex. But I only do it when I feel like it, or if a guy _asks_ me to. Nicely. Never have I been so insulted by some asshole who thought that he could just shove my head down onto his member and I'd give him a blowjob.

So I ignored him. Or at least I tried to. But when he actually placed his hands on the top of my head and tried to push me down even harder; I'd had enough.

I slapped his hands away and grabbed his face between my thumb and fingers like you might do to a 4 year old, causing his lips to pucker together. "Look Felix, I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but it doesn't work that way with me, got it? If I wanted to suck your dick right now, believe me, you'd know it."

He rolled his eyes and jerked away from me. "I knew this was a fucking waste of time." He grabbed his shirt in a huff. "Goddamn cock tease."

"Are you fucking kidding me? I'm a tease because I wouldn't let you rape my mouth? Fuck you. If you wanted a blowjob, you could have asked. You don't just shove a woman's head down to your cock, you moron. Now get the hell out of my apartment."

He snorted. "I bet you're a lousy lay anyway."

"Felix, I'm the best fucking lay you'll never have."


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: News flash! Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight - not me!**

Chapter 7

BPOV

I spent the rest of the weekend stewing in my anger over how things had turned out and simultaneously cranking out my paper for school. What the fuck was I thinking? I needed to stop having these random hook-ups. I mean, really - had any of them ended well? Not really, considering I'd never even seen most of those guys again. It occurred to me that even if I didn't think I could do any better than a one-night-stand, I at least DESERVED better than a one-night-stand. Nearly having sex with that dickhead Felix had made me realize how truly unhappy I was with my sex life. I knew things had to change, but how? I didn't have the answer to that question yet.

Angela kept apologizing to me, but I wasn't ready to forgive her yet. I hadn't told her what had happened, but I think she managed to figure out things had not gone well. Eventually she wised up and realized that I just needed some space.

On Monday, I went to class and turned in my kick ass paper on the Shakespearean villains, Claudius and Iago. Two assholes that I probably would have had sex with the night before if they had bought me a drink.

I had to work at the library that evening from 2:00 - 8:00. Instead of reshelving, Nancy made me "walk the shelves" which basically means that you wander aimlessly up and down the aisles looking for any books that were misplaced or shelved upside down, etc. I HATED walking the shelves. Not only is it completely boring, but it makes my neck and back hurt like hell by the end of my shift.

I checked my watch after what felt like forever and realized that I was due for my break. I stopped into Nancy's office to let her know that I was going to go to the library's cafe in case she needed me for anything.

Once I got there, I grabbed my usual: cinnamon cream cheese muffin and a bottle of iced tea/lemonade. I paid for my items and looked for a place to sit.

_Holy cow. Are you kidding me?_

There he was, sitting and drinking coffee (?) His back was turned to me, but I could recognize those blonde locks from a mile away. I hesitated. Would it be inappropriate for me to go up to him and say 'Hello'? He had come up to me while I was in line at the ATM after all. I figured it couldn't hurt to just say, 'Hi', could it?

I started walking toward him when a girl sitting at a table suddenly shoved her chair out to stand up. I walked right smack into the chair and started to stumble. I grabbed the table to try and steady myself, but in the process, the iced tea/lemonade fell from my hands, the glass bottle shattering as soon as it hit the floor.

I managed to set the muffin down on the table before I buried my face in my hands.

_This cannot be happening to me._

I could feel everyone's eyes burning into me, just waiting for me to start crying or something, I was sure of it. But all I could do was stand frozen in place.

"Oh shit, I'm sorry!" cried the girl whose chair I had run into. "I didn't see you coming!"

"What?"

"That was totally my fault, I'm such an idiot!" she insisted. "Let me go find someone to clean this up. Again, I'm really sorry."

"Oh, okay. Umm, thanks" I said, snapping out of my trance. That's when I saw HIM approaching.

_Oh God._

Before he could say anything, I blurted out, "No, I did not do that on purpose!" I couldn't even look at him, I was so embarrassed.

But he gently took my chin in his fingers, tilting it up until my eyes met his. They were as gorgeous as ever and filled with genuine concern.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked me softly.

"That depends. Is my face still red?"

I felt his thumb sweep lightly over my cheek as he let go of my chin. "Not very. This kind of stuff happens all the time; it's nothing to get upset over."

I swallowed hard and nearly lost my train of thought. "Yeah, but it happens all the time to ME. I'm a walking disaster."

"Maybe you should sit down then." He gestured toward his table. "Would you like to join me?"

I swear my heart stopped beating.

"Ummm, sure, I guess so." He held out a chair for me and pushed it in as I sat down; such a gentlemanly thing to do. "Thanks," I said.

"So are you working today?"

"Yeah. I'm on my break right now. I've got about 20 minutes left before I have to go back." I eyed the things spread out on the table when a piece of fruit caught my eye. "Oh my God, that has got to be the tiniest orange I have ever seen! How cute!" I exclaimed.

He looked at me incredulously. "It not an orange - it's a clementine."

"A _what_?"

"Haven't you ever heard of a clementine before?"

I shook my head. "Uhhhh, no? Is that horrible of me or something?"

"No, I'm just surprised, that's all. They're just little tangerines, so they're really easy to peel." He began to peel the skin off the clementine. I was amazed at how cleanly it came off of the fruit, not like an orange which would take me forever to scrape off all of the pith. "And they're seedless too, which is nice," he continued. "Would you like to try one?"

"That's okay - I've got my muffin here."

"Oh come on - just one bite." He held a section of the clementine up to my mouth. How the hell could I refuse that? I playfully rolled my eyes and parted my lips. Slowly, almost painfully slowly, he pushed it inside my mouth. I closed my lips, managing to just catch the tip of his finger has he released the fruit. He looked into my eyes expectantly as I chewed. I had to admit, it was delicious. It was wonderful the way it burst onto my tongue and flooded my mouth with its juicy sweetness.

"Mmmmm. Oh my God, that's amazing." I murmured.

"I know," he replied. "They may not be big, but they manage to cram a lot of wonderful things into a small space."

"Well, you've made a believer out of me - that was delectable." I sighed contentedly.

"Tell me Bella, what is it you're studying here?"

"I'm an English major. Please don't ask me what I plan to do with that."

He laughed. "Okay, I won't. But tell me, what do you like about being an English major?"

No one had ever asked me that before. I wasn't quite sure how to answer. "I guess I just like reading a lot. Poetry. Shakespeare. Chaucer. And especially the classics like Jane Eyre, Pride and Prejudice, Anna Karenina blah blah blah. I re-read the things I like a lot; they don't really get old for me. I was open major during my first year here, and the only classes I really liked were my rhetoric and literature classes, so...."

"So you became an English major."

"Right. It just seemed like a good fit for me. But seriously, I really have no idea what I'll do with my degree though."

"You could always teach."

I winced. "Me teaching a bunch of snot-nosed kids? I don't think so."

"Do you want to write?"

"Not really."

"Edit?"

Hmmmm, now that wasn't a bad idea. "Maybe. But I've got time to figure it out. I do plan to go to grad school after I graduate from here."

"Ahhh, I see. So tell me, what poets do you like?"

"Ummm, mostly the older poets like Elizabeth Barrett Browning, William Blake, John Donne, Emily Dickinson, etc. I like the way they speak as opposed to someone like Charles Bukowski. Not that he's bad per se, he's just not my cup of tea." I was rambling now.

"Bella, you know that I am a music professor, right?"

I nodded. "Mmmmhmmmm."

"I am actually working on a book about the music and poetry of Claude Debussy. Have you ever heard of him?"

"I think so. Clair de lune, right?"

He smiled at me. "That's right. Not only was he a composer, he also wrote poetry. And he set that poetry to music. I've been doing research here at the library on other poets of the same era that I'd like to include in the book. I was wondering if you might like to help me.

"Help you?" How could I possibly help this man with his book? I didn't know squat about music, let alone Debussy.

"Yes, it would be a big help if you could gather the books that I need and skim through them for me. I'd like it if you could flag or photocopy the sections or chapters that are relevant to my research." He gestured to a pile of photocopied pages. "It's very time consuming for me."

"I think I could do that." I hoped the eagerness wasn't _too_ apparent in my voice.

"That would be a great help to me. But please, if this interferes with your studies or your job, I'll understand if you can't do it. You're a student first, not my research assistant." He said with all seriousness.

"I think I can handle it," I replied, just as serious. But I knew it would have to become a terrible burden before I would give up the chance to see Dr. Cullen on a regular basis. "Just out of curiosity, what kind of poetry did Debussy write?" I asked.

He smiled at me. "I'll admit, his poetry is a little out there." He reached into one of his folders and pulled out some sheets of paper. He flipped through them and then handed one of the sheets to me. He hesitated. "This one is one of my favorites, but I'm not sure how you'll feel about it."

"Well, let me take a gander then." I grinned back at him and leaned back in my chair.

"**Of flowers...**

"In the boredom, so desolately green, of the hothouse of grief,

the flowers entwine round my heart with their evil stems.

Ah! when will they return around my head,

those dear hands that would tenderly disentwine them?

"The tall violet Irises wickedly violated

your eyes while seeming to reflect them,

they who were the water of the dream into which plunged

my dreams, so sweetly enveloped in their color;

and the lilies, white fountains of scented pistils,

have lost their white gracefulness

and are now no more than poor invalids without sunshine!

"Sunshine! friend of evil flowers, killer of dreams!

Killer of illusions that are the consecrated bread of wretched souls!

"Come! Come! Saving hands!

Break the windows of deceit

break the windows of wickedness,

my soul is dying of too much sun! Illusions!

"Never again shall flourish the happiness of my eyes,

and my hands are tired of praying,

my eyes are tired of weeping!

Unto eternity this senseless noise of the black petals

of boredom falling drop by drop upon my head

in the green of the hothouse of grief!"

I took a moment to re-read the poem one more time. I could feel his eyes burring on me the entire time. I wasn't sure what reaction he was hoping to get from me, so I became suddenly nervous that I would say the wrong thing.

"Wow. Um, wow," was all I could muster.

"If you don't like it, that's okay." He assured me. "I'd honestly like to hear what you think."

"Well, actually, it's really interesting. He has a love/hate relationship with the flowers, doesn't he? The associations he makes are closer to surrealism than symbolism in my opinion. It leaves a lot of open questions. "I glanced at my watch. "I'd like to sit and ponder them some more, but unfortunately, I have to get back to work now," I sighed.

Dr. Cullen looked at me sharply, "Bella, I...I don't know what to say."

"I'm way off, aren't I?" I frowned.

"No, in fact, quite the opposite. For having no background of Debussy, that was extremely insightful. I'm actually very impressed. Tell me, would you be available to meet me, say, Wednesday night to go over some things? Or do you have to work that night?"

I had to think for a moment because my head was still spinning from hearing him say that he was impressed with me. "I get off at 6:00 on Wednesday. So I could meet you any time after that."

"Sounds like a plan. Shall we meet right here again, since it's pretty convenient for the both of us?"

"Works for me," I smiled. "I better get going now, but I'll see you on Wednesday, Dr. Cullen."

"I'm looking forward to it, Bella. Have a nice night."

******

The rest of the evening I didn't "walk the shelves", I danced them.

**A/N: The poem "Of flowers" belongs to Claude Debussy.**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. However, I do own an adorable black cat named Haushinka.**

Chapter 8

BPOV

It seemed to me that Wednesday would never arrive. In fact, I thought Superman was flying around the earth counter-clockwise reversing time just to fuck with me, that's how slowly the minutes were ticking by. I tried to pay attention to classes and my homework, but how could I? My thoughts kept drifting to the feel of his thumb on my cheek or his fingertip on my lips. I wanted to see his face again so badly, it was actually painful for me not to. I'm pretty sure Angela thought I was still in a funk because she kept trying to do nice things for me - make dinner, give me rides to class, or clean the bathroom, but in all honesty, I was just in too much of a daze to pay her any mind. I promised myself that I would make it up to her...eventually.

I was relieved that my shift at work on Wednesday was a short one - only three hours long. Any longer, and I was positive my head would implode. If Nancy decided to make me shelve books, the time would pass by very quickly, so I crossed my fingers and hoped for the best. I walked into Nancy's office to drop off my purse and find out my fate.

"Oh hiiiiiiiiii, Bella!!! How are you tonight?"

"I'm just fine, thanks. How are you?" I braced myself.

And she was off and running. "Ohhhhhhhh, Bella, my husband got tickets to hear the orchestra play tomorrow night. I'm absolutely dreading it! Those screeching violins always give me a headache! I don't know why they play such high notes in the first place. I don't think that human ears were meant to hear such high notes! You'd think they wrote those songs for dogs to listen to instead! And I've told him not to get tickets to orchestra concerts because I can't stand those screeching violins - it such a waste of money! I mean, we have to get a babysitter for Emmeline and plus the cost of those tickets! What was he thinking!? I should just try and sell them to someone else. But what am I saying? You don't want to be bothered about this kind of stuff!"

I smiled. "It's okay Nancy. I'm sure you'll have a good time regardless."

She snorted, "I doubt it."

"So what am I doing this afternoon?" I asked, eyeing the cart of books sitting next to her desk.

You can start by shelving those books there, and then I need you to pull and replace the pocket parts for a few periodicals."

"Great! I'll get back in a little bit to grab the pocket parts. Thanks Nancy!" I started to wheel the cart out of the room.

"Hold on a second Bella!"

I turned to her. "Yes?"

"I almost forgot! Some professor stopped by and asked me to give this to you about two hours ago." She said, holding a small white envelope toward me.

I gulped. "Oh. Um, thanks, I guess." I said, taking it from her.

After I was away from Nancy's office and hidden away in the depths of the shelves, I open the envelope. With trembling fingers, I pulled out a folded note card. It read:

Bella, I'm so sorry but something has come up and

I can't make it to the library tonight. Please call me

when you are done with work if possible. Please

accept my apologies for the late notice.

Regards,

Carlisle

Disappointment washed over me. I had been looking forward to this evening for two days! I felt like someone had drained all of the air out rooms as I contemplated what I could possible done to make him change his mind about meeting me tonight. I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes, but I blinked them back. This was nothing to cry to about! I tried to convince myself that it was just an informational meeting to go over his research requests - it's not like it was a date or anything. I shouldn't feel any differently than if, say, a lab partner had cancelled on me at the last minute. But I still couldn't wipe away the sharp sting of rejection I felt while I re-shelved the books.

After I had replaced the last pocket part and said goodnight to Nancy, I went out into the library's courtyard. Thankfully, it was practically deserted. A few people sat on benches talking or studying, but the weather was getting cooler now and most patrons were inside utilizing the study lounges.

I pulled my cell phone out of my purse and dialed the number that Dr. Cullen had written below his name on the note. To my surprise, he answered after the very first ring.

"This is Carlisle."

"Hello? Dr. Cullen? It's me, um, Bella?" I hadn't been ready for him to answer so quickly - I must have sounded like an idiot.

"Bella! I'm so glad you called me! I am so, so sorry, but a strange situation has arose and I'm stuck at my house this evening."

"That's okay," I said, "we can meet some other time - it's no problem." I prayed that he couldn't hear the despondency in my voice.

"No, no!" He exclaimed. "I was hoping that if it wasn't too inconvenient for you, you could just come over here, to my place instead. Would that be alright with you?"

I was dangerously close to having either an aneurysm or a heart attack.

"Y-yes, that would be fine." I stammered.

"I can give you directions or I could come pick you up if you need a ride."

_Dammit! I knew I should have accepted Angela's offer to give me a lift to work!_

"No, I drove to work today, so just the directions are fine."

"I live on Sherwood Drive, not too far from the Methodist Church. Do you know where that is?"

"I think so."

"The house number is 707. If you have any trouble finding it, just call me. You can park behind my car in the driveway."

"Okay." I was afraid to say more for fear that my voice would give away my excitement.

"Thanks for being so understanding about this, Bella. I'm really sorry about all the trouble."

"It's no trouble. I don't mind."

"I guess I'll see you in a little bit then."

"I'll be there."

"Thanks Bella, bye!"

"Bye Dr. Cullen."

I snapped my phone shut. Everything had happened so fast. Was that even Dr. Cullen on the phone? He'd sounded so rushed, so distracted. I felt like I had barely registered that we were having a conversation when suddenly it was over. I found myself frozen in place. I knew that the moment I moved, I would either start turning cartwheels through the courtyard or vomit on the spot. I sure hoped it would be the former.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Twilight clearly belongs to Stephenie Meyer. Delusions of grandeur totally belong to me.**

Chapter 9

BPOV

His house. Oh my God, he invited me to his _house_. This was big. Huge. All at once, I became very nervous. I mean, I'd had butterflies prancing around in my stomach all day, but now it felt like they were playing a game of volleyball in there.

I pulled into Dr. Cullen's driveway and parked behind his black Mercedes. Wow. That was one sexy car, I had to admit. I sat for a moment and gathered my thoughts.

_What the hell am I doing here? This isn't right! He's a professor - you're a student! But technically, I'm not HIS student! This is just a meeting - I'm helping him out with his research, that's all. No, I'm not. I wouldn't be doing this if he were any other professor. So what!_

And those two little words were what convinced me to get out my car. "So what?" So what if he was a professor? So what if this was wrong? So what if it had all the potential for disaster? So what if he was only interested in me as a research assistant? This was what I _wanted_ to do. This was what I _needed_ to do.

Somehow I willed my legs to move and walked up to his front door. I took a deep breath as I pushed my finger against the doorbell. Suddenly, I could hear muffled shouting.

"Son of a _bitch_! Stop it! Stop it! I said, STOP IT!"

_What. The. Hell?_

The door flew open and there HE stood, dreamy as ever, holding back an extremely agitated dog that was growling and desperately trying to jump on me.

"Dammit Jane! Get DOWN!" He tugged on the dog's collar. "Don't worry, she won't bite you! She's not growling - that's a happy noise she's making."

I relaxed - of course, I trusted Dr. Cullen completely and if he said that the dog wouldn't hurt me, I believed him. I dropped to my knees and Jane immediately started covering my face with sloppy dog kisses.

"Oh, you are a pretty girl, aren't you?" I cooed. "You're so pretty!" I scratched behind her ears and nuzzled her neck. She growled some more and then threw her head back and let out a loud howl that sounded more like a yodel. I laughed and turned to Dr. Cullen. "What kind of dog is she?"

Then concern in eyes changed quickly to relief. "She's a Basenji. Bella, meet Jane. Jane, this is Bella."

"Nice to meet you Jane." I smiled and held out my hand to her. To my amusement, Jane lifted he paw toward me and I gave it a nice shake.

"Good girl!" I exclaimed, taking her muzzle between my hands and vigorously rubbing her fur. "Aren't you a smart girl?"

"She likes you. I can tell." He said softly, offering me his hand to help me up. "She doesn't growl at just anyone, you know."

"She's beautiful," I mused. "Is she a purebred?"

He nodded. "I like Basenji's because they don't bark - they just growl or yodel when they're happy."

"That's really cool! How long have you had her?"

He hesitated. "Umm, well - technically she isn't mine. She's actually the reason I couldn't come in to the library this evening."

"Oh. Are you watching her for a friend? That's really nice of you."

"Kind of. It's a long story." He sighed.

My eyes grew wide in mock horror. "You didn't steal her, did you?"

"No, nothing like that." He chuckled. "Come and sit down." Dr. Cullen gestured toward an over-sized, comfy-looking couch. "Can I get you something to drink? Water? Iced tea? Lemonade?" He winked at me.

I grinned back at him. "Iced tea WITH lemonade would be great. Thank you." And I needed it badly. My mouth was so dry; it felt like I'd been wandering in the desert for three days.

"Coming right up." He said, disappearing into what I assumed was the kitchen. I took the opportunity to look around the room. It was very simply decorated - lots of black - black couch and loveseat, black end tables, black entertainment center. The thick carpet was a rich cream color, and the curtains were a deep crimson. Overall, the effect was very modern looking. I wandered over to the mantle above the fireplace. I curiously examined the pictures and cute knick-knacks like little league baseball trophies he had placed up there. Cautiously, I picked up a small marble bust of a figure.

"Debussy, of course." The sound of his voice started me and I nearly dropped the figurine. Luckily, I secured it in my hands before it could fall. My God, how embarrassing would that have been? He handed me the drink, and I sipped it gratefully.

"Thanks. Who are they?" I asked, pointing to an older looking photograph of a man in a uniform and a woman.

"My grandparents. That's their engagement photo, actually. Would you like to hear a funny story about that?"

"Sure."

"So my grandfather, Robert, was in the Army and was going to be shipped overseas during World War II. He met my grandmother, Beryl, who was a nurse at the time, and of course, it was love at first sight and all that. He promised to marry her when he got back from the war and swore that he would write to her every chance he got. Well, just about a month after he was deployed, she received her first letter. "Dear Everetta," it said.'

It took me a second before I got it. "He did not! Are you serious? He called her by the wrong name? That's horrible!"

"She still married him, didn't she?" He laughed.

"I guess so. I'm not sure _I'D_ be so forgiving though." My eyes gazed over the other photos, stopping at one of the last ones. "Hey, I thought you said Jane didn't belong to you!" I exclaimed, picking up a frame that said "I Love My Dog" containing an adorable photo of Dr. Cullen holding up Jane as a puppy.

He looked uncomfortable. "She used to belong to me." He said softly. "Me and my girlfriend, Esme. Well, technically, she's my ex-girlfriend now."

"Oh." I said, not quite sure what I should say. I wished I hadn't said anything in the first place - I could tell this was a sensitive subject.

"Esme got to keep the dog when we split up about 6 months ago. She-she's out of town for the rest of the week because...well, I still can't believe it myself." I could see the pain hidden in his eyes.

"Hey, it's okay. You don't have to explain it to me; it's really none of my business." I said quickly, although I was burning with curiosity. There was a small part of me that was relieved though when I heard the word "ex-girlfriend".

"No, I don't mind telling you."

"Please, don't feel obligated or anything. Like I said, it's none of my business."

"I haven't really felt like talking about it with anyone before. Unless it makes you uncomfortable....?"

"No, I'm fine. Go ahead."

He sat down on the loveseat and patted the seat next to him. I was careful not to sit too close to him, but I also didn't want Dr. Cullen to feel like I was trying to stay as far away from him or anything. My planning paid off well when Jane immediately jumped up onto the couch and curled up between us, resting her head on my thigh. Dr. Cullen smiled at this.

"I told you, she likes you." He paused for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. "Esme and I were together for close to 4 years and we'd been living together for the last 2. That was when I got the job here at the University. We bought Jane when we moved here because we knew I'd be teaching a lot and Esme was afraid she would be too lonely being here by herself. Things seemed like they were going great - we'd even discussed marriage and everything. Then one day, six months ago, the power went out in the music building, so they cancelled all the afternoon classes. I thought I'd surprise Esme by coming home early. I walked through the front door to find her fucking some random ass dude on that couch over there." He waved his hand dismissively at it. "I haven't sat on that couch since."

I couldn't help but gasp. "Oh my God, that's horrible!" I clapped my hands over my mouth.

Dr. Cullen looked at me sadly, nodding his head. "I was furious, and yet completely crushed. She freaked out on me, screaming that it was all my fault - if I hadn't been working so many hours teaching and researching my book, she wouldn't have been so lonely."

"Wow - that sounds familiar." I murmured.

"I almost believed her." He continued. "Luckily, the guilt I felt only lasted a little while when she confessed that it wasn't the first time that she'd slept with that asshole - by the way, I'm sorry for the language I'm using - I don't usually swear like this."

"That's okay; I've got a mouth like a sailor myself." I smiled.

"Anyway," he continued, "I kicked her out that very evening. She cried and begged for me to let her stay, but I couldn't even look at her without seeing the image of her riding that slimeball." His hands balled up into fists, and I knew that he was seeing it all over again in his mind at this very minute. "I couldn't let her stay. I bought this house - I wasn't going to let HER infidelity drive ME out of it."

"I don't blame you. What Esme did was awful." My thoughts flickered to my own indiscretion, my own guilt. I knew what I had done to Edward had been just as awful. But I pushed those thoughts aside to focus on Dr. Cullen.

"It was hard. She hadn't been working all this time, so she couldn't afford her own apartment. I ended up supporting her for about 2 months while she got on her feet. I still help her out from time to time when she needs it. As angry and as hurt as I was, I couldn't completely turn my back on her, you know? When her father died last month, I told her I was there for her if she needed me and I meant it. But if I had known..." His eyes flashed and his knuckles turned even whiter.

"Known what?" I prompted.

"Bella, do you know why I'm watching Jane this week?"

I shook my head.

"I'm watching Jane because Esme is running off to Vegas to marry the very same slimeball she fucked on my couch. She's fucking _marrying_ that asshole! To think, I paid her rent, installed her cable, bought her groceries, listened to her while she cried over her father, and all the while she was still _with_ him! What the fuck is wrong with her? What the fuck is wrong with _ME_?" He pressed his fists into his eyes.

My heart was aching to reach out and touch him, but how could I? I didn't know him that well, but clearly this was really hurting him. I'd give anything to make his pain go away. So I gathered my courage and tentatively reached toward him with my hand. But before I could touch his shoulder, he abruptly stood up and started pacing. Thankfully, he didn't notice.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. This isn't why I asked you to come over tonight."

"I know that," I said. "But I wouldn't have minded if you had." I added softly, looking down at my hands.

"Bella," he sighed. "I hope didn't give you the wrong impression when I invited you over here."

My stomach began to twist into a knot, and I felt the blood rush into my cheeks. "That's not what I meant. I, I..." I stammered, searching for the right words. "I didn't get the wrong idea - I know that I'm here to go over you research ideas. I'm just saying that, well, I wouldn't have minded coming over if you needed someone to, you know, talk to. That's all."

He slumped back down onto the couch. "I have to admit, it has been incredibly difficult dealing with this alone. I don't want you to think that I asked to you to come over and listen to me dump all over my ex-girlfriend or anything."

I sat, absently stroking Jane's fur. "I don't think that. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. I mean, she's marrying the guy after only 6 months? That really sucks."

"When Esme and I used to talk about marriage, she would always say that the timing wasn't right - that we weren't ready. What a load of crap." He mused, tilting his head almost imperceptibly toward mine.

"Well, isn't it better that you found out sooner rather than later?" I asked. "I mean, what if you HAD gotten married? Think of how much worse that would have been!"

"I guess so. Can I ask you a question Bella?"

"Sure, Dr. Cullen."

"You know what? Just call me Carlisle from now on - we're totally blurring the lines now anyway."

I really wanted to ask him what he meant by that last comment, bit instead I smiled at him and said, "Okay...Carlisle." I couldn't help it, but a small giggle escaped from my lips. It felt so strange to call him by his first name!

He playfully rolled his eyes at me. "Okay, it's weird, I admit it, but it feels even weirder to hear you call me 'Dr. Cullen' when we're talking about such personal things."

I nodded in agreement. "Now, what did you want to ask me?"

"Right. Bella, I'm curious. Has anyone ever cheated on you before?"

"Not that I know of."

"Have you ever cheated on anyone?"

_Uh oh._

My first instinct was to lie to him. I really didn't want him to know what a horrible person I'd been, how I was no better than his cheating ex-girlfriend. I didn't want him to look into my eyes and see the shame and guilt behind them. But then again, I had made my bed and now I needed to lie in it. I decided that he needed to know the truth.

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. I sipped my drink, and tried to speak again, to no avail. The expression on my face must have said it all though. I could feel my lower lip start to quiver.

"Oh. I'm sorry about that. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

It took me a moment before I could even answer him. He rubbed my arm encouragingly, and then reached up and brushed my long, brown hair behind my ear. His fingers left a trail of goosebumps in their wake. Eventually, I found my courage and told him that there was no reason for him to be sorry, that I was the horrible one, not him. I took one deep breath and then told him the whole sorry story.

When I was done, he just sat and looked at me thoughtfully. During those moments, I wished desperately that I had the ability to read minds. Was he sitting there thinking that I was one of the most wretched human beings alive? I couldn't bear the thought that he might hate me for what I had just confessed.

"You cheated because you weren't happy. Because you weren't in love with Edward anymore, right?"

"That's no excuse," I said miserably.

"Hey now, don't beat yourself up anymore. That's all in your past now - it's time to move on. Besides, you don't know how much better I feel now, after hearing your story."

"What? How can it possibly make you feel _better to _know that I'm just as reprehensible as Esme?"

"Bella, I've realized that Esme wasn't happy either. She made a mistake - like you made a mistake - but _you_ did the right thing when you immediately ended things with Edward. She didn't have the same courage that you did. Please, do NOT compare yourself to her. I mean it."

I shook my head in amazement. "How in the world did we get to talking about me? My infidelity has nothing to do with your issues or your research."

"Bella, I know you're upset right now, but I'm serious when I say that I don't blame you. It's time that you forgave yourself, don't you think?" I could feel his eyes burning in to me.

"I don't know what to think anymore." I gave him a look that I hoped indicated that I didn't really want to talk about it any longer.

He seemed to understand. "Well, let's not dwell on it any further then. You and I need to focus on the future, not the past. Shall we go over some research topics?"

"I thought you'd never ask," I smiled in relief.

x X x X x

We discussed his research for quite awhile - I had completely lost track of time. I was pleased to learn that I owned several of the anthologies of poetry that he wanted me to locate for him. I was even able to offer some suggestions of poems and poets that he had not considered or even heard of. It felt nice to know that I could be an asset to his research, and not just someone hired to do all the grunt work.

"Do you memorize things easily?" He asked me eventually.

"Pretty easily. I like the challenge of it - you know, memorizing something just to prove that I can do it. It helps a lot if I really like the poem or piece of prose."

"What's one of your favorite poems?"

"Oh that's tough! It changes so much - I like different poems when I'm in different moods."

"So what's one of your current favorite poems?" He poked me playfully in the ribs.

I grabbed his finger and poked him back. "Right now, I really like 'My True Love Hath My Heart, and I Have His'"

"Hey! I think I've actually heard that one!"

I had to laugh - he looked so proud, I almost hated to burst his bubble. "I seriously doubt it. I'm pretty sure you're thinking of a poem with the same name by Sir Philip Sidney. His poem is more famous, but I like Mary Coleridge's poem better."

"Damn. How does hers go?"

I had to think for a moment to be sure that I really remember it all, and then I cleared my throat:

"None ever was in love with me but grief.  
She wooed me from the day that I was born;  
She stole my playthings first, the jealous thief,  
And left me there forlorn.

The birds that in my garden would have sung,  
She scared away with her unending moan;  
She slew my lovers too when I was young,  
And left me there alone.

Grief, I have cursed thee often - now at last  
To hate thy name I am no longer free;  
Caught in thy bony arms and prisoned fast,  
I love no love but thee."

He looked at me thoughtfully. "Now, that's an interesting choice for a favorite poem."

"I guess it just strikes a chord with me," I shrugged. "I feel that way a lot of the time."

"I sincerely hope that changes for you very soon, Bella."

His words created a spark of hope that fluttered within me. Could it be possible that he felt even a little bit of what I felt for him? This wasn't the first time he had said something that made me think twice about his intentions.

It was at that time that the clock began to chime.

"Holy crap! It's midnight!" I exclaimed, "I should probably get going."

"Ugh. And I've got to teach theory at 8:30"

He got up and stood in front of me, extending both of his hands toward me to help me up off the couch. I sighed audibly as I felt the warmth of his hands enclose around mine. I didn't want to be the first to let go - they felt like heaven to me.

Perhaps he was thinking the same thing. I couldn't be sure, but he didn't let go either.

I'm not positive how long we stood there, our hands joined together between our chests, staring into each other's eyes. It felt like an electric current was running from his body and into mine through our limbs. I knew my heart must have been beating a mile a minute, but my breathing was slow and steady. I'd never felt so exhilarated and yet perfectly at ease before.

Without even thinking, I laid my head against his chest and let go of his grasp, placing one of my hands over his heart and wrapping the other behind his back. I heard him gasp a little - I wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing, but I think I was even more shocked by my bold move.

"Thank you, Carlisle."

"For what?" He sounded slightly taken aback, but I felt his fingers begin to comb gently through my hair.

"For being so nice and understanding. It's been more than I deserve."

"Not true. You deserve to be happy. I just hope you give yourself permission someday soon."

"I don't know if we have that kind of time." I lamented into his chest. I couldn't help running my hand up and down his side, reveling in how smooth and muscular it was. God, it felt like my body was practically molding into his.

"Bella?"

"Yes, Carlisle?" I whispered.

"Would you like to hear another poem?" His voice sounded ragged.

"I'd love to."

"It's called 'Night without end'

Night without end  
Dull melancholy of the hours of waiting!  
Heart broken."

His fingers tightened in my hair.

"Fever of blood beating out the sweet syllables of her name."

He lowered his head until his lips were next to my ear. "Bella." He breathed. His voice was barely above a whisper as he continued,

"Let her come, whom I desire too much.  
Let her come whom I love too much,  
and envelop me with her young flowers scent."

He gently buried his face in my neck and drew in a long deep breath that sent shivers down my spine. He pulled away and looked questioningly into my eyes.

"Let my lips bite the fruit of her mouth  
so that I hold her very soul between my lips."

I closed my eyes as I felt his lips brush tentatively against mine. I slid my hand from over his heart to behind his neck to pull him closer to me. There was no hesitation from him now, and our first kiss was gentle and deep. My lips parted to grant him entrance, and tongues moved in rhythm with each other. I decided that I'd rather breathe in the sweet scent of his breath over oxygen any day. He wrapped his other hand tightly around my waist, drawing my lower half against his.

If it were possible for human beings to melt, I'd be a puddle on the floor right now.

**A/N: "Night without end" belongs to Claude Debussy.**

**Thanks everyone for reading my little story here. This was a fun chapter to write, and I swear, things are gonna pick up now. That slow build was a necessary evil.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: If I owned Twilight, this chapter probably would have been longer. And I was Stephenie Meyer, I wouldn't have had such terrible writer's block.**

Chapter 10

BPOV

To say that Carlisle was a good kisser would be like saying Leonardo DaVinci was a good painter. His kissing was so different than anything I had ever experienced before. These were not drunken, sloppy, "God-I-want-to-have-sex-with-you" kisses. Rather, these were slow, sensual, "God-I-want-you-so-badly" kisses. He was an artist with his lips and I was his canvas. Just when I thought things couldn't get any better, he would change the speed or move his tongue in a different way, causing me to reach new levels of bliss.

I couldn't keep my hands still. The feel of his muscular body was driving me insane. At one point, my hands slid underneath the back of his shirt, but I was afraid to go any further than that for fear of moving too fast for him. I wanted _him_ to be in charge of this. Goosebumps broke out wherever he touched me, and it was almost embarrassing the way I couldn't stop trembling. Every now and then he would bring his hands up and place them on either side of my face, gently guiding me to a new angle for enjoyment.

I very much would have liked to continue just kissing him all night, but eventually, he drew his lips away from mine, and simply held me in a tight embrace. We didn't speak, there were no words for what we had experienced. Our breathing returned to a normal pace as I slowly came back to reality.

"I guess I should, um, go." I whispered after a few minutes. I didn't know what else to say. I had a million questions, but our relationship had changed so dramatically in only the course of a few hours, and I was terrified that I would say the wrong thing.

Part of me was hoping he'd just throw me over his shoulder and carry me into his bedroom and I wouldn't have to say anything to him at all.

"You're probably right." He nodded, slowing releasing me from his arms.

I looked up at him for a moment, trying hard to read his face, but to no avail. I tried to not let my disappointment show as I gathered up my belongings and shoved them into my book-bag.

The silence was deafening as I walked to the door.

"Bella."

I took a breath and turned to face him.

He cleared his throat. "Let me know if you have any trouble finding the books we talked about. I'll be in touch with you later so that I can get the materials."

The lump beginning to form in my throat wouldn't let me speak, so I just nodded.

"Good night, Bella." He said, opening up the door for me.

I felt like I'd just been slapped. _Did he just pretend that nothing had happened?_ I couldn't believe it. I gazed into his eyes one more time, searching desperately for some kind of evidence that this was just a joke or misunderstanding, but he looked away from me.

My heart sank as the horrible realization sunk in: he must regret what we had done. I couldn't come up with any other explanation for why he would act so cold to me now. It stung to think that what I considered one of the most exhilarating nights of my life wasn't held in the same regard by him. Humiliation flooded my veins, and I hurried to my car - if I was going to cry, I certainly wasn't going to do it in front of him.

I put the key in the ignition, but couldn't bring myself to start the car. I buried my face in my hands and tried to make sense of everything. _What had I done wrong? Why would he push me away now?_ Suddenly, I had the overwhelming need to get out of there. As I straightened up and wiped the tears brimming in my eyes, I swore I saw the crimson curtain move.

x X x X x

Normally, Thursdays are one of my favorite days of the week. My first class wasn't until 11:30 and my second and final class of the day was at 1:30. It was the best of both worlds: I got to sleep in AND get done early. I also didn't have to work on Thursdays so I usually spent the day running errands, catching up on homework or just relaxing in general.

But, I could tell today was not going to be one of those days. I hadn't really been able to sleep at all during the night with all the hurt and confusion racking my brain. When I finally did get out bed, I had already decided that I wasn't going to go to any of my classes. Instead, I decided to stay home and drown my sorrows with raw chocolate chip cookie dough and soap operas.

I was thankful that Angela wasn't around today to bear witness to my pity party. I hadn't even bothered to change out of my pajamas - and I was quite the mess: ugly shorts, old tank top with smears of cookie dough, and no bra. My hair was a ratty, greasy mess - I was in desperate need of a shower. Even after all that cookie dough, I needed more comfort food and good ol' macaroni and cheese seemed to fit that bill. I didn't even bother to clean up my dishes, I figured Angela might still feel like she owed me and this would make us "even." A nap sounded really good at that point, so I didn't try to fight it. It only figured that I'd dream about Carlisle. Except in my dream, Carlisle came home to find _me_ fucking Felix on his couch.

When I woke from my daymare, I was far from refreshed. It was nearly 5:00 and I had wasted my entire day. I knew Angela would probably be home soon, so I figured I'd better stop moping around the apartment. If she saw how disconsolate I was acting, she'd definitely want to know what was going on with me. And I knew that even as close as we were, I couldn't tell her what had happened. So I decided I needed to start acting semi-normal again, starting with bringing in the mail. A small task, but also a step in the right direction.

I stepped outside - my first breath of fresh air since I'd gotten home last night - and stopped dead in my tracks. Sitting there, right in front of our door, was a single clementine and a note.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: No, I don't own Twilight. Did you have a brain tumor for breakfast?**

Chapter 11

BPOV

My pulse began to quicken. How long had they been sitting there? Realization washed over me: Carlisle had actually taken the time to come all the way to my apartment to leave me this note, but apparently he didn't want to face me himself. My excitement quickly turned into weariness.

I quickly scooped up the fruit and the note and grabbed the mail. I set the mail and the clementine down on the kitchen table and sat down on the couch with the note. I turned it over in my hands a few times, debating whether or not to open it. If it was bad news, I wasn't sure I could handle the disappointment.

Finally, I ripped the envelope open and pulled out the card. My fears were not quelled as I read the written words:

Bella-

We need to talk. Please come  
over if you are available.  
I'm sorry.

-Carlisle

I was more confused than ever. _"I'm sorry."_ What did that mean? What was he sorry for? Sorry this wouldn't work out? Sorry he had hurt my feelings? This note sounded so ominous, so foreboding - it made me feel uneasy. But I looked over at the clementine sitting on the table and shook my head in disbelief. It had to be a good sign - the clementine was something we had shared together - it was one of the first times that I thought he might have feelings for me. What was it he had he said about them? I had to think.

_"They may not be big, but they manage to cram a lot of wonderful things into a small space."_

I hoped to God that the fruit was a positive sign - I mean, he'd hand fed the thing to me, right? Why oh why couldn't he just say it straight out? A note saying either "I want you" or "I don't want you" would have worked just fine because then I could at least move on from there.

I looked at my watch - it was about 5:15. Still plenty of time to take a much needed shower.

If Carlisle wanted to see me in person only to break my heart, I wanted him to know exactly what he was missing. So I washed my hair with my favorite strawberry-scented shampoo and took the time to shave my legs: two of my greatest weapons. I'm not tall by any means, but my legs are long and slender. Given the right shoes and a short skirt, they elicit quite a few stares when I go out. I certainly didn't want to dress up or anything, but I did want to look nice. I decide to wear a simple camel-colored skirt (not too short!) with a long sleeved, dark brown cotton shirt with turquoise detailing around the collar. Then I slipped on a pair of strappy cork wedges.

I topped it all off by blow-drying my hair smooth and then added a couple coats of mascara to my eyelashes. I looked at myself in the mirror, turning one way and then the other.

"Pretty darn good, if I do say so myself." I said to my reflection. I looked natural, yet polished - exactly what I was going for.

I took a moment and grabbed the anthologies that Carlisle had wanted from my bookshelf; I figured that even if things went badly, I could at least kill two birds with one stone by giving them to him ahead of schedule. I stopped in the kitchen and scrawled a quick note to Angela - _where the hell was she by the way_? I cast one more look around the apartment, and headed out the door.

**********

I parked my beat up truck in the now familiar driveway behind the same sexy Mercedes. This time though, I didn't need to sit and gather my thoughts - I just wanted to know what the hell was going on. My only goal tonight was honesty. If I had done something wrong, I wanted to know what it was. If he wanted to keep things strictly professional, I'd appreciate the head's up. No matter what happened, good or bad, I would at least be able to move on. And I didn't plan on leaving until I got my answers.

I marched up to the door, took a deep breath, and pushed the button.

The door swung open and there stood Carlisle. _Was it just me, or did he look slightly nervous? _

"Bella."

"Carlisle."

"Please come in." He said, stepping aside and holding the door open. "How are you doing?"

"I'm fine. And you?"

"Fine."

_Wow. Was this how it was going to be? Stiff and formal?_

"Where's Jane?" I asked casually, looking around.

"She's over there," he said, pointing to a crate in the corner of the room. "She's been a naughty girl."

"Oh, was she?" I smiled slightly.

"Yes. She had a bit of an _accident_ earlier today. In fact, she's had two accidents today."

I knelt down in front of the crate and poked my fingers inside. "Bad girl!" I scolded. "What were you thinking?"

He crouched down beside me. "She was thinking that she wanted to show me that she hated being left here all alone while I was teaching. She knows better, so that's why she has to stay in the crate when she's been bad."

"So that's why you didn't want to leave her alone last night." I mused.

"That's right. She would have been a wreck if I'd have been gone for so long. Who knows how many presents she would have left for me by the time I got home."

I gathered all of my courage and took a deep breath. "Speaking of last night..." I began.

He stiffened and paused for a moment.

"Bella, I am so sorry about last night. I made a terrible mistake and I need to know if we can just pretend that it never happened."

His words stabbed me like a hundred needles driven straight into my chest as he confirmed my biggest fears.

"A mistake?" I repeated turning away from him. I ran my fingers through my hair, willing myself to find the right words. "No. I can't pretend it didn't happen, Carlisle. And it hurts that you want to forget the whole thing too."

"I understand." He shifted uncomfortably. "So how long do I have?"

"For what?"

"Before you report me."

"Are you serious?" _He could not seriously think that I would do that._

His normally twinkling eyes were downcast and full of....shame? "Yes." He said flatly.

"But why would I do that? Wouldn't you get in trouble?"

"I deserve to be."

This was making no sense to me. "Am I missing something, Carlisle? What are you talking about?"

"Bella, I took advantage of you. I seduced you when you were most vulnerable and that wasn't right."

I blinked a few times in stunned silence. This was news to me.

"Seduced me?"

"Can you ever forgive me?" He placed his hands on my shoulders.

I glanced at each of his hands and then looked into his eyes. They seemed so sad, so full of remorse.

A heard a giggle escape my lips.

His eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

I couldn't help it - I doubled over with laughter. He thought that _he'd_ seduced me! That's why he was acting so weird, so cryptic. He thought I was upset and would report his behavior to some higher up University official. Oh my God, this was hysterical!

"What?" He demanded. "What is so funny?"

My sides ached and tears were starting to form at the corners of my eyes. "Oh, Carlisle!" I gasped between giggles. "Is that really what you think happened?"

"Isn't it?"

I placed my palms against his cheeks, staring intently into his baby blues. "Trust me, Carlisle. You did not, under any circumstances, take advantage of me."

"But Bella, I -"

"Shhhh!" I held a finger up to his lips, stopping him. "You have nothing, I repeat, nothing to worry about. I have no intention of reporting you to anyone." I removed my finger and lightly stroked his cheek. "Do you understand me?"

It was adorable the way he seemed to relax. He placed one hand gently over mine. "Bella, this is wrong. No matter what, this is wrong."

"How is it wrong?"

"Because I'm a professor and you're a -"

"But I'm not _your_ student. I'm not your employee. I agreed to help you out with research, that's all. You have no authority over me." I argued, taking my free hand and lacing my fingers through his. I could feel a new found confidence coursing through me, making it easier to say and do things I'd never have the guts to do under any other circumstances.

"God, Bella, you're killing me." He brought our hands up to lips and kissed the back of my hand. "If the wrong person finds out about us...."

"We'll have to be careful then, won't we?" I smirked.

"That isn't fair to you. I can't -"

"Dammit, Carlisle." I huffed, pulling away from him. "If you aren't attracted to me - fine. I can't help that. But there are a million crappy excuses why we shouldn't do this, like 'it's not fair to me' or 'you're afraid I'm gonna get hurt.' I don't want to hear any of them." I crossed my arms and stared at him.

"You're right." He said softly. "I'm sorry."

"Can I show you something?" I said, walking over to him.

"Of course."

"Look." I began removing my watch from my left hand. "I got this tattoo three years ago." I held my wrist up to him. "Read it."

He took my wrist and turned it in his hands, examining the two lines of elegant script. "And if it feels good, do it. 'Cause if it tastes fine, drink." He read aloud. He looked at me with curiosity. "What's that from?"

"They're just lyrics from my favorite song. I know it's lame to get something like that permanently etched onto your skin," I mumbled. "But..."

"They mean a lot to you. I can tell."

"I just - I mean, I know how _I_ feel about you - and last night, I thought I knew how you felt about me. But then you, you - just acted like..."

"A jerk?" He supplied.

"Well, that's not quite how I'd put it, but - yeah. Do you know how much what you said hurt me? And then you leave that cryptic note and clementine in front of my door. What the hell was I supposed to think?"

He started to turn away from me, but I moved so that I stayed in front of him.

His face began to turn red.

"Bella, this is really embarrassing." He sank down onto the couch. "I didn't want to leave a trail from me to you."

"A trail?"

"I thought that if you were upset with me - that if you wanted to report me - it would be worse if there was a trail linking me directly to you. Like through phone records or email, you know?"

I sat down next him. "You really thought this through didn't you? Why couldn't you just knock on my door and talk to me?" I prodded.

"I wanted to. But I didn't know if you'd hate me and never want to see me again. So that's why I left the note.

"But how could you think so little about me?"

"To put it simply, Bella: I honestly don't know you that well. We've known each other for what? A week?"

I mulled that over for a moment. "You're right. I shouldn't be so sensitive. After all, I can't really say I know you that well either. But I'd like to."

"Well that's good, I guess." He chuckled. "I'd like to get to know you better too, so we don't have these mix ups any more."

"So...um. What happens now?" I brought my knees up and hugged them to my chest, being careful so as not to show my underwear.

"I'm not sure. How about we just play it by ear?" He said as he reached over to me and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered on my neck. "If it feels good..."

I shivered - both at his touch and his words.

"You do that a lot, don't you? Shiver, I mean."

"I can't really help it - it's an involuntary reaction."

"Is that a fact?" he smiled. "Shall I test that theory?"

I scooted as far away from him on the couch as I could. "Let's not."

_Oh Carlisle, let me show you what it really means to be seduced._

I reached over the arm of the couch and pulled up my bad. I reached in pulled out the anthologies I'd brought over. "I think you should do some research for your book first."

"You've got to be kidding me." He looked absolutely shocked.

"Nope. I went to all the trouble to bring you these books that you wanted, so we could at least get some work done."

He rolled his eyes at me. "Since when did this become _your_ project?" He grabbed one of the books from my hands.

I smiled when I saw which one he had taken - a collection of love poems selected by David Stanford Burr.

This was going to be fun.


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: If you think that I own Twilight, I have a bridge that I think you might be interested in...**

**Also, LEMON ALERT! If you're under 18 and reading this, I'll have you know that I just called your parents.**

Chapter 12

BPOV

He may have thought that he'd seduce me to kiss him by reciting poetry, but I knew the truth. He could have whispered the periodic table of elements with his lips next to my ear like that and I still would have wanted to kiss him. But in any event, I decided to fight fire with fire.

I knew what poems were in that book. Heck, I had half of them memorized. And there was one is particular I wanted him to hear.

I watched as he started flipping through the pages - stopping here and there to read a few.

"Thanks, Bella. I think I can use a couple of these. I really appreciate you bringing them over."

"You're welcome. And I'm sure there's more in there that you can use. Ones you weren't even looking for."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Do you have some suggestions?"

"As a matter of fact, I do." I said, grabbing the book off his lap.

I flipped to page 10 and scooted a little closer to him.

"It's called, 'I gently touched her hand: she gave'. And I think you'll like it.

I gently touched her hand: she gave  
A look that did my soul enslave;  
I pressed her rebel lips in vain:  
They rose up to be pressed again.

Thus happy, I no farther meant,  
Than to be pleased and innocent."

I rose up onto my knees next to him, looking at him all the while I recited from the book.

"On her soft breasts my hand I laid,  
And a quick, light impression made;  
They with a kindly warmth did glow,  
And swelled, and seemed to overflow.

Yet, trust me, I no farther meant,  
Than to be pleased and innocent."

In a move surprisingly graceful for me, I lifted myself up and swung my leg over Carlisle's far hip so that I was straddling him on the couch. I heard him suck in a breath as I tossed the book aside; I had the rest of this puppy memorized.

"On her eyes my eyes did stay:  
O'er her smooth limbs my hands did stray:  
Each sense was ravished with delight,  
And my soul stood prepared for flight.

Blame me not if at last I meant  
More to be pleased than innocent."

I took his hands and placed them along my thighs and then ran my fingertips lightly against his forearms.

"Bella, what are you doing?" He said, his voice a bit hoarse.

"Seducing you." I bent forward and let my lips tickle his neck. "Is it working?"

He leaned back and looked into my eyes.

"Nope," he lied.

"Well that's a bummer," I sighed, climbing off him and sitting back down on the couch. I shrugged my shoulders and then crossed my arms.

His mouth fell open and I thought his eyes were going to bug right out of his head. This was going even better than I thought.

"What's the matter Carlisle? You look like you want to say something." I teased.

"Oh, you're gonna pay for that," he growled. And with that, he grabbed me around my waist and dragged me until I was sitting on his lap with my back against the arm of the loveseat.

I fought to unlock his arms from around my waist. "Pay for what? You said it wasn't working!" I exclaimed, laughing. Eventually, I gave up the fight with his arms and took his face in my hands. "Didn't you like my poem?"

"It was okay, I guess."

Hi tried to kiss me, but I turned my head away in mock protest, which turned out to be a good thing as his lips instead landed on my neck. He nibbled at me for a moment until a ticklish sensation racked my body, and I started giggling helplessly. I felt like Jennifer Grey in "Dirty Dancing" when she couldn't stop laughing as Patrick Swayze stroked her armpit.

Carlisle pulled back and stared at me with amusement in his eyes. "What is wrong with you?"

"Nothing! Now shut up and do it some more!" I just needed to _focus_.

I could see him fighting back the urge to laugh as well, but he just shrugged and let go of my waist. He used his hands to pull my hair up and away from my neck. With that obstacle out of the way, he was free to pepper kisses from my ear to under my chin to my other ear. My breathing was getting heavier and heavier.

Finally, I'd had just about as much of this teasing as I could take. I tilted my head down so that he could access my lips. Thankfully, he took the bait, and automatically our mouths opened so that we could taste each other.

As our tongues danced in rhythm together, I began to slowly unbutton his shirt. I kept waiting for a sign that this was too much too soon, but when I felt his hands slide underneath my shirt, up my back, until they reached the hooks to my bra, I knew that we were on the same page. I knew that he'd popped the clasp open when I got that semi-uncomfortable feeling of no underwire support.

I squirmed and then moved so that I was straddling his thighs once again. I kept my eyes locked on his as he slid his arms out of his shirt - they sparkled at me when I frowned at the discovery that he was still wearing an undershirt. Hastily, I reached down and went to pull it over his head. But I must have used up all of my gracefulness earlier because the shirt got tangled and stuck as I tried to remove it. It was twisted and pinned awkwardly behind his neck, shielding his eyes like a blindfold. _Hmmmm. _

"Hey!" he cried.

All I could see were his nose and a dimpled grin. Trying unsuccessfully to not giggle, I pressed my lips against his and pulled the shirt the rest of the way off.

"Holy shit."

"Excuse me?"

Touching Carlisle's chest had been one thing, but actually seeing it up close was quite another. I could tell that he took good care of his body - that was evident by the well-developed pecs and the defined ab muscles. I swallowed hard as my eyes zeroed in on the blondish-brown patch of chest hair. I sighed contently as I traced a finger down the most perfect-looking treasure trail I had ever seen. It began just below that heavenly six-pack and disappeared under the waistband of his pants. So this was what a _man_ looked like.

I ran my hands in circles over his shoulders and dragged them down to his chest. My fingers swept lightly over his nipples and I felt him slightly shudder beneath me.

"See, I'm not the only one who has a problem with involuntary movements," I whispered into his ear.

"So it would seem," he chuckled softly.

His hands moved to the bottom of my shirt and started to pull it up. I could tell the angle was wrong for him, so I reached down to finish the job. I tossed my shirt and bra aside, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. An odd feeling of insecurity had washed over me, and my arms automatically crossed over my breasts and I started shivering. _Why was I suddenly so nervous to be exposed like this? _

"Bella."

I didn't answer him.

"Bella, look at me."

Slowly, I raised my gaze to meet his.

"You are so beautiful. Do you know that?"

The knot in my stomach began to tighten. This was a big change from the "God, you're so fuckin' hot" I usually heard.

All I could do was shrug.

Gently, he took a hold of my wrists and removed them from across my chest. He kissed me softly on each of my mounds, and then looked me in the eyes.

"I mean it - you are absolutely beautiful. I feel like the luckiest man alive."

And then his hungry lips were on mine again and I could feel my shyness melting away. His hand tenderly cupped my breast and he looked at me, waiting for a sign that it was okay to continue.

"Don't stop," I breathed.

My nipples were already achingly hard due to my shivering. But the moment he covered one with his warm mouth, I felt nothing but pleasure.

Most of the men I had been with had pretty much ignored my breasts and went straight for the sex. Now I knew what I had been missing. His fingers worked me like magic, rolling and gently pinching my nipples, while sucking and nipping lightly with his mouth. My arms were wrapped tightly around him and I grabbed handfuls of his hair. It was painful how much I wanted him at this very moment.

"Carlisle..." I managed to gasp. "Please..."

He seemed to know exactly what I wanted, and in one swift motion, he had me on my back, lying across the couch with him positioned between my thighs.

I frantically began working on his belt as he reached under my skirt to remove my panties, causing our arms to become a tangled mess.

"Oh for crying out loud!" I exclaimed, knocking his hands out of the way. I hooked my thumbs through the sides of my panties, lifted my ass up off the couch, and slid them off in one quick motion. Impatiently, I tried to yank my skirt down, crying out when it wouldn't budge. _"Stupid zipper!"_ I silently screamed as I tugged it down.

Simultaneously, Carlisle managed to undo his belt and kick off his pants. I caught a glimpse of his black boxer briefs before he removed them and smiled. God, boxer briefs are sexy. But my eyes nearly bugged out of my head when I saw what he had been hiding underneath those boxer briefs.

_Wow. Oh wow._

I braced my legs against the arm of the couch and impatiently pulled him on top of me. He laced his fingers through mine, pinning my hands next to my head as he slowly pushed into my waiting pussy.

_Oh. My. God._

Once he was fully inside me, we lay still for several moments, allowing us to adjust to each other. I immediately knew that we were made to fit together - I had never felt so full, so completely filled before and it was absolutely amazing. Gradually, he began to slide in and out of me, his eyes staring intently into mine.

He increased the tempo of his movements and I responded by wrapping my legs around his lower back, using my heels to drive him in deeper than I ever thought possible. Something animalistic had taken over me, and I began to drag my fingernails up and down his back. I didn't scratch him hard or anything, but his resulting moan ignited the flames of lust deep inside my body. He buried his face in my neck, nipping and planting kisses everywhere. I stretched my arms above my head and placed them against the arm of the loveseat, countering his upward thrusts by pushing downward at the same time. His pubic bone rubbed against my clit, sending small waves of pleasure through my body.

I recognized that he was getting close to finishing when his body broke out in a sweat and his breathing became more and more labored. He kissed me passionately, and I could almost feel every muscle in his body tensing up.

"Are you close?" he gasped.

Now here was my conundrum: no, I really wasn't close, but then again, I didn't know _how_ to be close regardless. I felt bad because it had nothing to do with him at all - I was just the girl who couldn't have orgasms.

"I, I don't - I've never had - I mean, I don't know how..." I stammered.

Carlisle's eyes lit up with understanding as he realized what I meant. "Are you kidding me?" His movements slowed down, staving off his release.

"I only wish." I covered my face with my hands in embarrassment.

"Well, that's gonna change," he said, pulling my hands away. I could see the determination in his eyes, and I had the feeling my world was about to get rocked.

He wrapped his arms tightly around my waist and pulled me up so that he was sitting back on his haunches. We were now face-to-face with my legs still wrapped firmly around his back. He rose up on his knees and at the same time reached behind me, grabbing my shoulders and pulling downward on my body. I discovered that this new angle allowed him to reach a new spot within my pussy and suddenly I felt like I was going to pee, which I knew of course, was not the case.

"Oh GOD!" I cried out.

"Just you wait." He growled as he continued thrusting into me - even harder than before. One of his hands returned to my waist to keep me supported, while the other reached down between us. His fingers began to tease and flick my little nub lightly. My breath started coming in ragged gasps. Then he worked my clit between this thumb and forefinger, pinching firmly in time with the pounding he delivered to my pussy. I began to feel like I was coming apart from the inside.

"Jesus, Carlisle, I - I -" His fingers moved in quick circles, and I suddenly forgot how to talk. A terrible itch began to grow in my abdomen, and I didn't know what to do to relieve it. So I did the only thing I could think of and grabbed him by his hips, grinding my snatch as hard as I could onto his throbbing cock.

He took me to my limit - and beyond.

The ministrations of his fingers and that wonderful pounding from his member caused me to soar. I felt lightheaded, then numb, until everything came to a breathless halt.

"Oh, yessssssss!" I cried, losing it.

Carlisle didn't hold back. He jerked in and out of my pussy and then froze as he came hard inside me (_thank God, for birth-control, right?)_ His handsome face became gnarled for that protracted moment of shuddering splendor.

After a moment, he fell backwards, dragging me on top of him. I lay across his chest trembling as reverberations from my first orgasm continued to rack my body. The itch that had been driving me insane was now gone, replaced with a wonderful feeling of fullness - not unlike the feeling you get after a Thanksgiving meal.

I wasn't sleepy because it was still early, but I snuggled myself closer to his warm body and closed my eyes. My fingers absently played with his chest hair, as I endured the ultimate high.

**A/N: Okay, so that was my first attempt at a lemon. I hope you weren't too disappointed, but I swear - I WILL get better at them! Practice makes perfect, right?**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I don't own Twilight, alright? Live in the now.**

Chapter 13

BPOV

I couldn't tell you how long we quietly lay in each other's arms just enjoying our post-coital bliss, but I can tell you that I was the first to break the silence.

I propped myself up on one arm while continuing to run my other hand in circles over his chest. "So, umm...does it sound weird if I say 'thank you' for umm...well, you know?"

"That depends. Would it sound weird if I said 'congratulations'?" He smiled.

"Okay, yeah - that sounds weird," I giggled. "But seriously, that was..." I paused, searching for the right word, "Unbelievable."

"My sentiments exactly." His fingers began to comb softly through my hair. I lay my head back down and wrapped my arm around his waist.

"So what happens now?"

"I'm sort of curious about that myself. It seems a little complicated."

"I'll say," I sighed. "Maybe you should just quit your job."

"Maybe you should just drop out of school."

"Yeah, Charlie and Reneé wouldn't go too ballistic on me." I laughed.

"Are they your parents?"

"Yeah. Well, they actually divorced when I was just a baby - my mom got remarried a few years ago to a guy named Phil and they live in Jacksonville now."

"What about your dad? Did he remarry too?" His hand traced lightly up and down my arm.

"Nope. He still lives in Forks, Washington. He's the Chief of Police there. I moved in with him when I was a junior in high school - we're pretty close actually."

"Uh oh, are you a daddy's girl then?" He teased.

"You say that like it's a bad thing!" I pretended to punch him, but he caught my fist before I made any contact. He held my hand above our bodies and played with my fingers, softly stroking the skin, and examining my fingernails.

"You have beautiful piano fingers," he murmured.

"Huh?" I responded, confused. "I have beautiful what?"

"Piano fingers. Look." His thumb glided smoothly up and down each of my digits. "See how slender and long they are? You would have been a great pianist."

"I doubt it. I mean, wouldn't that require some level of coordination on my part?"

"Not necessarily, a lot of great musicians consider themselves 'uncoordinated.' It has nothing to do with how well they can play." He gently kissed each finger. "Believe me, these are piano fingers."

"Carlisle?"

"Mmmhmm?"

"Do you play an instrument?"

"Yep. You have to major on an instrument as an undergraduate."

"What was yours?"

"Can't you guess?" He said, waggling his fingers in front of my face.

"Oh, piano! Duh." I snorted, smacking my forehead with my palm. "Do you still play?"

"Sure. Of course, not as much as I used to, but I do have a piano in the other room there. I never wanted to be a performer - I was much more interested in theory and music history. I was certainly competent, but I wasn't a prodigy or anything. My parents made me start lessons when I was about 5 years old, and my father made me practice for at least an hour, usually two, every single day."

"Wow," I said, exhaling loudly. "That's impressive."

"It took a lot of discipline, but eventually, I grew to love music so much that practice was something I looked forward to rather than dread like I did when I was so young."

"My mom signed me up for ballet lessons when I was about 6 years old. But I hated them for obvious reasons and ended up quitting after just a few months."

"What do you mean 'obvious reasons'?" He reached over and pulled me on top of him so that I was lying between his legs with my chest on his stomach. I crossed my arms in front of my breasts and rested my chin on my hands.

"Uncoordinated, remember?" I smiled. "I was terrible at ballet - it was a total waste of time."

"How good did you expect to be at 6 years old?"

"I don't know. I guess I just thought that everyone else was better than me."

"I bet you would have been good - what with these killer legs and everything."

I had never thought of that before. I knew that I'd had long legs, but it hadn't occurred to me that they would have been great for a ballet dancer.

"Yeah, maybe." _How many times had I wished for the gracefulness of a ballerina while growing up?_ My brow furrowed as I thought about the possibilities.

I saw myself performing pliés at the barre in a class at Julliard, learning and honing my craft with the most talented and prolific instructors in the country, instead of muddling through boring general education courses that didn't interest me in the least.

Suddenly, I was Sleeping Beauty, performing the _Entrée d'Aurore _in front of a packed house at the Stuttgart National Theatre in Germany. All eyes were on me as I danced and twirled joyfully across the stage, celebrating my 16th birthday.

Then I was taking my curtain call to thunderous applause as the prima ballerina with the American Ballet Theatre in a production of _Swan Lake_. I curtsied humbly as roses landed at my feet and cries of "Brava! Brava!" filled the air.

"You got quiet all of sudden." Carlisle's voice brought me back to the present.

I blinked a few times. "Sorry about that. I just never really thought about it before and all of a sudden these different scenarios started playing in my head and..."

"It's a little overwhelming?" He finished for me.

"Yeah." I breathed. "It makes me wonder what else my body was built for that I'm ruining."

"Hey now. You haven't _ruined_ anything. You just took a different path, that's all." I felt his hands begin to lightly rub my back, trying to comfort me.

"That's easy for you to say though. You're exactly where you want to be. You don't suddenly regret half the decisions you've made in your life." Even I was surprised by the amount of bitterness in my voice.

"Maybe not. But that doesn't mean that I don't have regrets, Bella." He sounded slightly hurt.

"I'm sorry. I must sound like a whiny brat right now."

"No, no. You sound like a young woman whose eyes are opening up to see the potential she's had all along. I hope you realize that."

"I'll try to remember," I said dryly.

He smiled warmly at me. "Come here, little girl." He opened up his arms toward me, so I scooted up and into them. He turned me gently so that my back was pressed into his chest and then wrapped his arms around me.

"You really like to cuddle, don't you?" I giggled, craning my head to plant a delicate kisses just underneath his jawbone.

"Of course. Who wouldn't?" He replied, squeezing me tightly.

It was amazing how quickly I could forget just how different our past relationships had been. Most of the guys I'd been with, I never wanted to see again, let alone cuddle up with them.

He must have felt me stiffen slightly, because he loosened his arms and said, "Don't you?"

Shit. This was not a conversation I was ready to have. How could I tell him that I'd never really cuddled with anyone before? He probably already thought I was a freak due to the whole lack of orgasm thing. Maybe I should just make a list of every disappointing sexual encounter I'd ever had for him, so that he could see what kind of damaged goods I was before we got too involved.

"Hey, did I say something wrong?" He leaned around my shoulder and looked questioningly into my eyes.

"No, of course not." I could feel him trying to read my face, and I desperately wanted to change the subject. "Would you play for me?" I blurted out.

"Play for you?"

"The piano. You said you had one right? I'd love to hear you play something."

"Oh. Um, sure."

"If you don't want to that's okay." I added quickly, hoping I hadn't overstepped my bounds. "Really, you don't have to."

"No, no. That's okay. I'd love to play for you." He gently slid out from under me and stood up. He grabbed his pants from off the floor and swiftly pulled them on, but I smirked at the sight of his perfectly sculpted ass. "Here," he said, handing me his pale blue button-up.

I slipped my arms into the oversized sleeves and quickly buttoned it up. Wearing a man's shirt was such a cliché, but I felt so warm cozy in it, that it was easy to push those thoughts aside. I inhaled deeply and could smell Carlisle all around me. He took my hand and led me into the next room.

"Oh wow." I breathed as I took in the space. The living room had a distinct modern feel to it, but this room was completely different.

In the center of the room, underneath a gorgeous wrought-iron chandelier was a beautiful white grand piano. It stood on a small circular platform that raised it about 6-8 inches off the smooth hardwood floor. One wall was entirely covered with shelves that held hundreds of different books - mostly musical texts, I could see. Mounted to the opposite wall, were various instruments like a violin, clarinet, flute, trumpet, and some others that I couldn't identify.

A large painting in a gilded frame caught my eye. It was of a woman in a flowing white dress with dark blue trim, seated at a piano. I stepped closer to the painting to examine it more closely.

I felt Carlisle wrap his arms around me from behind. "It's just a print of 'Lady at the Piano' by Renoir. It belonged to my grandmother. She got the print from a grocery store that was giving them away for free as a promotion in 1927, and she bought the frame from a store that was going out of business during The Great Depression for $10.00. She left it for me in her will."

"It's beautiful. And it must have a lot of sentimental value for you."

"Thanks," he said, giving me a squeeze. "It does." He lightly guided me towards the piano. He grabbed a velvet-covered lolling chair and set it next to the piano bench.

"Have a seat," he said, gesturing toward the chair as he sat down on the bench. "What are you in the mood for?"

"I don't know. Something pretty?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment.

"How about some Franz Liszt, then?" He closed his eyes, drew in a deep breath, then opened them and began to play.

From the very first notes, I was completely mesmerized. I couldn't believe how fast his fingers flew up and down the keyboard. Through rising and falling cascades of notes, a simple melody stood out. I was in awe of him - it didn't seem possible that all of these notes could be played by a single person, at one time. He must have lied when he said that he wasn't a prodigy.

His face was a picture of perfect calm, a stark contrast to the frantic, yet smooth way his hands quickly crossed over and reached under each other. I was captivated by how soft and gentle his fingers were as they lightly caressed each key. I shut my eyes as the music swelled and ebbed around me, allowing the sweet notes to completely envelop me. The music transitioned from sweet and flowing to passionate and demanding and back again.

Too soon for my liking, the song gradually began to slow, and I savored each chord as it changed in color and texture. I found myself holding my breath as he played the closing notes, only letting it out when the final chord faded into silence.

I looked at Carlisle, his fingers still holding down the keys, head bowed down, and eyes closed. He looked absolutely breathtaking - I'd never found him as sexy as I did at that very moment.

Slowly, he turned to face me.

"Well?" he said solemnly.

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't find the words. Instead, I decided to just show him how I felt. I reached out and cupped his cheek with my palm and then leaned over and kissed him softly on the lips. He seemed almost surprised for a moment, but then responded by deepening the kiss and pulling me towards him. I slid from the chair and onto the bench and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"That was absolutely amazing," I whispered into his ear. "What's it called?"

"'Un Sospiro'...Italian for 'A sigh.'"

"How fitting," I mused as he kissed me under my chin. I sighed as his lips traveled to the hollow of my throat.

God, there weren't words for how badly I wanted him again.

I crawled into his lap and sat down on his thighs so that I was straddling him for the umpteenth time that night. My fingers raked through his hair, and I pressed my mouth against his. I could hear his intake of air as I slipped my tongue past his lips. I explored his mouth, and he explored mine.

"Oh God, Bella, you're killing me," he moaned, steadying my hips. I hadn't even realized that I was rocking back and forth ever so slightly, causing me to grind myself against his crotch.

"I'm sorry," I gasped. "I just want you so bad, Carlisle." I squeezed my legs together around his waist and buried my face into his neck. He brought his hands down to my legs, sweeping lightly from behind my knees to just under my ass. In one quick motion, he cupped my cheeks and stood up.

I assumed he was carrying me to his bedroom or perhaps back to the living room, but instead he gently set me down right on top of the piano. The smooth, shiny surface was cold next to my bare skin, but when I saw him unzip his pants, the cold became the furthest thing from my mind.

It only took seconds for him to take them off, but it felt like forever.

Finally, he grabbed me by the waist and pulled me forward. I reached down and positioned him at my entrance, locking my gaze with his. I wondered if my eyes reflected the same amount of desire that I saw in his.

I cried out as he buried himself deep inside me. He began thrusting slowly at first, and my muscles contracted tightly around him each time he pulled out, as if they were desperate to keep him where he belonged.

_God, would I ever get tired of this feeling?_

My hands roamed over my body and under Carlisle's shirt to knead and massage my breasts. The look on his face told me that he was enjoying the show that I was giving him. My tongue darted out and licked my lips just to tease him and he promptly responded by slamming his thick cock even harder into my waiting pussy.

One of my hands began to pinch and flick my nipple and the other traveled to my lips. I stuck my first finger into my mouth, biting and sucking on it with each thrust.

Carlisle's eyes narrowed at me. He knew exactly what I was trying to do to him. He snatched both of my legs and threw them over his right shoulder and pressed down into me. The combination of this new angle and pressing my legs together created an incredible tightness for both of us. He used one hand to push down firmly on my lower abdomen, just above my pubic bone.

My eyes rolled back in my head and I seriously thought I was going to pass out from the incredible amount of pleasure pulsating through my body. If this was a competition, he was definitely winning.

"Carlisle, oh my God..." I cried.

"Stay with me, Bella."

My hands fisted in my own hair in frustration as I thrashed from side to side. His body weight bore down on me, preventing me from inadvertently wriggling out from under him.

I couldn't believe it was happening all over again. For the second time in my life, I felt something tightening inside my belly, begging for release.

"I'm - shit - this is - oh FUCK!" I gasped.

Despite my inability to form a complete sentence, he understood what I was trying to say. So at the very last moment, just before I thought I was going to go insane, Carlisle spread my legs wide open. I grabbed a hold of the edge of the piano, and slid my body forward to meet his final, powerful thrust. I exploded all around him, seeing stars in the process. He firmly held my hips still as he unloaded inside me; my inner walls clenched and released him over and over, milking his cock for all it was worth.

It took a minute or two before either one of us could move.

With shaking arms, I reached for him. He leaned down over me and when he was close enough, I wrapped my arms around his smooth back, now damp with sweat, and pulled him into a deep kiss.

We were still fully connected as he gently wiped away the hair matted to my face, smiling as he did so.

"I guess I'm 2 for 2, right?" He panted as his eyes twinkled at me.

I slapped a hand against his chest. "Way to ruin the moment!" I tried to glare at him, but the slight smirk spreading across my face betrayed me.

"Sorry," he said as he slowly straightened up, bringing me to a sitting position. At the same time, he withdrew himself from my sopping core. I whimpered at the feeling of loss, but he simply covered my mouth with his own, effectively rendering me incapable of thought.

We continued just kissing and touching each other for awhile longer, until the clock began to annoyingly announce that it was midnight.

Talk about déjà vu.

"I guess I should go. I've got a 9:30 tomorrow morning." I lamented.

"Yeah, and I have that always fun, 8:30 theory class to teach," he sighed.

I looked up at him. "This sucks. I don't want to leave."

"Then don't. Stay here tonight," he said as he helped me down off the piano.

I thought about it for a moment. A big part of me really, really wanted to take him up on his offer and find out what it would feel like to fall asleep in Carlisle's arms. But I also knew that there would be plenty of time for that in the future.

"I want to. I do. But not tonight." I hugged myself to him tightly. "You understand, right?"

He kissed the top of my head, then tilted my chin up and pressed his lips to mine. "Of course."

We walked hand in hand back to the living room, where I gathered up my clothes. I slipped the skirt on first and then hesitated.

As if he could read my thoughts, I heard him say: "If you want to wear my shirt home, you can."

"Thanks," I said sheepishly. It felt a bit cliché, but I had to admit that I wanted to sleep in it as a reminder of the best night of my life.

I stuffed the rest of my clothes into my bag, and started to put on my shoes.

"So um, will I see you this weekend?" I asked, feeling a little shy again.

"Definitely. I'll call you tomorrow night," he smiled.

"See that you do," I replied.

He walked me all the way out to my truck, opening the door for me like a true gentleman. He leaned down and planted a light kiss on my lips, then drew me closer in to his embrace.

"I'll miss you," he whispered into my ear.

"I'll miss you, too." I let him go and climbed up to my seat. "Oh, and Carlisle?"

"Yes?"

"Be sure to check out page 53." I winked at him and then slammed the door shut. Confusion, then understanding, washed over his face. I revved the engine and pulled away into the street.

*******

**A/N: I highly recommend that you watch the following youtube video of Marc-Andre Hamelin performing "Un Sospiro" on the piano so that you can get a visual of how Carlisle's hands moved while he was playing. It gives me chills.** **http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=jLHU2ES51uw *Replace with (.)s, obviously. If that doesn't work, just go to youtube and type 'un sospiro' into the seach function and it should be the first video liszted. Get it? "liszted?!" Ahh, musical nerd humor.**

**Also, thanks to my hardworking beta, uhyesplease, and special shout out to StormDragonfly for teaching me the difference between telling and showing. I love you both!**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I said it before, and I'll say it again: I don't own Twilight.**

Chapter 14

BPOV

Secrecy Protested  
by Thomas Carew

Fear not (dear love) that I'll reveal  
Those hours of pleasure we two steal  
No eye shall see, nor yet the Sun  
Descry what thou and I have done;

No ear shall hear our love, but we  
Silent as the night will be;  
The god of love himself (whose dart  
Did first wound mine and then thy heart),

Shall never know, that we can tell,  
What sweets in stol'n embraces dwell.  
This only means may find it out,  
If, when I die, physicians doubt

What caus'd my death, and there to view  
Of all their judgments which was true -  
Rip up my heart, oh! then, I fear,  
The world will see thy picture there.

I hadn't remembered that poem until the moment I saw him flipping through the pages of that collection. Like a psycho, I happened to take a mental note of the page number it was on. It seemed like an altogether fitting poem for our situation, and I wanted a subtle way to let him to know that I didn't plan on telling anyone about us. Lord knows, I wanted to climb onto a roof, spin around with my hands in the air, and sing 'I'm in Love with a Wonderful Guy' from _South Pacific_, but there was just too much at stake.

As I drove home, I smiled at the thought of Carlisle returning to his living room to look for the book of poetry that I cast aside earlier that night, wondering all the while what he was about to find. I wished I could see his reaction as he read it.

I parked my truck and silently cursed its loud engine - I hoped to God that I hadn't woken Angela up. The last thing I wanted was to get the third degree from her.

Turns out, it didn't matter how much noise my truck made. I could see the lights were on in the living room and kitchen as I walked up the front steps.

_Dammit._

I unlocked the door, stepped inside, and looked around. But there was no sign of her.

"Angela?" I called as I walked into the kitchen. "You home?" I tossed my bag down on the table. Maybe she wasn't home and just simply forgot to turn the lights off before she left. I looked for a note, but there wasn't one - not on the fridge, not on the table, not anywhere.

_Where the hell was she?_

Suddenly, I felt two hands grab me forcefully from behind. I shrieked and whirled around, my hands balled into fists - ready to defend me from my attacker.

"Welcome home, Smella!" There was Angela, glassy-eyed and smiling.

And drunk.

"Jesus Christ, Ang! You scared the shit out of me!" I gasped. "You're lucky I didn't punch you!"

"I know, I know! Sorry! I'm so sorry! But where've you been, Smella?" She giggled. "I missed you. I had no one to drink with...come have a shot with me."

I smiled - Angela always called me Smella when she was blitzed, she found it hilarious. But my amusement turned into concern as I watched her sway back and forth. Something seemed off.

"Babe, are you okay?"

She shook her head violently back and forth. "Ben and I broke up." She wrapped her arms tightly around my waist and let her head flop against my chest.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sorry to hear that. That really sucks." I hugged her back and stroked her hair gently. "What happened? I thought you guys had just gotten back together." I gently led her out to the living room and pulled her down onto the couch. "Tell me all about it."

"He called me earlier tonight and said that we shouldn't see each other anymore."

"Did he say why?"

"He said that he met some stupid whore named Lauren when he went to go see his brother's band play at the Green Iguana. Apparently, she really 'gets him' and now he wants to spend some more time with her; without having to worry about me. I'm pretty sure that means he - he fucked her." Angela wailed, her voice breaking.

I felt so bad for my friend, but this wasn't the first time he'd broken her heart. She'd reacted this same way each time - it was getting a little old. I knew it was just a matter of time before Ben gave up on his new floozy and came crawling back to Angela. She'd done the exact same thing to him last summer when she met this guy named Eric at a 4th of July barbecue.

"Ang, you know I love you, but seriously - this has got to stop."

"I know, I know!" She groaned. "But it still hurts! Please...come have a drink with me!" She grabbed my wrist and tried to stand up, but immediately fell back onto the couch.

"I think you've had enough to drink, sweetheart. You should go to bed - don't you have class at ten-thirty tomorrow?"

"_I_ think, you should have a drink with me...and _then_ I'll go to bed." She folded her arms across her chest and looked at me as if to say, _"Your move, Smella."_

I sighed, knowing that the quickest way to deal with Angela when she was like this was just to give her what she wanted.

"Two shots of vodka, coming up. You stay here, babe - I'll get them."

I went into the kitchen and grabbed two shot glasses from the cupboard. I filled one with vodka and one with water to which I added just a splash of the alcohol. Angela wouldn't notice the difference at this point, and I figured one shot for me wouldn't hurt - in fact, it would probably help me fall asleep.

"Here you go." I said as I handed her the glass. "What should we drink to?"

She didn't answer me. Instead, she just stared at me intently and frowned.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

"Where'd you get that shirt?" She said, narrowing her eyes at me.

In retrospect, it would seem that wearing Carlisle's shirt home was maybe not such a great decision. I could feel the blood immediately rushing to my cheeks.

"Where were you tonight?"

"Tonight? Oh, um...I went out to dinner with a, a friend. And, of course, I spilled...marinara...on my shirt, so..."

"You're such a bad liar." Even in her inebriated state, she could still pretty much read me like a book. "Where were you _really_?"

Perhaps I should have taken my time and really thought out a good lie, but unfortunately, I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

"I was at Edward's."

It was plausible - I had run into Edward around campus a couple of times since he'd started going to school here. We were always able to exchange pleasantries, but circumstances didn't usually allow for much more than that.

She blinked. "Edward? As in Edward Masen - your ex-boyfriend? What the hell were you doing there?!"

"Ummm, well, he called and asked me if I wanted to grab a drink and catch up tonight."

"On a Thursday? You never go out on a Thursday."

_Oh shit._

"I know. But he _begged_ me, Ang. He said he missed me, so I figured, 'What could it hurt?'"

"And now you're wearing his shirt?" She asked, raising a knowing eyebrow at me.

"Ummm, yeah. I'm so bad." My stomach was tying itself into knots.

"You're a dirty girl, Smella." She smirked and held her shot glass toward me. "To old flames."

I managed a half smile and clinked my glass against hers. "Bottoms up." The vodka burned as it ran down my throat, but I welcomed it with open arms. I hated doing this - I'd never outright lied to her about something this big before. Part of me was screaming that I should just tell her the truth - she was supposed to be my best friend after all. But I knew I couldn't.

I watched as Angela's eyes became half-hooded, and I was able to catch her just before she slumped to the floor. Thank God I hadn't given her a full shot.

"Bedtime, Angel." I mumbled as I threw her arm over my shoulder and wrapped my own around her waist. I walked her slowly and steadily to her bedroom and then laid her down on her bed. I was relieved that she was already wearing her pajamas. Putting clothes on a drunk Angela was like trying to stuff limp spaghetti into a straw.

I pulled her wastebasket next to her bed and looked at her guiltily.

"I'm really sorry, babe - but I hope you don't remember any of this tomorrow." I sighed.

"'Member what t'morrow?" She murmured.

"Exactly." I whispered as I shut off the light. "G'night."


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters. However, with the right moves, I bet I could own _you_.**

Chapter 15

BPOV

The vodka really did the trick. I was able to fall asleep quickly and when my alarm went off at 8:00, I felt refreshed and, dare I say, ready to go.

After I'd showered and dressed, I peeked into Angela's room. It smelled like she'd made good use of the wastebasket during in the night, at least I _hoped_ that meant she'd made good use of the wastebasket. I assumed she'd had a pretty rough evening the way she was spread out on her bed, limbs akimbo, her hair splayed out everywhere. I figured that she had a snowball's chance in hell of making it to her first class of the day, if any.

Gently, I shut her door and made my way to the kitchen to have a bowl of cereal. As I chewed, I thought of the prior evening's events. I replayed every touch, every kiss, every thrust, over and over again with "Un Sospiro" playing softly in the background of my mind.

I had to admit that Carlisle was right. It wasn't fair that I couldn't share my joy with anyone. But the burden wasn't just on me; it was unfair to him as well. Little things like just going out to dinner or the movies seemed to be impossible because someone might see us. What kind of future could we have if we couldn't even go out in public?

I shook my head and refused to let these thoughts go on any further and spoil my good mood. I quickly rinsed out my dish and gathered my books for the day.

I managed to get through my classes for the day - some good, some insufferable, and then headed to work at the library for another shift of shelving books. I smiled to myself as I pushed the cart of books past the exact spot where my life had changed for the better.

Almost as if the fates were smiling down on me that very moment, I felt my cell phone buzz in my back pocket. I flipped it open to see a text message from Carlisle.

"BEEN THINKING ABOUT YOU ALL DAY. SEE YOU AT 8:00?"

Okay, I was seriously falling hard for this guy.

"CAN'T WAIT," I texted back.

The apartment was quiet when I walked in, but I knew better this time.

"Ang? You home?" I called softly as I headed into the kitchen.

She padded out of her room, still clad in her pajamas, her hair beyond messy.

"I feel like death warmed over," she moaned, rubbing her temples.

I had to stifle a giggle. "You _look_ like death warmed over."

"Thanks, Bella," she sighed and then sat down at the table. She folded her arms and laid her head down as if the mere effort of holding it up were too much for her. "Coffee?" She said, shooting me a hopeful look.

"I can make some." I smiled. I pulled out the bag of Starbucks and plugged in the coffee maker. "How are you doing, by the way?" I asked as I filled the pot up with water.

"I've been better. Much, much better."

"You really are a glutton for punishment sometimes."

"Yeah, I know. Why do I even bother with him? You'd think I'd learn my lesson one of these days."

I poured the water into the reservoir and measured out the grounds. "You two just either need to commit or quit each other altogether. I hate seeing you go through this crap over and over again."

"I know. It's so hard though - he drives me crazy, but he can be really sweet too."

"I can only imagine." I pressed the start button and sat down next to her. "Well, you know I'm always here for you, no matter what you decide." I patted her hand gently.

"I know. And thanks." She lifted her head and smiled at me. Suddenly her eyes lit up. "Hey - let's have a girl's night in tonight! We could watch something like 'French Kiss' or 'Interview with the Vampire' and drool over Tom and Brad and make popcorn or something. You game?"

My heart sank.

What was I supposed to do? On one hand, my best friend needed me, but I had been looking forward to seeing Carlisle all day. Oh, this just wasn't fair!

As much as I thought Angela brought this drama onto herself, I couldn't help but remember the mess that I had been yesterday. If circumstances had been different, I know that Angela would have been right beside me sharing that cookie dough and making fun of those preposterous soap opera plots with me.

I made up my mind: she was my girl, and I would be here for her.

"Sounds great." I smiled. "I just need to take care of a couple things first - is that okay?"

"No problem," she squealed, throwing her arms around me. "Whoa. Not a good idea. Not a good idea." She whimpered as she slumped back down. "Too fast."

"Take it easy, hangover girl," I instructed her, laughing.

"Before you go, can you see if the coffee is ready yet?" She whined.

"Close enough." I grabbed a mug and filled it to the brim. The percolating liquid continued to drip down, and it sizzled and popped on the burner. "Here you go, babe."

"Thanks. You're my hero, Bella."

"Anytime. I'll be right back," I said, excusing myself to my room. Once there, I reluctantly pulled out my cell phone.

"This is Carlisle."

"Hi, it's me." I sighed.

"Hey, I was just thinking about you!"

"What a coincidence, I was just thinking about you too."

"That _is_ a coincidence." He cleared his throat. "At the risk of sounding too corny, I just want to say that I can't wait to wrap my arms around you again. They feel so empty without you."

I was melting inside - that was one of the sweetest things I'd ever heard. At that moment, I wanted nothing more than to blow off Angela, drive over to Carlisle's house, and leap into his waiting embrace.

"Oh God, please don't say that - I have bad news," I lamented.

"What is it?"

"I'm not coming over tonight."

Silence.

"Believe me, I want to - more than anything," I rushed. "But my roommate just broke up with her boyfriend, and well, she wants to have a girl's night in - watch movies and junk - and I'm so, so sorry, but I already told her that I would. You know I'd rather be with you, but she's one of my best friends and I can't just abandon her when she needs-"

"Bella, Bella - slow down." He interrupted me. "It's fine. I completely understand."

I exhaled a long breath of air that I hadn't known I was holding. "You do? Really?"

"Of _course_ I do. As selfish as I am wanting you to come over here instead, she needs you right now. I think it's very loyal of you to be there for her. Just promise me one thing."

"Anything."

"Promise that you'll miss me."

I giggled. "That's easy. I always miss you. I'll call you tomorrow then?"

"You'd better." He laughed.

"I will, I will! Ugh, tomorrow seems so far away!" That's when I heard the floorboards creak behind me. I turned around to see an embarrassed-looking Angela standing in my door frame holding several DVDs in her hands.

"I just wanted to know which movie you wanted to watch, but I guess this is a bad time," she said quickly and walked away.

_Fuck._

"Oh Jesus Christ."

"What? What is it?"

"I'm sorry; I have to go right now. It's Angela, she - I'll explain later. Dammit!"

"Go talk to her - I'm sure it'll be fine. I'll talk to you tomorrow. Good night, Bella."

"G'night," I whispered and then snapped the phone shut.

I took a moment to gather my thoughts and then walked out to the living room.

Angela was sitting dejectedly on the couch. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop. Really."

I sat down next to her. "I know."

"If you have somewhere else you'd rather be, that's okay. You don't have to stay here if you don't want to."

"Ang. I love you, and of course, I'm going to stay here with you. I want to."

"But I heard you say-"

I grabbed her hand and squeezed it tightly. "Never mind what you heard. You are my best friend and I'm not going anywhere," I said firmly.

"Thanks again, Bella." She snuggled close to me and closed her eyes. "You're the best best friend ever."

"So should I start the popcorn then?"

I started to get up, but she held me back. "Just one question first: who were you talking to?"

"Excuse me?"

"Who were you talking to on the phone?"

"It doesn't matter, I'm staying here." I patted her leg reassuringly and then stood up.

"Don't I even get to know who you're blowing off for me?"

I paused for a moment, caught in an internal battle with my conscious.

I couldn't even look at her as I spoke the single word.

"No."

"Oh."

I cast her an apologetic glance and started for the kitchen.

"It was Edward, wasn't it?" I heard her say softly behind me.

I stopped in my tracks and slowly turned to face her.

Apparently, she had a better recollection of last night than I had hoped.

"I'm right, aren't I?" Her eyes were downcast, but they met mine.

I nodded my head.

"And you don't want to talk about it, do you? At least not with me, anyway." I could hear the hurt in her voice.

"I'm sorry."

"Me too."

I hated, I absolutely loathed, the feeling in the air at that moment. If I could take back the lie of the previous evening I would. Hell, if I could do the whole thing over again, I never would have worn Carlisle's shirt home in the first place. God, I was so stupid.

We avoided the subject for the rest of the evening, but there was a tangible layer of superficiality hovering over our conversations that never went away - not even when we said our 'goodnights' to each other.

And I had no idea how to fix it.

**A/N: FYI, I'm starting a colloboration with my Twific Soulmate, Annaleise Marie. It's called Asthenia and it's a Bella/Edward fic. She's already written the first two kick-ass chapters, but I'll be taking over Bella's POV from here on out. If you have a moment, check it out!**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: I don't own Twilight or any of characters. Nor do I own an Iowa Hawkeye Snuggie, which is what I want for Christmas. Are you listening to me, mom?**

Chapter 16

BPOV

After Angela and I watched both 'French Kiss' and 'Interview with the Vampire' and had said our awkward 'goodnights,' I retired to my room.

I felt so awful. All I wanted to do was hear his voice. I _needed_ to hear his voice.

I grabbed my cell phone and lay down on my bed. I turned it over and over in my hands, debating whether or not to call him. I mean, I had already told him that I would call him tomorrow. I wondered if he would still be up since it was after midnight. I flipped it open and scrolled until I came to his name - my thumb hovered over the 'send' button.

Technically, it was tomorrow.

"This is Carlisle."

"Hey, it's me." I said softly. "I'm sorry - did I wake you?"

"No, no. I'm glad you called - I was just working out actually."

"Working out? But it's after midnight."

"I'm kind of a night owl." He laughed. "How did things go with your roommate?"

But an image of a shirtless Carlisle doing push-ups made me forget why I had called him.

"What?"

"Your roommate? How did it go with her?"

"Oh! Yeah, sorry - I got distracted for a second there." I giggled and mentally tried to shake off the visual. "Well, I think it's safe to say that things are a little strained between us right now."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What happened?"

"She knows I'm lying to her about something. And it sucks 'cause I've never really kept anything this big from her before."

He sighed. "This is exactly what I was afraid of, Bella. I don't want to be the cause of tension in your relationship - maybe we shouldn't -"

"Stop. Please?" I interrupted. "That's the last thing I want to hear right now. I just wanted to hear your voice tonight, not get a lecture."

"You're right, I'm sorry. Is it better if I say it's going to be okay - everything will work out eventually?"

I smiled. "Much better. As long as you're serious."

"I am. I just don't want you hurting."

"I can handle it. But I can't handle thinking that you don't want to see me anymore."

"Well, I assure you that is not the case."

"Good, because you're not getting rid of me that easily."

"Uh-oh. You sound obsessed." He laughed.

"Maybe a little."

"That's okay. I'm a little obsessed myself. I really missed you tonight."

"I missed you too. Will you tell me what you did with your day today?"

"My day?"

"Yeah, your day," I said matter-of-factly.

"Okaaaay. Well, let's see. I taught Music Theory this morning and had a meeting with the TA's afterward. Then I prepped for my graduate Shenkerian Analysis class, ate lunch with a colleague, taught another class, and then headed home." He paused for a moment. "Is this really interesting to you?"

"Very. I just want to hear what a typical day is like for you." I prodded.

"Okay then. What else did I do? Well, when I got home, I had to clean up another one of Jane's accidents."

"Oh no! Another one?"

"I told you, she hates being alone. So I took her for a walk and then grilled some chicken for dinner. Then I did some reading and watched SportsCenter."

"Oh, how manly of you!" I groaned.

"Damn straight! It's football season, don't you know?"

I had to laugh. "So I guess Monday night dates are out then?"

"Why? You don't consider watching Monday Night Football together as a date?"

"Really? You would want me to watch football with you? Don't most guys get pissed when girls interfere with their sports stuff?"

"I'm not most guys."

"Hmmmm. I might consider it. That is, if you'll consider watching re-runs of 'Gilmore Girls' with me as a date."

"I _really_ hope that's open to negotiation."

"We'll see."

To my embarrassment, I had to stifle a yawn. Talking to Carlisle had certainly done the trick - I had immediately relaxed and calmed down, and now I was suddenly sleepy.

"Getting tired?" he said, as if he could read my mind.

"A little. I'm sorry - it's not you, it was just - just a long night, that's all."

"No worries. I'm just gonna finish up my work out and then hit the sack myself."

Another image of a sweaty Carlisle doing sit-ups flashed through my brain. Oh yeah.

"Are we still on for tomorrow - I mean today?" I asked.

"Absolutely. Can you meet me here at noon?"

"Sure. Sounds great." I yawned again. "I guess I'd better get started on my beauty sleep then."

"You don't need it, Gorgeous, but alright, I'll let you go. Sweet dreams, Bella."

"They will be, if they're about you. G'night, Carlisle."

"Good night, Bella."

And what sweet dreams about Carlisle they were.

x X x X x

When I woke up hours later, I could smell something delicious in the air.

I put on my robe and padded out to the kitchen. There was Angela, sitting at the table drinking a cup of coffee with a pan of warm cinnamon rolls in front of her.

"What's all this?" I asked.

"Ummm, just me trying to say 'I'm sorry for last night.'" She gave me a tentative smile.

"It's not your fault, Ang." I poured myself a cup of coffee and sat down across from her.

"Well, it was my fault for sticking my nose into your business."

"It's okay. It's just - I never wanted - well, things are complicated, Ang."

She nodded. "I understand. And I promise - I won't bring it up again. I just don't want things to be weird between us anymore, you know?"

"I don't want things to be weird either."

"So, can we just pretend that the last two nights never happened?"

I held my coffee mug toward her. "A fresh start?" I smiled.

She clinked her mug against mine. "Agreed. Now, have one of these damn cinnamon rolls before I eat the whole mess of 'em."

"I'd love to see you try, skinny girl." I giggled, helping myself to the center roll.

"Hey! That's the best one!" she protested.

I just grinned at her and took a big bite.

"You _bitch_," she laughed.

"Just making sure we're back to normal."

She rolled her eyes at me, but smiled and grabbed a roll for herself. "Business as usual, I guess."

When we were done eating, I offered to wash the dishes, since she had gone to all the trouble of making the rolls.

"Thanks, hon! I've got to work today anyway, so I'd better get my ass in gear!"

Angela had worked at the University Box Office for a few months now. It was a great job, and she could usually get us a discount on major shows that came to the area.

"Anything good coming up?" I asked.

"Ugh. No. 'CATS' is coming to town and tickets go on sale at 10:00 today. We're gonna be swamped, I'm sure."

"Well, have fun with that."

"I will. By the way, I might go study for my calc test at the library afterward, so I'm not sure when I'll be home," she said as stuffed books into her backpack.

"Wow. You're well on your way to having an awesome day then."

"Yeah right," she snorted. "I guess I'll see you later, babe."

"Bye, Ang," I called after her.

"Bye, Bells."

I leaned back and smiled to myself as I finished the rest my coffee. I was glad things were back on track with Angela, and for the first time, in a long time, I felt like my life was right where I wanted it to be.

x X x X x

After I'd showered and dressed, I headed over to Carlisle's, arriving at 12:00 sharp.

He must have heard me pulling into the driveway, because he was outside before I'd even gotten out of my truck. I noticed that he had Jane on a leash with him.

He opened my door for me and pulled me out into a giant bear hug before pressing his lips softly against mine.

"Well, 'hello' yourself!" I said, kissing him right back.

He smiled at me mischievously, "You hungry?"

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Ummmm, sure."

"Then let's go!"

"Okay. Where are we going?" I asked, brimming with curiosity.

"It's a surprise."

"Oooo - I like surprises," I squealed.

He walked over to the passenger side of his car and held the door open for me. I skipped over and hopped inside.

He opened the back door. "C'mon, Jane - UP!" He commanded and she obeyed. He buckled her into a small harness and ruffled her fur affectionately. "Be a good girl, now!"

I loved riding in his Mercedes. It was so smooth and fast compared to my old truck. It hugged the road as we drove further and further away from the city. The slight grin on Carlisle's face never disappeared.

"You look like the cat that swallowed the canary."

Instead of answering me, he just winked.

Finally, we pulled onto a dirt road where he stopped the car at what appeared to be an old trailhead or something.

"We're here!" He announced cheerfully.

"And where is 'here' exactly?" I shot him a questioning look as he got out of the car and walked over to open my door for me.

"I told you, it's a surprise. You up for a short walk?" He asked, offering me his hand.

"You're lucky I wore my Keds today," I laughed, "What would you have done if I was wearing four-inch stilettos?"

"I guess I'd have to carry you then."

I eyed Jane, who was already straining against her leash and jumping around excitedly.

"Then you would've really had your hands full, wouldn't you?"

"Nah. I'm an old pro. Allow me to demonstrate."

Before I could blink, he grabbed me by my waist and hoisted me up and over his shoulder into a fireman's lift. He wrapped Jane's leash tightly around his wrist and started walking.

"See?" He boasted.

"Okay, okay - I get it, Hercules. Now please put me down before I vomit!"

"Alrighty then," he said, swinging me down to the ground. But the momentum was too much for me and I found myself falling backwards.

It really wouldn't have been that big of a deal for me to fall, but my ass connected squarely on a rock about the size of my fist as I landed.

"OW!" I cried out. "Motherfucker!"

"Oh my God, Bella! I'm so sorry!"

"I'm okay, I'm okay," I repeated, but pain was radiating through my backside, and I couldn't help it - my eyes began to well up involuntarily. Of course the embarrassment coursing through my veins certainly didn't help matters.

"I'm such an idiot!" he said, helping me to my feet. "I am so, so sorry."

I swiped at the tears with the back of one hand while massaging my ass with the other. "I'm fine. Really. No permanent damage done." I tried to give him an encouraging smile.

He ran his thumb just under my eye, wiping away the last traces of wetness, and then he drew me tightly to his chest. "That was a complete accident." He kissed the top of my head. "I don't know what the hell I was thinking."

He looked at me for a moment, and I could see in his eyes that he was genuinely upset with himself. I placed my hand on the back of his neck and gently pulled his head toward mine. I brushed my lips softly against his. "Hmmm, I think I might have found the cure, doctor," I teased, kissing him one more time. "See? It's a miracle - I feel much, much better already."

"Bella, I'm-"

"Hey, weren't you going to take me somewhere?" I interrupted before he could apologize again.

"Yes, but-"

"Then let's go," I said firmly.

I could still see the concern on his face, but he shook his head and wrapped his hand around mine. "Alright, you win," he said quietly.

We had walked for about ten minutes when he pulled me off of the trail.

"This way." He smiled.

The next thing I knew, we had arrived at a small clearing and right in the middle of it someone had set up a beautiful picnic.

I looked at Carlisle, who was gazing back at me, waiting for my reaction.

"A picnic? But how did you-"

"Never ask a magician to reveal his secrets." His eyes shone brightly at me.

"This is so sweet of you - I can't believe you went to all this trouble, just for me."

"Well, I think you're worth a little trouble." He gave me a gentle kiss on my forehead and led me through the clearing. "C'mon. I'm starving."

He removed several items from the basket and cooler and set them down on the soft, pale, blue blanket. There was pita bread and hummus dip, sliced heirloom tomato salad with mozzarella and basil, and a long baguette filled with brie and cured ham. There was even a bowl full of Clementines next to an ice bucket holding a bottle of champagne. I couldn't stop smiling at him as I watched him stake Jane's lease to the ground and give her a small bowl of her own food to eat.

Carlisle had thought of everything. I couldn't fathom how long it had taken him get everything so perfect.

"I don't even know what to try first!" I exclaimed. "It all looks delicious."

"Well, I'd start with either some hummus or the tomato salad," he said, filling up a plate for me. "Then I'd move on to the baguette."

"Got it." I started eating as Carlisle opened the bottle of champagne. I watched him untwist the wires and then push his thumbs underneath the cork, working it upward until -

POP!

The cork went sailing in the air; the champagne bubbling and fizzing over the bottle's rim. He barely had a chance to get it over the grass, so that it wouldn't get the blanket all wet. The look on his face was priceless - I thought I was going to die from laughing so hard.

"I'm sorry, that's never happened to me before." He winked at me as he poured the liquid into two flutes.

"Whew! That's a relief." I giggled.

"Here you go," he said, handing me one of the flutes.

I took a slow sip. "Mmmmmm. Yummy." I took another bite of the tomato with mozzarella and sighed contentedly. "This is all absolutely perfect. Thank you so much."

"You're very welcome."

After we were done with the sandwiches, Carlisle said he had another treat for me. He pulled out three containers: one full of plump strawberries, one filled with something thick and white, and another one looked like it contained brown sugar. I watched him take a strawberry and dip it into the white stuff.

"What is that gunk?" I asked.

"Sour cream." He chuckled.

I looked at him to see if he was serious, but couldn't see any sign that he was joking. Wasn't sour cream for foods like tacos and enchiladas?

He then rolled it in the brown sugar and held it up to my lips. "Try this."

I parted my lips and slowly took a bite. My eyes widened in surprise. The sweetness of the berry, mixed with the creaminess of sour cream, and the crunchiness of the sugar all made for the most decadent dessert. I couldn't believe that the sour cream actually tasted good with everything else.

"Like it?" He smiled, placing the rest of the strawberry to my waiting lips. I could only nod as I finished it off.

I licked the sugar from my lips, took another strawberry and repeated Carlisle's actions.

"Your turn," I said, holding it delicately between my fingers at his mouth.

"Thank you."

We took turns feeding each other strawberries until I noticed a small dollop of sour cream tempting me at the corner of his lips.

"Uh-oh." I stared at him with mock horror.

"What?"

"Hold very still."

"Is there a bee on me?" I couldn't believe it - he actually looked a little scared!

Laughter bubbled from my lips. "No, you wimp!" I got on my knees and crawled toward him. "Just hold still," I commanded.

I placed my hands gently on his cheeks, leaned in, and lightly licked the cream off.

"There, see? Nothing to be afraid of," I said.

The next thing I knew, I was flat on my back with Carlisle on top of me.

With an adorable look of concentration, he reached over and dipped his finger into the sour cream and smoothed it onto my lips. Then he took a pinch of the brown sugar and sprinkled it on top.

I fully expected him to lick it off, but instead his mouth tenderly pressed against mine.

As if kissing Carlisle wasn't delicious enough already, the addition of the two ingredients catapulted me into palatable heaven.

And we continued to taste and explore each other long after the sugar and cream were gone.

**A/N: Thank you to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for all the help and support they provide for me. They're the reason this story isn't filled with typos and stupid boring crap. Go check out their work (I've got 'em on my favorite authors list) and spread the love.**

**Also, I'm now collaborating on a story originated by my loveable, huggable, Twific Soulmate, Annaleise Marie. It's called "Asthenia," and if you haven't checked it out yet, please do so!**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I don't own Twilight and if I did, I certainly wouldn't allow "Breaking Dawn" to become two movies.**

**Also, this chapter contains a very graphic lemon. So if you're not 18, you shouldn't be reading this. But if you're over 18, feel free to take notes.**

Chapter 17

BPOV

I lay on my side and gazed at Carlisle.

"Penny for your thoughts," he said quietly.

"I was just thinking how absolutely perfect this afternoon was. Thank you so much."

"It was nothing."

"But it wasn't nothing. No one has ever done something like this for me. I'm not used to it."

He reached over and intertwined his fingers with mine. "Well, you'd better get used to it."

"I'll try." I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed it softly. I rolled over and lay my head on his arm. "Mmmm," I sighed as I breathed in his scent. "Let's just stay like this forever."

"Sounds good to me."

I really do think that we could have stayed that way the rest of the day and all night, but the sky soon began to cloud over and a cool breeze started to make me shiver.

"I guess that must be our cue to leave - I'm starting to get a little chilly," I said reluctantly.

"Yeah, Jane's gonna get pissed if we stay here much longer - Basenjis _hate_ the cold."

We managed to get everything packed away quickly, and then headed for the car.

We were both comfortably silent on the ride back to town, every now and then stealing sly glances at one another. I didn't want to go home just yet, but I also didn't want to invite myself over. Once again, it seemed as if Carlisle could read my mind.

"Do you have to be anywhere? Do you want to come in for awhile?" He said as we pulled into his driveway.

"Do you even have to ask me that?" I laughed.

We hauled everything inside, and I helped him load the plates and containers into the dishwasher.

"Carlisle?" I asked timidly.

"Yes?"

"Do you know that I've only seen two rooms in this entire house?"

He paused for a moment, then turned to me and smiled. "Is this your way of asking me for a tour?"

"Mmmmaybe."

"I guess it was pretty rude of me not to show you around earlier. I apologize." He made a large sweeping gesture. "Well, this is the kitchen, of course."

He opened a door. "Laundry room." He took me by the hand and led me away. "Here's the living room."

I rolled my eyes at him. "Oh really, genius? What I meant was, I've never seen the upstairs."

"Oh, is that what you meant?" He eyed me suspiciously.

I tried my best to look innocent. "Yep."

"Then let's go."

Giggling, I allowed him to lead me up the stairs. As we walked I noticed several framed posters lining the hallway. "Tosca. Turandot. Il Trittico. La Boheme. Madama Butterfly." I read aloud.

He looked at me sheepishly. "Puccini operas. He's my favorite opera composer."

"What, Debussy didn't write operas?"

Carlisle chuckled. "Well, actually yes, he did. But not like Puccini. Puccini was the epitome of what opera was about - undying love, jealousy, tragedy, sacrifice - all the good stuff."

"I'll have to take your word on it."

"I'm gonna take you someday. I'll make an opera lover out of you yet. You'll see." He wrapped his strong arms around me from behind. "This way," he said, pulling me into what I assumed was the master bedroom.

It was everything I expected and more. The warm chocolate walls felt inviting to me and were enhanced by the cream colored drapery that covered the windows. In the center of the room was a contemporary canopy bed made of solid oak. Strips of sheer blue material criss-crossed lazily over the top of the beams and hung down softly at each corner. The comforter was a dark shimmery blue accented with cream and brown pillows.

"I think that is the most beautiful bed I have ever-" But something else caught my eye. "Oh my God, is that a walk-in closet?" I gasped, running over the half-open door. "That's like, every woman's dream!"

"Yes, Esme was rather fond of it."

I peeked inside. The shelves and bars were maybe a quarter full. "You need more clothes," I observed.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know." He rolled his eyes at me.

I looked around once more. "This is a great room. Really comfortable looking."

"It serves its purpose."

There was something about his tone that got my attention. "Do you not like it?" I frowned.

"I don't spend a lot of time in here, other than sleeping. It just has...a lot of memories, that's all." He shrugged.

"Oh, right. I'm sorry."

"You don't have anything to be sorry for."

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Well, I shouldn't have brought it up. I forget that you're still healing."

His hands rubbed up and down my back vigorously. "Bella, I want to be honest with you."

I swallowed hard. "Umm, okay."

"There may be times where certain places or events will remind me of Esme, and they may momentarily overwhelm me, but they have absolutely no bearing on my feelings for you. I assure you, I _am_ over Esme, but I can't erase all the memories of her, nor would I want to. We did have good times together."

His words stung a little as he mentioned Esme, but I couldn't help but think about Edward at the same time. Whereas things had soured for me toward the end of our relationship, I still cared about him and wanted him to be happy. He was my first love and we, too, had good times together as well. And I wouldn't want to forget about them either.

"Bella?"

I hadn't realized that he had stopped talking. "I understand," I said honestly.

He smiled and drew me tightly to his chest. "As long as I'm being honest, I also want you to know that you have made me feel happier and more alive than I have in a long time. Do you know that I can't even remember the last time I laughed from something other than reading graduate thesis papers?"

I was silent as the meaning of his words sunk in. It dawned on me that only a few hours ago I had been thinking something very similar after my breakfast with Angela.

"Anyway, I just thought you should know," he said, releasing me from his arms.

"I could say the same to you, you know." I took a deep breath. "I didn't know what I was doing with my life for quite some time. I didn't know what direction it was heading in, but after I _literally_ ran into you, everything changed. There really aren't words for it. It's almost like I'm scared and excited at the same time. And I know it's too early and everything seems like a dream, but if I've been lost - I think you found me. For that, I can't thank you enough."

As our eyes stayed locked on each other, I was suddenly overcome with a wave of intense desire for Carlisle. Maybe I couldn't say 'thank you' enough, but perhaps I could _show_ him.

I gave him a kiss and then gently pushed him down until he was sitting on the edge of the bed. I dropped to my knees in front of him and began working on unbuckling his belt.

"Bella? What are you doing?"

Without looking at him, I whispered, "Thanking you." I ripped the belt out of his pants and made quick work of the button and zipper.

He inhaled sharply. "You don't have to-"

"I _want _to do this."

His jeans and boxer briefs quickly became a puddle on the floor.

I took him gently in one hand, kneading my fingers around his shaft, allowing the warmth of my palm to envelope his erection as it grew. He groaned softly as I took my time slowly placing kisses up and down his entire length. I parted my lips slightly, so that my tongue could taste him at the same time. He was so smooth, so hard, so delicious - I wanted to savor every part of him. My free hand cupped his balls, squeezing them carefully.

Tentatively, my tongue licked the tip of his cock, and I felt him shudder. I took just the head into my mouth, moving my tongue in lazy circles around it. I released him, and began to lick him from shaft to tip again, teasing him. I repeated this pattern several times, and then - when he least expected it - I took him all the way down my throat. Just once.

He gasped at the sensation, but I had already moved on to his balls - tonguing them with fervor while pumping and twisting my hand around his cock simultaneously. I felt his fingers thread through my hair, but he was gentle, never once pulling or causing me discomfort. Such a gentleman.

I rewarded him by deep throating him once again. I had learned long ago to relax my gag reflex, practicing on such things as bananas, a dill pickle, toothbrushes, etc. This skill had served me well in the past, and it was certainly serving me now. I moaned and hummed to myself, knowing that he would appreciate the vibrations it caused. My fingers lithely juggled his balls while I worked my mouth around his shaft.

I was aware that Carlisle's breathing was becoming more and more ragged, so I decided to slow down. I'd never put forth so much effort and care into oral sex before, and I really wanted the both of us to enjoy this.

I wiggled my tongue back and forth at the base of his cock and then slowly dragged it back to the tip. I pursed my lips and blew cool air against the head, while caressing his length with just my fingertips.

"Jesus Christ..." he whimpered.

I looked up at him, only to see that his eyes were firmly closed in what I could only hope was ecstasy. I smiled to myself as I continued.

I created a circle with my thumb and forefinger around the base and varied how tightly I gripped him as I pulled him in and out of my mouth. I allowed my teeth to lightly drag along his skin, being absolutely careful as I did so.

I felt his cock start to twitch slightly, so I drew him all the way in, knowing that he was close to his release. I began to suck gently and with my free hand, I applied firm pressure with my thumb to the area between his balls and asshole.

He gasped. "Bella, I can't hold it, I'm gonna-"

Just as I anticipated, he exploded down the back of my throat. But I was ready for him. I swallowed every drop, massaging his testicles like Chinese medicine balls. Shaking slightly, he leaned over me and wrapped his arms around my head, holding me close to him.

He didn't say anything, but his panting spoke volumes.

Eventually, he pulled me up into his lap and pressed his lips to mine.

"That was...amazing," he whispered. "Thank you."

I felt very proud of myself as I simply smiled back at him. "I'm glad you liked it."

He began to kiss me again, nibbling here and there along my neck and shoulder. I felt his hands traveled up the back of my shirt, but I stopped him before he could go any further.

"I should go," I said softly. He had already done so much for me today; I wanted this experience to be all about him and _his_ pleasure.

"But it's still early," he protested.

"I know. But this feels like the perfect ending to the perfect day." I got off his lap and helped him stand up.

Sheepishly, he pulled up his boxer briefs and pants. "You are something else, do you know that?"

"Just trying to create some new memories in here, that's all."

I watched as understanding washed over his face. "Mission accomplished."

Ever the gentleman, he offered to walk me to my truck. As we passed through the living room, I stopped to pat a sleeping Jane on the head.

"Bye Jane," I cooed. "You take care of your daddy while I'm gone, okay? And next time I see you, I'll bring you a nice treat." She opened her eyes at me and looked at me curiously.

Carlisle cleared his throat. "Ummm, this is Jane's last night here, Bella. I'm returning her to Esme tomorrow."

"You're seeing Esme tomorrow?" He nodded. "Oh." I froze as I was momentarily overcome with a feeling of jealousy, but I tried to shake it off as quickly as I could.

He took my face in my hands. "Look at me, Bella. You have nothing to worry about. She's just going to stop by to pick Jane up and that's all. It'll take all of two minutes."

"I'm not worried; it just...feels weird knowing she's going to be here." I gently broke free from his hands and knelt down next to Jane. "I'm gonna miss you, sweetheart." I hugged her tightly to my chest as she licked my cheek affectionately. As soon as I placed her back in her doggy bed, she curled up into a ball and closed her eyes again.

"Bella..."

I turned to him and looked him right in the eyes. "I'm fine. Really." I said firmly. I knew that I had nothing to be jealous over. Esme was now a married woman after all, and she was only coming over to pick up Jane. Everything would be fine. I smiled at Carlisle and even batted my eyelashes a little at him.

In one swift move, my lips were his. My fingers raked through his hair as his tongue slid fiery passion into my mouth. Hungrily, Carlisle devoured any lingering fears I might have had, and when he broke away, I was left breathless and somewhat dazed.

"Thanks, I needed that," was all I managed to sigh as he led me by the hand to my truck.


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: Pop quiz, hotshot. **

**Do I:**

**A.) Own Twilight  
B.) Own a copy of Twilight**

**Answer at bottom.**

Chapter 18

BPOV

I was absently thumbing through 'Great Expectations' in my room when my cell phone rang. Hoping it was Carlisle, I eagerly flipped it open.

"Hi Bella - it's Nancy. I hope it's not too late for me to call you. I didn't wake you up, did I?"

"At 8:00? No, I wasn't sleeping." I had to stifle a giggle. "What's up?"

"You know Jill, the weekend supervisor, right?"

"Yes."

"Well, her son, Matthew, came down with appendicitis today - the poor little lamb - and had to have his appendix removed. Obviously, she won't be able to come in the rest of the weekend because she's taking care of him. Since you are one of the most experienced workers, I was wondering if you could supervise the department tomorrow?"

"Oh, sure. No problem," I said. I didn't really even have to think about it. It wasn't like I had anything going on tomorrow, and I was actually pretty flattered that Nancy had thought of me.

"Fantastic! We're not really very busy on Sundays, so the department is only open from noon to four. Will that work for you?"

"Yeah, that's totally fine. Thanks, Nancy!"

She gave me instructions for what I would need to know about tomorrow. Basically, all I would need to do is sit at her desk, answer the phone if it rang, and assist anyone who needed to check anything out from the Special Services collection. I thought I could handle that - it sounded like easy money.

I decided to go to bed early that night, but I did wake up when Angela got home. I could tell that she was talking to someone on her cell phone - probably Ben - and trying to be quiet, but she wasn't being very successful.

I smiled to myself. Yep, things were pretty much back to normal.

x X x X x

I felt like it was a good thing that I was called in to work today - I figured it would help me keep my mind off of things. I didn't know what time Carlisle was meeting Esme, and I really didn't want to know either. I wasn't worried that anything was going to happen between the two of them, but that didn't mean I was necessarily happy about it. But I refused to let petty jealousy ruin what I had with Carlisle. I'd dealt with a jealous Edward too long for that to ever happen to me.

I decided that I should send Carlisle a text message to let him know what was going on - just in case he was planning any more surprises.

"GOT CALLED IN TO WORK AT THE LIBRARY TODAY FROM 12 - 4. MAYBE WE CAN TALK LATER? MISS YOU."

I grabbed a leftover cinnamon roll and headed out for the library.

Just as Nancy had instructed me, I found the reference librarian and asked her to unlock the department for me.

"Bella, right? Hi, I'm Ellen." I nodded as she shook my hand warmly. "It should be quiet today, but call me if you have questions or need anything at all."

"Thanks, I will."

"When it's 2:00, I'll come down and relieve you, so that you can a 20 minute break or so."

"Thanks, I appreciate that," I said cheerfully.

"Have a good day, Bella. Remember, I'm just a phone call away."

I sat down at Nancy's desk and looked around. It seemed so quiet in here without her constant babbling about something or other.

I drummed my fingers absently and silently cursed myself for not bringing a book to read. I thought about stepping out to grab something off the shelves, but I knew that the department was surrounded by aisle after aisle of books classified by the Dewey Decimal System as the "Social Sciences" AKA Political Science, Economics, and Public Administration. Pass. I'd rather be bored.

The first hour went by so slowly, I thought I was going to go insane. I would have killed for a pack of cards or even a Rubik's cube. I started to understand why Nancy talked as much as she did. Eventually, I settled for stealing paper from the printer and doodling.

The phone did ring - once. But they had called the wrong department. I transferred them to the circulation desk and went back to my doodles.

Like a lovesick school girl, I found myself writing "Bella Cullen" and "Mrs. Carlisle Cullen" over and over again on one single sheet of paper. I had to admit, I kind of liked the way that sounded. I would have been mortified if anyone had seen it. Besides, we were no where near the vicinity of marriage. I quickly ran it through the shredder when I was done. I moved on to transcribing monologues from my Shakespeare class - from Hamlet's soliloquy, "To be or not to be" to Richard III's speech, "Now is the winter of our discontent," to Katherina's final words from 'The Taming of the Shrew.'

"Hey Beautiful," said a familiar voice.

My head snapped up. "Carlisle? What are you doing here?"

"Good to see you, too!" He laughed.

"Sorry...I'm just surprised, that's all," I said sheepishly.

"Well, I just thought I'd come check in on you." He looked around the room. "Looks like you're pretty busy."

"Yeah, I'm swamped. You'd better leave." I rolled my eyes at him.

"If you want..." He started to turn away.

"No way!" I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back. God, I wanted to wrap my arms around him and kiss him so badly! However, my fear of a librarian or patron walking in on us overrode those desires pretty quickly. "I'm glad you came. Really."

He sat down on the corner of Nancy's desk and smiled at me. "Good. Looks like you've been working pretty hard," he said, picking up one of the sheets of paper in front of me.

"My mind hath been as big as one of yours,  
My heart as great, my reason haply more,  
To bandy word for word and frown for frown;  
But now I see our lances are but straws,  
Our strength as weak, our weakness past compare,  
That seeming to be most which we indeed least are.  
Then vail your stomachs, for it is no boot,  
And place your hands below your husband's foot,  
In token of which duty, if he please,  
My hand is ready, may it do him ease."

He read the words aloud, then looked at me with slight confusion in his eyes.

"The Taming of the Shrew." I shrugged.

"Do you believe that kind of stuff?"

"That's not really a 'yes' or 'no' question. It's more complicated than that."

"Can you enlighten me?"

"Well, it all depends on your interpretation of her words. Is she being ironic? Or sincere? I think she's being both. She's playing a role when she gives this speech. She's not _really_ saying that women are weaker and should be subservient to men. I mean, you have to understand that when Shakespeare wrote those words, he was being a little bit tongue-in-cheek. Kate acquiesces rather than submits, and tries to impart to the headstrong women that acting like a shrew gets you nothing but a lonely marriage. Partner instead with your husbands, who also do their part and enjoy the fruits of your labor together. I guess you could say that I believe in 'that kind of stuff.'"

He let out a big breath. "Wow. I had always thought The Taming of the Shrew was a terribly misogynistic and sexist play, but I see that I have a lot to learn."

"Well, you can't really help it - men _are_ the dumber of the two sexes." I giggled.

"Har har har."

"So.....are you going to tell me about what happened today?" I said, changing the subject.

"What?"

"You know what!" I narrowed my eyes at him.

"Remind me."

I punched him playfully on the thigh for playing dumb with me. "You were meeting Esme today."

"Oh that's right! I had already forgotten about her," he said, fighting back a smile.

"So things went smoothly then?"

He paused for a moment. "Well, there _was_ one small hitch. But it's not really that big of deal, I don't think." He ran his fingers back through his thick blond hair.

"Go on," I said slowly.

"Well, Esme came over to get Jane as planned. I invited her because I wanted to talk about the possibility of me taking care of Jane a little more often, since you seemed to like her so much."

"That was very nice of you. And?"

"She was open to it. Of course, she wanted to know _why_ I wanted to see Jane more often."

"And?" I repeated.

"I just told her that I missed having Jane around on weekends, that I'd enjoyed taking her to the park and stuff."

"Okay. But I'm waiting to hear about the hitch." I crossed my arms and stared at him pointedly.

"Well, we were just making small talk, and Esme was looking at my cell phone because she had broken hers and wanted to get a new one. She was getting ready to leave when I excused myself to go grab Jane's vitamins from the kitchen and..."

I could already tell where this was going. "Let me guess - she saw my text message?"

"Yes."

"Wow. Worst timing ever on my part," I sighed. "What did you tell her?"

"I told her the truth - that you were my girlfriend, Bella. I'm so sorry - I know we agreed to not tell anyone, but I didn't really feel like I had a choice. Besides, she doesn't know that you're a student. For all she knows, you could be older than me. This just seemed like the easiest way to deal with her. I didn't know what else to do."

I was too stunned to respond at first.

"You told her that I'm your girlfriend?" I finally managed to say.

"I am so sorry; you have every right to be upset with me."

Suddenly, Carlisle stood up. "We can talk about it later."

I raised my eyebrows at him. _What the hell did that mean?_

Just then, the reference librarian walked in.

_Oh._

"Hi Bella, how's it going down here?"

"Just fine. It's been pretty quiet actually."

"It usually is on a Sunday. Well, I'm here to relieve you now, so you can go ahead and take your break."

"Thanks." I smiled at her and gave a quick glance at Carlisle. "Ummm, I guess I'll be back in about 20 minutes, I guess."

She turned to him. "Is there anything I can help you with, sir?"

He shook his head. "No, no, Ms...ummm?"

"Swan." I prompted. _Wow, he was good._

"Ms. Swan here was more than helpful. I think you said I could find the book over by the water fountain, right?"

"Right." I smiled. "I'd be more than happy to show you exactly where it is on my way out."

"Take your time!" the librarian called after me.

I led Carlisle towards the fountain, just in case the librarian was watching us and then turned down toward the 336 section - Public Finance - AKA no man's land.

"Bella, I-"

But before he could say another word, I had him pressed up against the shelf and was attacking his lips. I stood on my tiptoes and wrapped both of my arms around his neck, pulling him as close as possible to me. I don't think Hercules himself could have pried me away from him.

When I was thoroughly satisfied, I pulled back and smiled at him. Now it was his turn to feel breathless and somewhat dazed.

"I'm not sure I deserved that, but I'll take it." He chuckled.

"Oh, you deserved it, alright."

"I can't believe you aren't pissed at me right now. What is going on in that pretty head of yours?" His thumb traced along my jawbone.

"Well, first of all - you came up with a brilliant cover back there, and for that, I'm grateful. And second, I'm just really happy about what you told Esme."

"Happy?" He furrowed his brow at me. "I thought you'd be upset."

"I'm happy because," I lightly brushed my lips against his, "that was the first time I've heard you call me your girlfriend."

"Really? That made you happy?"

I nodded. "It's just nice to hear it out loud. And the fact that you said it to Esme of all people just makes it better. Even if we did agree not to tell anyone, I'm glad that you did."

"You are amazing, do you know that?" He gave me a smooch on my nose, and then flicked it gently with his finger.

I caught his finger in my hand. "So you keep telling me." I smiled as I laced my fingers through his. "I think everything is going to be fine, but if you're still worried that I'm mad, you can make it up to me later."

"Why wait until later, when I can start now?" he teased and then brought his mouth to my neck.

"I don't have much time before I have to - oh, forget it," I murmured as goosebumps began to blossom over my skin.

As I closed my eyes, I could have sworn that I saw movement through the books on the shelf out of the corner of my eye. But I must have been mistaken, because when I looked again, no one was there. I threw my head back felt his lips travel to my throat and over my collarbone.

"God, I love you so much," I whispered without even thinking.

He froze for a moment and I suddenly realized what I said. _Did I just say that out loud? _

_Oh no. Oh no. Oh no._

He didn't say anything. He just looked into my eyes and opened his mouth several times, but no words came out.

"Bella," he started slowly.

"I'm sorry," I cut him off quickly. "That was, that was way too - I'm sorry."

"You were saying what you felt," he said softly. "Never be sorry for that."

"But I don't want to scare you away or make you feel uncomfortable. Just forget it. I mean, what do _I_ know about love?" Nervously, I bit my lip - I couldn't even look at him now.

Carlisle placed his hands gently on either side of my face and pressed his lips lightly against mine. Then he spoke:

"This is hard to say  
Simply, because the words  
Have grown so old together:  
_Lips_ and _eyes_ and _tears_,  
_Touch_ and _fingers  
_And _love_, out of love's language,  
Are hard and smooth as stones  
Laid bare in a streambed.  
Not failing or fading  
Like the halting speech of the body  
Which will turn too suddenly  
To ominous silence,  
But like your lips and mine  
Slow to separate, our fingers  
Reluctant to come apart,  
Our eyes and their slow tears  
Reviving like these words  
Springing to life again  
And again, taken to heart  
To touch, love, to begin.

Bella, as soon I saw that poem, I realized that I was falling in love with you. The only thing that makes me uncomfortable is the fact that you got to say it first."

I looked into his beautiful eyes and placed my hands on top of his. "Did you memorize that just for me?"

"For us," he corrected gently before I disappeared into his kiss once more.

* * *

**A/N: If you answered B, give yourself 5 points. If you answered A, hit yourself in the head with a tack hammer.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: Sorry for the late update, but the holidays and shopping really took it's toll on me.**

**As you probably already knew, I do not own Twilight or it's characters. But I do have naughty thoughts about some of them.**

**Also, I forgot to give credit for the poem "The Old Words" to David Wagoner in the last chapter. He wrote those beautiful words, not me.**

Chapter 19

BPOV

The rest of my shift didn't drag on like the 1st half had. Carlisle stayed and kept me company for a little while longer before he said that he need to go home and work on his book research. Then he asked me if I wanted to come over for dinner and watch the Cowboys play the Broncos. I'd rolled my eyes at the mention of football, but offered to pick up some take out and bring it back to his place.

"I love you," he whispered into my ear before giving me a quick kiss goodbye.

"I love you, too," I whispered back, hugging him tightly. "I'll see you in a little bit."

He brushed his thumb over my lips, nodded, and walked out the door. I couldn't help but stare at his wickedly cute butt as he did so.

I collapsed onto Nancy's chair and propped my head up on her desk with my arms.

I couldn't believe that Carlisle actually felt the same way as I did. It was crazy - I had only known him for roughly two weeks, but already I couldn't picture my life without him. Was it possible to fall in love with someone in such a short time?

My thoughts turned to everything I loved about him: his deep blue eyes, his soft lips, his gorgeous smile, his musical laugh, his muscular body, his huge - well, you get the idea.

However, it wasn't just his physical attributes that drew me to him. His mind held just as much attraction for me, if not more so. He was so highly educated, but never made me feel inferior to his intelligence. When we discussed research on his chapter, he would speak to me as an equal, and if there was something I didn't understand, he could always explain it in a way that didn't make me feel stupid. I wanted to know his thoughts on everything, I absorbed each of them like a sponge - surprised when they often mirrored my own. He was such a caring individual as well - I would never forget how he had tried to comfort me about my cheating on Edward when _he_ was the one going through hell with Esme. Even after she had broken his heart, he had still tried to take care of her. I was slightly jealous of that fact, but it was also an admirable trait. I closed my eyes and remembered when he'd played the piano for me - how it had sent shivers up and down my spine to hear such passion pouring from his fingers to my ears.

It was hard to imagine that someone like him could ever love someone like me. It felt like we on unequal footing, that I would never be able to make him as happy as he made me. I mean, what could I offer him besides my body? I know he had said that I could make him laugh, but was that enough? I shook my head, trying to snap out of my funk. No, I would see to it that I was deserving of him. I would do anything for him, be anything for him simply because I loved him.

Before I knew it, it was 4:00 and Ellen was telling me that it was time for me to go home. I thanked her for all of her help and quickly gathered up my belongings.

Nancy had told me that it was okay for me to park in her space, so the walk to my truck was a short one. I smiled when I saw a note placed underneath my windshield wiper.

Carlisle.

I was going to have to think of something special to do for him. He was too romantic for his own good. I leaned over the hood and retrieved the folded piece of paper.

Written in block letters, were only two words:

"END IT."

I froze.

There was little doubt in my mind as to what this message was referring to, and with trembling hands I crumpled the paper into a ball.

I knew then that mind hadn't been playing a trick on me - some one _had_ seen Carlisle and I together today, but I had no idea who it could have been.

Or did I?

From what I could tell, Esme was the only one who knew about us. And she was probably crazy enough to follow him to the library even if she was a married woman and no longer had any claim on him. The real question was, should I tell him about it? I wanted to, and yet I didn't. I had no intention of ending our relationship, not after our conversation this afternoon. Besides, what could Esme really do at this point? It was a relief to know that she probably wouldn't figure out that I was a student. I mean, I had parked in the faculty spaces, so how could she possibly know?

With a dozen more questions swimming through my head, I got into my truck and drove home to change.

When I got there, Angela was sprawled out on the couch, watching TV.

"Howdy," I said as I hung up my jacket.

"Howdy," she replied. "How was your day?"

"So far, so good. I had to supervise the department this afternoon. It was loads of fun."

"Yeah, I saw your note."

"Oh yeah." I'd nearly forgotten the note I left on the table for her, since she hadn't come out of her room before I'd had to leave. "You were up pretty late last night - what time did you get up today?"

"Shortly after you left. I was up pretty late talking to a...friend."

There was something about her tone that piqued my interest, and I swore it looked like she was trying to hide a smirk.

"Am I missing something?" I asked, slightly apprehensively.

"You've got your secrets - I've got mine." She shrugged.

"Right. None of my business." I nodded, still burning with curiosity. "Well, I'm going to go change. I'm having dinner with a...friend tonight," I said pointedly. "Don't know when I'll be home."

"That's cool. I'll see you whenev." She was definitely smirking now.

I didn't know what to think as I headed for my room. Was it just me or was Angela acting kind of weird?

It didn't take me very long to change into a pair of gray yoga pants, a dark blue tank top, and a zip-up hoodie. I ran a brush through my hair and gathered it into a high ponytail. I didn't feel the need to get gussied up tonight - we were watching _football_, after all.

I could honestly say that I'd never actually sat through an entire football game before. My dad had watched a lot of baseball when I was growing up, but it didn't hold much interest for me. I'd never really been big on sports, considering how uncoordinated I was. High school gym had been an absolute nightmare for me. I don't know how many people had been the victim of my klutziness - be it a basketball to the face, badminton racket to the back of the head, or dodgeball to the family jewels. I wasn't sure what to expect tonight, but I could only hope that Carlisle would be patient with me because I was sure that I wouldn't have a clue about anything going on.

I wanted to talk to Angela more before I left, but she had disappeared by the time I emerged from my room. I don't know what had caused her mood swing tonight, but I knew that she would talk to me about it when she felt ready.

x X x X x

When Carlisle answered the door, it took all of my strength not to jump his bones right there. I mean, the man was wearing low-slung hospital scrubs and a fairly tight white t-shirt. The outline of his perfect 'V' cut abs were clearly visible underneath it, and I squirmed a little just thinking about them.

"Hey beautiful," he said as he kissed me lightly. "You're just in time."

"Thanks, sexy," I replied, returning the kiss. "I hope you like Chinese."

"Sure do."

"Great, 'cause pizza and wings would have been too cliché - even for me." I giggled.

"I wouldn't have complained. Come on in," he said, taking the bags from my hands and setting them down on the coffee table in front of the couch. "How was the rest of your day?"

"Fine." I couldn't help but flinch slightly as I said the word, but luckily he was busy opening up the boxes of goodies I had purchased. "My roommate, Angela, is acting kind of weird though."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like I said before, she knows I'm keeping a secret from her. But now, I think she's keeping something from me. She was just acting really strangely when I got home, and she said something like, 'You've got your secrets, and I've got mine.' I'm not sure how to take that."

"You should probably talk to her about it, don't you think?"

"I had planned to, but she was gone before I had a chance." I sat down on the couch and started breaking apart the chopsticks. "I'll try and talk to her tomorrow."

"Good," he replied, sitting down next to me. "I'm sure everything will work out. And if not, we'll handle it together."

I handed him a pair of chopsticks. "That's all I needed to hear. Now pass me some crab rangoons, please - I'm starving."

x X x X x

The football game was not nearly as boring as I thought it would be - thanks to Carlisle's willingness to explain everything to me. He never seemed bothered by my endless questions and by the 4th quarter, I even found myself cheering for the Cowboys to pull off a last second win.

When the ball sailed between the two goalposts, we both jumped up, cheering with our arms raised in victory. I couldn't believe I was actually this happy and excited for a team I'd never given two figs about before. Carlisle swept me off my feet and whirled me around in a circle. Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his neck and gave him a big kiss.

"So what did you think of our first football game?" He smiled, pulling my body even closer to his.

"That was actually fun! I can't believe that I sat through the whole thing without falling asleep once - thanks to you!"

His fingers brushed aside a stray tendril that had fallen out of my ponytail. "I'm glad you enjoyed it."

"Yeah, well, you still owe me some Gilmore Girl time in exchange for it. Don't think that I've forgotten." I narrowed my eyes at him.

He narrowed his back. "I thought we agreed that was negotiable."

"No way, dude. You, me, Rory, & Lorelai are gonna spend some quality time together whether it kills you or not."

"I bet I could change your mind."

"I'd like to see you try."

The next thing I knew, Carlisle had scooped me up bridal style and was carrying me upstairs. I struggled against him in mock protest.

"Put me down!" I demanded, trying my best to look pissed off. "You're not going to change my mind!"

"Maybe not," he snorted. "But it'll be fun finding out."

I couldn't disagree with that, and I had to admit that I was certainly curious to see what he had in mind.

We carried me into him room and set me down gently on his bed, then he walked around until he was standing at the foot of it. He gave me a sly grin before turning his back on me.

_Interesting._

My eyes were glued to his sweet ass as it swayed slightly from side to side, giving me quite a show. He began to run his hands over his shoulders and down his arms until they reached the bottom of his white t-shirt. Grasping the fabric within his fingers, he pulled it up, slowly revealing his sculpted back inch by inch.

_Oh my God._

Carlisle was stripping.

For me.

I started laughing and clapping my hands, but he turned his head towards me and gave me a disapproving look. I bit my lip to hold back my laughter, but I couldn't remove the huge smile that was now plastered to my face. This was awesome.

I could see every muscle in his back flex as he moved in time with silent music. I loved how his broad shoulders and small waist created a perfect inverted triangle - I just wanted to reach out and stroke his smooth skin.

Once the shirt was completely off, he swung it around in the air a few times before flinging it directly into my face.

"Hey!" I cried, and before I could prevent it, another burst of giggles escaped from my lips.

He put his hands on his hips, dropped his head and shook it back and forth in disappointment.

"Sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't stop!" I begged.

He sighed, and then began to run his thumbs around the waistband of his scrubs, tugging them down on one side to show to me that he wasn't wearing any underwear. My toes began to curl involuntarily.

"This is so hot," I said encouragingly.

He untied the drawstring of his pants, and let them drop down until his cute little buttcheeks were hanging out. He clenched them together a few times which created the perfect dent on either side.

"Oh yes," I whispered.

He turned to face me full on, and then let his scrubs fall all the way to the floor. I'm pretty sure my jaw hit my chest at the exact same moment. It was a miracle that I was able to pry my eyes away from his member to look him in the face.

Carlisle had me completely wrapped around his finger now. If he wanted me to sign a contract stating that I would never force him to watch Gilmore Girls, I would have signed it right then and there.

There was no way I could ever do what he had just done in a million years. I would have been absolutely mortified if he had laughed at me like I had at him. I'd also probably find some way to injure myself in the middle of it. He was so smooth, so confident, so sexy - three words that did not describe me at all.

I curled my finger toward him in a come hither motion. I need to touch him, kiss him, explore him, _anything_ him or else I was going to spontaneously combust.

He crawled toward me like a jungle cat stalking its prey, until he was on his knees in front of me. Automatically, I lifted my arms over my head as he reached for the bottom of my tank top.

Now that it was out of the way, he began to kiss the tops of my breasts, just above the fabric of my bra. My fingers searched behind me for the clasp to it.

"Allow me," he said, replacing his hands with my own. He popped the hooks open and then slipped the straps slowly down my arms, placing kisses on each of my shoulders. Eventually his lips traveled back to my breasts and he drew one of my soft peaks into his warm mouth. His tongue lightly circled and flicked my achingly hard nipple.

"Bite it," I whimpered quietly.

He obeyed, biting down gently on my swollen nub. I gasped at the sensation - a mix of pain and pleasure.

"Again," I breathed.

As he bit me once more, he pinched my other nipple firmly between his thumb and forefinger.

I thought I was going to die.

He began to kiss and lick the skin between my breasts, going lower and lower each time. He paused for a moment to remove my yoga pants and light pink panties before peppering my stomach with even more kisses. When his tongue dipped into my bellybutton, I was pretty sure I knew where he was headed. I started to shake out of nervousness.

Edward was the only person who I had ever let go down on me before and it had been a disaster for the both of us. I didn't want the same thing to happen with Carlisle.

He parted my legs and not a moment too soon, I caught his face between my hands.

"Don't. Please."

"What's wrong?"

"You've already won. No Gilmore Girls for you."

"Good to know," he said, trying to position himself between my thighs once more, but I denied him access by squeezing my legs together.

"Seriously - don't," I begged.

He looked at me with confusion. "What's wrong, sweetheart?"

I sat up and pulled my legs to chest. "Nothing. I just don't want you to do what I think you're going to do."

"Why?"

"It's just not necessary." I shrugged. "You got what you wanted, so let's just move on to other things."

He ran his hands up and down my thighs lightly. "That's not true."

"You think I'm lying?"

"No. I mean, I haven't gotten what I wanted. Not yet anyway. Please, Bella - let me do this." He reached underneath my leg and lightly dragged his thumb down my slit.

I inhaled sharply, but quickly shook my head 'no.'

"Bella, talk to me. I don't understand what you're feeling right now."

"I don't want you to do it because it's gross and it doesn't feel good! And because I don't want to ruin what we have!" I blurted out suddenly.

He looked at me in surprise and I could feel my face grow hot with embarrassment.

"Okaaaay," he said slowly. "Bella, would I be correct to assume that you don't have a lot of experience with this? Not that that's a bad thing."

My eyes met his briefly, and I nodded.

"And you didn't enjoy it, right?"

"Right."

"And how long ago was that?" he prodded gently, sweeping his fingers across the flush of my cheeks.

"Years," I said quietly.

"Bella, I don't want to do anything to make you uncomfortable, but please let me show you how good I can make you feel. I'll stop if you want me to."

"But -" I started to protest before he cut me off.

"And I assure you, I don't think it's gross. I think it's beautiful. _You're_ beautiful." He ran his hands from my ankles to behind my knees before touching his lips to them.

I closed my eyes for a moment. I trusted Carlisle, didn't I? I loved him, didn't I? I loosened the death grip I had on my legs and allowed them to part slightly.

"Alright." My voice was barely above a whisper.

He placed his hands on either side of my face and pulled me into a sweetly passionate kiss. "I love you, Bella. Remember, just say the word, and I'll stop."

"I love you, too."

He grasped my hips and positioned me until I was lying down.

"Are you ready?" he asked, looking into my eyes.

"Yes," I breathed.

He pushed my legs down until I was splayed out before him. I shuddered as his lips gently brushed against my inner thighs.

I couldn't believe this was really happening.

I felt his fingers lightly probe my opening and then spread my lips open. My whole body began to shake when his tongue made first contact with my moist slit. I prepared myself for the worst.

But the worst never happened. Instead, I felt a surge of excitement like I had never experienced before rush through my body. My mouth fell open and an erotic sigh escaped from my lips.

I had not expected this. Oral sex was supposed to be sloppy and wet - just a way to kill time until intercourse. But Carlisle was taking his time, his tongue licking and exploring every fold, every crevice, every part of my womanhood. Involuntarily, my hips moved forward, creating more pressure from his mouth. I gasped as I felt his tongue delve inside me. My inner walls grabbed at him and then released him.

Eventually, he replaced his tongue with his fingers, pushing two of them into me and then pulling them out, ever so slowly - repeating the motions over and over again. Like a kitten drinking milk from a bowl, he lapped at my swollen clit - causing my hands to ball into tight fists. I didn't know much more of this I could take.

He took my legs and threw them over his shoulders, then cupped my ass and lifted it slightly off the bed. His lips drew my sensitive bundle of nerves completely into his mouth and began to suck on it with just the right amount of pressure.

"Ooooohhhhh shit," I moaned.

His tongue vibrated faster and faster until I thought it would tear me apart. My body burned with desire, quivering and tingling, alternately feeling hopelessly weak, then fantastically strong. His relentless tongue continued it's torrid pace as he once again slipped his fingers into my now dripping pussy, coaxing every tiny measure of ecstasy from my trembling flesh.

Electricity crackled from my center - I was ill-equipped to receive that flow of pleasure. I writhed uncontrollably, working my hips, gasping as his tongue and fingers followed. My snatch was on fire now, the intense heat now radiating everywhere within me.

I knew I couldn't last much longer. I was either going to cum - hard - or pass out completely.

That's when I felt his teeth clamp down gently on my clit.

"CARLISLE!" I screamed as the searing power of my climax nearly blew me apart. He steadied my wildly bucking hips with his hands and continued to lightly lick up and down my pulsating slit. My muscles contracted over and over again as I rode out my orgasm and even after it was over, tiny aftershocks caused me to jerk slightly every so often.

My legs fell limply off his shoulders, and I reached out to pull him close to me. His head landed softly against my chest, and I kissed the top of his blond locks appreciatively.

"That was - you were - I can't -oh my God," I stammered.

_Damn. What was it about orgasms that always seemed to render me speechless?_

I could feel his body shake with laughter on top of me. "See? That wasn't so terrible, was it?"

"No." I watched as his head rose and fell with my breaths as my fingers combed absently through his hair. I felt so happy, so calm, and so content at this moment, not just because of the amazing gift he had just given me, but because I now knew that everything I wanted in life was literally right here at my fingertips: a caring, intelligent, beautiful man who loved me for who I was, not who he wanted me to be.

I realized then that it _was_ possible to fall in love with someone in such a short time and there was no way I was going to let a stupid piece of paper take my love away from me.


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: I don't know who this Stephanie Myer is, but I think she holds the same rights to Twilight that I do.**

Chapter 20

BPOV

After a bit, I felt Carlisle begin to stir in my arms. He crawled his way up my body, kissing me everywhere along the way - tummy, breasts, collarbone, pulse points, jawbone, until he finally reached my lips.

I gasped a little as I felt him slip an unexpected finger inside me and curl it softly against my walls. I started to breathe a little heavier as I felt a warm, tingling sensation take over underneath his hand.

His breath tickled my neck as he playfully whispered into my ear, "Ready for round two?"

It seemed like I had just barely recovered from our oral adventure, but already my body was crying out for him again. I felt I had no choice but to listen to it, so I sucked in a breath and looked him in the eyes.

"Yes, oh God, yes," I exhaled.

His finger was still dancing within me as his thumb began to rub gentle circles around my clit. I reached down and slowly stroked his already hard shaft up and down. I grew wetter and wetter as he added a second finger to his manipulations. I increased the speed of my pumping as we both moaned each other's names.

Eventually, his knees nudged my legs apart and he positioned himself at my hot and ready entrance.

He took his time entering me, giving me plenty of time to adjust to his girth. I loved how much he could make me stretch - again, it was a sort of pain mixed with pleasure.

His thrusts were slow and controlled as we looked into the other's eyes. My mouth seemed frozen in an 'O' shape and every now and then a tiny gasp would escape my lips.

I wrapped my legs around his back and managed to whisper, "I love you," before pulling his mouth toward mine. Our tongues gently wrestled back and forth as we savored the taste of one another.

We made slow and steady love for a long time that night, and when we were both ready, he guided me to my second mind-blowing orgasm of the evening.

I had never known what my body had been capable of before and I was happy to learn from someone who I trusted and cared about so much. I wished that I could just push a magical button and erase all of my sexual history, because it all seemed so insignificant, so reckless and stupid now. I now knew that _this_ was how sex was supposed to be - how it should have been all along.

As we lay on the bed together, my back pressed to Carlisle's chest, I felt his lips at my ear.

"Please stay. Stay here with me tonight."

I groaned as I spun around to face him and snuggle into his neck. It killed me to turn him down. "I want to. And I will someday, but tonight - I need to go home and get some stuff done for my classes tomorrow. Besides, don't you teach Theory at-?"

"8:30," he finished for me. "Yeah, yeah, yeah - don't remind me!"

I had to laugh. "Oh, you love your job, and you know it!"

"Not when it prevents me from spending more time with you." He pulled me tightly to his chest and pressed his lips against mine. "You know what? I'm just not letting you go. Ever."

"Oh, really?" I said, feigning shock.

He kissed me again. "Really."

"Well, that's too bad." I rolled myself on top of him.

He sensed that I was up to something, so he wrapped his arms firmly around my waist.

"Too bad for YOU." He smirked at me.

"Oh help. Help," I protested weakly and buried my face into his neck. I waited a moment, and then began to suck at his warm flesh.

When I felt his grip begin to loosen slightly, I started to snake my way down his body, kissing him softly and deliberately.

His hands slid up to my shoulder blades as I continued to nip and lick at the smooth planes of his chest. He let out a low moan as I took one of his nipples into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it as it hardened.

Then, in one swift motion, I brought my legs to his sides, pushed off of his chest with my hands, and catapulted myself to the floor, landing gently on the balls of my feet.

The look of confusion on Carlisle's face was priceless. I mean, one moment he had been holding me in the throes of passion, and the next, I was standing over him triumphantly.

"What the-?" he sputtered.

"Don't mess with me." I winked at him.

"How did you do that?" His voice was a mixture of disappointment and awe of what I had just done.

"I told you - I may not look like much, but I can still bring you to your knees. I went easy on you this time."

He mulled that over for a minute. "I guess so," he finally conceded.

I smiled and started to gather up my clothing. "Try to remember that next time you want to hold me against my will."

Giggling, I tossed his hospital scrubs at him.

"Will do." He nodded.

Once we were dressed, he walked me out to my truck.

He opened the door for me and we both looked at it rather reluctantly before embracing each other.

"Will I see you tomorrow?" he asked.

"Probably not," I sighed. "I have to work until 8:00, and then I was hoping to see if I could get Angela to talk to me. You understand, right?"

"Completely - but will you call me and let me know how things go?" His fingertips massaged my back gently.

"No problem." I lay my head against his chest, breathing in his sweet smell.

"Maybe Tuesday we can get together to do some work on my book - you know, that thing that brought us together?"

"Ahhh, yes - I remember," I giggled.

"Those anthologies you gave me have been wonderful. I can't seem to put them down."

"Getting lots of ideas?"

I felt his body shake slightly as he laughed. "Not exactly."

"No?"

"More like, finding all sorts of poems that put my feelings into words, so much better than I ever could. I see why you like poetry so much."

I took a small step back so I could look at him - to see if he was teasing me. "Really?" I asked.

His eyes were sincere as he nodded. "There's one called 'Better Not' that I think pretty much sums up my feelings right now. But I don't know if I remember all the words."

I swallowed hard. "Try."

"Life  
would perhaps  
be easier  
if I had  
never met you

Less sadness  
each time  
when we must part  
less fear  
of the next parting  
and the next after that"

There was a long pause.

I could see it in his face that he had blanked out on the next verse. I closed my eyes for a moment in concentration and then picked up where he left off.

"And not so much either  
of this powerless longing  
when you're not there  
which wants only the  
impossible  
and that right away  
next minute  
and then  
when that can't be  
is hurt  
and finds breathing difficult"

He was able to remember the rest of it from there, as he continued for me.

"Life  
would perhaps be  
simpler  
if I hadn't met you  
Only it wouldn't be  
my life."

My voice felt small and thick as it joined the smooth, melodic sound of his on the last line.

We clung to each other, letting the words sink in.

Finally, I broke the silence.

"I think that might be my new favorite poem," I whispered.

"Mine too," he replied, offering his hand to help me into my truck.

I climbed into the driver's seat and turned to him. "Next weekend," I said suddenly.

He looked at me with confusion. "Next weekend?"

"I'll stay next weekend. Friday through Sunday - that is, if you're not busy," I added quickly.

He leaned into the truck, took my face in his hands, and kissed me hard.

"Nothing would make me happier. And even if I was busy, I'd clear my schedule for you."

Even the darkness couldn't hide the satisfied smile shining on my face. "Alright then, I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow."

"I can't wait."

We kissed one last time before he shut the door and watched me drive away.

*******************

There was a slight chill in the air, but it was still a nice night - even with the ever constant chirping of crickets that seemed to come at me from all directions. Sometimes on nights like this, Angela and I would walk to the nearby playground, sit on the swings, and chat. I looked at my watch; it was still fairly early - maybe I could try to talk to her tonight, if she was home.

It seemed like a good possibility when I saw Angela's car parked in the spot next to mine.

But as I walked toward our apartment, I could see someone sitting in the shadows on the steps in front of our door.

We don't live in a dangerous neighborhood, but it made me a little nervous all the same. I hesitated as I internally debated whether or not I should just walk back to my truck and go straight to Carlisle's. I mean, it was probably just some drunken frat guy, but it also could be a drugged up psychopath for all I knew. Better to be safe than sorry.

I had just started back toward my truck when I heard a familiar voice behind me.

"Bella?"

My breath hitched in my throat.

_Oh God - it can't be._

Slowly, I turned around. The figure from the shadows was now walking straight toward me.

As he stepped into the glow from the streetlamp above, the light began to illuminate a mop of messy bronze hair and a pair of familiar green eyes.

"Edward?" I whispered. "Is that you?"

He closed the distance between us quickly, and before I could ask him what the hell he was doing here, his lips crashed against mine.

---------

**A/N: The poem "Better Not" belongs to Erich Fried, an Austrian poet. **

**Once again, special thanks go out to the lovely and wonderfully encouraging Uhyesplease & StormDragonfly - proof positive that angels DO exist.**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: I don't own Twilight.**

***sings* "But I can dream! And when I dream, I ruuuuuuuuun! If I know that I can do it, it's as good as done. And I knooooow that things are never hopeless as they seeeeeeeeem. But it won't worry me, as long as I can dreeaaaaaam!"**

**Ten million bazillion points to whoever knows what that's from.**

Chapter 21

BPOV

I was in a state of shock.

Edward, my first love and ex-boyfriend, was kissing me. And quite forcefully at that. Before I could even react, his tongue pushed past my lips and the familiar taste of Double Mint gum hit my palate, immediately making me feel sick to my stomach. I _hate_ mint. Almost as much as I hated Edward at that moment.

His arms were wrapped tightly around me, but I managed to wedge my hands between myself and the planes of his chest. With every ounce of strength I had, I pushed him away.

"Jesus, Edward! What the fuck?!" I yelled.

He just stared at me like he was trying to come up with an explanation, but couldn't find the words. He blew out a breath of air and fisted his hands into his hair. After a moment, he was finally able to speak.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly.

"What the hell is wrong with you?! You have no right to-"

"I know, I know!" he interrupted. "But Bella, I just had to do that before I tell you-"

"Stop right there," I said, cutting him off. "This isn't happening. You will not say what I think you're going to say. It's over. We've been over for years. I've moved on, and I thought you had, too."

"Please, Bella - just listen to me." His hand reached out for my arm, but I slapped it away like I would a blood-sucking mosquito.

"Don't touch me!" I snapped.

"Fine!" He held both hands up in front of his body, palms facing out in a gesture of good faith. "But will you please, please listen to me?" he pleaded.

I tried to swallow some of my seething rage. "We don't have anything to talk about," I said through clenched teeth.

"Yes, we do!"

The sheer desperation in his voice caught me off guard. What the hell was going on? Why would he choose today, of all days, to walk back into my life? It didn't make any sense to me.

Suddenly, it was as if a light bulb had gone off over my head.

"It was you, wasn't it? In the library," I hissed at him.

"What?" He looked at me with confusion.

"You were spying on me in the library today, weren't you? Are you fucking _crazy_?"

He furrowed his brows. "Library? I wasn't at the library today."

"And I suppose you didn't leave that note on my truck either, right?" I spat at him.

"Bella, what the hell are you talking about? What note?"

"Don't play dumb with me, Edward. I'm not in the mood."

"I'm not!" he said indignantly. "I was at work all day today. Call my supervisor at the hospital if you don't believe me!"

That made me pause. He did look genuinely dumbfounded.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "Then why are you here? Are you _stalking_ me?!"

"I'm trying to tell you," he said simply.

I covered my face with my hands and shook my head back and forth. "But why _now_? Why today?"

"I didn't think there was any possibility that you still had feelings for me until yesterday."

I snorted. "And what gave you the idea that I do now?"

"Angela."

I bit my lip as my blood suddenly ran cold. It looked as though my lie was here to bite me in the ass.

"What happened?" I asked quietly as I slumped down to sit on the street curb, too embarrassed to look him in the eyes at that moment.

"I ran into her at the University Box Office to buy tickets for a concert. We got to talking, and she said that we didn't have to 'hide' from her anymore, that she knew all about the two of us."

"Oh shit," I groaned. "And what did you say to her?"

"I said I didn't know what she was talking about, that I hadn't talked to you in months." He plopped down next to me. "You know, if you were going to lie about us, maybe you should've given me a heads up about it."

"Is that supposed to be funny?"

"No. But neither was lying about you and me," he said pointedly.

"It wasn't like that, Edward." I turned to face him. "It was all just a stupid mistake, and I'm sorry if I got you involved."

He shrugged. "It's alright. But there must have been a reason you chose to lie about _me,_ of all people. Can you honestly say that you don't have _any_ feelings for me?"

"Edward," I sighed. "I will always love and care about you, but not in _that_ way. Not the way you want me to."

He grabbed my hand and held it between his. I tried to pull it away, but he wouldn't let go. "Please, Bella - I've changed. I'm not the same jealous kid from high school. You loved me once, you can love me again." His lips brushed against my knuckles.

"Let go of me, Edward. I mean it," I said through my clenched teeth, my voice full of warning.

"I can't," he said, kissing my knuckles again. "I won't."

"You don't have a choice." I used my other hand to pry his fingers away and free myself from his grasp.

I stood up and walked a few steps away from him, but he got up and followed me.

"Bella, I still love you - and I'm begging you - give me another chance. I know I messed up, but I swear-"

"Please, just stop," I begged. "It doesn't matter - I'm with someone else now. I told you, I've moved on."

He didn't say anything, but I could see the disappointment in his eyes. I couldn't stop myself from feeling a little guilty about that, but he _had _to have put the pieces together by now.

"I'm sorry," I said gently. To my horror, I almost reached out to touch his shoulder. I couldn't help it - even though I was still pissed at him, I couldn't bear to see him in pain.

"Is it serious?"

I nodded.

He winced. "Do you love him?"

I nodded again.

He was silent again.

I started to wonder how much longer I should stay out here with him. I'd said my piece, hadn't I? What else was there to talk about?

But he wasn't finished.

"Bella, there's something else you need to hear. And you're going to be pissed, I know."

_Oh goody._

"Fine," I sighed and closed my eyes. "Let's hear it."

"I don't want you to think that I was stalking you, but I _was_ waiting for you to get home tonight."

"And _how_ is that not stalking me?"

"Because the majority of the time tonight, I was...inside your apartment."

I was horrified. "That's even creepier, Edward! What the fuck?! Did you break in? What is wrong with you?!" I yelled.

"NO! Of course not! I was trying to tell you earlier - I was with Angela!"

My eyes narrowed at him. "What do you mean, you were with Angela?"

He looked down at the ground. "I mean, I was _with_ Angela," he said softly.

I was speechless. It felt like someone had just punched me in the gut. Was he trying to tell me that my best friend and my ex-boyfriend had just-?

I couldn't even finish that thought.

_No - that's impossible_

"After we talked at the box office, she asked if I wanted to get a cup of coffee with her. She was pretty hurt that you'd lied to her, so I told her I was available if she ever wanted to talk...."

"And?" I gritted my teeth.

"And we talked on the phone last night for quite awhile and sort of got to know each other a little better. And then tonight, we-" he cut himself off.

"Tonight, you...?" I prompted, but I already has a pretty good idea of what he was about to say. I could feel the bile rising in my throat.

"I don't really even know how it happened. I actually came over here, hoping to see you - to finally tell you how I feel," he said quickly.

"How fitting," I snorted.

"She just - I don't know how to put it - sort of attacked me. One minute she was crying, and the next she was on top of me. It was a mistake and I swear, if I could take it back, I would."

"Did you think about that _before_ or _after_ you started fucking my best friend?" I snapped.

His chin dropped to his chest. "I wasn't thinking at the time. It's like it wasn't even me in that room with her."

"Why are you telling me all of this?" I demanded. "I mean, if you still loved me, you sure have a funny way of showing it! Did you think you could win me back by humiliating me?!"

"I'm not trying to humiliate you, Bella. I'm trying to be honest - I'm trying to _help_ you!"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Look, Angela is a mess right now - she's going through a plethora of emotions. She's feeling betrayed, hurt, angry, guilty - you name it. She might break down, she might lash out, she may never talk to you again, I don't know! But I wanted to warn you before you walk through that door!"

I hated to admit it, but he had a point. If I knew Angela, she was probably drinking pretty heavily right now. If that was the case, I definitely needed to proceed with caution. I was grateful for the heads up, but it didn't excuse his behavior.

"Fine. You've warned me. Forgive me if I don't exactly feel like saying 'thank you.'"

"I don't blame you. But please believe me when I say how sorry I am for all of this."

"Edward, can you just please leave?" I said coldly. "I really don't want to look at you right now."

I couldn't even think straight anymore - too much was happening all at once. I didn't need this right now. Not when things had been going so well with Carlisle.

_Oh my God._

_Carlisle._

I hadn't even thought of him until this moment. My finger unconsciously traveled to my lips. Lips that had been violated by Edward only a few minutes ago.

Just as it had after my freshman rendezvous with Eric, a flood of guilt came crashing down upon me. It was like deja vu - I hadn't _meant_ to cheat on Edward, and yet it had happened. Something must be seriously wrong with me.

I knew it wasn't my fault this time - I hadn't initiated that kiss. But I had allowed it to happen and I was disgusted with myself. Sure, I had stopped it - but not before that bastard's tongue entered my mouth. I had let myself to be reacquainted with his taste - that overwhelming minty taste that I remembered from when we were together. I felt sick on the inside, and dirty on the outside.

Was I simply incapable of being faithful to the ones I loved?

I could feel the tears start to prick at my eyes, so I turned my back on Edward, hoping that he would get the hint and leave. I didn't want him to see me like this.

Fuck him.

And to a lesser extent, fuck Angela, too.

I didn't doubt that she was upset with me, but that certainly didn't give her the right to sleep with my ex! Even though I didn't have any claim on him anymore, I still felt betrayed.

A small part of me wondered if she had done it on purpose. Maybe she wanted to hurt me, like she'd been hurt.

_"Well, if that was her plan; mission accomplished,"_ I thought to myself, discretely trying to wipe away a tear.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I just - God, I've missed you so much! Tell me how to make this right."

"Just go away, Edward. You've done enough damage." My voice was nearly dead and I felt emotionally drained at this point.

His green eyes bore into mine. "You're right. I'll leave. But I'm never going to go completely away. I'll always be here, waiting for you. I know you won't admit it, but you wouldn't be hurting like this if you didn't feel _something_ for me. Somewhere, deep down, you know that. We were each other's first loves, and if fate has anything to do with it, we'll be each other's last as well. I fucked up, but I'll spend eternity making it up to you. You'll see."

And then that son of a bitch kissed me again.

I was faster this time though, pulling my head back, just as his lips made contact with mine.

Quicker than lightening, my hand flashed out and slapped his across the cheek. Hard.

"I said, 'don't touch me, you delusional asshole!'" I glared at him as he shrank away in shock, holding his palm to his cheek.

The scowl didn't leave my face until I watched him climb into his shiny Volvo and drive away.

I sighed and turned toward the apartment.

Time to face the music.


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. But shhhh! Don't tell that to the hot thirtysomething who thinks I'm Stephenie Meyer.**

Chapter 22

BPOV

"Angela?" I called hesitantly as I closed the door behind me.

No response.

Not good.

I took my time removing my jacket and hung it up in the closet. As I pushed the door closed, I eyed the framed photo collage hanging on the wall:

_Angela and I drinking margaritas out of coffee mugs on Spring Break._

_Angela and I with noisemakers in our mouths on New Year's Eve._

_Angela and I in bikinis at Ben's cousin's pool party, minutes before we were thrown in together._

_Angela and I with our arms around each other, cheeks pressed together and smiling broadly._

I ran my fingers lightly over that last one and wondered if my lie was worth throwing an entire friendship away. But I pushed that thought aside as best as I could. No use worrying about something that hadn't happened yet.

"Angela?" I called again.

"In here." She responded quietly, from the kitchen.

It was dark, except for the glow filtering in from the living room. I clicked the main light on and found her sitting at the round table with a glass of what I could only assume was vodka pressed to her forehead. She scrunched her puffy eyes closed as light flooded the room, and I noticed her hair was matted to the sides of her slightly ruddy face. It looked like she had thrown on whatever was on her bedroom floor - a stained and rumpled t-shirt, and a baggy pair of sweats.

Cautiously, I sat down in the chair across from her.

Neither one of us spoke.

Every now and then she brought the glass to her lips and took a sip.

At least she wasn't chugging it.

I waited for her to finally break the deafening silence.

"I take it you already know." She said matter-of-factly, her voice hoarse and dry, like it normally was after a long crying jag. Even from across the table, I could smell the alcohol on her breath, and I wondered just how long she had been drinking.

I looked down at my hands and nodded.

"Good." Her lips became a hard line.

I didn't know what to say to that.

"Aren't you even going to apologize to me?"

"I'm sorry I lied to you," I said automatically.

"FUCKING RIGHT!" she suddenly exploded, slamming her fist down on the table. "GODDAMMIT, BELLA! I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!"

"I thought so, too," I replied, fighting to keep my voice normal. "How could you...I mean, why _Edward_?"

"I figured one of us ought to be fucking Edward."

At that moment, I knew I wasn't talking to Angela anymore - I was speaking to the nearly empty bottle of vodka sitting on the counter, and so I tried my best to not let those words get the better of me.

"Alright," I sighed. "Why don't you go to bed, and we can talk about this tomorrow morning?"

"Fuck you," she spat at me. "I am NOT a child. I'll go to bed when I _want_ to go to bed." With that, she downed the contents of her glass in one gulp. She didn't even flinch. "And I don't want to go to bed."

This was bad.

"Angela - how much have you had to drink tonight?" I asked as calmly as I could.

"What do you care?"

"How much have you had to drink tonight?" I repeated.

"Pfffft. Like I kept track." She pushed back her chair, got up and stumbled toward the counter.

I realized what she was going for, so I jumped up and snatched the bottle away before she could reach it. "You're done," I said firmly, and she turned to me in shock - I had never done anything like that to her before.

"Give. That. Back."

If looks could kill, I'd have been a pile of ashes on the floor.

"No way," I said, shaking my head.

"I bought that vodka - it's mine."

"I don't care."

"You're such a bitch. A fucking lying bitch." She sounded as if she were on the verge of tears, but I wasn't about to give in. I opened the bottle and started pouring the liquid into the sink.

"NNNOOOO!!!" she screamed at me, trying to rip it out of my hands, but she was too late - the bottle was now empty. "YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!!!"

"Angela, listen to me: you've had enough. I know you're upset right now, but you need to calm down."

"I hate you," she retorted as the tears started to flow. "I hate you so much."

"Maybe you do, but eventually, you'll see that I did this for your own good."

Even though her eyes were full of tears, I could see the burning rage within them. I watched her mentally cock the gun and point it straight at my heart.

"Edward's a great fuck, you know. I told him so, and he said that I was the best lay he'd _ever_ had," she added with emphasis.

I was pretty sure he'd said no such thing, but it still managed to rip a painful hole right through my chest.

I bit my lip. "I'm sure you were, Ang."

But she had even more ammunition on her belt.

"He wanted to fuck in my bedroom, but I wanted to do it on the couch - just in case you came home early." Her voice was smug.

I was fighting to keep it together now - that was too close to the horrific scene Carlisle had described to me regarding Esme and a random guy on the couch.

I knew that she was deliberately trying to get a rise out of me; she was a genius at pushing buttons even if she didn't fully realize how close they hit to home. Good God, was my little lie really that devastating to her? I mean, didn't I have more of a right to be pissed off at _her_ than vice versa?

"Sorry to have ruined your fun," I said as coolly as I could. I gave the kitchen a once-over, checking to see if there was any more alcohol lying around.

"Looking for more booze?" she snapped. "Don't worry, you won't find it."

_Was she serious? _

_If she was, this was way worse than I thought._

"What the hell is the matter with you? Are you trying to kill yourself?!" I couldn't help blurting out.

"Fuck off."

My patience was slipping away. "No, seriously, Ang - it's getting old. Do you really think drinking yourself into a coma and fucking anything that moves is going to help you deal with reality?! Yeah, I screwed up - I never should have lied about Edward, but you're acting like I did it just for shits and giggles or something. I'm not like that! I'd never hurt you on purpose, like you're trying to do to me now!"

She stalked over to me, jutting her chin out the whole time and stopped when she was right in my face. "I want to know who he is. Who you've been seeing."

"I think you already know."

I had pretty much put the pieces together by now - she'd been the one in the library and the one who left the message for me to find. It all made sense, because clearly, I'd pissed her off beyond all belief. Now I was just wanted confirmation.

She nodded. "I want to hear you say it."

_Bingo._

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction," I replied coldly and started toward my room. "And don't leave any more fucking notes on my truck, Angela. If you have something to say to me, you can say it to my face. You owe me that much."

"You know, I would've been happy for you!" she called after me. "Why'd you have to lie to me?"

I turned around. "I was protecting you."

She snorted.

"The less you knew, the better," I continued. "But silly me, I thought that's what friends did for each other, not fuck their best friend's exes and leave psychotic notes on their cars."

"I am your best friend, Bella - well, at least I _was_ your best friend. And I thought best friends told each other everything."

"Look, it's complicated. He's a professor; I'm a student. The more people who know about us, the more complicated it becomes. If I told you, you would have told Ben, and Ben would have told God knows who else. Next thing I know, he's out of a job and everything's fucked. So I'm sorry - I'm sorry that I didn't tell you about us. But in a way, I'm glad. Because now I know what a spiteful, vindictive person you are. The fact that you did what you did tonight, just proves it. No wonder Ben went running into that Lauren chick's arms - he probably didn't want to have anything to do with a fucking drunk-ass WHORE like you, any longer!"

And with that I spun on my heel and into my room.

As soon as my door was closed, I collapsed onto my bed. I felt like either crying my eyes out or screaming my head off - quite possibly both.

I had seen Angela unleash her fury at other people before, but they were usually strangers at bars who tried to flirt with Ben. I never would have thought that she would turn that same fury on me.

My only hope at this point would be talking to a sober Angela in the morning. I prayed that she would be remorseful about her actions and that maybe we could somehow begin the healing process.

I wanted to call Carlisle, but I didn't know how to begin or what to say to him. It would kill me if I heard those words that I feared most: "Maybe we shouldn't see each other anymore." I knew he would feel as bad as I did if my friendship with Angela was over, but I would not allow him to share the same burden as me.

_God this is so fucking complicated._

But my thoughts were interrupted when I suddenly heard a scream, followed by a loud crash from the kitchen.

_Oh God, what next?!_


	23. Chapter 23

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. You wish. Suck-ahs!**

Chapter 23

BPOV

I ran from my room to the kitchen and found Angela lying motionless on the floor in an awkward position, an overturned chair lying next to her.

I rushed over to her side, realizing too late that the floor was covered with vodka and broken glass. My feet shot out from under me and I fell, face first, driving both of my hands into the shards. I gasped in pain as I felt the glass pierce the meat of my palms.

I was frozen in shock for a moment, but as I looked at Angela's limp, lifeless body - panic and adrenaline took over.

"Angela!" I cried. "Angela, are you okay?"

She didn't respond or move.

_Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit._

I managed to stand up and silently cursed our decision to not get a phone for the apartment, since we both used our cell phones for making calls. It certainly would have been very handy at that moment. And, of course, I had left my cell phone all the way back in my bedroom.

That's when I noticed the blood - my blood - quickly falling in fat, thick drops to the floor. I looked down at my palms, both of which were bleeding pretty badly, but my right hand was definitely in worse shape than my left. I cringed when I saw a large piece of glass embedded under a flap of skin at the base of my right thumb, plus countless other cuts filled with bits of glass.

I felt sick to my stomach and my whole body began to shake. I cannot handle blood, but I would not, could not faint right now, I told myself. I didn't know if it was a good idea to remove the glass myself, so I grabbed a dishtowel that was hanging off of the handle of the oven and wrapped it around my hand.

I sucked in a breath as the towel pushed the shards even deeper into my palms, and I dropped to my knees in agony.

"Angela," I called one last time. "Angela, wake up!"

I wasn't positive, but I swore that I heard a small moan come from her lips.

Good. At least she wasn't dead.

"I'm going to get help, Ang. If you can hear me, you need to STAY AWAKE," I commanded.

The journey to my room felt like it took forever. I had to crawl on my knees and forearms, because putting any more pressure on my palms would have certainly caused me to pass out.

Finally, I retrieved my purse and gingerly reached inside, but I simply could not get my towel-wrapped hand to close around my cell. I turned the bag upside down and dumped its contents out onto my bed.

Using both hands, I managed to wedge it open and press 9-1-1. The searing pain caused me to break out into a cold sweat.

"911, what is your emergency?" a woman's voice answered.

"My roommate, she - she's hurt. She fell - she fell off of a chair, and she's not moving. I need help!" My voice was shaking as I spoke.

"Is she conscious?" the dispatcher asked.

"Sort of - I'm not really sure. I think she might have moaned."

"Okay. I'm sending an ambulance right over. What is your location?"

I supplied her with the pertinent information, and she promised that help would be there soon.

I managed to carefully shove my cell phone in my back pocket and then began my long trip back to the kitchen.

Angela was still lying there, just as I had left her.

"Angela?" I shook her arm slightly, afraid to move her too much, in case her neck was broken or worse. I shuddered at the thought. But she didn't respond to my touch. I couldn't even tell if she was breathing from the awkward position she was in. She lay almost on her side, and her left arm stuck out at a strange angle from underneath her body.

Tears spilled over my eyes. I was scared for my roommate, who hours ago, I had still considered my best friend.

I should have seen it coming. I knew that she usually dealt with her problems by drinking, but I never imagined that she would have stashed a bottle of liquor behind the half-empty cereal boxes in our cupboard. Perhaps I didn't know the true extent of her drinking.

If something happened to Angela - friend or no friend - I didn't know what I would do. It hurt to know that my last words to her were so cruel, so unlike me, and I couldn't take them back.

"I'm sorry, Ang. I'm so, so sorry," I whispered. "Please, be okay. Please, be okay." My hand moved to wipe away my tears, but I had forgotten about my injury. The blood had soaked through the towel, and I felt it smear across my cheek. I tried my best to not look at the dark red stain as it became more and more difficult to breathe. I knew that I was fighting a losing battle.

As my body slumped to the floor, somewhere outside, I could faintly hear the sound a siren approaching.

x X x X x

"I think she's coming around now," I heard a voice say. "Isabella? Can you hear me?"

Confused, I felt my eyelids flutter and open to find a young man hovering over me.

_What the -?_

My face felt weird, and I realized that there was a plastic oxygen mask covering my mouth and nose.

_Ahhhh, yes. I'd fainted._

I nodded my head at him weakly.

"Isabella, my name is Garrett, and I'm an EMT. I'm afraid you've got some pretty nasty cuts on your hands. Can you tell me what happened?"

"I heard.....my roommate scream.....and then....there was a loud crash....there was vodka on the floor..." My voice was barely above a whisper. "And then I slipped and fell...."

"We figured as much. Your roommate, Angela, is in another ambulance ahead of us, but we're taking you to the hospital as well - it looks like you're going to need some stitches."

I wasn't surprised. I couldn't even count how many stitches I had had over the course of my klutzy life.

"How is Angela?" I asked.

"As far as I know, she's still unconscious. It looks like she has a very bad concussion and perhaps a dislocated shoulder. You said that you didn't see her fall, correct?"

"No, I didn't. Do you know if….will she be alright?"

"That depends on how bad her concussion is. She'll most likely be taken in for a CAT scan, but we won't know if she's incurred any brain damage until she wakes up. Plus, the amount of alcohol in her system complicates things - she may well need to have her stomach pumped."

_Brain damage? Oh God._

My eyes began to well up again.

Garrett looked at me sympathetically. "She's in good hands here - try not to worry."

"Easier said than done," I murmured, fighting back the tears.

"Does she normally drink this much alcohol?"

I swallowed hard and shook my head. "Not, like, regularly - but when she gets upset, she pretty much drinks until she blacks out."

We pulled into the hospital's emergency entrance, and Garrett and the other EMT removed my stretcher from the ambulance. I hoped to God that they would eventually let me walk or even push me around in a wheelchair. I mean, my legs worked just fine - it was my hands that were a mess.

I turned to Garrett. "Where is Angela?" I asked.

"She's probably been taken to radiology for the CAT scan, then they'll decide where to go from there. My guess is that she will be here at least overnight, if not longer - depending on the results."

_Please God, just don't let her be brain damaged. I'll never be able to forgive myself._

I pushed the horrifying thought aside and managed to say "thank you" to him before a nurse took over and wheeled me into the hospital.

They had to push me around for awhile before they found an available exam room, and I was finally able to get off of the stretcher - if only to sit on the examination table and wait for the doctor to arrive.

I was thankful that I didn't have to sit for very long before a doctor, who introduced himself as Dr. Gerandy, arrived to inspect my injuries.

After giving me multiple injections of lidocaine, he began to remove every last bit of glass and clean up all of the cuts, which was no simple task. As I had suspected, my right hand was in much worse shape than my left. The glass had sliced me pretty deep, but Dr. Gerandy informed me how very lucky I was that I hadn't severed the tendon. However, it would be quite some time before I regained normal, pain-free use of it, he added.

All in all, it took 23 stitches to put my palms back together. My hands were quite numb, as well as stiff and sore, but he wrote me a prescription for some pills to help with the pain. He suggested that I have them filled at the hospital pharmacy while I waited for my ride home.

Ride home?

_Oh shit._

My apartment was a good 25 minute drive from the hospital - all the way on the other side of town. How the hell was I supposed to get home? I didn't have my purse, so I couldn't even pay for a cab.

_Fuck._

Then I remembered my cell phone. Thankfully, it was still in my back pocket. My bandaged hand screamed in protest as I fished it out, but I could only think of one person who I was willing to call at this hour.

I prayed that he was still awake as I hit the 'send' button.

"This is Carlisle."

Just hearing his voice sent a wave of calm over me.

"Hi, babe. It's me."

"Bella?"

"Yeah. Did I wake you?"

"I was just going to bed, but that's okay. What's up?"

"Ummm, I'm at the hospital right now. I'm so sorry, but if it's not too much trouble, do you think you could come give me a ride home?"

His voice was immediately full of concern. "Of course. Are you okay? What happened?"

"It's a long story," I sighed. "I'll tell you when you get here."

"Alright. Let me get dressed and I'll be right there. Where should I meet you?"

"I need to get a prescription filled first, but I'll just meet you at the main entrance. Do you know where that is?"

"I'll find it. Bella, please just tell me you're okay first."

"I will be, after I see you," I assured him.

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thanks," I breathed with relief. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too. Hang in there, sweetie."

I snapped the phone shut and headed over to the pharmacy. The technician eyed my hands curiously as I gave her the small piece of paper with Dr. Gerandy's chicken-scratch writing.

"Do you have an insurance card?"

_Double shit_.

No purse meant no insurance card and no money to pay for the medicine.

I bit my lip and looked down. "I'm sorry; I keep forgetting that I don't have my purse with me. I can't pay for the pills."

"I'm sorry, Miss. Unfortunately, I can't help you out with that," she said, looking at me sympathetically.

"That's okay. I understand," I conceded glumly. Already, the ache in my hands was growing as the anesthetic wore off.

It did not help matters when I tried to push the heavy main entrance door open. I recoiled as the pain throbbed and spread through my palms. I had better get used to backing out of doors for awhile.

I sat down on a narrow metal bench, but it wasn't too long before I saw Carlisle's black Mercedes pull around the corner. Just knowing that he was here for me, brought fresh tears to my eyes, but they were tears of happiness and relief.

He immediately jumped out of the car and rushed toward me. Obviously concerned, he looked me over skeptically, so I held my bandaged paws up for him to see.

"23 stitches," I said, trying to sound nonchalant about it.

"Oh, Bella," he sighed and pulled me into his chest. He kissed the top of my head tenderly, and it was frustrating to not be able to return the embrace properly.

"Thank you for coming to get me," I whispered.

"Anytime. I am always here for you," he said sincerely. "No matter what the time or the circumstances, I will _always_ be here."

His lips pressed softly against mine. Incredibly, my worries and stress seemed to diminish as I slowly melted into his kiss.

I smiled at him. "Thanks. I needed that."

Carlisle picked up my right hand and gently examined it. "What happened?"

"I fell down."

"Where?"

"At home."

"Then how did you manage to cut yourself so badly?"

I hesitated. "Can we talk about that a little later? Right now, I just want to get out of here."

I automatically reached for the handle of the passenger side door, and instantly regretted the decision. I winced and cradled my hand to my chest.

"Dammit," I whimpered.

"Allow me," Carlisle said sweetly, opening the door for me. "You're going to have to get used to being taken care of for awhile."

I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't really argue with him.

I slid into the seat, and he closed the door behind me.

We rode in silence for a few minutes, before he asked me once again about what had happened.

I took a deep breath and readied myself to tell him the whole story about the events leading up to Angela's incident. I paused when I came to the part about Edward kissing me, but decided that lying had gotten me into enough trouble already.

His response shocked me.

"Bella, it's okay - it wasn't your fault."

"What do you mean, 'It's okay?' How is it okay?" I responded.

"Well, it's not okay what he did to you, but how could you have prevented it? It's not like you have a protective shield around you or anything."

"Maybe not, but-"

"But what?" he interrupted. "You thought I'd be mad at you or something?"

I hung my head. "Not exactly. I was just...mostly mad at myself, I guess."

"Bella, look at me," he commanded.

Slowly, I raised my eyes to meet his.

"I love you and trust you completely and this doesn't change a thing. I know how hard it must have been for you to tell me the truth - with the guilt I know you still feel for cheating on Edward, but this is nothing like that. Do you understand that?"

"I do. I really do. I don't know what came over me. I feel so stupid now."

"Don't feel stupid. Everything will be fine."

"Well, I'm not so sure about that..." I said, as I began the rest of my story. He listened patiently while I told him about everything - from Edward's confession of sleeping with Angela to my confrontation with her to the frightening incident in the kitchen.

Carlisle looked at me thoughtfully. "Sounds to me like Angela needs a lot of help. People just don't act out like that if they're mentally stable."

"I don't understand it though. She _deliberately_ tried to hurt me - she's never acted like that before."

"Bella," he said gently, "Many people like Angela become very good at hiding their behavior and addictions from their friends and family. This has probably been going on for awhile - I think you mentioned once before that she's had a tempestuous relationship with someone, right?"

"Right."

"I imagine there's probably even more to that than meets the eye. I know you're extremely hurt by her actions and rightfully so, but she's going to need some support when she gets out of the hospital - I don't think you should give up on her just yet."

Well, that was something new to ponder. Leave it to Carlisle to change my entire perspective on the whole mess.

Once I had told him about the problem I'd encountered with the pharmacy, Carlisle generously offered to take me to Walgreen's to get the prescription filled, insisting that he pay for it even after my protests - going so far as to buy me a bottle of water, so that I wouldn't have to wait until I got home to take my first dose.

Once we were back in his car with my prescriptions, I sat quietly while the reality of Angela's situation began to weigh heavily on my mind once again.

"I'm sure Angela will be okay," he assured me, sensing my apparent worry and rubbing my forearm gently. "You probably saved her life, you know."

I hadn't looked at it that way before. But what else would I have done? Had there even been a choice in the matter?

"I hope so," I replied. "I can't even bear the thought that she might be - well, nevermind."

"I'll drive you back tomorrow, if you want to visit her."

"Really? That would great - thank you."

We pulled up in front of my apartment, and I waited resignedly in my seat for Carlisle to come and open the door for me. He helped me get out of the car, and kept his arm around me as he walked me to my front door.

"Well, thanks for the ride home, I really appreciate it. I guess I'll just call you tomorrow then?"

He choked back a laugh. "Do you think I'm leaving you here by yourself?"

"Well, yeah."

"In your condition? I don't think so." He shook his head at me.

"So what are you suggesting?"

"Well, either you could stay with me or I could stay here with you."

I bent down to retrieve our extra key from it's hiding place behind the potted plants, and he crouched down to smile at me.

"Let me get that for you," he said.

I started to mull over all of the tasks that now seemed nearly impossible for me to perform, like making myself dinner, showering, brushing my teeth and hair - hell, could I even go to the bathroom on my own? The idea that Carlisle would have to help me with my bodily functions was certainly frightening, but it would only be for a few days or so, right? I mean, Dr. Gerandy said that it would be okay to get the stitches wet after 48 hours, and that I could have them removed in about 10 - 14 days. I figured that in roughly 3 days, I would be able to take care of myself, so there was really no point in arguing with him.

He unlocked the front door and held it open for me.

"So what do you think?" he continued.

"I think..." I said, as I snaked my arms around his waist - being careful to not make contact with my palms - and pulled him inside. "You should have an orientation of my apartment if you're going to be staying here."

**A/N: As always, special praise should be given to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly. If only they came in pocket-size - then I could carry them around for inspiration at all times. *sigh***


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N: Sorry for the late update kids, but I was busy flaming other fics and trying to get them removed from FFn. I also banged Peter Facinelli AND finished writing "Midnight Sun." It's been exhausting!**

Chapter 24

BPOV

The first thing I noticed as I ushered Carlisle into my apartment, was the faint smell of vodka hanging in the air. I stiffened slightly and Carlisle started to rub my back comfortingly. I led him into the kitchen, deciding it was as good a place as any to start the tour.

My eyes fell on the overturned chair that still lay in its original position - a spooky reminder of the night's earlier events.

After warily looking around the room, I also realized that the floor was still covered with glass and booze.

_Great._

Well, I guess that made sense - EMTs didn't moonlight as a clean up crew as far as I knew. My vision wandered to a semi-diluted dark red stain close to where I had slipped and fallen. My breath hitched in my throat, and I quickly looked away.

"What is it?" Carlisle asked, sounding worried.

"Blood. I'm - I'm not good with blood, remember?"

"Right. Where are the paper towels? I'll clean it up," he offered generously.

"Next to the microwave - over there," I said and waved my hand in the general direction.

I couldn't watch him, but when I heard the plastic lid of the garbage can close, I figured it had to be safe and turned to face him.

"All clear," he said cheerfully.

"Thanks," I replied but narrowed my eyes at the remaining mess. "Now for the rest of it..." I walked over and retrieved the broom and dustpan from their hooks on the pantry door, fumbling them slightly due to the bulky bandages on my hands.

"Let me do that," Carlisle offered, his voice firm as he grabbed the items from my hands.

I had to laugh. "I can help, you know! I'm not completely incapacitated, you know!"

I grabbed more paper towels and began to soak up the non-glass infused puddles of vodka.

"Look!" I announced, shooting him a triumphant smile.

"I see." He winked at me in acknowledgment and continued his sweeping.

As I gave the puddle a final swipe, a disconcerting thought suddenly occurred to me.

"Carlisle? Can you look up here for a second?" I asked, getting up and gesturing to the cupboard above the pantry door.

"Sure." He slid the broken glass into the trash and walked to my side.

"Do you see anything behind these cereal boxes?"

He began to hand me the boxes one by one, and stood on his tip-toes to reach inside.

His hand re-emerged with a bottle of Captain Morgan.

I closed my eyes in disbelief. "Holy shit."

"I think there's some more up here, too." He pulled out another bottle of Stoli Strasberi and a half empty flask of what smelled like Jack Daniels and set them on the table next to the Captain Morgan.

_Dear God._

I couldn't believe I'd been so clueless. Carlisle had been right - Angela had been very good at hiding all of this from me. Sure, I knew she could drink me under the table, but it's not like she drank every day, right? I solemnly realized that I really couldn't answer that question. Not now, anyway. I mean, we'd lived together for nearly two years, and I'd never even _suspected_ that she was, well...an alcoholic. Was that the right term for it? Would she need to go to rehab? Or start attending AA meetings? I had so many more questions than answers.

Still deep in thought, I felt Carlisle wrap his strong arms around me from behind.

"You okay?" he murmured into my ear.

I let out a breath. "I think so. Just processing a lot of information at the moment."

"Understandable. I guess it's pretty safe to say that Angela may not be the person you thought she was." He gave me a reassuring squeeze. "Is there anything else I can do for you?"

I shook off my worries for the moment, and turned around, smiling slyly at him. "Want to help me get ready for bed?"

"You don't have to ask me twice!" he replied.

I linked my arm through his and led him through the living room and into my bedroom, pointing out the bathroom and Angela's room along the way.

Once we were in my room, I watched him look around curiously, just as I had done in his. He regarded my plain purple comforter and dark gray curtains, examined the trinkets and doodads carefully arranged on my dresser with interest, and inspected the framed pictures and posters on my wall.

"Tell me about this one," he said, pointing to a small photograph of my friend Jacob and I standing next to two motorcycles.

"That? Oh, um...that's my best friend from school, Jacob. We took that picture right before I went for my first motorcycle ride."

Carlisle's eyes were wide as he looked at me incredulously. "You ride motorcycles?"

"Ummm, yeah. I guess. I found them, and Jake fixed them up for us and gave me riding lessons."

He shook his head in disbelief. "Did you have a death wish or something?"

"Not you, too!" I groaned.

"What?" He looked at me with confusion.

"You have to understand - Edward was so overprotective of me all of the time, what with my notorious ability to injure myself, and it drove me crazy. So, I guess I just wanted to prove that I'm not a fragile little human that needs to have someone protect me from myself. Edward was furious, of course. He even _forbade_ me from getting on a bike." I shook my head at the memory. "But I wouldn't listen. I'm not saying that I didn't incur some stitches from when I was first learning to ride, but I felt so free, so uninhibited when I was out with Jacob - it was completely worth it in the end. And hey, I'm still alive, aren't I?"

"You never cease to amaze me, little girl." He leaned over to give me a soft kiss. "It makes me wonder what I'll find out tomorrow."

"You'll just have to wait and see," I teased before a big yawn nearly split my jaw wide open. "Oh my God, I'm sorry," I giggled, covering my mouth with my hand.

"That's alright." He smiled. "You must be exhausted, sweetheart. Let's get you into bed."

I yawned once more and nodded in agreement. "It's been one hell of a night."

I lifted my arms and Carlisle obligingly pulled my shirt up and over my head. I shivered a little as he delicately unhooked my bra and slid it down my arms. He kneeled down to undo the buttons of my pants, but apparently couldn't resist kissing the tops of my naked breasts with his warm lips as he did so. He gently tugged my pants down, leaving my pale pink panties in place. I gingerly held on to his shoulders as I carefully stepped out of each pant leg.

"Thank you." I said as he rose up off the floor. I pointed toward my top dresser drawer. "Pick out anything you like."

He rummaged through my clothing for a moment before deciding on a short and silky light blue nightie with spaghetti straps. Once again, I lifted my arms for him and sighed internally as I felt the cool, smooth fabric glide over my skin. I was usually a t-shirt and shorts kind of girl, but I had to admit that the change made me feel good and, dare I say, a little sexy - despite my current circumstances.

He followed me to the bathroom and promised to wait just outside the door in case I needed him.

After a little trial and error, I was happy to report that I did not need his help using the toilet, even if it probably took me a lot longer that way.

However, brushing my teeth and hair proved to be a different matter. There was just no way that I could close my hand tightly enough in order to accomplish either one. So I decided to reluctantly take Carlisle up on his offer to help in that regard.

After squirting some Crest onto my toothbrush, he cupped my chin gently with one hand while he brushed my teeth with the other. It was the craziest feeling I'd ever experienced and I couldn't stop myself from giggling - and ended up choking on the toothpaste several times.

"You're worse than Jane!" he accused, trying not to laugh himself.

"You did not just compare me to a _dog_, did you?" I exclaimed in mock offense.

"Only in the nicest possible way." He grinned at me. "Now rinse."

Once my teeth were clean and my breath minty fresh, we turned to the task of brushing my hair.

Now THAT was something I could get on board with - stitches or no stitches. Words simply could not describe how wonderful if felt to have Carlisle's hands running through my hair. He was careful to not pull too hard through the tangles, and he inhaled deeply every so often as he smoothed the brush through my thick mane.

When my hair was as silky as the fabric on my body, we headed back to my bedroom for much needed sleep.

I warily crawled into my bed and watched him remove his t-shirt and jeans until he was clad only in his sexy black boxer briefs. He snapped down the light switch and slid under the sheets next to me, pulling my body close to him, so that that my back was pressed firmly against his warm chest.

"Goodnight, sweetheart," he whispered into my ear and leaned over to kiss me.

I snuggled closer to him, resting my head on top of his bicep. "Goodnight and thank you...for everything..." I managed to murmur before falling into a deep, deep sleep.

x X x X x

Truly, nothing could compare to waking up in Carlisle's arms. At some point in the night, we must have shifted and moved because my front was now nestled against his side as he lay on his back. I had somehow managed to throw both and arm and a leg over his body as well.

I sighed contentedly and pulled him closer, but gasped when my hand suddenly felt like it had been placed on top of burning coals. I rolled over, clutching my right hand to my chest.

"What is it?" he asked, alarmed.

"It's just my stupid hand," I whimpered. "I think it's on fire."

"Your pain meds must have worn off. Let me go get some more for you."

"Thanks," I said gratefully as he got up to retrieve the pills.

He returned a few minutes later with a glass of water in tow. "Here you go, little girl," he said, holding out his other hand, which contained two pills. I opened my mouth and he placed them gently on my tongue, and held the glass to my lips so that I could drink. He smoothed my hair back from my forehead and gave me a soft kiss.

"What time is it?" I asked.

"About 8:15."

My eyes widened. "Don't you have to teach in like, 15 minutes?"

He smiled at me and shook his head. "I already called one of my TA's this morning while you were still sleeping. He'll handle my undergrad courses today - it'll be good experience for him. And as far as my graduate Counterpoint class is concerned, they can use the extra time to work on their theses."

"You didn't have to do that," I said guiltily. "I would like to think that I'd be okay on my own for at least a couple of hours. I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I know, but this is what personal days were invented for."

"I guess if you insist..." I shrugged. I may have felt guilty, but there was a big part of me that was relieved and happy that he was staying.

"I do insist."

I raised my eyebrow at him. "Well, in that case, we'd better go brush my teeth, so I can give you a proper 'thank you' kiss!"

The age old adage of "practice makes perfect" proved true, as brushing my teeth went much more smoothly this time around, and afterward, I was more than happy to use my lips to show him just how grateful I was to have him here with me.

I couldn't believe that I had been so hesitant before when Carlisle had offered to "take care" of me. I had thought that I would have felt like an invalid or worse, but I could see that he genuinely enjoyed what he was doing. This was his personality, who he was - compassionate and caring. Who was I to deny him the pleasure? That didn't mean that I planned to allow him to do everything for me, of course - just that I wouldn't complain or give him grief for wanting to help me out when I needed it.

Sooner than I would have liked, Carlisle broke our morning make-out session to make some breakfast for us. I acted disappointed at first, but I had to admit it - I was starving.

Side by side, I helped direct him around the kitchen while he scrambled up some eggs and cheese for us, humming a cheery tune as he did so. I smiled as he slathered toast with butter and offered it to me with a flourish.

"Your breakfast, my lady," he said, dropping to one knee before me.

"Why thank you, kind sir," I giggled.

He sat down to join me at the table, and I was overjoyed to discover that I _was_able to wedge a fork in between my fingers and feed myself, though I'm sure Carlisle would have been more than willing to feed me by hand, if necessary. I could even manage to hold the toast with my two paws, albeit a little awkwardly. Eating was slow going, but at least I didn't feel completely helpless.

"What time would you like to go back to the hospital?" he asked as he began to clear away the plates.

"I don't know - maybe around 10:30? Is that okay?"

"That should work. I'll just drop you off and then head over to my apartment to change and grab some stuff. Then you can just call me when you want me to come back and get you."

"Works for me," I replied, but then paused for a moment and sighed. "I wonder if she'll be awake. And if she is, will she even want to talk to me? Or what if-"

I was interrupted by two hands cupping my cheeks and soft lips brushing against mine.

"I wish I had the answers for you, Bells. But whatever happens, you won't go through it alone. I promise."

"I know. I'm just scared, that's all - I can't help it."

"I understand. But let's not cross any bridges until we come to them."

I nodded at him, wondering how he always seemed to know exactly what to say to calm me down. What had I ever done to deserve him?

After the dishes were all clean and drying on their rack, we took to the task of getting me ready for the day. The first job being a gentle wipe down with a wet washcloth since I wouldn't be able to bathe or take a shower for a couple days. He ran the cloth under the warm water and rang it out over the basin. I leaned against the sink patiently while he ran it smoothly up and down my arms and over my neck. When he got to my face, it was highly entertaining to witness the high level of concentration on his face. I stared into his baby blue pools with genuine gratitude as he carefully wiped the cloth over my cheeks and nose.

"All clean," he announced, giving my forehead a loving kiss.

I was excited as we came to my favorite part - brushing my hair again. It wasn't nearly as tangled as it had been the night before, but somehow Carlisle could sense that I didn't want him stop right away.

"Your hair is so beautiful." His breath tickled my neck as he ran the stiff bristles through my locks. "And it smells like strawberries. It makes me want to dip you in sour cream, roll you in brown sugar, and eat you."

"It's just my shampoo," I responded, blushing. "But I'm glad you like it."

He took another whiff and sighed contentedly. "I'm curious - what do I smell like?"

I turned to face him and stood on my tiptoes to get close enough. I buried my face into his neck and hairline and inhaled deeply.

"I'm not sure how to describe it," I murmured, breathing in again. "You smell spicy - like cloves and basil, yet citrusy - like lemongrass or grapefruit - and sort of woodsy all at the same time. It's robust, but still refreshing. You smell like a man should smell."

"I do?"

"Uh-huh. It drives me nuts. But in a good way."

"Then I guess we're equal," he laughed. "Because I could say the same about you."

After a few more strokes with the hairbrush, we headed back to my room to get me dressed.

"I don't think I've ever had the distinct pleasure of helping a woman put ON her bra before," he said with amusement as he attempted to fasten the tiny hooks into the loops. "They're much easier to remove instead."

"Poor baby," I said dryly, quickly pushing aside all thoughts of my Carlisle removing another woman's bra.

We decided that a casual dress would be my best option so that I wouldn't need to worry about pulling up or buttoning any pants during the day. I raised my arms so he could slip the dark blue dress over my body. He held up a cozy, cream-colored cardigan for me, and I gingerly inserted my arms into the sleeves.

"You look amazing," he said softly, rubbing my shoulders gently. "How are you feeling?"

I flexed my fingers experimentally.

They were still stiff and achy, but it wasn't anything I couldn't handle.

"I'm okay, I guess. But they're still pretty sore though."

"Better take these with you then." He held up the bottle of pills to me.

"Good idea."

He tucked them into my purse and quickly got dressed himself. I frowned a little as I watched him cover up those sexy boxer briefs, but _c'est la vie_, I thought to myself. _I'll see them again eventually_.

In only a matter of minutes, we were in his car, heading for the hospital.

The knot in my stomach kept tightening as I wondered what would be waiting for me there.


	25. Chapter 25

**A/N: I don't own Twilight. Or a nightlight. Nor do I watch "Friday Night Lights." But I might get highlights.**

Chapter 25

BPOV

I had butterflies in my stomach as Carlisle stopped the car in front of the main entrance to the hospital.

Angela had been one of the first people I met when I first moved back to Forks, Washington. While we had always been friendly to each other, I doubted either one of us would have called the other a "friend." I had mostly hung out with the Quileute boys, and she ran with the more popular, outgoing crowd.

It was happenstance that we discovered we would both be going to the same college that fall. Rather than room with total strangers in the dorms, we decided to share an apartment together.

Slowly, we got to know each other better and better that first year - we would share memories of our senior year, but from two different perspectives during late night conversations on the swingset. During mid-terms and finals, we'd order sodas and crab rangoons from the local Chinese place and quiz each other until dawn. I had offered to drive her around in my beat up truck when her Dodge Caravan needed its transmission replaced. She was the one who encouraged me to date after Edward, and held my hand while I cried over the disaster that was James. We celebrated each other's achievements and consoled each other's losses.

Over time, I came to the realization that while Jake would always be my _best_ friend - Angela had easily assumed the position of being my best girl friend. There were things that I could talk to her about - womanly things - that I could never talk to Jake about. And for that, I was grateful.

No matter what the circumstances, I needed to at least make an _attempt_ at making things right with Angela.

I continued to sit, and began to absently pick at the bandages on my hands.

Sensing my hesitation, Carlisle squeezed my thigh reassuringly.

"Do you want me to go with you?" he finally asked.

I sighed and shifted in my seat to face him. "Of course I do, but we both know that you shouldn't."

"I'm sure it'll be fine," he replied. "The sooner you know the whole situation, the sooner we can start to deal with it."

I closed my eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "Right," I said and nodded at him in resignation.

He climbed out of the car and walked around to open my door for me. As soon as I was standing, he pulled me into a tight embrace, pressing his warm cheek against mine.

"Wish me luck," I whispered into his ear.

"Good luck." He gave me a chaste kiss and released me from his arms. "Call me when you need me."

"I will. See you in a little while," I said.

He gave me one last encouraging smile before I watched him get back in his car and drive away.

Hospitals were like mazes to me. Thank God the lady at the front desk had given me directions on how to find Angela's room because I always felt lost and claustrophobic walking around them. When I was younger, my mom or dad was always there to calm me down. Now that I was on my own, I found myself wishing that one of them were here with me to hold my hand as I walked through corridor after corridor.

Feeling like a mouse searching for an elusive piece of cheese, I finally came to a wooden door with a small paper sign on the side that read, "Weber, Angela" right where the front desk clerk had said it would be. I knocked softly before pushing down the handle and stepping inside.

There she was, arm in a sling and eyes closed - but sitting upright in her hospital bed. I recognized her mother, Linda, reading a magazine in an ugly armchair next to her. She looked pretty tired, judging by the dark circles underneath her eyes.

"Bella, sweetheart," Linda breathed when she saw me. "I'm so glad you're here!" She stood up and came over to hug me.

"Hi Mrs. Weber," I answered, smiling a little as I remembered how Linda called almost everyone 'sweetheart.' It felt good to hear her call me that again. "How are you? How's Angela?"

"I'm fine, sweetheart, and Angela's going to be fine as well. She had to have her stomach pumped, of course, and she has a bad concussion and a broken collarbone, but she woke up early this morning and knew who she was and who I was, so they don't think she has any brain damage - thank God. She should be back to her old self in no time."

My eyes began to well up with tears. There were no words to describe the relief I felt at that moment.

But that relief was quickly tainted by another thought.

_Her old self._

Which old self would that be? The best friend and confidant I'd known since high school? Or the angry, bitter person who I had met last night?

As happy as I was to hear that she would recover, I knew that the future was certainly unclear for the time being.

"Bella?" I heard Linda say. "Are you okay?"

I wiped at my tears with the back of my hand, sopping them up with the bandages.

"I'm fine," I finally manage to say. "I'm just so...happy to hear that she'll be okay. I was so worried..."

"Of course." Her eyes fell on my hands as she nodded. Her voice was full of concern as she gestured toward them. "What happened here, sweetheart?"

"I just slipped and fell on some glass. No big deal," I said quickly - not sure what all she knew of the prior evening's event. "So how long have you been here?"

"I got here about 5 this morning. The hospital called at about 1:30, and I just got in my car and drove straight here. Kevin will be here soon - he had to drop the twins off at his sister's house because we didn't know what the situation would be like here. We didn't want to bring them in case....well, you know..."

She didn't need to finish that sentence for me to know what she had meant.

I had to admit that I was extremely curious to know what Angela had said happened, but I couldn't think of a tactful way to bring it up. Obviously, they knew she had been drinking, but I didn't know if they knew the circumstances that had caused her to drink so heavily. Since Linda was talking to me like she always had, I took it as a sign that Angela hadn't blamed the whole ordeal on me. Thank goodness for small favors.

"If you don't have anywhere to rush off to, come have a seat and keep me company, sweetheart. I want to talk to you about something."

I smiled at her as I pulled up a chair and sat down. "What's up?"

"I'd like you to help me with something if you could."

"Anything."

"First of all, we - Kevin and I - want to say 'thank you.' The doctors told me how much alcohol was in Angela's system last night, and the truth is - she may not have made it if you weren't there to call 911 when you did."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.

"We are so incredibly grateful that you were there to take care of her, but Angela obviously has a problem. We were aware that she had had some problems coping when her cousin Lisa died, but we didn't know that she had started drinking so much."

I instinctively covered my mouth in shock. "I didn't know that Lisa had died, Mrs. Weber. I'm so sorry - Angela never told me. When did she die?"

"About 6 months ago," she replied. "And in hindsight, I'm not surprised she didn't tell to you. She wouldn't allow herself to accept it - she even refused to come home for the funeral."

I had met Lisa a couple times before when she came to visit Ang. She had seemed like a fun, bubbly girl to hang out with. I knew that they had always been close, but I couldn't fathom why Angela would refuse to accept her death.

"What happened?" I asked curiously.

"She committed suicide."

"Oh my God," I gasped. "No wonder she's so upset."

My mind began to travel back over the last 6 months - why wouldn't she have said something to me? She'd been so adamant that we shouldn't be keeping anything from each other, and apparently she'd been keeping the biggest secret of all. I racked my brain trying to think of telltale signs I should have picked up on, but nothing had seemed out of the ordinary until recently.

"We should have realized that things weren't right. She wouldn't really talk to Kevin or I anymore - we kept asking her to come home, but she just kept saying that she was too busy with work and classes. We had no idea..."

"If you don't mind me asking, how did it happen?"

Linda looked down at the floor, then up at me. "She asphyxiated herself in the garage. She shut all the doors to it, turned on the car, left it running, and just...went to sleep. My sister found her the next day."

"I'm so sorry," I said softly. "I wish I would have known."

"I probably should have called you, sweetheart, but I just assumed Angela would have told you."

"So what can I do to help?"

"Please help us convince her to come home to Forks. She needs professional help for both the alcohol and her avoidance of dealing with Lisa's death. We want her home, so we can take care of her - she shouldn't stay here in a college town, where there's too much opportunity for self-destructive behavior. I mentioned coming home to her earlier, and she just shut down on me. She wouldn't say anything, but maybe she'll listen to you?"

Her voice was hopeful, but inside, my heart was sinking. I seriously doubted that Angela would listen to anything I had to say to her.

"I'll try," I promised.

Linda rubbed my knee affectionately. "Thanks, sweetheart. We appreciate it - just do what you can. Now tell me, what have you been up to lately?"

We talked for quite awhile - I told her about my classes and my job, and how my parents were doing. She told me stories about the twins starting 4th grade and how they were beginning to develop separate interests, and how Kevin, a pastor, was starting a new youth group organization in their church.

"Mom?" I heard a groggy voice croak. "Mom?"

Linda quickly rushed to Angela's side. "What is it, sweetheart? I'm here."

"Can I have a drink of water?" She turned her head toward the nightstand where a plastic pitcher and a stack of cups stood. I bit my lip as our eyes met.

"Hi," I said, uncertainly.

"Bella? What you doing here?"

"I had to see if you were alright." I shrugged. "How are you feeling?"

"I don't feel much of anything right now. The drugs, you know?" She was staring intently at me, and I wasn't quite sure how to interpret that.

"Here you go, baby," Linda said, handing her a cup of the water. Angela took a sip and made a face.

"This is warm. Mom, do you think you go could go get a bottle from the vending machine or something?"

"Sure, sweetheart. I think I'll give you two a little time to yourselves and go to the cafe down the hall to get myself a cup of coffee as well. I'll be back soon." She gave Angela a quick kiss on the forehead and then gave me a knowing look before she exited out the door.

Uncomfortable silence filled the room.

"Soooo...." I trailed off, hoping that she would say something.

"I really don't get it, Bella. Why are you here?" she said after a moment.

"I told you, I wanted to see how you were doing."

She didn't say anything again, but I noticed her eyes travel down to my hands. "How did that happen?"

"A bottle of vodka shattered on the floor when you fell. I ran in after you screamed to see what happened and I slipped."

"You did?"

"Yep. It took 23 stitches to close me back up, and I'm very lucky that I didn't sever the tendon in my right hand," I added, a little dryly.

"I didn't know - they never told me that." Something changed in her voice at that point -it had gotten softer, almost sympathetic. Maybe that was a good sign.

"No, I suppose they wouldn't."

She looked like she was fighting back tears. I tentatively reached out and placed my hand on top of hers. I wanted to grab it and squeeze it, but that was impossible. I prayed that she would understand what my gesture meant.

Her eyes met mine.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered as a fat tear ran down her cheek. "I never meant for any of this to happen. I don't know what's wrong with me - I don't know why I've been acting so crazy lately. I've just been so angry..." She choked back a sob.

"It's gonna be okay, Ang. We'll get through this, but I think you need some professional help - ."

She shook her head at me. "No, I don't."

"I found the liquor bottles in the cupboard - you're clearly having a rough time right now. Your mom told me about Lisa."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "She did?"

I nodded. "I wish you would have told me."

A flash of anger appeared on her face. "Do you? Gee, I wonder what that's like - someone you thought of as a friend not telling you something big like that?"

I sighed. "I already said that I was sorry about that. But maybe it would help if you had someone to talk to," I said gently, trying to remain calm.

"What do you care?" she said, her voice changing to ice.

I took a deep breath. "Believe it or not, I do still care about you. We both said horrible things to each other last night - things that we hopefully didn't mean."

She stared up at the ceiling. "You called me an alcoholic slut."

_God, for a girl who needed her stomach pumped, she sure had a good memory._

"I was angry - I didn't mean it," I replied. "You said you hated me."

She flinched slightly, but didn't respond.

"Oh," I said quietly. "I see."

"What do you want me to say, Bella? That everything's just hunky dory? Honestly, I wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you and your little lies," she snapped. "Do you know that my mom wants me to move back home to podunk _Forks_ with her?"

"Yes. And maybe you _should_ go. Take a year off or something. What could it hurt?"

She rolled her eyes at me. "Yeah, right - and do what exactly? Start my life as the small-town hick girl who couldn't handle her cousin's suicide? Everyone looking at me like I'm a freak or something? No, thank you."

"It wouldn't be permanent, Ang. And no one will think you're a freak."

She shot me an angry glare. "I may have lost my cousin and damn near everything else, Bella, but I'm not losing my apartment. Remember, _I_ found that place. It's mine."

I blinked a few times out of confusion. "Lose your apartment? What are you saying?" I asked hesitantly.

_Was she trying to tell me that I was no longer welcome in our apartment?_

"I'm saying that if anyone should leave, it should be you."

"Me? Why me?" I sputtered. "Both of our names are on that lease. You have no right to kick me out!"

"But I have the right to let the University in on your little secret."

I felt my cheeks flame red-hot. "That's not fair."

"I'm not going back to Forks," her voice breaking over the words. "And I'll do anything to make sure that I won't."

"Would you really do that to me? After everything we've been through? I'm the one who called 911 for you. I'm the one who fucked up her hands trying to help you!" My voice grew louder and I thrust my bandages toward her as a reminder. "I practically saved your life, and this is the thanks I get?"

"Then tell my mom that you don't think I should go back to Forks."

What was going on? Was Angela _blackmailing_ me now? How did things get so bad so quickly?

"I - I - don't think I can do that, Ang." I said slowly. "You need help."

"You could help me," she snorted. "You just don't want to."

"What? Where is this coming from? Since when did this become about me?"

"Oh, don't play dumb, Bella. We used to have fun together, but now I have to practically _beg_ you to come out anymore - you're always working or doing homework. Since when is that shit more fun than _me_? And now that you've got your little professor boy toy... Face it, you've abandoned me."

"It wasn't more fun than you! It wasn't like that! And I didn't abandon you. I've got to start thinking about graduation! I couldn't keep going out, getting drunk, and sleeping with strangers any longer. That's not who I am anymore. Believe me, I want to help you Ang, I do - but I just don't think I can. I don't know how."

She gripped my forearm tightly. "I can change. I'll stop drinking, I swear. I just...can't go back to Forks. Please, I'm begging you."

I could only stare at her, mouth agape, trying to think of what to say next.

This was too much for me. I didn't know how much longer I could stay on this emotional rollercoaster - my head was spinning and my stomach was heaving. Clearly, Angela was irrational right now. How else could someone explain the turn-on-a-dime mood swings? She'd gone from apologizing to me, to threatening me, to begging in a matter of minutes. Her problems had started well before Carlisle and I had gotten together, so it was ridiculous for her to try and pin this on me, and I knew that I couldn't let her get to me anymore - for her own good and my own sanity.

Before I could speak though, the door opened and Linda came back into the room, a dripping wet bottle of water in one hand and a Styrofoam cup of coffee in the other. She took one look at Angela's grip on my arm and the pained look on my face, and then pressed her lips together into a grim line.

"Is everything okay?" she asked tentatively.

I gathered all of my strength and shook my head sadly at Linda. "Actually, I was just about to tell Angela that I think she should go home to Forks."

"You bitch." I heard her hiss, releasing me from her grasp.

"Angela!" Linda gasped.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice trembling. "But this is the best way to help you right now. Maybe someday you'll see that."

"You think you're sorry now? Trust me - you'll be even sorrier soon enough."

"What are you talking about?" Linda looked back and forth at the two of us.

"That's between Bella and me," Angela snapped. "Isn't it?"

"Yes," I sighed reluctantly, "But I'm doing the right thing, Ang. And I hope you will, too."

"Just leave. I don't want you here anymore," she said coldly.

I paused for a moment, then nodded at no one in particular.

Feeling like an utter failure, I turned to give Linda a hug.

"I tried my best, Linda," I whispered into her ear.

"I know, sweetheart, I know," she whispered back. "Thank you for your help. I appreciate it."

She rubbed my back affectionately and gave me a final squeeze.

"Please call me if there's anything else I can do."

"I will, sweetheart - we'll get through this, I know it. Please, just take care of yourself," she said sympathetically.

"I said, GET OUT!" Angela's voice cut in harshly.

Not knowing what else to do, I gave my former best friend one last look. "I hope you get better soon, Ang - I miss you. Bye, Linda, it was nice to see you again."

"You too, sweetheart."

I didn't stick around to hear a good-bye from Angela that would never come.

x X x X x

I called Carlisle to ask him to come get me before I even reached the main doors to the hospital. I didn't have to tell him that things hadn't gone well - he could just tell from the tone of my voice. Thankfully, he didn't press me for details, knowing that I wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. Instead, he just promised that he was on his way, and that he'd be here soon.

I took a seat on the same bench I'd sat on the night before, leaned back, and closed my eyes.

I must have replayed the scene from Angela's room about a hundred times in my mind, before a familiar voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Mind if I sit down?"

I opened my eyes to one of the last people I wanted to see at that moment.

Edward.


	26. Chapter 26

**A/N: Sometimes, I wish that I was Stephenie Meyer and that I wrote the Twilight Saga. But then I realize that I wouldn't want to be responsible for the creepiness that is "wolf on baby" love. Thank God for unanswered prayers.**

Chapter 26

BPOV

I hadn't expected to see Edward, but here he was - dressed in his light green hospital scrubs, hair in casual disarray, face covered in 2-day old stubble - seemingly sent straight from the devil himself to torment me.

_Hadn't I suffered enough today?_

"I said, 'Mind if I sit down?'" he repeated.

"Edward...now's not really a good time," I said warily.

"I know, I know - I saw your chart this morning," he replied, sitting down anyway. "How are you doing?"

"Oh, just peachy," I said dryly.

"Yeah, I saw Angela's chart as well. Sounds like you had a rough night."

"To say the least."

"Can I take a look?" he asked quietly.

"At what?"

"Your hands."

"Why?" I replied and folded them under my arms, not sure what his true intentions might be.

"Bella."

"Edward," I mocked.

"C'mon, let me see."

"You're not even in Med School yet. What good is looking at my hands going to do you?"

He smirked at me. "Shows what you know. I've been accepted into the early admissions program here. I'm on the fast track now."

"Really? That's kinda cool...actually." I managed to give him a small smile. It had always been Edward's dream to become a doctor, just like his father. "Congratulations."

"Just you wait - the next time you split yourself open, I'll be the one stitching you back together."

I rolled my eyes at him, but had to laugh. "For my own sake, I hope that time never comes. But with my luck..."

"With your luck, you won't even be alive by the time I graduate." He elbowed me playfully in the ribs.

"Oh, hardy har har."

"So, c'mon. Lemme see your hands."

I hesitated.

"Jesus, Bella. It's not a trick or anything. Trust me; I learned my lesson last night." He rubbed his palm against his cheek for emphasis.

"I sure hope so, you ass, because it would hurt like hell to slap you today." I pulled my hands out from under my arms and held them out to him. "But I'll do it if I have to," I warned.

Carefully, he began to unwind layer after layer of gauze from around my right hand.

"Have you changed these yet?" he asked. "You really should, if you haven't."

"I planned to, tonight. Dr. Gerandy said to change them about every 12 hours."

"Let's change them right now. I'll do it for you."

"No, that's okay. We - I mean, _I_ can handle it," I protested.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "We?"

I didn't answer him.

"Oh, right. Your new boy. I forgot."

For some reason that comment made me snort.

Carlisle was certainly no _boy_, he was all _man_.

I sat patiently while Edward turned my hands over and over in his, inspecting every stitch. He held them up closer, so that they were only inches away from his face. But I saw nothing but curiosity and interest written on his face.

"I'm gonna go grab some fresh gauze - I'll be right back," he said after a few minutes. "Don't touch anything."

He disappeared back into the hospital, and I closed my eyes in thought once again.

It was easy to be around Edward when he wasn't acting like a giant dick. It wasn't hard to remember why I had fallen for him in the first place. But I knew under his current caring exterior there existed a plethora of issues, including an extremely possessive personality. Edward's possessiveness had been his worst quality. I hated feeling like a piece of property. But as long as he was behaving, I was actually having a nice time sitting here with him.

He returned after a short time, two rolls of gauze in his rubber glove clad hands and a small amount of anti-bacterial ointment.

"I'm back." Edward smiled at me, and I allowed myself to smile back at him. We both fell silent as he applied the ointment to my cuts, and then carefully wrapped the gauze around my palms.

When he was done, I experimentally flexed my fingers. They were still a bit stiff and sore, but they had a much wider range of movement than they did before.

"Wow. I think you did a better job than Dr. Gerandy," I said honestly. "Thanks."

He grinned appreciatively at me. After a moment, he exhaled loudly and snapped the rubber gloves off. He ran a hand through his greasy hair. "I really am sorry, you know - for everything. How I acted. What you went through. All of it."

I briefly pursed my lips together. "Thanks."

"I'm serious, Bella."

I turned to look him in the eye. "So am I. I know it wasn't your fault. Angela's problems go way beyond what we both experienced last night."

"So are you two gonna be alright?"

I shrugged. "I honestly don't know. She wants to hurt me though, that's for sure."

"Hurt you? Like physically? Didn't she kinda do that already?" He gestured toward my hands, which were now folded in my lap.

"No. More like, ruin-my-life hurt me."

"How?"

"It doesn't really matter," I replied, essentially dismissing his question. "I just hope she comes to her senses before she does anything rash."

"That bad, huh?"

I nodded. "Yep. She's out for blood."

"Well, I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm sure everything will work out for the best."

_Now, where had I heard something like that before?_

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught sight of Carlisle's black Mercedes turning off of the street into the hospital entrance.

_Oh shit._

I immediately tried to think of a way to avoid the potential awkwardness of having them meet each other. Maybe if I got to Carlisle's car fast enough, he wouldn't have enough time to exit the vehicle and open the door for me like I knew he would. It would almost be worth the risk of tearing open every stitch in my hand in order to accomplish this task because I so did not need any more drama today.

"Umm, my ride is here now, Edward. Thanks for...you know, my hands," I said quickly and stood up as the car pulled in front of us.

But I wasn't nearly quick enough.

Edward got up and pulled me into a hug, preventing me from getting to the car in time to stop Carlisle from climbing out of it.

"Happy to help." His lips were right next to my ear as he ran his hands up and down my arms and over my back. "I'm always here for you." From over his shoulder, I could see Carlisle approaching.

_Oh holy hell._

He released me from his embrace, just as Carlisle cleared his throat loudly.

"Hello," he coughed.

I bit my lip as he closed the distance between us. Then, in a bold move, he swung me up into his arms and planted a giant kiss on my lips.

"Umm, hi." I'm sure my face was as red as a tomato as he set me down on the ground.

"Hi, I'm Carlisle." He smiled broadly, sticking one hand out toward Edward while keeping the other on the small of my back.

Edward looked at his outstretched hand for a moment, then grasped it firmly. "Edward."

"Ahhh, Edward. I had a feeling. Bella's told me some interesting things about you," he said pointedly.

"I wish I could say the same," Edward replied tersely, pumping Carlisle's fist up and down.

Carlisle's eyes perceptibly narrowed.

I wasn't sure who was gripping the other harder, but there were two sets of white knuckles in front of me.

I shook my head - this was quite a display of testosterone.

After they let go, I watched each of them open and close their fingers a few times, although neither one allowed a single ounce of discomfort to show on their faces.

"So, Bella tells me that you two used to go to high school together?"

I turned to Carlisle with wide eyes.

_What the hell was he doing?_

"Yes, we did," Edward answered matter-of-factly. "She also might have mentioned that we used to date as well."

I nearly choked.

"Mmmhmm, I believe so. But I think she may have moved on, right?"

"For the time being, I guess."

I couldn't look at either one of them. This was absolutely ridiculous - what the hell was wrong with the two of them? I noticed Carlisle's arm move up my back and tighten around my shoulders. I just stared down at my shoes and kicked at imaginary piece of debris. I didn't like what was happening - I expected it out of Edward, but Carlisle was better than this.

"Well, we really should be leaving," Carlisle said, placing noticeable emphasis on the word 'we.' "It was a pleasure to meet you Edward."

"Likewise," Edward replied, a sharp edge to his voice. "Oh, hey - Bella, before you go?"

"Yeah?"

"I think Angela will be staying here for at least another day or two, so I'd be happy to keep an eye on her, if you want. Maybe she'll talk to me."

"Uhhh, thanks. I'd appreciate that, but be careful. I don't know what she's capable of anymore," I warned.

"I'm sure I can handle it." He smiled broadly at me. "But maybe it would be a good idea for you to give me your phone number, just in case I need to call for advice or to warn you or something."

This was the total opposite of a good idea.

Echoing my own sentiments, I heard Carlisle snort loudly.

_Brilliant move, Edward. __You know just how to push someone's buttons._

"Ummm, sure. I guess." I sighed.

He grabbed a pen from his shirt pocket and a folded piece of paper. "Go ahead."

As he took down my number, I sincerely hoped he would never call me. But after this little display, I somehow knew - just _knew_ - that he would find a reason call me, whether it had anything to do with Angela or not.

"Great. Thanks." Edward smiled in satisfaction. "I'll let you know if I hear anything."

"I'm sure you will," Carlisle rudely interjected.

That was it. I'd now reached my bullshit limit for the day.

"Come on, Carlisle - let's go," I said impatiently. "Edward, thanks for everything. Good luck with Angela."

"Bye, Bella. I'll see ya around," he said, giving me a smirk.

Then, in a move bolder than Carlisle's make-out "hello," that fucker winked at me - which I was pretty sure was meant for Carlisle's eyes more than mine.

I felt Carlisle suddenly tense next to me.

"You son of a-"

"I said, _let's go_," I cut him off before he could say anything else and shot Edward a disapproving look.

I didn't know where this exchange was headed, but I certainly wasn't interested in finding out.

"Fine." Carlisle jerked the passenger side door open, scowling at Edward over his shoulder. "Whatever you want."

I slumped down into my seat and folded my arms across my chest.

Once we had pulled out onto the street, I turned to Carlisle.

"What the hell was _that_?" I demanded.

"I'm sorry, Bella, but GOD - what a piece of _shit_!" he exclaimed.

"Well, he wanted to get you worked up, and you totally fell for it."

"What was I supposed to do? Just stand there and take it? And speaking of falling for it - I can't _believe_ you gave him your phone number! What were you thinking?"

"Don't turn this around on me! Edward was being a perfect gentleman until you showed up and started _marking your territory _or whatever the hell that was back there. Besides, if he _does_ learn anything about Angela - you know, the whole reason I was here in the first place - I want to know about it."

"Bella, I wouldn't trust that kid any farther than I could throw him. He's obviously trying to win you back."

"Don't you think I know that? I'm not stupid, Carlisle," I remarked defensively.

"I didn't say you were stupid."

"You may not trust Edward, but I would hope that you could at least trust _me_. This is really the last thing I need right now."

"I do trust you!" he nearly shouted, then cleared his throat. "And I guess I really shouldn't blame him for trying."

"That ship has sailed, Carlisle. I mean it. Look, I can't handle possessiveness - and the both of you were pushing me toward the edge back there. You don't need to rub it in his face that I'm with you now. You're better than that."

"I know." He let out a sigh and rubbed his eyes a few times. "You're right. I was being completely juvenile, and I'm sorry."

"Please, just promise me that you won't let him get to you anymore. He's gonna call me at some point - that's a given - but I need you to know that I can handle it. On my _own,_" I added for emphasis.

He was silent for a moment in thought. "I promise." His voice was still tense. He set his jaw, and I could tell that he wasn't thrilled with the idea, but he was accepting it for my sake.

"Thanks. That means a lot to me."

He didn't reply, just continued staring at the road ahead.

This wasn't good. I was thankful that he had promised to not let Edward get to him, but it hurt to know that it had made him unhappy. I racked my brain, trying to think of a way to rectify the situation.

"Carlisle?" I said after a moment.

"Mmmhmm?"

I shifted and leaned across my seat to press my lips softly against his cheek. "I love you, by the way."

Finally, he turned toward me - his eyes burning into my own as a slow smile spread across his face. He slid his arm around my shoulders, pulling me closer to him, and kissed the top of my head.

"I love you, too."

**A/N: As always a huge THANK YOU to my girls uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for being my personal Supergirl and Wonder Woman. I'll leave it up to you to decide which one is which.**


	27. Chapter 27

**A/N: Okay, okay, I know this is late. But you have to understand - I suffer from a condition that can make it very difficult to write at times. It's called laziness, and I've lived with it all my life. And even though I've learned to control it, I still have periods where all I want to do is hang out with my friends or watch television. I can't guarantee it won't happen again, but I promise - if and when I end this story, I'll let you know. Besides, I don't see anyone giving Stephenie Meyer shit for not finishing "Midnight Sun!"**

**I don't own Twilight. And I'll kick anyone's ass who says otherwise. **

Chapter 27

BPOV

I kept my head on Carlisle's shoulder and told him everything that had happened as he drove toward my apartment - from my conversation with Linda and learning about Lisa's suicide, to Angela's promises to change followed by her threats of blackmail. I didn't leave anything out, and I didn't mince words. He just squeezed my thigh reassuringly as he patiently listened to me, offering what words of comfort and support he could find.

I'd managed to keep it together for the most part, but when I turned to him and asked, "What are we going to do?" all the fear and uncertainty broke through. I choked back a small sob as I looked to him for answers.

"I don't know," he replied after a moment and my heart sank. "But we'll figure something out. Together." His hand rubbed my shoulder comfortingly, but I could see the worry in his eyes. I was sure that the same worry was reflected in my own.

The more I thought about the situation with Angela, the more distraught I became. Carlisle had so much more to lose than I did - it just wasn't fair for him to be punished because of my problems with Angela. It seemed that there could only be one solution, but I quickly pushed it as far away from my mind as possible. I didn't even want to think that depressing thought - not right now, anyway.

Carlisle parked his car, and I felt absolutely drained as we headed into my apartment for some much needed rest.

Or so I thought.

I immediately gasped when he opened the door.

"Oh my God, did you do this?" I cried as I walked inside.

He smiled sheepishly at me. "Guilty."

I looked around my apartment - every possible surface was covered with huge bouquets of roses of every color.

Pale peach roses on the table next to the door.

White roses on the coffee table.

Vibrant pink roses on one bookshelf.

Lavender roses on another.

Cream roses tinged with red tips on the kitchen table.

Yellow roses on top of the television.

I burst into a fit of giggles when I spied a giant, white teddy bear perched on my couch.

But my amused laughter subsided as my emotions gave way to overwhelming happiness - the magnitude of what he had done washed over me.

I felt Carlisle wrap his strong arms around me from behind. "I didn't know what color of roses were your favorite, so I just got them all." His warm breath tickled my neck.

"They're beautiful," I breathed. "Thank you so much - I love them. I can't believe you went to all this trouble, just for me." I turned in his arms and gazed into his piercing blue eyes.

"It's no trouble if it makes you smile."

"It does. And after the morning I had, it feels good to smile."

"I have something else for you as well." He smirked back at me.

I raised an eyebrow. "The roses weren't enough?"

He cupped my face in his hands and ran his thumbs lightly over my cheeks.

"'A kiss on the head - wipes away misery.

I kiss your head.'"

His lips pressed softly against my forehead.

"'A kiss on the eyes - takes away sleeplessness.

I kiss your eyes.'"

I closed my eyes, as his lips lightly touched each eyelid.

"'A kiss on the lips - quenches the deepest thirst.

I kiss your lips.'"

I sighed internally when his mouth gently captured mine.

"'A kiss on the head - wipes away memory.

I kiss your head.'"

Again, I felt his lips brush my forehead and I collapsed into him. It was amazing how he had managed to pick out one of the most appropriate poems for me, and I could practically feel every ounce of stress melting away as I let the words sink in.

"God, I love it when you recite poetry to me," I murmured into his chest. "You know that, don't you?"

"I had a hunch."

At that moment, I was simply overtaken by the combination of the poem, the feel of his lips, and the intoxicating fragrance of all the roses - it all made for the sweetest aphrodisiac.

Carefully, I moved my hands behind his neck, pulling his face toward mine. Our lips and apparently, our minds, suddenly fused together, because the next thing I knew, we were in my bedroom.

_Oh my God. Was he serious?_

"Did you even go home?" I breathed, taking in the beautiful sight.

My entire bedroom was filled dozens upon dozens of brilliant red roses - on my desk, on my nightstand, on my dresser, on my vanity, on my shelves - everywhere. There were even red rose petals scattered over my pale purple comforter.

I looked up to see Carlisle's eyes dancing at me. "Briefly." He smiled.

"You. You are amazing," I laughed, turning back to drink in the sight once more.

"So are you." He drew his arms around as I pressed my back into his chest.

"Red," I murmured softly.

"Hmmmm?"

"I think red is my favorite color for roses."

"Is that so?" he grinned, gently turning me until I was facing him again.

"Yep," I replied as I began undoing the buttons on his light blue shirt, taking a moment to silently thank Edward for giving me back some dexterity in my fingers.

I slid the shirt down and off his shoulders, planting kisses lightly along his chest, before bringing my lips back up to his mouth. As our lips met, they simultaneously opened. My tongue slowly slipped past his, and we took our time exploring one another - the kiss growing more urgent and intense, until I thought we might both burst into flames.

We settled onto my bed; I straddled his thighs while he remained upright, running his hands up and down my sides and over my back as we kissed. Eventually, they found their way under my dress and slid up to pop the clasp of my strapless bra open, causing it to fall around my waist. I shrugged off the cardigan, tossing it across the room towards my closet, while he made quick work removing his jeans.

I settled down onto his lap, until I felt his growing need press into my center, my panties dampening at the contact. He groaned as I moved my hips in small circles over him, varying the amount of pressure I placed on his thick erection.

He wrapped one arm around my shoulders as his other hand traveled between us and down the front of my light yellow panties.

"Mmmmmm," I moaned as his index finger made its way inside of me.

The heel of his hand pressed firmly against my clit as I rose and fell with him, purring his name like a kitten. "Deeper, Carlisle. Please," I begged as his finger slid in as deep as it could possibly go.

I held my body tightly against his and lay my head along his shoulder, turning it so that I could kiss and nibble at his neck.

I didn't want this feeling of excited relaxation to ever end. Each time he thrust into my aching pussy, my hips automatically pushed down to meet him and fill me to the hilt. Whenever he pulled out, they rose as he curled and dragged his finger along my inner walls.

Over and over, the exquisite pattern repeated, until eventually my breath hitched in my throat and all of my muscles began to seize up. "Oh! Oh my God," I cried.

He added a second finger and immediately began to pump them faster, while his thumb softly drew circles around my sensitive, wet bundle of nerves.

"I love you," he whispered into my ear. "Let yourself go for me."

With one final thrust, I squeezed my eyes shut as my dam came crumbling down. I could only gasp against his neck as my walls rapidly contracted around his fingers. My legs tightened around his waist, but it would never be enough. I could never be close enough to him.

He kept me pressed up against him, running his free hand through my hair as I came back to Earth.

Paying no mind to my bandages, I took his face within my hands and looked him in the eyes. "That...was incredible," I panted, running a thumb over his bottom lip.

I looked down and saw a bead of sweat run down Carlisle's neck and disappear between us. I leaned over and ran my tongue from his collarbone to behind his earlobe, gathering the salty fluid onto my taste buds. He threw his head back, and I kissed and nipped at his neck rather aggressively as I shifted onto my knees in front of him. I reached down and tugged at the waistband of his boxer briefs, and he obligingly removed and tossed them to the floor.

I leaned forward and used my upper body to push him backward until he was laying flat on his back. I licked my lips and flashed him a mischievous smile before I began teasing him with kisses up and down his chest.

I gazed adoringly at his hard endowment, a shiny bead of pre-cum already forming at the tip. Instinctively, my tongue quickly darted out to taste it.

"Mmmm," I moaned as I took him into my mouth, working my tongue in slow circles around the ridge that separated the head from the shaft.

"Oh, Bella," I heard Carlisle sigh softly in the background as I worked my lips down and around his thick length. I relaxed my throat, allowing myself to take him all the way in and then slowly let him back out. His fingers gently threaded through my hair as I bobbed up and down, savoring the salty, sweet flavor of his cock.

I wanted to worship Carlisle, as all Gods should be worshipped.

But something just wasn't right.

And I couldn't put my finger on it.

Literally.

My hands kept instinctively reaching up to caress and fondle his balls, or stroke his shaft, but the gauze bandages were in the way. It felt like I was trying to give him a hand job with a pair of mittens.

Each time it happened, I cursed myself internally and resigned them to rest lightly on his thighs. But by about the 4th or 5th time it happened, I couldn't help but let a frustrated whimper escape from my lips.

Carlisle propped himself up on his elbows and looked at me. "What's wrong?"

I released him from my mouth with a *pop* and glared at my hands. "These bandages SUCK," I whined, then quickly gave him an apologetic look. "I'm sorry; I just didn't realize what a problem they would be."

He managed to smile at me as he panted, "You were doing great. No complaints here."

Of course, that made me smile back at him. "You know what I mean."

"Can I give you a hand?" he asked, smoothing my hair away from my face.

I raised an eyebrow at him - not quite sure what he meant by that, but when he closed a fist around his cock and began to stroke it up and down, my eyes lit up with understanding. He was sitting up now, and his other hand gently guided my head back down to his lap. I shifted until I was in a more comfortable position and picked up where I left off.

Slowly, my lips followed his fingers from the head of his cock to its base. I watched as he gave himself a squeeze and then begin to travel back up, and I followed suit. There was something incredibly erotic about the way we worked together in harmony - sometimes my lips would accidentally capture his thumb or vice versa and a low moan would escape from one of us. My tongue was in overdrive, lapping and wiggling erratically over and under his sensitive skin.

He began to pick up the pace until eventually I could no long keep up with him.

"Oh shit, Bella - Bella, I'm..."

Feeling somewhat like a porn star, I closed my mouth around his tip and hummed eagerly in anticipation.

I felt his cock twitch and swell, and then my mouth was suddenly flooded with his warm cum. I heard him softly crying out my name as I greedily swallowed jet after jet of his salty cream until his balls were completely depleted.

I lay there, at the apex of his thighs, as we both caught our breath. His fingers traced lightly over my face appreciatively while I ran my hand over his stomach and chest.

After a bit, he reached down and pulled me up until I we were sitting face to face, me on top of him. We kissed and pawed at each other for a long time, until we were both were stimulated to the point of no return once more.

He grabbed ahold of my dress, which was practically a puddle bunched around my waist, and gently pulled it up and over my head. I reached down and stroked his renewed hardness a few times and positioned him at my impatient core. Our eyes met, and I sighed contentedly as I slowly impaled myself onto his length.

My bedroom was silent in that moment, except for the sounds of slow, steady breathing - the air thick with the scent of the roses and our desire for each other. I helped myself to another taste of the persperation trailing down Carlisle's neck and then closed my eyes.

After a mmoment, I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him softly. His hands lightly raked up and down my back, causing me to involuntarily arch against him and expose my neck, almost like an offering. His lips broke away from mine and traveled hungrily down my throat, licking and sucking at my sensitive flesh.

Two hands cupped my bottom firmly as I began to use my thighs like pistons to raise and lower myself on him until we had built a steady rhythm. Passion and pleasure flooded my veins, and I refused to deny a single word or sound that wanted to escape from my vocal chords. I only hoped that most of it was coherent.

Time had no meaning anymore - I could have stayed connected to him for hours, even days if that were possible. Sex with Carlisle was almost like an out-of-body experience. What began as an urge to satisfy became a desire only to unite deeply with him. I opened to him as he opened to me, feeling the heat of his body inside mine. We moved like water, drowning in each other and not wanting to be saved.

Finally, we came - cheek to cheek - then collapsed into a pile of "I love you's."

Nothing else in the world mattered to me when I felt like this - not bandages, not ex-girlfriends, not blackmail, not Edward, and certainly not Angela. There was only Carlisle, only this moment, only our love. We were fading fast, and before we both drifted off into sleep, I looked into his eyes and knew that he felt the same way.

**A/N: The poem "A kiss on the head" belongs to Marina Tsvetayeva (English translation by Elaine Feinstein).**

**Also, someone asked me why I used Angela and not Jessica or Lauren to be an antagonist in this story. Fair question. And the truth is: I didn't know Angela was going to turn out the way she did when I started writing this. Honestly, I have no other explaination. Characters surprise me all the time. I mean, who knows? Maybe Esme's really a dude and Carlisle's actually fighting his homosexulity. Or maybe Bella's an undercover reporter for MSNBC doing an expose' on college professors who date students. Or maybe Angela had a parasitic twin removed from her brain when she was a child that makes her do evil things like that guy in "The Dark Half" by Stephen King. I just don't know! So stay tuned and find out with me!**


	28. Chapter 28

**A/N: Yo yo yo! Sorry again for the delay - I'm a terrible person. Actually, no I'm not. I'm just easily distracted and super busy getting ready for my mom and brother to come visit, and blah blah blah. I dont' know if I'm ever gonna be the kind of author who can update as regularly as others. But if you love me, you love every part of me - delays and all.**

**I don't own Twilight. Hell, I haven't even seen Eclipse yet!**

Chapter 28

BPOV

I awoke a few hours later hearing the strangest sounds in my ear - a sort of churning and gurgling sound. After a moment of confusion, I realized that my head was lying on Carlisle's stomach, which was loudly announcing that it was hungry.

Careful not to disturb him, I slid out of my bed, quickly slipped on my cream-colored satin robe, and headed for the kitchen. I smiled as I passed the white teddy bear still sitting on the couch, but then had to stop and do a double-take. I hadn't noticed before, but apparently Carlisle had arranged it so that the bear was holding the TV remote in its paws and it looked like he was channel surfing or something.

_How cute! _

I made my way into the kitchen and began rummaging around for something to make for dinner. I found a bag of frozen mushroom ravioli with cream sauce, and all the ingredients to make a salad. It felt like such a small gesture compared to all he had done for me, but it felt nice to do something without assistance.

Soon, the pasta was simmering, the salad had been prepared, and I had even found a box of Oreo cookies - Double Stuf - in the pantry, just waiting to be eaten.

A gourmet meal, it wasn't - but it was the best I could do under the circumstances. I knew Carlisle would still appreciate it.

I was just about to go wake him up, when he came padding into the kitchen, shirtless and wearing a pair of those low-slung, sexy hospital scrub pants.

_Maybe we should just skip dinner._

"Something smells good," he smiled at me before giving me a quick kiss.

"It's just mushroom ravioli and a salad," I laughed. "No big deal."

"Awww, look at you - making me dinner when it's MY job to be taking care of you."

I rolled my eyes, but returned his kiss with one on the cheek. "Hardy har har. You act like I'm a quadriplegic or something."

"No such thing!" he protested, pulling the lid off the pan to take a whiff of the pasta. "I just don't want you trying to do too much too soon."

"Well, I won't know what I can or can't do until I try, right?" I blushed slightly as I remembered needing Carlisle's uhh, _assistance_ earlier that afternoon.

He must have noticed, because he gave my nose a flick with his finger and said, "I wouldn't dream of trying to stop you. But just out of curiosity - how did you manage to chop up the lettuce? That couldn't have been an easy task."

"Are you serious?" I laughed. "Haven't you ever heard of salad in a bag? Did you think I took the time to shred the cabbage and carrots as well?"

"I guess I didn't think that one through." He grinned at me and stuffed a leaf into his mouth.

"And you call yourself a professor..." I teased.

After we were finished eating, Carlisle insisted on washing the dishes all on his own. I couldn't really argue with him, what with being disabled and all.

So while he was cleaning up, I used the opportunity to pop something special into the DVD player. I then stretched out on my couch and picked up the giant white teddy bear to give it a squeeze. To test it out, I rolled over onto my side and wrapped an arm around him, drawing him close to my chest. He was wonderfully soft and squishy. While it would never substitute for Carlisle, I figured it was perfectly acceptable to hug in his absence.

I smiled to myself and figured he needed a name. I thought through a few possibilites before it finally came to me. "I shall call you...Emmett," I announced.

"That sounds like a good name for a bear," Carlisle replied, walking into the living room.

"You think so?" I said, sitting up so he could sit down.

"Sure. Why not?" He slid in next to me, and I snuggled into his warm embrace. His hands gently caressed my arms and shoulders, and I turned to plant a kiss on his neck.

"Want to watch a DVD?" I asked.

"Sure."

I hit 'play' on the remote and waited for his reaction.

I had to bite my lip to keep from laughing as realization dawned on his face.

"Oh, hell no!" he cried.

"You promised!"

"No way, you let me out of that promise, remember?"

"Oh, come on - an episode or two of Gilmore Girls won't hurt you!"

"Let's not test that theory," he said dryly.

I turned and gave him my saddest puppy-dog eyes. "Please? It'll make my hands feel better..."

"That is just low."

I didn't respond, and instead allowed my lower lip to quiver ever so slightly.

"Stop it!"

But I wouldn't let up. I blinked back a few pretend tears and lowered my head.

"Fine!" Exasperated, he covered his face with his hands.

I threw my arms around him and pressed my head against his chest. "Thank you, thank you, thank you! You'll like it, I swear!"

"I seriously doubt that, but let's hurry up and get this over with."

I giggled and hit 'play' again to select the first episode, and then gave him a big wet one on the lips.

He shook his head at me. "You're terrible, you know that, right?"

I picked up his arm and wrapped it over my shoulders. "I know, but you love me anyway."

He sighed dramatically as the opening scene of "Concert Interruptus" began to play.

_Ahh, sweet, sweet victory._

Three episodes later, I figured Carlisle had had enough.

I hit the 'stop' button and turned to look him in the eyes.

"So...whaddya think?"

He ran his fingers through his thick blond hair and wrinkled his nose. "It's never going to replace Monday Night Football, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be."

"See! I told you so!" I said triumphantly.

"No, you said I'd like it - there's a difference."

"You'll learn to love it."

"Don't bet on it."

I leaned in and kissed him softly. "We'll see."

He smiled and rolled his eyes at me, but gave me a kiss in return, snatching the remote out of my lap. "Can we watch some real TV now?"

"Whatever you want, babe." I giggled.

He started flipping through the channels, pausing every now and then to see if the program was acceptable before settling on an old episode of House.

We had just made it to the 2nd commercial break when my cell phone began to ring.

Alarmed, I looked at Carlisle with wide eyes.

"Edward," we said at the same time.

My pulse began to quicken as I stood up to get to my phone, which was still in my bedroom. Angela sure worked fast.

I reluctantly pulled it out and glanced at the caller ID.

"Oh, thank God!" I yelled. "Carlisle, it's just my mom!"

He yelled something back that I couldn't quite make out, but it sounded sort of like, "Praise Jesus!"

I flipped the phone open.

"Hi, Mom!"

"Hi, sweetheart! How are you? I haven't talked to you in awhile."

"I know. I'm fine, but ummm...actually, I do have some things to tell you..."

I really should have talked to my mom sooner, but she had always been a worrier - making any small incident into a bigger deal than it needed to be. So although I left out the parts about Carlisle, she was understandably upset to hear about my accident and that Angela and I were not on good terms.

"Honey, who's taking care of you? You can't possibly be able to do everything on your own."

"I'm fine, mom. Really. Don't worry about me." I tried to reassure her.

"Maybe I should come out there - I don't like the idea of you being all alone."

"I just said I'm fine."

But she wasn't listening. "I could probably catch a red-eye tonight," she continued.

"You don't have to do that!" I protested quickly.

"It's no problem, really. Phil could probably use a little time to himself, anyway."

I took a deep breath. "Mom, I should tell you something else."

That caught her off-guard. "Okay..." she said after a short pause.

"You don't need to come out to take care of me, because I'm already being taken care of by...someone else."

Another pause. "Who?"

"A...'friend.'"

"A 'friend,'" she repeated. "What kind of 'friend?'"

Crap. My mom knew me far too well to know when I was lying. "Well, I guess he's not a friend, exactly."

"And how long has 'he' NOT been a friend?" she prodded.

"A couple weeks?" I hemmed. "A little less, maybe?"

"I see."

"I'm sorry - I should have told you about him sooner, but it's been...complicated." My voice sounded rushed, even to me.

"I take it, it's serious, then?"

"For me - yes."

"And for him?"

"I think so."

She didn't say anything for a moment. "Well, then I guess if you're happy, I'm happy for you, sweetheart. But I do wish you'd told me - you know how I hate feeling out of the loop. So...how did the two of you meet?"

I smiled as I remembered our first encounter. "I was working at the library when I ran into him. Literally, ran into him."

Peals of my mother's laughter rang through the phone. I'd always loved the sound of her laugh. "That sounds like your m.o., alright. Who knew that it'd land you a man?"

I giggled with her. "I know, right?"

"So, what's he like?"

"He's amazing, mom. He's funny, caring, thoughtful, smart, romantic, criminally handsome...he's everything I've ever wanted." If I'd have been talking to my mom in person, she would have seen the crimson hue now spreading through my cheeks. I knew she was going to grill me about Carlisle. She'd done so with any guy that we had discussed - from Edward to any passing "date" I might have had in the past.

"What's he studying? Is he an English major like you?"

It was my turn to pause. I sat down on my bed and began absently playing with a leftover rose petal.

"Well, he _was_ a music major, but he uh, graduated."

"A music major - wow. Is he in a band?"

I crushed the petal between my fingers. "Not exactly. He teaches music - he's, he's a professor here."

"A professor?" she said, confused. "You're dating a professor?"

"Yes," I almost whispered.

"But isn't that...against the rules or something?"

"Mom, he's not MY professor, and it's not like it's a felony or anything."

"That's not the point, Bella. Most schools have policies about this kind of thing. You have to be careful - I don't want you to get hurt."

"I know. I don't want to see Carlisle get hurt either."

"Carlisle? Is that his name?"

"Uh huh."

"And just how old is Carlisle?"

I furrowed my brow. It occurred to me that I never had asked him how old he was. "I'm actually not sure. In his 30's, I think."

My mother let out a breath. "Well, that's a relief!"

"A relief?"

"Well, when you said he was a professor and that his name was Carlisle, I started imagining a 300 year old British man with a daddy complex."

"Mo-om!" I groaned. "Gross!"

"I'm sorry, I couldn't help it!"

"I think you know me better than that!"

"But still...so anyway, what does this Carlisle look like?"

"A movie star. He's blond with blue eyes, and has a smile that makes me weak in my knees. He's tall, but not too tall - VERY physically fit..." I trailed off.

"Are you being safe?"

I nearly choked. "What?"

"Are you being safe?"

"I, I don't even know how to respond to that."

"Bella, you aren't a little girl anymore. If you feel that you're mature enough to date older men in their 30's, then you should be mature enough to let me know that I don't need to worry about the decisions you're making."

"Fine," I sighed. "Yes, mom. I am being safe. You put me on the pill when I turned 16, remember? Now can we please drop it?"

Thankfully, she did drop it after that. We chatted for a little while longer about things like my next doctor's appointment and stuff going on in my mother's life. Before we hung up though, she warned me to be careful one more time.

"I'm just trying to look out for you, sweetheart."

"I know, and I appreciate it. I'll try to keep you more informed from now on."

"Thanks, hon. Have a good night, and I'll talk to you later."

"Sounds good. Goodnight, mom."

"Bye, sweetie."

I snapped the phone shut and flopped backwards onto my bed. I loved my mother, I really did - but sometimes, it was exhausting to talk to her. I know she had these ideas of us being best friends, hence the whole "safety" talk. In fact, we'd first had "the talk" when I was 12 years old. I had been mortified to hear the words "penis" and "vagina" coming out of her mouth, but in hindsight, I was glad that she had been so open about the topic. I knew I could tell her anything; it's just that I usually didn't want to.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock on my door jamb, and I looked up to see Emmett's head poking around and waving a paw at me.

"Can I come in?" a high-pitched voice asked.

"Of course." I had to laugh as Carlisle walked Emmett through the air toward me. "My two favorite boys," I said holding my arms up.

Carlisle placed Emmett on one side of my body and lay down next to me on the other. I wrapped my arms around both of them and smiled.

"Everything okay?" Carlisle asked, his voice back to normal.

"Yeah," I sighed. "I pretty much told my mom everything. She took it...rather well."

He draped one of his arms across my abdomen and gave me a squeeze. "What did she say?"

"She said she was happy for me...and, of course, to be careful."

"Did you tell her about Angela?"

"I didn't tell her what our fight was about, if that's what you're asking. But she knows that things aren't good between us." I rolled onto my side so that I was facing him. "Carlisle, we have to think of a plan. I don't want to wait for Angela to make a move before we decide what to do."

He frowned in thought for a moment. "I guess you're right, and I don't really want to wait either. But let's not waste tonight planning it - Angela isn't going to be able to do anything this quickly." I felt him reach between our bodies until he found the soft ties of my robe. "I want tonight to be just about us." His voice grew quiet as he began to do undo the belt, exposing my soft flesh to him.

I wanted to argue. Tell him that we shouldn't put this off. But I caught a flash of something in his eyes that stopped me. They were full of desire and hunger, I was sure, but for a fleeting moment, there was something else there as well. Was it resignation or sadness? I couldn't be sure, but it made me slightly nervous.

I didn't really have time to think about it though as I closed my eyes and began to disintegrate under his touch.

**A/N: For those of you who have asked whether or not I will ever do a chapter from Carlisle's POV, please head over to my profile to take a quick poll. Thanks!**

**Oh, and big ups to StormDragonfly and uhyesplease for all their help. I forgot to thank them in the last chapter - probably because I ate paint chips as a small child.**


	29. Chapter 29

**A/N: I had a dream that I came up with the concept Twilight, only to discover that Jack Dawson and Juno MacGuff actually implanted that idea in my brain. Things got pretty complicated after that.**

Chapter 29

BPOV

Call it a love hangover, but I didn't feel good the next morning. I hadn't slept well for some reason, even though Carlisle had completely exhausted me before we'd gone to bed. His lips and hands lingered everywhere - touching, tasting, exploring - I could barely keep up with him. When he finally entered me, it almost felt more like an act of _need_ rather than _want._ Don't get me wrong, there was plenty of love there - it radiated from him during the entire experience; but this was different. Carlisle ravished my body like a prisoner on death row might eat his last meal. Not that I was complaining - I hadn't even _known_ it was possible to come that many times.

Regardless, my skin felt sticky and unclean from all the sweat that I had generated. I hadn't been able to brush my teeth, so they felt nasty, and I was positive that I had the worst dragon breath ever. My hair was still slightly damp and matted to my head. I was sure that I looked like an absolute fright.

I rolled over, but Carlisle's warm body wasn't next to me. After a moment though, I could hear the shower running in the bathroom. I glanced at the clock - 6:30am - ugh. He must have been planning to teach today. Well, that made sense; I'd been telling him that I would be okay on my own, at least for a few hours anyway.

The sound of the shower was calling to my skin like a siren - I hadn't taken one for nearly three days now, not since the day before my accident. I desperately wanted one and _now_, but Dr. Gerandy had advised me to wait at least forty-eight hours before getting the stitches wet. That time wouldn't officially come until late that evening, so I wasn't quite sure if it was a good idea.

I scooted out from under my covers, groaning as I stood up. Hours of lying spread-eagle on my bed had taken their toll on my hip and groin area. Thankfully, I still had a few painkillers left. Slightly bow-legged, I made my way to the bathroom.

As soon as I opened the door, I was blasted in the face by a hot cloud of steam. My grimy skin soaked up the moisture like a sponge, and I knew there was no going back. I closed the door behind me and grabbed a bottle of mouthwash sitting on the vanity. I took a quick swig and swished it around in my mouth before spitting the bright green liquid into the sink. It wasn't as good as brushing, but it was better than nothing.

I grabbed an old elastic hair tie and slipped it over one of my wrists.

Just as I was about to slide the shower curtain back, I heard the water shut off.

"Dammit!" I couldn't help whimpering out loud.

The curtain jerked out of my hand, and all of a sudden, I was face-to-face with Carlisle in all his glory.

I smiled up at him. "Ummmm...hi."

His eyes roamed over my naked body. "Hi, yourself." He grinned back. "What's up?"

"I feel dirty," I said pathetically, "and I wanted to take a shower."

He looked down at my bandages skeptically. "Are you sure that's a good idea?"

I nodded. "Well, I sort of had...a thought, but I'd need your help with it."

"What can I do for you?" He smirked.

My cheeks flamed hot as I thought about what I was going to ask of him.

"See that hook right there? The one with my loofah sponge hanging from it?" I pointed to the small hook suction-cupped to the side of the wall. I held up my hands and slipped the elastic band over my other wrist, semi-shackling them together. "I was thinking...maybe my hands wouldn't get wet this way..." I said shyly.

He just stared at me, and I was afraid that meant he thought the whole plan sounded ridiculous to him. As the seconds ticked by, I bit my lip, trying not to cry - I had never really been so bold before, and it hurt to know he might think I was crazy.

Then, through tight lips, I heard him say, "Get. Your. Ass. In here."

I breathed a sigh of relief, and stepped inside the shower. He drew the curtain closed and re-started the water. He tossed aside the mesh sponge, and I raised my arms over my head and backed up, so that Carlisle could loop the elastic over the hook.

I gave it a small tug, and determined that it would hold as long as I didn't pull too hard on it or anything.

"Ready?"

I nodded. "Ready."

He flipped the lever and warm water began to spray out of the shower head and across the side of my body. It felt amazing as my skin drank it up. Above my head, my hands stayed safely out of the line of fire. I closed my eyes and leaned back against the wall. The water flowed over my breasts and tummy, washing the heavy stickiness down the drain. After a minute, I turned slightly so that the water could reach my back.

I could feel Carlisle watching me, and I wasn't sure if he knew what I wanted him to do.

"Will you wash me, Carlisle? Please?"

He swallowed hard and licked his lips. He grabbed the loofah and poured some bath gel onto it, squishing it into a lather.

Starting at my neck and shoulders, he rubbed the sponge in gentle circles over my skin. The feel of his hands along with the creamy, clean scent of the soap was absolutely exquisite. I watched him concentrate as the soft mesh of the loofah traveled up, down, and around every curve of my body. I tensed and trembled as he washed the most intimate, sensitive parts of me, loving every second of it.

Eventually, he dropped the sponge altogether, and just ran his bare hands over my soapy skin. They glided over my hips and up my back, down my shoulders to the undersides of my breasts.

We didn't speak for long time, we were too wrapped up in the incredible sensation of his touch.

After a while, Carlisle removed the detachable shower head from its holder and began to rinse me off. Everything melted away as he did so; I couldn't believe how fresh and clean I felt. He placed the head back in its holder and squirted my favorite strawberry-scented shampoo into his hands and rubbed them together. Then those magic fingers were working and kneading into my hair, making a frothy lather. My arms were sort of in the way, so he reached up and unhooked me.

"Turn around please."

I obeyed, and he re-hooked me so that I was now facing the wall. He massaged my scalp, and as he leaned in closer, I could feel _him _pressing into my lower back.

Apparently he was enjoying this as much as I was.

After another rinse and round of conditioner, the water began to run cooler and cooler in the shower. I knew play time was probably over and that Carlisle needed to start getting ready for his class.

He shut off the water and released me from the hook.

"I wish I could start every day with a shower like that," he announced, reaching for the towels.

I couldn't disagree. I looked at his sizeable erection with longing. "Are you going to be okay like that?"

His eyes followed mine as he continued to dry himself. "I'll be okay. Besides, I don't really think we have time."

"I can be quick," I argued, discarding the towel and dropping to my knees upon it. "I don't want you to leave...unfulfilled."

He didn't have any time to disagree with me before I took him into my mouth. I knew time was of the essence, and I worked harder than I ever had before. Gone was the slow, sensual sucking - replaced by furious, frantic movements with my tongue. I heard him inhale sharply and his hands gently cupped the back of my head as I bobbed up and down. His hips gave small thrusts, matching my rhythm.

After a minute or two, I felt him pick up the pace, and we moaned together as his climax neared.

"I love you," he gasped, "so much."

With that, I went into hyperdrive - alternately licking him like a popsicle melting in the hot summer sun and drawing him in as far as my throat would allow.

He didn't stand a chance.

One minute, his fingers were suddenly twisting into my wet hair, the next minute he was exploding down the back of my throat.

I was happy to give him what he needed, happy to show my love for him in such a physical way, happy to know that _I _was the one who left him panting like that.

We took a moment to recover before Carlisle helped me back up to my feet.

"Bella, I'm sor-"

"Shhh, it's okay. I'll be fine," I interrupted, reading his thoughts. "Sexually frustrated, but otherwise fine." I grinned at him.

He drew me into his arms for a tight embrace. "I don't deserve you."

"Hey, that's _my_ line," I giggled.

He didn't reply, just lifted a finger under my chin, tipping it up so that his lips could press softly against mine. I sighed happily as the kiss intensified. Although the bathroom was already a steam room, I could still feel his hot breath against my skin. I felt his lips part, and I used the opportunity to slip my tongue inside.

After a moment, he groaned and gently pushed me away.

"I'm sorry, but I have to get ready now. I have a lot to do today."

I knew he was just being honest, so I shrugged off any sting of rejection and reluctantly nodded.

We finished drying off and then headed back to my room. I grabbed my previously discarded robe and slipped it on, then sat cross-legged on my bed to sadly watch Carlisle cover up that magnificent body with a crisp white shirt and dark blue suit.

He threw a matching tie around his collar and stood before the mirror on my vanity to tie it. He turned to me and gave it few quick tugs.

"How's this look?"

I had to swallow back a little drool before I could finally answer. "You look hot. I've never seen you look so...professional. It suits you."

"Just part of the job." He winked at me.

"So...when will you be home?" I hoped I didn't sound _too_ anxious.

He furrowed his brow. "Ummm, I'm not sure, actually. I have two classes to teach today, a TA meeting, and I, uhh, need to take care of a few things."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "What kinds of things? You're not buying more roses are you?"

"As tempting as that sounds, no," he chuckled softly. "Just boring teaching things, no big deal. I think I should be back around one or two at the latest. If you like, I can pick up some lunch on my way over - or is that too late for you?"

I shook my head. "That'd be great. In fact, there's a little sandwich shop down the street called Big Mike's - I love their ham and cheese wraps. It's the #14 on the menu."

"Done." He came and sat next to me on the bed. "You sure you'll be okay until then?"

I sighed and rested my head against his shoulder. "I'm sure. I have to take care of a few things as well."

"Like?"

"Like contacting my professors to let them know what's going on and get my assignments. Plus, I need to talk to my boss, Nancy, so she knows why I'm not coming in. I should be plenty busy."

"Well, call me if you need anything. My phone may be on 'silent,' but I'll be able to get back to you pretty quickly."

"Will do." Carlisle wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into a hug. "But don't worry - I've got Emmett to take care of me, remember?"

"Please tell me I don't need to be jealous of a stuffed bear."

"Nah," I giggled. "I'm not into beastiality."

"Good to know!" He laughed as he looked down at his watch. "Damn. I should get going. Can I do anything for you before I leave?"

I raised my eyebrow as he helped me up from the bed.

"I mean, _besides_ that." He smirked.

I feigned disappointment for a moment. "No, I think I'm fine. I'm actually going to attempt to brush my own teeth this morning."

"Whoa! Be careful - don't strain yourself."

I gave him a playful push. "You know, you could be more encouraging. I'm not the one who has to kiss me."

"True. I'm sorry. I'm sure you'll do a great job. Give those teeth hell! Is that better?"

"Much." I stood on my tip toes and gave him a kiss. "Thanks."

"Well, little girl, duty calls."

I followed him to the door and we embraced for one last hug. "Hurry back," I whispered into his ear.

"I will," he whispered back. "Love you."

"Love you, too."

And with that, my love walked out the door.

**A/N: Big love and gratitude to my girls, uhyesplease and StormDragonfly. To quote one of my favorite Michael Jackson songs, "You rock my world."**

**P.S. If you haven't voted in my Carlisle POV poll, please do so! Thanks a million!**


	30. Chapter 30

**A/N: I don't own Twilight - that's nothing new. But let me tell you what _IS_ new: I posted Carlisle's POV of chapter 2 (where he and Bella first meet). Just go to my profile and click on "Clementines: The Carlisle Files." Let me know if you like it, and maybe I'll start working on a nice and lemony CPOV! If not, that's cool - I'll just focus on Clementines. **

**Also, thank you to everyone who has read and taken time to review this fic. It really means a lot to me that you are enjoying it so far. Also, a big thank you to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly, who probably think that I have no formal English training whatsoever. They are both the bomb, so I have no idea how they get through airport security when they fly.**

**Chapter 30**

BPOV

"Parting is such sweet sorrow," I murmured to myself as I drew back the curtain from the living room window and watched Carlisle climb into his beautiful Mercedes and drive away.

I sighed out loud, feeling a little like Juliet Capulet, before allowing the material to fall back into place. Now that Carlisle was gone, my apartment felt too big and too empty. It never seemed that way before, even when Angela was out and I was home alone. I guess that was just one of the side effects of being in love. Everything seemed different now, like a part of me was missing when he was gone.

_Dear God, Bella - get over it._ _The man hasn't even been gone for five minutes!_

I shook my head to collect my thoughts and headed to the kitchen to hunt for some breakfast. I picked out two peanut butter granola bars (or "candy bars in disguise," as my mother would say) and went back to my room to start contacting my professors.

I fired up my computer and happily discovered that I could actually type, albeit slowly. I sent emails to a few TA's and professors to let them know what was up and ask if they could email my assignments to me so that I wouldn't fall behind. I knew my Shakespeare class would be a breeze - reading and writing papers was easy as pie, although the typing might take me a little longer right now. However, I was slightly worried about my gen. ed. Principles of Reasoning class. Math had never been my strong suit, and I had to work pretty hard just to pull off my current B minus. Hopefully my TA could send me the lecture notes as well, but it was a crapshoot whether or not I'd be able to understand them.

I tried not to laugh when I called Nancy. You'd have thought I'd severed my hands at the wrist, the way she fussed and carried on over my news. Typical.

"Oh, you poor, poor thing! It must be awful, not being able to use your hands at all!"

I pointed out to her that I was able to dial and hold my phone just fine, but re-shelving books was probably not an option right now.

"Of course, of course! I'm just so sorry you have to go through this all alone. You take as much time off as you need, dear. Don't you worry about us; you just focus on getting those hands better. And you call me if you need anything at all, Bella. I mean it, I don't care what time of day it is, you call me if you need help, okay?"

"Thanks, Nancy. I appreciate that, but I think I'll be okay," I said quickly, wanting to avoid another long, draw out conversation with her. "So, I'll just let you know when I think I'm able to come in again."

"Okay, dear. You take care, and we'll be waiting!"

Whew! Once that was over, I headed for the bathroom to "give my teeth hell," as Carlisle had so eloquently put it. While I can't say it was an easy task, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. I was happy with the progress my hands were making, but they still became stiff and sore if I didn't remember to keep flexing every now and then. Man, I couldn't wait until the stitches could come out, but losing the bandages altogether would be almost as good.

Now that the hard stuff was out of the way, it was time to relax a little. I'd been in my robe all morning, so I figured I should probably get dressed. I padded back to my room and looked for something to wear. I still didn't want to deal with pants yet, so I decided on a short grey skirt made of sweatshirt material and a faded red "Forks" t-shirt that Angela had banned me from ever wearing in public. "College girls don't go around wearing high school shit!" she'd proclaimed.

After a few swipes of deodorant and a spritz of perfume, I sat back down at my computer and decided to create a very special playlist of songs that reminded me of Carlisle for my iPod. They ranged from soft and sweet to loud and raunchy. If I played my cards right, I'd be making love with him to these songs tonight.

Once I compiled a nice and lengthy list, I grabbed an apple from the kitchen and settled down on the couch to kill time until he came back. I curled into the corner and pulled Emmett into my arms. I flipped on the television and lost myself to the pregnant pauses and absurd storylines of my favorite soap operas.

I must have fallen asleep to the angry musings of Judge Judy, because the next thing I knew, Carlisle's voice was whispering softly in my ear.

"Wake up, little girl. I'm home."

My eyes fluttered open to see him kneeling before me, smiling broadly. I yawned and stretched my arms above my head. "Welcome back, Doctor Cullen," I giggled. "How was work?"

"Fine. In fact, it was more than fine." He crawled onto the couch and drew me into his lap. Before I could ask him what he meant, his arms snaked around my back, pulling me in for an eager kiss. I expected him to pull back at some point to elaborate, but he didn't stop. His tongue slid past my lips, coaxing my mouth open wider with every thrust. I was only happy to oblige.

Wow. He'd never acted like this before. Well, except for last night, maybe. I didn't mind the new Carlisle per se, but I was confused. We'd only parted a few hours ago, and he was acting like he had just come back from war or something. What could possibly have worked him into such a sexual fervor?

His lips eventually broke from mine and moved on to my jawbone. His fingers threaded in my hair, pulling downward, which caused my head to gently tilt back. Hungrily, he licked and sucked at my exposed flesh until I was overheated and nearly breathless.

"Carlisle," I managed to gasp. "What the hell is going on? Is there something I should know?"

His head lifted up from my neck and his eyes burned intently into mine. I was almost frightened for a moment, until he broke out into the smile that could bring me to my knees.

"Everything is fine. More importantly, _we're_ fine. Wonderful even. Amazing!" He laughed as he returned to kissing my neck once again.

I squirmed away from him though. I didn't like this game. "What are you talking about? I don't get it."

He let out a big whoosh of air. "I was going to tell you everything later, but-"

I cut him off. "Now is good."

"I was just going to say that," he said sheepishly, then cleared his throat. "Bella, I went to the head of the music department today."

I was still confused. "What does that mean?"

"To tell her. About us."

My heart began to pound. _Wait, what?_

"And?" I prompted.

"And what do you think? She said that we weren't doing anything wrong. You are not my student - you aren't even in the department. So we are 100% in the clear. There is no reason for us to hide or worry about Angela anymore!"

"Are you serious?" I squealed, placed my hands on either side of his face. My eyes searched for any sign that he was lying. "Please tell me you aren't joking."

"I'm not joking." He didn't really need to answer me; I saw the truth in his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me what you were going to do?"

"I didn't want you sitting here all morning, worrying about it, until I came home."

"But what would you have done if it had gone the other way?"

"I don't know," he shrugged.

I frowned at him. "You don't know? When did you decide...? Why didn't you talk to me...? I thought last night we agreed to come up with a plan together."

_Oh God, last night. _The way he'd dismissed my request to make a plan. The way it felt like he was making love to me like it was our last time together...

It suddenly hit me like a freight train. He'd known what he was going to do since last night.

What if it had gone wrong? Would he really have...?

"Bella?" Carlisle's voice interrupted my thoughts.

I didn't know what to say to him.

"Bella, what is it? We should be celebrating!" Now my face was between his hands.

"You knew," I said softly.

"Knew what?"

"What you were going to do since last night. And you didn't tell me."

He smiled and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "I already told you; I didn't want you to worry."

"That's not the issue," I said, shaking my head. "The issue is, you _did _have a plan, though - in case things went wrong."

He looked down.

"You would have broken up with me," I continued in a whisper.

His hands enveloped mine. "But things didn't go wrong; we don't have to worry about that now."

"Maybe not. But last night - last night, you were saying goodbye to me because you knew that it might be the last time we'd be together before you...broke my heart."

He didn't reply.

"I thought this was a decision we'd make together." My voice was trembling now. "Don't you think I would have wanted that opportunity as well? Potentially, it could have been my last night with you, and I didn't even know it. That's not fair."

"Bella, please - "

"If disclosing our relationship meant the possibility of losing you, shouldn't I have at least had my say? Weren't we supposed to be a team?"

"But it wasn't like that. I think you're making a mountain out of a molehill. I never meant-"

I cut him off. "Don't. This is - this is just too much right now." My head was spinning now; too many thoughts were clogging my brain. "I can't - I just need - I'm sorry."

I needed to get away from him. If I didn't, I was afraid of what else I might learn.

I shrugged out of his embrace, not very gracefully, and stood up. He quickly grabbed me around the wrist and tried to pull me back.

"Please don't go," he pleaded. "Let's talk about this - let me explain."

Gently, I peeled his fingers off of my wrist. "We can talk later, okay? I'm sorry, but I just really want to be alone for a little while, so I can think."

"Think about what? I don't understand - we _won_. I thought you'd be happy."

He was right. I _should_ be happy.

So why couldn't I get over the fact that he had completely cut me out of the decision making process? It was reminiscent of the way Edward had tried to control me. Granted, Edward was controlling in a different way, with his possessiveness and jealousy. Carlisle making major decisions invoked similar feelings of hurt and anger.

I gave him an apologetic look as my shoulders hunched toward my neck and I held my palms out to him. "I'm sorry; I just can't do this right now."

He opened his mouth to speak, but then reconsidered and simply nodded his head. He picked up a white bag from the floor and held it up to me like an offering. "It's the #14. Your favorite," he said, his voice sounded defeated.

I turned toward my bedroom. "Thanks. But I'm really not hungry right now," I said over my shoulder, my voice matching his.

I closed the door to my room and sat numbly on my bed.

_Well, this sucks._

As I sat in silence, lost in my thoughts, I realized how much I missed Angela at this moment. Disregarding the fact that she was a major component of the whole mess, I still wished my best friend were here. She'd know exactly what I needed to hear. I couldn't help but smile as I thought about the things she might say. Maybe she'd hug me and say, "Fuck Carlisle. You don't need that asshole. Let's go make cookies and watch Ocean's 11." Or maybe she'd slap me and snap, "Fuck you, Bella. You love that asshole. Go make him cookies and apologize."

Was I wrong to feel hurt right now? I mean, could I honestly say that I hadn't had similar thoughts a few days ago? But leaving Carlisle was something I had only considered as a last resort - after all else had failed. And in hindsight, I don't think I would have had the strength to actually go through with it.

Maybe Carlisle was right - maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill. After all, we _had _gotten what we wanted: freedom. Freedom to go to dinner, freedom to see movies, go to concerts, take walks in the park, freedom to do anything we wanted.

So the question was this: was I willing to throw away everything I had with Carlisle because he'd placed a giant gamble on our future without even consulting me?

I laid back, closed my eyes, and tried to imagine what the old Angela would have said. Plain as day, I could _hear _her voice:

"Smella, you're being retarded. Sure, he took a big risk - but he did it for _you_. Now you're punishing him for giving you what you wanted all along? If I were you, I'd get my ass out to the living room before you break that man's heart any more than you already have."

She would have been right, too. I tried to think how I would feel if the situation were reversed. My poor Carlisle was probably hurting and confused as hell right now. I couldn't let him feel that way any longer. I could only pray that he hadn't already left or done anything rash.

I took a deep, reassuring breath, opened my door, and headed toward the living room.

My eyes filled with tears at the heartbreaking sight before me.


	31. Chapter 31

**A/N: I wish I owned Twilight. And if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.**

**Thank you to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for pushing me hard on this chapter. I love you two like Germans love David Hasselhoff. **

Chapter 31

BPOV

My eyes began to burn with tears as a crestfallen Carlisle came into my view.

There he was, sitting hunched over on my couch, his face buried in his hands. He looked lost and broken, like a man who'd just lost everything dear to him. He'd only done what he thought was right, and I had ripped his heart out, stuffed it in my pocket, and walked out on him.

"Oh, Carlisle," I croaked, rushing over to him.

His head snapped up out of his hands to stare at me. Gone was his earlier smile, his lips now a thin line of anguish and distress. His eyes were what worried me though. They were watery and nearly dead - the usual sparkle and light that I loved so much had disappeared.

Me. I had done that to him.

My teeth dug into my lower lip. I didn't know what to say or how to begin, so I simply dropped to my knees before him and pulled him into an embrace so tight, not even a crow bar would have been able to pry him from my arms.

"I'm so sorry," I choked out, my tears falling freely onto the crisp white material covering his shoulder.

I felt his warm breath move in and out, slowly, against my neck. I didn't know what he had expected me to say, but it took him a few moments before he could speak.

"_I'm _the one who should be sorry," he whispered hoarsely. "I'm the one who fucked up. Not you."

I shook my head in protest, but he cupped my face gently and stopped me. His thumbs brushed away the wetness from under my eyes as his lips pressed softly against my forehead. "Shhhh," he sighed. "It's alright. Don't cry."

"I can't help it," I sniffled. "I hate myself, knowing that I'm the one who made you so sad. I take it all back. You were right; we should be celebrating, not fretting over what might have happened."

He reached down and pulled me up off my knees until I was sitting in his lap. "That doesn't make what I did right. I should have talked to you. We're a team and you have every right to be upset with me."

I wrapped my arms around his neck. "But I don't want to be upset with you."

"And I don't want you to hate yourself. I swear, I will never hurt you like this ever again."

I managed to give him a small smile. "I could say the same to you."

"You needed some space and I can't fault you for that. I also can't say that it didn't hurt like hell. But," he said thickly, as his arms tightened almost painfully around my waist, "the important thing is, you came back."

I stared at him, wide-eyed. "Did you think I wouldn't?"

"I honestly didn't know what to think. I didn't know how long you'd be gone, or whether you wanted me to stay or not. When you walked back into this room, I was scared that it was to tell me that it was over. In fact, I can't remember the last time I was that scared," he confessed quietly, his face a mixture of pain and relief as he remembered.

I tried to swallow back the lump rising in my throat, as I felt the sting of fresh tears welling in my eyes. "I'm so sorry I put you through that."

He gave me a smile. "Listen to me; it never would have happened if I had just been honest with you. I take full responsibility for everything, and I hope you can forgive me. It will never happen again."

"Promise?"

I could see a hint of sparkle return to his eyes. "I promise," he smiled.

"Pinky promise?" I asked, extending my bandaged pinky finger as best as I could.

"I pinky promise." His laughter rang out as he gently hooked his last finger around mine and shook it. I couldn't recall anything sounding as good to my ears as Carlisle's laugh did at that moment.

He lay down on the couch and pulled me on top of him. I pressed my ear to his chest as we snuggled together and listened to his calming heart beat. His fingers combed absently through my hair, he was probably just as deep in thought as I was. As I lay, I thought about how lucky I was to have Carlisle - we truly must be made for each other. I didn't see how else we could go from such terrible heartache to loving calm, so quickly without being on the exact same wave length. We were like two halves of the same soul.

"Penny for your thoughts," he whispered.

_My thoughts? How could I possibly put into words everything I was thinking and feeling? _Then it hit me:

"'My true love hath my heart, and I have his,  
By just exchange, one for the other given.  
I hold his dear, and mine he cannot miss:  
There never was a better bargain driven.  
His heart in me, keeps me and him in one,  
My heart in him, his thoughts and senses guides:  
He loves my heart his wound received from my sight:  
My heart was wounded with his wounded heart,  
For as from me, on him his hurt did light,  
So still methought in me his hurt did smart:  
Both equal hurt, in this change sought our bliss:  
My true love has my heart and I have his.''

I felt his lips press lovingly against the top of my head. "I love how you know the perfect poem to fit any situation. I couldn't do that, not even if I lived forever."

I smiled and wrapped my arms more tightly around him. "Just one of the few perks of being an English major."

"Speaking of English majors, did you get ahold of your professors today?"

I nodded. "Yep. They were really understanding about everything. The only class I'm really worried about is Principles of Reasoning. God, I _hate_ math - I suck at it."

He rubbed my back comfortingly. "I loved math. It came pretty easy to me, but of course, studying music for so long really helped."

"I don't understand. What does music have to do with math?"

"Well, I won't bore you with all the logistics, but in simple terms, music is a product of math. Almost everything musical is based on a series of patterns and ratios. The early Greeks were one of the first cultures to develop music, and much of it was based on formulas and these ratios - hoping to create the 'perfect' melody."

"Unfortunately, I suck at both music _and_ math, so that doesn't really help me with my class," I lamented.

"I'm sure you'll do just fine. I'll help you, if I can."

"You'd do that for me? Are you sure?"

"Well, I won't do the work for you, if that's what you're suggesting. But you're helping me with my work, why shouldn't I help you with yours? We're a _team,_ remember?" he said pointedly.

"I remember. And I wasn't suggesting that you do the work for me, but if you can make it a little less confusing, I'd be forever grateful."

"No problem," he said, and suddenly perked up. "Hey, you don't have any plans for tonight, do you?"

"Tonight? Other than finally getting to take off these bandages? No."

"I just had an idea. The University Choir is performing _Dido and Aeneas_ tonight. How would you like to go to dinner and the opera - our first official _public_ date?"

At the mention of the word "public," I felt the hairs on my arms stand up as a shiver ran down my spine.

I lifted my head to look Carlisle in the eyes. "I would love that."

His lips curled into a wide smile. "Really?"

"I mean, I won't be able to understand a word, so you'll have to translate for me. What language is it in?"

"It's in English, babe. It's like opera 101. You'll love it."

I had plenty of questions regarding opera etiquette, so we continued to lie in each other's arms, talking and kissing, kissing and snuggling, snuggling and talking, until Carlisle hinted that I should probably start getting ready.

"Why? What's wrong with what I'm wearing?" I teased, glancing down at the short, gray material.

"We-ll," he grinned, running a hand through his hair. "Skirts are definitely fine opera-wear, but that one's a little too, ummmmm...sexy, I think."

"You think it's sexy?"

"Very," he said running his hands up my thighs and under the soft fabric.

"But a little inappropriate?" I asked, wiggling into his touch.

"Maybe." His fingers slid underneath the edges of my panties until he was firmly cupping my flesh.

I moaned at the sensation and ground my hips into his groin, feeling him swell underneath me. "I certainly wouldn't want to embarrass you in public by wearing the wrong thing."

Hi hands briefly left my derriere to reach up and pull my head toward his, so that his lips were at my ear. "You could never embarrass me," he whispered before returning his hands to knead and squeeze my backside.

My panties were already beginning to dampen as we dry-humped like teenagers. Screw our first public date - I just wanted him to take me right then and there. "Carlisle," I gasped in half-ecstasy, half-frustration.

But he must have misunderstood me.

"I know, I know. We should start getting ready," he sighed, much to my chagrin.

"Are you shitting me, Carlisle?" I exclaimed, rolling off of him. "That's twice in one day!"

He looked at me with confusion. "Twice what, in one day?"

"That you get me all worked up with no payoff."

"Worked up?" He mumbled, furrowing his eyebrows. "I don't know what - oh. OH! I'm sorry. You're probably ready to explode, aren't you?"

"Like a can of Coke taken out of a dryer."

"Well, we don't have to go out tonight, you know. We can always stay in..."

"No, no. It's fine," I said, pouting just a little. "But I think you owe me later."

"I pinky promise," he smiled holding out his little finger.

I couldn't help but laugh as I hooked my pinky around his and gave it a shake. "Damn, right."

We trotted off to my room to find something a bit more sophisticated than my "sexy" and "inappropriate" skirt for me to wear. After hunting through my closet, Carlisle picked out a simple sleeveless black dress, white cardigan, and black flats. A long string of pearls completed the ensemble, and I blushed when he told me how beautiful I looked.

Carefully, he unwound the gauze from my stitches, and I was surprised that my hands didn't look as bad as I thought they would. I marveled at how strange they felt without the bandages; it felt like I'd been wearing them forever. Carlisle gave the backs of my hands a sweet kiss - a small gesture, but one that still set my heart on fire. He certainly didn't need to spend any more money on roses, that's for sure. All he had to do was look at me the way he was looking right then for me to feel like the most loved woman in the world.

We stopped briefly at Carlisle's house, so that he could change as well. I sat on his bed and watched him put on a gorgeous fitted black suit with a stunning bright red tie. I swore he turned a little red when I announced how handsome he was.

"So, what are you in the mood to eat tonight?" he asked as we pulled out of the driveway.

"Anything," I moaned. "I'm _starving_."

He laughed. "I guess skipping lunch wasn't the smartest thing to do."

"Maybe not, but look on the bright side - we'll have lunch covered for tomorrow. Besides, everyone knows that Big Mike's is better on the second day."

"Is it now?" He grinned at me. "Let's see...there are a few restaurants close to the Arts Center where we could eat, but they might be a little crowded because of the show. We have plenty of time, so how would you feel about going to this nice place I know? It's a little further away, but it's very intimate and the food's definitely worth it."

"Sure, sounds great."

He smiled and gently wrapped his hand around mine as we drove toward the setting sun.

We arrived at the valet stand for "Celestino" roughly 20 minutes later. Carlisle smoothly waved off the valet in order to open my door for me himself. He offered me his arm, which reminded me of the time he walked me to the bar to meet Angela and Ben. It made me feel important and secure. I loved it then, and I loved it now.

Celestino certainly lived up to its name; it was bathed in dark shades of blue that recreated a night sky and accented with beautiful murals of celestial objects everywhere. Tiny lights that looked like stars hung from the ceiling, twinkling every so often. If I listened really hard, I was positive that I could hear cicadas humming softly in the background. I glanced around and saw that the bar looked like a large, pale moon rising in the night sky. The effect was breathtaking.

The restaurant was full, but not crowded, and we were happy to learn that there was a rounded corner booth available immediately. The hostess led us to a beautiful candle lit table underneath a mural of a sweeping meteor shower.

"Shall we order a bottle of wine?" Carlisle asked, once we were settled.

I made a face. "Blech. I don't care for wine. It makes my tongue feel fuzzy."

"I see," he laughed. "What do you like to drink? Cosmos?"

"Gross. Do I look like one of those old ladies from 'Sex and the City?' Give me a beer any day. Or a gin and tonic, if I'm feeling saucy."

"I'll try to remember that from now on."

I was about to ask Carlisle what his poison was, when our waitress appeared to take our drink orders.

"Can I start you off with a few drinks?" she asked politely.

"I assume you have Blue Moon?" I replied.

"Of course," she chuckled.

"Two Blue Moons, please," Carlisle winked at me.

"I'll be right back with them." She smiled at us before walking toward the bar.

"Copycat," I accused, shooting him a mock glare.

"No such thing," he snorted as he picked up the menu. "I've been drinking Blue Moon a lot longer than you have."

"A likely story," I huffed, burying myself in the menu, holding it like a barrier between our faces, so he couldn't see the grin spreading across my face. "Mmmmm, pumpkin tortelloni with a cream, butter, and sage sauce. I think I'll have that. Should I just go ahead and order two of those as well?"

I watched his fingers close over the top of the menu and push it down.

The giggles bubbled out before I could even breathe when I saw the look on his face. He was trying to stare me down, but as soon as I started laughing, his face quickly crumpled into a twisted smile.

"I hate you," he said, shaking his head at me.

I reached across the table and patted his hand sympathetically. "I know, I know. Too bad you're stuck with me."

"I guess I'll just have to make the best of it," he sighed.

I discreetly slipped off one shoe, and ran my bare foot slowly up his leg until it reached the intended destination. "Poor little baby," I cooed wiggling my big toe in circles.

"I, I just uhh...shit..." he stammered.

"You shit?" I teased, doubling my efforts. "That's gross, Carlisle."

His eyes rolled back and his eyelashes began to flutter. "You're evil," he gasped.

Our waitress returned with our drinks and took our orders: the pumpkin tortelloni for me and veal shank with saffron risotto for Carlisle. I had to give him credit, he managed to keep a straight face when he spoke, all the while locking my foot in a death grip.

Once she had left, I decided to cut him a break. Carlisle let out a long breath full of relief and held his glass of Blue Moon toward me. "To our first public date, sexy, evil Bella," he grinned.

"To our first public date, sexy, prudish Carlisle," I repeated, and clinked my glass against his. I smiled and took a moment to inhale a whiff of the citrusy beverage before taking a drink.

_Perfect._

As was the food. Carlisle raved about his veal shank, and I thought that the pumpkin tortelloni was exquisite - the pasta cooked to perfection, the sauce creamy and not at all heavy. I was so happy with my choice, I almost considered acting out the diner scene from "When Harry Met Sally," knowing that it would drive him crazy, but Celestino was a bit classier than the diner from the move. Besides, I really, really wanted to be able to come back some day.

When the check came, I reached for my clutch purse, but Carlisle shot me a look that plainly read, "Are you insane?" before handing his credit card to the waitress.

I scooted around the seat until I was next to him, and pressed my lips softly against his cheek. "Thank you for dinner. It was wonderful."

"You're welcome, beautiful. I'm glad you enjoyed it." He slid his arm around me, drawing me closer for a kiss.

"Mmmmm," I moaned softly into his mouth. There was no dessert on earth that would taste sweeter than Carlisle's lips. I craved more, and he was more than happy to give it to me, opening his mouth for my tongue to slip inside. His opposite hand moved to gently massage the inside of my thigh, and before I knew it, my leg had hitched itself over his. I closed my eyes. _Just a little higher..._

It was probably for the best when we were interrupted by the waitress just as our first PDA started to heat up to inappropriate levels - I had nearly forgotten where we were.

"I'm sorry - I'll just leave this here," she said smiling, setting the black book in front of us.

It never ceased to amaze me how cool he could remain in these situations because I'm sure my face was as red as a tomato, while Carlisle just warmly thanked her and (hopefully) left her a generous tip. _He would have made a great actor._

"Oh my God, I'm stuffed," he groaned as he climbed into the driver's seat next to me. "I'm ready to just sit and digest."

"I'm with you there," I laughed, patting my belly. "I don't even think this dress fits anymore."

He eyed me speculatively, "Looks fine to me."

"Hardy har har, but thanks."

It was a good thing we had allotted extra time into our evening, because traffic was a nightmare once we got close to the Arts Center. We crawled along at a snail's pace until we finally reached the parking lot, with about twenty minutes to spare.

As we headed toward the box office, I was relieved to see that Carlisle had been right to suggest the simple black dress. Most of the patrons I saw were similarly dressed, with a sprinkle wearing something much fancier. I did, however, spot a few wearing jeans. Thank God, I wasn't one of those people.

Once again, I tried to offer to pay for my own ticket, but he wasn't having it.

"Would you stop?" he smiled, pushing my clutch away.

"I'm sorry," I replied sheepishly. "I'm just not used to someone paying for everything, that's all. I can't help it."

"It's not a big deal. You're still an independent woman whether or not I pay for you. Now drop it, before I start singing Destiny's Child to you in public."

"You wouldn't."

"Try me."

I swallowed hard. As tempting as it sounded, I knew that if Carlisle made a scene in a place as elegant as this, the redness that would inevitably invade my cheeks might never go away.

"Let's just go sit and digest instead. I'll judge your Beyonce imitation later."

We found our seats, which were, of course, amazing. Even though we'd gotten them at the last minute, we were still in the front row of the balcony, to the right of center. I leaned over and craned my neck to look at the musicians warming up in the orchestra pit.

"Are any of your students down there?"

He laughed and leaned over with me. "Almost ALL of them have been my student. A lot of them are graduate students, but they are still required to take theory courses. Of course, all of the undergraduates have to take the core theory sequence with me, unless they test out of it, and no one's ever tested out of 4 semesters worth of classes."

"So you basically know everyone down there?" I giggled.

"Pretty much. The conductor is a colleague and good friend of mine - Dr. Stalter. You'd like him - I'll introduce you after the show, if you don't mind. And the leads are two very talented graduate students - Melissa Benson and Jonathon Fell. You're in for a treat."

"I can't wait. So what's this opera about? What do I need to know?" I asked, flipping through the thick program.

"Well, it's a tragedy, as lots of operas are. It starts with Dido, queen of Carthage, in her court with her attendants. She is full of grief because Carthage is in shambles. Belinda, Dido's sister and confidant, and the other attendants feel that a marital union with a Troy might just be the pick-me-up that Carthage needs. But Dido is afraid that love will make her a weak queen in the eyes of her subjects, so everyone tries to cheer her up. Enter Aeneas, a Trojan Prince. He's handsome and everything Dido could want. She tries to resist him at first, but finally relents and accepts his proposal, falling madly in love with him.

"But in a dismal cave, a Dido-hating witch plots to upset her and destroy Carthage. She and her cronies conjure up a storm to wreak havoc on a royal hunting trip/party. As everyone gets ready to leave, Aeneas is intercepted by an elf disguised as Mercury, sent by the witch, who tells him that Jupiter, king of the Gods, wants him to return to Italy and restore the city of Troy. Aeneas reluctantly agrees, not knowing that the witch plans to kill him while he's 'on the ocean.' Aeneas, knowing that this will break Dido's heart, decides to leave without telling her.

"Dido is distraught to discover that Aeneas is gone, and Belinda tries to comfort her. Suddenly, Aeneas appears and apologizes. He tries to tell her that he loves her so much that he'll defy the Gods and not leave Carthage after all. But the damage has been done. Dido rejects him for having even _thought_ of leaving her and says that she can't trust him anymore. She commands him to leave, then, of course, dies of a broken heart - but not before singing the famous 'Dido's Lament' - 'When I am Laid in Earth' and cupids appear to drop rose petals on her body."

My eyes grew wider and wider as he nonchalantly explained the plot to me.

I was about to point out the obvious, when the orchestra started swell and the lights began to dim.

"Thanks," was all I could mouth to Carlisle.

"You're welcome," he mouthed back, taking my hand in his, then leaned over to kiss me as the stage came to life.

**A/N: The poem "My true love hath my heart, and I have his," belongs to Sir Philip Sidney**


	32. Chapter 32

**A/N: Surprise! Look who's back! Didja miss me? Of course not, you just missed Carlisle - don't bullshit me.**

**I don't own Twilight. Or a time machine. Because if I did, I'd go back in time and bring back a young Brad Pitt to play Garrett in Breaking Dawn and a young Elvis to play Carlisle. Not that I don't love Peter - don't get me wrong! But I just think a young Elvis would be sexy as all get out to play the hot doc. And Elvis can do blonde - have you ever seen "Kissin' Cousins?" Chew on that for awhile.**

Chapter 32

BPOV

I was captivated by the opera from the very beginning. The beautiful costumes and elaborate sets mesmerized me, and every note filled my body with a myriad of different responses - from joyous celebration to heart-wrenching sorrow. There was something about it that just hit so close to home, that by the end of the show, I had tears streaming down my cheeks.

I started to clap as the lights slowly came back on, but the pain that shot through my palms put an end to that pretty quickly. Embarrassed to not be able to show my appreciation, I turned to focus on Carlisle instead.

"Brava! Brava!" he yelled, a wide grin plastered to his face. For one of the first times, I saw true delight shining in his eyes for something that had nothing to do with me. I might never love opera that way that he did, but his happiness made me happy, and I was honored that he had shared it with me.

As the audience began to clear out, he turned to me with an expectant look on his face. "Well, what did you think?"

"I loved it," I sighed happily, wiping away the remains of any tears. "Thank you for bringing me here - it was amazing. This whole night has been amazing."

"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was a bit nervous you wouldn't."

"Do I seem that uncultured to you?" I laughed.

"Of course not. But opera isn't everyone's cup of tea," he said, smiling at me.

"No, I suppose not, but I don't think you have to worry about me."

He gave me a light kiss on the forehead. "Good. Now, would you mind if we stepped backstage to say hello to a colleague or two of mine, or would you rather just get home?"

"I don't mind - so long as you aren't putting off the inevitable."

He looked at me, confused. "The inevitable?"

"You OWE me, remember? From this morning?"

His eyes lit up like Christmas lights. "Ahhh, yes - I haven't forgotten. I pinky promised, remember? We can go take care of that right now, but it's up to you."

"That's what I like to hear," I said, linking my arm through his. "But it's okay; we can go schmooze for a bit first."

We left the auditorium, and I grew slightly nervous with each step as he guided me through a series of hallways until we reached a door marked "Private." He knocked gently, before opening it.

"Carlisle! Glad you could make it!" exclaimed the tall, light-haired man Carlisle had pointed out as the conductor.

"I wouldn't miss it, Alistair - you know that," he laughed, grabbing the man's hand and pumping it a few times. "Wonderful show, as per usual."

"Thank you. The flautist nearly lost it at the beginning of the third act, but she recovered nicely."

"I caught that! It was surprising; Rachel's usually a bit more composed than that..."

I shifted uncomfortably as the two of them bantered back and forth about missed cues and out of tune trumpets. Meeting new people was always nerve-racking for me, and I didn't want to embarrass myself or Carlisle by saying or doing something socially awkward - especially since this was such a big step for the two of us.

But I also didn't like feeling left out.

I was about to excuse myself to use the ladies' room when I heard Carlisle exclaim, "Oh my God, I almost forgot! Alistair, I'd like for you to meet Bella. This was her first opera."

Alistair eyes lit up. "Ahhhh, so _this_ is the Bella I've heard so much about."

I instantly felt relieved. Evidently, Carlisle had already talked about me to people, so there would be no need to hide anything from Alistair. It suddenly occurred to me that I could tell my friends, too. That thought alone put me totally at ease, and I made a mental note to call Jake sometime in the near future.

I put on my best smile, took a step forward, and held out my hand. "Hi, it's nice to meet you."

"My pleasure. I should have known who you were, but as it turns out, you're even more beautiful than Carlisle described, so please forgive me." He took my hand, drew it up to his lips, and kissed my knuckles softly as Carlisle playfully rolled his eyes. "So what did you think of your first opera experience?"

"It made me cry," I blurted out and both Alistair and Carlisle laughed.

"In a good way!" I quickly tacked on, joining them in their laughter.

"So we will be seeing more of you at our little shows then?"

"Oh yes, definitely."

Carlisle wrapped an arm around my shoulder and gave me a squeeze. "It will be nice to finally have some company at these things from now on."

I grinned back at him. "I'm game."

There was a knock on the door behind me, and Alistair called, "Come in!" gaily.

"I hope I'm not interrupting," said the pale, older woman as she strode through the door, almost like she owned the place.

"Dr. Meade. Of course not," Carlisle said, tightening his grip around me slightly. "How are you this evening?"

It didn't go un-noticed by me that he addressed her as doctor, and the familiar pangs of nervousness began to return to my body.

"Fine. I was just stopping by to congratulate Dr. Stalter on another fine performance." Her authoritative voice was unsettling to me - it wasn't necessarily cold, but it certainly wasn't warm. I looked to Carlisle for any kind of sign, but he was fixated on the woman.

"Thank you. I'm glad you thought so," Alistair replied. "It wasn't perfect, but we pulled it off."

"And then some. You did the University proud - please be sure to pass my appreciation along to the cast - they did a great job."

"I will."

"Have a good evening, Dr. Stalter," she said, turning back toward the door. "You too, Dr. Cullen."

Her eyes narrowed as they darted between Carlisle and I for a moment before settling on me alone. Her thin lips pressed into a tight line, then curled slightly, and I felt all the blood drain out of my face. I couldn't blush now, not even if I took a pie to the face right then and there.

He gave her a nod. "I will, thank you."

As soon as the door closed, it felt like the air in the room contracted, then relaxed.

"Who was _that?_" I managed to whisper.

Alistair exchanged a glance with Carlisle before clearing his throat. "That lovely breath of fresh air was Doctor Maria Murphy Meade."

"The head of the music department," Carlisle said, his voice low, as if she might be standing outside the door, listening. "Did she scare you?"

"No," I lied.

"Well, she scares the hell out of me!" Alistair burst out laughing.

I turned toward Carlisle. "I don't get it. I thought you said we were fine. Why did she look at me like she wanted to drink my blood?"

"We _are_ fine. That's just the way Dr. Meade is. I think she enjoys intimidating other people. Everyone is on pins and needles around her."

"But she doesn't even know who I am!"

"Oh, I'm pretty sure she did - considering I just talked to her about us this morning. It doesn't take a genius to put two and two together. But trust me, there's nothing to worry about."

"Carlisle is right, Bella. I've worked under her for a few years now, and it took me a long time to get used to her, but if she said that you two are free and clear, then she means it. She may not like it, but she knows the policy. And she's not cruel or unfair, even if she enjoys scaring the bejesus out of staff and students alike."

That didn't make any sense to me, but if Carlisle and Alistair said that there was nothing to worry about, I wouldn't let my intimidation consume me.

We stayed for a little while longer as a handful of other faculty and staff drifted in and out to offer their congratulations. It didn't seem that too many other people knew who I was - maybe just one or two - but they each exchanged the same knowing glance with Carlisle that made me feel warm inside. Even the ones who didn't know were friendly enough to me.

Eventually, Carlisle gave me questioning look, silently asking if I was ready to leave, and I nodded my head at him. He placed a hand at the small of my back and led me over to Alistair.

"Well, old friend, it's getting late, so Bella and I are going to head out now - you understand."

"Of course," he said, eyes twinkling. "Thank you both for stopping by tonight. Enjoy the rest of your evening."

"We will. I'll see you tomorrow." Carlisle responded, clapping him on the back.

"It was wonderful to meet you, Dr. Stalter. I'm sure I'll be seeing you in the future."

"Please, you make me feel like an old man - call me Alistair. And it was wonderful to meet you, too."

I held my hand out to shake his, but instead he leaned forward and kissed me gently on each cheek, pausing long enough to whisper into my ear, "You should have seen him after he talked to Dr. Meade this morning, my dear - he hasn't been this happy in a long time. What amazing powers you must possess."

I rolled my eyes at him, but smiled all the same. Carlisle cleared his throat and laced his fingers through mine. "That's enough, you two. Goodnight, Alistair."

"Goodnight," Alistair echoed, winking at me.

I gave him a wave with my free hand, and then Carlisle was leading me back through the maze of hallways.

"What was that all about?" he asked.

"Nothing," I said, shaking my head. "He was just paying me a compliment, that's all."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Care to share?"

"Nope. I'm keeping that one all to myself." I grinned.

We made our way back to the shiny black Mercedes, and I was pleased to discover that almost all of the cars had dissipated from the parking lot. We pulled up to my apartment in no time at all.

We were barely inside the door, when Carlisle attacked me.

He spun me around and pressed his lips hungrily against mine. Coats and cardigans puddled at our feet, as we pawed each other like horny teenagers. "I've been waiting to do this all night," he murmured, his breath warm and ragged at my ear. "You've been very patient."

"Good things come-" I started to say, before he started tasting me again. Due to the bandages, it seemed like forever since I had been able to feel Carlisle. My hands flew to his face, and my thumbs traced circles over his cheekbones while the tips of my fingers caressed the smooth skin of his jawline.

With a mutual gasp, our lips parted, and our tongues exchanged familiar pleasantries with each other. I wasn't aware that the zipper on my dress was being pulled down, until my back gave a small shiver from the cool air in my apartment. His fingers lingered on the newly exposed flesh before drawing my body even closer to his.

He kicked off his shoes, one of them landing against the wall with a loud "THWACK," and our kiss dissolved into laughter.

"You were so eager to commend me on my patience; now where's _yours?_" I panted.

"Long gone."

"Then let's not wait, shall we?" I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward my bedroom.

I closed the door behind us, and gave him a shy smile. Now was the perfect time for my little surprise, but I was at a loss as to how to bring it up - I had never been in such a position before.

"What?" he smirked. "What's that look for?"

I swallowed nervously. "I was just wondering...if you'd like to listen to a little music tonight?"

He furrowed his brow in confusion. "But I thought I owed you, remember? Why would you rather listen to music?"

"No!" I giggled. "I didn't mean _instead,_ I meant...you know...during."

"Oh, I see," he said, sitting down on my bed and rubbing his jaw. "What kind of music did you have in mind?"

"I, ummm...God, why is this so embarrassing?" I said, closing my eyes for a moment. "I made a playlist this morning while you were gone." I grabbed my iPod and waved it at him.

"And what songs are on this 'playlist?'"

"Just a little of this, a little of that." I set the iPod on my little speaker system and scrolled until I highlighted the new mix. "Do you want to start with slow and soft? Or fast and hard?" I giggled.

He laced his fingers behind his neck and leaned back against my headboard. "Surprise me."

"Okay." I scrolled some more, until I found the something familiar that I was looking for - "I Just Knew" by Better Than Ezra.

"By the way, your phone is blinking," Carlisle said, glancing over at the cell phone lying on my nightstand. "I think you have a message."

"It's probably just my mother. I'll call her tomorrow," I replied, pushing play on the iPod. The gentle sound of an acoustic guitar began to fill the room. "She worries too much."

I made my way over to the bed, tugging at the black fabric still clinging loosely to my body. With one subtle shift of my shoulders, the dress pooled around my ankles. I stepped out of it and my shoes as Carlisle began to remove the rest of his clothing. It was like watching someone unwrap the best Christmas present ever. I turned around and lifted my hair so that Carlisle could unhook my bra for me, and it joined my dress in a forgotten pile.

_When you walk in, the noise disappears_  
_Where you begin, is perfectly clear_

I spread my body on top of his and buried my face into his neck. I inhaled deeply, drawing his sweet toxins into my lungs. His cool hands slowly trailed down my back until they cupped my cheeks gently. He gave a small squeeze and I shivered against him.

_All this time, I felt so confused_  
_Then came you, and I just knew_

We took our time caressing, feeling each other, building the anticipation of what was to come.

_Well, I fell out when you picked up the phone_  
_When we go out, yeah, ya feel just like home_

_Home._ I felt the word lingering in the air, floating above us. Home was safe and secure. Home was warm and familiar. No matter where we were, Carlisle felt like home to me. I touched his face, tracing my fingertips over the smooth skin of his lips before pressing mine lightly against them.

_Do you think that I'm alright_  
_Shining through and I just knew_  
_And I just knew_

It was funny, not much had really changed between us, but somehow knowing that we had survived everything that had been thrown at us so far had sparked something new between us. The music faded and swelled in the background as we rediscovered each other.

_Come around and see me tonight, Darlin'_  
_Come around and make it all right_

I could feel Carlisle's growing erection pressing between my thighs, so I reached down and began to stroke him softly. He moaned appreciatively in response, and I knew I didn't want to wait any longer - screw foreplay. I shifted my body and slowly sank down upon him - losing my breath for a moment as he filled me. Carlisle's hands pulled me downward and captured a tender nipple between his lips. "Yes," I whispered. "Oh fuck, yes." His tongue drew circles around my hardening bud while I continued to calmly ride him. I was in no hurry. I wanted - no, needed - this to last as long as possible. I cried out his name as he bit down firmly, sending jolts of pleasure throughout my body.

_Come around and see me tonight, Darlin'_  
_Come around and make it all right_

He looked up at me, and my eyes met his, confirming that yes, everything was all right now.

We made it through most of my playlist that night before we fell asleep, equally satisfied, in each other's arms. Carlisle had more than made up for any lack of pleasure I had experienced earlier that day, and _I _certainly wasn't a selfish lover. Having a varying mix of songs seemed to have been a good idea. The Theme from Superman had brought an element of humor to our love making, while songs like "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails were great for releasing our inner animals. But far and away, our mutually favorite songs had been the slower ones. As I drifted into sleep, the lyrics of Norah Jones continued to play in my head.

_Come away with me in the night_  
_Come away with me_  
_And I will write you a song_

_Come away with me on a bus_  
_Come away where they can't tempt us_  
_With their lies_

_I want to walk with you_  
_On a cloudy day_  
_In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high_  
_So won't you try to come_

_Come away with me and we'll kiss_  
_On a mountaintop_  
_Come away with me_  
_And I'll never stop loving you_

_And I want to wake up with the rain_  
_Falling on a tin roof_  
_While I'm safe there in your arms_  
_So all I ask is for you_  
_To come away with me in the night_  
_Come away with me_

It was the most peaceful sleep I'd had in a long time.

That is, until I was awoken by the sound of my cell phone blaring in my ear. My hand flopped onto my nightstand, fumbling for the offending device with every intention of throwing it against the wall. I squinted at the blurry screen and saw a number I didn't recognize.

_Who the hell could possibly be calling me at 7:00 in the morning?_

I snapped the phone open. "Hello?" I mumbled.

"Bella? It's Edward."

_Figured._

**A/N: A big thank you to uhyesplease, StormDragonfly, and Annaleise Marie for helping me out with this chapter and encouraging me to finish it. You have them to thank for me not pulling this off FFn when I acted like a big baby. Thanks for reading, and remember - reviews are always welcome, but never required.**


	33. Chapter 33

**A/N: I own Twilight... **

**Made ya look!**

**Thanks for tearing yourself away from mad Brazilian Robsten stalking in order to read my lil' update. It means a lot! **

Chapter 33

BPOV

"Edward?" I said, still feeling half asleep. Carlisle shifted next to me.

"What the -?" he murmured quietly.

"Yeah. Just thought I'd let you know, we're just about ready to head on over," Edward replied.

I sat bolt upright - that sure woke me up. "Head on over? Here? Who's 'we'?"

"Angela and I. Didn't you get my message?"

"What message?"

"I left you a message last night!"

Realization dawned on me, and I slapped a hand to my forehead.

_Fuck._

"Sorry, I haven't listened to my messages yet. What the fuck is going on?" I demanded.

"I wanted to let you know that Angela was being released from the hospital this morning and will be heading back to Forks with her mom today. We need to stop by the apartments so that she can pick up some of her things."

"Now?" I felt Carlisle's hands start rubbing my shoulders gently. I turned and gave him a grateful smile.

"We have to meet Linda at 8:30. To be fair, I did tell you all about this last night."

"I went to the opera with Carlisle."

"Yeah. I bet that's all you were doing, too."

"That's really none of your business, Edward."

"Right," he snorted. "You know I didn't really have to give you heads up at all. It's still her apartment, after all."

I took a deep breath. "You're right. I'm sorry I didn't get your message, and I didn't mean to snap at you. So what are you saying though? Do I need to leave or something?"

"Whatever you want to do. I just wanted to let you know what was going on."

"Okay. Thanks, I guess."

I heard a noise and some muffled talking, before Edward spoke again.

"If you do leave, can you make sure to leave the door unlocked? Angela doesn't have her keys."

"Of course - no problem."

"Thanks, Bella. If I don't see you, I'll talk to you later, okay?"

"Alright. Bye."

I flopped down on my bed and groaned. Carlisle leaned over and kissed my forehead. "It'll be okay," he said, his voice soft and soothing. "Do you want to stay here? Or go to my place?"

I thought it over for a moment. "I think I should stay. I want her to know that she's welcome to come back when she...she gets better."

"I understand. But perhaps it's better if I take off though."

"Why?" I frowned at him.

"Well, if Edward's going to be here..."

I rolled my eyes. "What? You'll beat him up?"

He laughed. "No. I just think it'll make things easier if I'm not around to add any more stress to the situation. Edward seems like a button-pusher, if you know what I mean."

I did.

"Fine," I sighed. "You'd better shove off then; they'll be here soon."

I rolled off the bed and pulled a pair of shorts and a hoodie out of my dresser while Carlisle put his now wrinkled suit back on. The rumpled fabric, mussy hair, and light stubble on his cheeks provided a stark contrast to the debonair opera-going man from last night. I liked slightly disheveled Carlisle. A lot.

Damn Edward and Angela for effectively stopping anything before it could start.

"I'll call you this afternoon, but if you need me - don't hesitate to call. I mean it," he said as we made our way to the door.

"I will. This shouldn't take too long. I'm sure everything will be fine."

"Me too. I love you, and I'll see you later, okay?" He leaned down and cupped my face to give me a kiss to last through the rest of day.

"Love you, too," I replied as I watched him slip outside.

The timing was pretty spot on - I barely had enough time to brush my teeth and run a brush through my hair before I heard a knock and the sound of the door opening.

"Bella?" Edward called hesitantly.

"I'm here," I called back, putting a small smile on my face as I walked toward the living room. Best to start things out as pleasant as possible.

Edward grinned when he saw me. "G'morning, Bella."

"Morning, Edward. Hey, Angela. How are you feeling?" I said cautiously.

But Angela just stood close to the door, arms crossed over her chest like a sullen teenager. She gave me a curt nod, before turning to Edward. "So I guess I'll just go get my stuff."

"Do you want some help?" he asked, looking from Angela to me.

She shook her head. "No. Thank you. I'll be fine."

I watched sadly as she strode past me, her head down, arms still crossed. I sighed as I heard the sound of her door closing.

"So it's like that, huh?" I said.

"She's upset," he shrugged. "Can you blame her?"

"So she's not going to talk me?"

"She's not really talking to anybody, except me."

"Why you? You barely knew her before all this."

He shrugged again. "I dunno. I guess she just trusts me since I'm not one of the people who lied or tried to hurt her."

"You say that like I deliberately tried to hurt her. You know that's not true - this goes way beyond that stupid lie I told about Carlisle. She needs help, Edward. No one's _trying _to hurt her."

"I know that. I'm sorry; I didn't mean to imply anything. I guess I just feel sorry for her - she's scared and this can't be easy."

"I can't imagine how she must feel right now, but I wish she would talk to me." I gestured toward the kitchen. "Do you want some coffee?"

"Sure. Thanks," he smiled, following me into the kitchen. "And I'm sure Ang will come around. She just needs time."

"I hope so."

I started the coffee and then joined Edward at the table.

"So, I kinda thought Carlisle would be here when I called," he said, quirking an eyebrow at me.

"He was here, but he left just before you came. You just missed him."

"Awww, that's a shame. You didn't have to kick him out."

"Oh, I didn't," I snorted. "I wanted him to stay; he's the one who thought it was best that he leave."

"That scared of me, is he?" Edward laughed.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, go ahead and think that, why don't ya?"

"Seriously though, how's that working out? Angela told me how you guys are having an illegal affair; it must suck having to hide all the time."

"Actually, it's not illegal," I said calmly. "Carlisle talked to the head of the department, and we're not doing anything wrong. He's not my professor, so we don't have to hide our relationship."

He was silent for a moment, and I used the opportunity to check on the coffee and grab a couple of mugs out of the cupboard.

"Well, that's good," he said slowly. "Believe it or not, I'm happy for you."

I leaned back against the counter and studied him. "Are you?"

"In a way, yeah. Jealous as hell, but happy if you're happy."

"I am happy."

"Then that's all that matters."

I filled the two mugs and set one down in front of Edward. "Thanks."

He blew on the hot liquid for a moment. "So how'd you two kids meet, anyway?"

"At the library. I rammed him with a cart of books."

"You what?" he guffawed, nearly spilling his coffee.

"I accidentally drove a cart full of books into him," I giggled.

"Yeah, that sounds like your M.O."

"Pretty much. So we just kept running into each other, and then he told me about this book he's writing and wanted to know if I could help him - you know, 'cause of my English background - and it just sort of blossomed from there."

"Ahh, late night working sessions, turned into make-out sessions, huh?"

I smiled and took a sip of my coffee. "Something like that."

"Well, good luck with all that. I mean it."

"Thanks. So what's new with you? How's life on the med school fast track?" I asked.

"Busy. Between shifts at the hospital and trying to keep up with my classes, I'm about one step away from a nervous breakdown at any given moment."

"Your dad must be real happy though."

He rolled his eyes. "Ugh. You know it. He's already offered me a position at the hospital in Forks when I graduate."

"That's cool. It must be nice to know you have a job waiting for you."

"Sort of. I don't quite know how I feel about working next to my father for the rest of my life. Well, his life, anyway."

"You want to spread your wings and fly on your own, right?" I teased.

"That's just it, I kinda do," he replied, nodding his head vigorously.

I was happy that the enjoyable, easy-going Edward had returned, and we talked for quite awhile about his concerns for med school and working for his father. Eventually, the conversation turned to me and my plans for after graduation. Which, of course, I didn't have.

"So, what? You're just going to marry this Carlisle dude and be a trophy wife or Little Susie Homemaker for the rest of your life?" he laughed.

I wanted to tell him to shut the fuck up, that no, I wasn't going to be some lame trophy wife, but I couldn't. Not that there was anything wrong with being a homemaker, but it certainly wasn't how I'd ever pictured my future before.

"No one's talking about marriage, Edward," I said tersely. "We haven't even been together for a month."

"Edward?" came a soft call from the living room. "Could you come here for a second?"

"Be right there!" he answered, shoving his chair out from under the table. "Duty calls. And I was just teasing you, Bells. No big deal."

But it was a big deal. Kind of. I suddenly felt lost, thanks to Edward's little comment. I hadn't even thought about what kind of future I would have with Carlisle if I didn't get my shit figured out soon. Here I was, an English major with no desire to write or even teach, so where did that leave me? All I would get out of college was a worthless piece of paper and nothing to show for it?

Well, this sucks.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard Edward calling to me. "Hey, Bella! Angela's all packed up; I think we're gonna head out now, okay?"

"Okay," I replied, reluctantly sliding out of my chair.

Angela and Edward stood by the door, surrounded by three suitcases and several large duffel bags. He opened the door and started dragging the two biggest suitcases outside. Angela grabbed a bag and the smallest suitcase.

"Wait, Ang! Please?" I blurted out.

She stopped, her eyes darting questioningly to Edward, who met her gaze for a moment before giving a small nod. "I'll be right back for the rest of it."

"Take your time," I added as he closed the door after him.

Silence fell over the apartment.

I didn't know how to start.

"What?" she said flatly.

I took a few steps closer to her. "I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and I hope you come back soon - once you're better."

"I'm not sick."

"I know you don't think so, but things will get easier if you just let go of your anger and start the healing process. I really do want to you to come back."

"Why?"

"_Why? _Jesus, Ang - why _wouldn't _I want you to come back? I miss you more than you know!"

I moved toward her, stretching my arms out to her for a hug. I needed - no, _she _needed - to feel how much I still cared about her. She exhaled nervously, her eyes widening at my attempt for physical contact.

That's when it hit me.

I knew that smell anywhere.

Vodka.

"Oh, Angela - you didn't..."

She immediately stiffened and backed away from me.

"So, what if I did? I'm a legal adult, ya know!"

"I - I don't even know what to say to you."

"Don't worry - the look on your face says it all. I'm a fuck up. And that's all I'll ever be."

"That's not true! That's the alcohol talking, not you! Please, Ang - you have to believe me. You CAN get through this. I'll come visit every weekend if you want me to, I swear. I'll do anything I can to help you. Don't give up!"

"Why should I believe you? I asked you for help before, and what happened?" she accused.

"You know that's not how it was!"

Just then, the door swung open and Edward walked in. We both had tears streaming down our faces, and he took a moment to take in the situation.

"What the hell is going on?" he asked.

I looked at Angela, and cringed when I saw the anger and hatred in her eyes as she glared me.

"Ask Angela," I said quietly, turning toward my bedroom. "Or just smell her breath."

I closed my door, but even two inches of wood couldn't block out the resounding "BITCH!" that echoed through the apartment.

**A/N: A million thanks to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for all their hard work. They remind me of that really cool teacher you had back in high school that you just want to call up and thank every day because they're the only one who ever taught you anything. Thanks, ladies - you ROCK.**


	34. Chapter 34

**A/N: For the millionth time, I don't own Twilight or any of it's characters, etc. That should be obvious to anybody with a brain, or any creature that has a brain capable of rational thought because I suppose there _could_ be some genetically engineered genius dolphins reading this.**

Chapter 34

BPOV

I spent the next few hours alternately working on my homework and punching poor Emmett in the face. I was way beyond the sad stage - now, I was just angry.

It seemed that every time I calmed myself down enough to sit down at my desk and try to work on a few more logic problems, another thought of Angela and her situation would pop into my brain, and I'd get angry all over again. I knew people with addictions were difficult and desperate, but I never thought that my own best friend would become so lost to me. It pissed me off to know that Angela was somewhere inside that stranger's body, but I had no idea how to bring her back.

"UGH!" Frustrated, I threw my Principles of Reasoning book at the wall, just as Carlisle walked into my room. I hadn't even heard the front door open.

"Whoa. Bad day?" he asked, glancing at the book by his feet, then back to me.

"I HATE this!" I shouted as I shoved my chair away from my desk and started pacing back and forth. "FUCK Principles of Reasoning! I'm _never _going to need to know this shit. Why am I wasting my time on it?"

Carlisle looked somewhat amused. "Is that what this little tantrum is about? A Gen. Ed. math class?"

I glared at him. "I'm not having a tantrum. And you wouldn't understand - you said you were _good_ at math, remember?"

"I also said that I would help you, _remember?_ But I'm assuming you aren't just pissed about the math."

"You're right; I'm pissed at everything," I replied, plopping down onto my bed. "The math was just the icing on the cake."

Carlisle sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "Things didn't go as well as we hoped with Angela?"

"It was a disaster."

"Why didn't you tell me when I called earlier?"

I tilted my head up and pressed my lips briefly against his, trying to think of an acceptable excuse. "Because Emmett told me not to?"

"Bella, I'm serious."

"I don't know," I shrugged. "It's not like I was trying to keep it a secret from you. I just didn't feel like telling you over the phone."

"I see. So what happened?"

I leaned my head against his shoulder and took a deep breath before revealing the events that had transpired that morning. I chose to leave out the part about my conversation with Edward regarding my future because I wasn't quite sure how Carlisle would react to something like that. The last thing I wanted was for him to think that I was fishing for a proposal. I found it difficult to stave off the anger that began to bubble under my skin as I told him about Angela drinking in her bedroom, but as it turned out - a few sweet kisses from Carlisle actually settled me down.

"Well, I know this all sucks right now," he said when I was finished. "But it can only get better from here on out."

"Are you sure about that?" I asked dryly.

"Would you rather sit around thinking that it can only get worse?"

"Nooooo, but I just feel so helpless," I replied.

He drew me into his chest, rubbing my back soothingly despite my pathetic whining. "I know, but let's focus on the positive things."

"Which are?"

"She IS getting help. She knows that you want her to come back. You're getting your stitches out at the end of the week. And..." he said, tipping my chin up to his face. "I can kiss you whenever and wherever I want." He pressed his lips against mine for emphasis. "Now, that's pretty positive, don't you think?"

He let go of my chin, and it dropped to my chest. "I feel like an idiot. I'm sorry," I whispered. Carlisle was right. There was so much more to be happy about than be upset over. Why was it that he could always see the big picture when I couldn't?

"You've been through a lot; you're entitled to a little negativity now and then. But now that you've let it all out, it's time to move on."

"Fine," I sighed. "I think I can do that."

"Then why don't you go grab your poor Principles of Reasoning book, and I'll help you figure it all out."

"No," I groaned. "I've been working on that crap forever already."

"C'mon, it'll be fun. I promise."

"Math and fun do NOT go together," I grumbled as I retrieved the hated book from across the room.

A few hours later, we were stretched across my bed on our stomachs as Carlisle beamed at me proudly.

"I think you've got it!"

"By God, I think I do, too! It's a miracle!" I laughed. "You were right again, this was kind of fun."

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Kind of?"

"Well, it was a hell of a lot more productive than my TA makes it," I consented. "But I've got a long way to go before I brand this 'fun.'"

"Alright. Well, give me one more example of disjunctive syllogism, and I'd say we're done for the day."

"Okay," I replied, then bit my lip in concentration. "How's this? Either I want to make out with Carlisle or I want to rip my stitches out. I definitely don't want to rip my stitches out. Therefore, I want to make out with Carlisle."

He smirked at me with a twinkle in his eye. "Excellent example. You are officially, 'Teacher's Pet.'"

"Thank you, Professor," I cooed, rolling onto my back and pulling Carlisle on top of me.

"Looking for a little extra credit, are we?"

"I'm prepared to do whatever it takes to get an A, Professor," I giggled, wondering how long this would continue. I had never done any kind of role-playing before, but this was kind of fun.

"That's what I like to hear." His hand trailed lazily along the outside of my thigh before picking it up and hitching it over his. "A good education takes dedication, Miss Swan, and I feel personally responsible for yours."

"That's very kind of you, Professor Cullen, and I assure you, I am very dedicated." I slid my hands down his back and into the waistband of his beautifully tailored pants until they found purchase on the two firm globes underneath. I gave him a gentle squeeze.

"I must warn you, my teaching methods are slightly...unorthodox."

"Whatever it takes," I murmured as he pulled my hoodie up and over my head. I hadn't taken the time to put on either a bra or panties after Edward and Angela has left, so I was completely exposed now, save for the small pair of cotton shorts covering my bottom.

I stretched my arms over my head and arched my back while Carlisle admired the view.

"Excellent," he purred, running his palms over my breasts. "I see you already had two solid B's right here, under your sweatshirt."

I couldn't help it - I burst out laughing. That had to be one of the funniest things I'd ever heard, which is probably why role-play hadn't been a part of my sex life before today.

Carlisle tried hard to give me his best scowl while keeping in character, but I could see the corners of his mouth twitching. His shoulders began to shake, and soon he was laughing right along with me.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I gasped, trying to catch my breath. "I just wasn't expecting...that. Please, continue."

"I don't know if I can, Miss Swan. That was very disrespectful of you."

I reached for the buttons of his shirt and smiled innocently. "It won't happen again, Professor Cullen. I swear."

He shrugged out of the fabric and made quick work of his pants, until he was clad only in my favorite pair of black Calvin Kleins. Yummy. "See that it doesn't," he said sternly. "We don't need any setbacks in your...education."

I nodded solemnly before lifting my hips, allowing him to slide my shorts off of my body.

"First," he said, tossing them across the room and spreading my thighs. "I'll need to give you a good oral exam."

I blanched - this was still an area of slight difficulty for me. "Ummm, Carlisle -"

He wagged a finger in my face before I could finish. "Ah ah ah. I thought you said, 'whatever it takes.'"

"I know, but - WHOA MY GOD."

There wasn't time for any debate - the moment his tongue lapped lightly against my clit, I forgot that I was even about to protest. My eyes rolled up in my head and my breath hitched in my throat as Carlisle, excuse me, _Professor Cullen_ worked his magic.

His tongue darted against my inner walls, and I let out a muffled moan. My legs wrapped around his shoulders as he probed my most intimate area. He replaced his tongue with a few fingers and then drew my sensitive bud between his lips. The electricity surged between my thighs, growing more intense with each pulse.

I gently caressed his hair, my fists tightening involuntarily whenever a wave of pleasure overtook me - which was often - but Carlisle didn't seem to mind. His tongue, as well as his fingers, moved faster and faster inside of me, and it wasn't long before I was reaching the top of this roller coaster ride. My hips began to shake in anticipation as the sensation of it all became unbearable.

His finger pumped firmly inside me, while his lips nibbled and teased my aching nub furiously. Within moments, I was spasming as the roller coaster flew down the other side.

"Oh God, Carlisle!" I cried, barely able to keep my voice down. His fingers thrust back and forth, deeper than I thought possible, as if to pull every bit of pleasure out of my body and drink it up like a fine wine.

And it worked.

Oh, man, did it work.

His licking turned to delicate, feathery kisses as my orgasm ebbed. Panting, I slowly peeled my shaking legs from around his head.

"Did I, did I...pass?" I asked, propping myself up on my elbows.

"With flying colors," he replied, tugging down his boxer briefs.

I collapsed into a pile of jelly on my bed as he crawled up my body, until the tip of his erection pressed firmly against my slit.

"Give me an example of modus tollens," he growled suddenly.

"Are you serious?" I groaned. "I can't even remember my own name right now!""

"Do it!"

"Okay, okay!" I began to think frantically.

_Modus tollens, modus tollens. What the fuck was modus tollens again?_

_If P, then Q. Not Q. Therefore, not P._

"If Car - Professor Cullen comes, then he will go home. Professor Cullen hasn't gone home. Therefore, Professor Cullen hasn't come. Is - is that right?" I said, not sure if my brain was deceiving me or not.

The feeling of his cock suddenly pile-driving inside of me was all I needed to know that I had gotten it right. I wailed softly as I spread my legs wider for him, allowing every inch of him into my greedy pussy. He began a quick, yet steady rhythm and buried his face in my neck while my hands groped clumsily at his fleshy cheeks, holding on for what was sure to be the ride of my life.

But to my surprise, he stopped after only a few minutes.

"What's wrong?" I asked when he pulled out of me completely.

"Nothing," he replied. "I just want to try - turn over. Now."

I obediently turned over onto my stomach, ready for whatever he was planning. He reached under me and pulled my hips up into the air. I felt his still-hard length move between my legs, and understanding, I immediately moved onto all fours.

"Good girl," he whispered into my ear.

I took a deep breath as he entered me again, gliding smoothly between my wet lips.

This had to be part of some kind of reward, because I hardly felt worthy of such bliss. He held onto my hips tightly, guiding them as he filled me over and over again with sustained, controlled strokes. I countered his thrusts with my own, driving him impossibly deeper inside me.

Soon, my hands began to ache from supporting the weight of my upper body, so I dropped onto my elbows. Somehow the new angle was even better than before, and I started grunting like a cave woman each time he hit that special spot.

He leaned over me and reached around to rub my clit as he picked up the pace considerably. I moaned and shoved my ass back faster, harder. He fucked me full tilt, sweat coating our bodies in a filmy sheen.

"Now!" he commanded.

His movements became convulsive as I twisted and bucked beneath him. To his credit, he hung on and continued to plow into me with erratic, turbulent thrusts. His fingers expertly teased me where it counted, and I came apart with him as he filled me with deep, pulsating spurts.

Whoever said that men couldn't multi-task?

My legs gave out as Carlisle collapsed on top of me, panting. He rolled to the side and drew my back into his chest while we both recovered. He brushed my hair to the side and began planting kisses all over my neck.

"How was that, Miss Swan?" he whispered eventually.

"Best math lesson, EVER," was my only response.

**A/N: As always, a big thank you to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for all of their help - especially during the holiday. I didn't have a great Thanksgiving, but I am certainly thankful for all that they do for me. **


	35. Chapter 35

**A/N: Hey, remember this story I've been writing for - YIKES - a year-and-a-half now? Remember how I haven't updated it since...uhh, NOVEMBER? Yeah...my bad. **

**One thing - since that last update, I posted a o/s called, _You Put What, Where? _and I'm kinda proud of it. It's based on the fairy tale, The Princess and the Pea, and it won second place in the "Twisted Twilight Tales" contest as well as the "Thinking Outside the Box" Award a.k.a. "Best Non-Canon." It's on my profile, if you want to check it out. Please keep in mind the category it won if you get confused when reading it. **

**As it is and forever will be, Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the cash moneys that come with it. What a bitch.**

Chapter 35

BPOV

Thanks to _Professor Cullen_, I was completely caught up with all of my classes by Friday. Our little sessions had been both productive and exhausting. Even though I really only needed his help on Principles of Reasoning, I found that his "unorthodox methods" applied to almost any subject. After talking it over with Carlisle, I decided I would start going back to classes and possibly even work on Monday, because there was no real reason for me to stay home any longer, other than I just didn't want to. I wasn't looking forward to it, but at least we still had the entire weekend to ourselves.

We had spent a wonderful Saturday together: a late-morning movie, grocery shopping for me, and a trip to the dry cleaners for him. Carlisle had taken many opportunities to remind me that he could kiss me any time and anywhere, whether it was standing in line for popcorn, browsing the cereal aisle, or walking to his car with a plastic bag of suit jackets slung over his shoulder. Each time it felt more and more natural, and stoked the fires of happiness burning inside of me.

It was now early evening on Saturday night, and I was lying naked next to Carlisle in my bed. His fingertips trailed lightly up and down my arm as I curled myself into his body. The air in the candle-lit room was relaxed as I gazed up at the man who had given the word "love" real meaning to me.

I shifted onto my stomach and let my eyes rest on his perfect face and smiled. "Wanna take a little day trip tomorrow?"

"What did you have in mind?" he replied.

"It's a surprise."

"I don't know if I like surprises," he said, furrowing his brow at me.

"You'll like my surprise, I guarantee it."

"Well, can I get a hint?"

"Nope."

"Just one?"

"No way."

"Pretty please?"

"Ishk," I snorted. "Don't beg. It's very unbecoming on a man."

"Come on, I'll be missing the Cowboys game tomorrow for this so-called 'day trip,' I deserve at least a hint."

"Football? Is that all you can think about?" I groaned.

"No. I'll be thinking about your surprise instead if you give me a clue."

"No way, José. It's very simple: do you trust me?"

We stared at each other, our eyes narrowed, lips pursed. If he thought I'd break down, he was sadly mistaken. Finally, after a moment, he spoke.

"Fine. What time do we leave?"

Victory.

xXxXx

"So do I get to know where we're going yet?" he asked for probably the third time that Sunday as I drove his car along the freeway. I had originally planned to drive Big Red, my truck, but he had insisted that his Mercedes was better suited for the three-and-a-half hour journey. I had protested weakly, but secretly, I had always wanted to drive his car. And it was just as smooth and nerve-racking as I thought it would be.

"You haven't figured it out yet?" I teased. "Gee, Carlisle - don't you have a doctorate or something?"

"Very funny. We've been on the road for almost two hours now, I think it's okay to let me in on the secret."

"You'd think that, but I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out eventually."

He slammed his fists down on his knees in frustration. "Dammit, Bella! You're driving me crazy!"

I patted his leg reassuringly. "I know, baby. Hang in there!"

It wasn't until after another hour or so when traffic began to slow, that realization finally dawned on him.

"Bella, are we going where I think we're going?" he asked, reaching over and gripping my thigh tightly with excitement.

"That depends. Where do you_ think _we're going?"

"Are we going to the Cowboys game?"

"Ding ding ding ding!" I laughed. "You finally figured it out!"

"Oh my God, I fucking love you!" He leaned over and grabbed me around the neck, pulling me toward him, and planted a giant kiss on my cheek.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa - I'm trying to drive here! You wouldn't want me to crash your baby, now would you?"

"Sorry! I just got a little excited, that's all," he apologized sheepishly. "So we actually have tickets? Do you know what yard line they're on?"

"Yes, we actually have tickets," I said, rolling my eyes at the hyperactive six-year-old next me. "I'm not stupid. And I have no idea what yard line they're on."

"That's okay; it doesn't really matter. I'm sure they'll be awesome anyway. So how did you manage to pull this off? I thought this game was sold out."

"I have my ways," I said slyly.

"Oh, come on. Tell me, please."

"Alright, alright. I'll spill," I finally conceded. "A few days ago, I called my friend Jasper from Phoenix, 'cause I knew he was from Texas and thought he might know of a way for me to get my hands on some tickets. I figured it was a long shot, but as it turns out, he married this really famous designer named Alice, and apparently she has, like, a million connections. Jasper's a big fan of the Cowboys as well, and she gets them tickets all the time - even to the away games, like this one. He was more than happy to help me out, and here we are!"

"Remind me to send your friend and his wife a really, really nice Christmas present." Carlisle sighed, leaning back in his seat. It amused me to look over and see his leg bouncing up and down uncontrollably.

After I parked the car a million miles away from the stadium, we walked around until we found the will-call window. Just as Jasper had promised, there was an envelope with my name on it waiting for us. The gentleman handed it to me with a big smile and said, "Here you go - enjoy the game!"

I thanked him and then handed the envelope to Carlisle.

He opened the envelope and looked inside. Suddenly, he placed a hand over his heart and stumbled backward a few steps. "Bella!" he choked out before pulling me into a giant bear hug.

"Okay, either we have REALLY good seats, or you're having a heart attack," I gasped. "Please let it be good seats."

"Bella, these are BOX seats. On the 40 yard line!"

"Wow! Jasper didn't tell me that! I guess we _definitely_ have to get them a good Christmas present now!"

Like a man possessed, Carlisle grabbed me by the wrist and practically dragged me through security, down the winding tunnels, and up the stairs until he found the door leading to our seats. I had to admit, the suite was pretty amazing. While it wasn't very large, there were two tiered rows of five seats behind a large glass window overlooking the field that could be slid open if we wanted.

The only downside I saw was that the whole room was decked out in the opposing team's colors. Carlisle wrinkled his nose at the discovery and informed me that God knew he was a Cowboys fan, and was apparently trying to test him. "But I will not be swayed," he assured me with a smirk.

After a few minutes of oohing and aahing over the view, a man walked in and announced that he was there to see that we had everything we wanted. All food and drinks would be free, and he would bring us any merchandise to look at and purchase if we so desired. Which of course, Carlisle did, until he realized they only had the home team's gear. I was pretty sure it was killing him to not be wearing some kind of Cowboys gear, rather than the simple gray pullover and jeans he was currently sporting. Being the wonderful girlfriend I was, I reached into the oversized purse that I never used and pulled out one of his rumpled Dallas t-shirts.

"Are you serious?" he cried.

"I'm always prepared, babe." I smiled.

"I should have known. Thanks." He leaned down and gave me a long kiss. "You're the best. But didn't you bring something for yourself?"

I shot him a pointed look and unzipped my jacket to reveal his old Troy Aikman jersey. "I can't believe you didn't notice that I was wearing my jacket all morning to hide it!" I laughed.

"I thought you were just cold!"

"Damn, I'm good," I replied as he began removing his pullover. I heard a noise at the door, so I turned to see who might be joining us. It would have been silly of me to think that we would have this box all to ourselves. I recognized the three beautiful women instantly. "Oh shit, Carlisle," I giggled. "You'll never believe who just walked through the door."

"Who?" was his muffled response.

"It's the Denali Sisters - all three of them: Kate, Tanya, and Irina!" I hissed.

"Is Irina the one with the big ass and the sex tape?" he whispered.

"No, that's Kate. Irina's the one who had the baby with that smarmy dude."

"Oh God, and they're going to be sharing this box with us?"

"So it would seem."

He pushed his arms through the t-shirt and frowned at me as the sisters cackled loudly at something probably unimportant. "I swear, if they ruin this game for me..."

I grabbed his arm and pulled him to the seats, pushed him down, and slid onto his lap. "They're not gonna ruin the game. It's just you and I in here, okay?" I kissed him softly behind his ear for emphasis. "Better?"

He took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. "Better."

"So, tell me," I continued, trying to ignore the noisy chatter going on behind us. "Did you play football in high school?"

"I wanted to, but my father wouldn't let me."

"Why not?"

"Oh, you know, the usual parent crap - it's too dangerous; it would take away my focus for piano, blah blah blah."

"Did you ever try to prove him wrong?" I asked, lightly stroking his slightly stubbly cheek with the back of my hand.

"No," he sighed. "I wish I had, though. My father didn't know about it, but I used to play on an intramural flag football team in college for fun. I was actually pretty good."

"So he never got to see you play, then? That must have been frustrating."

"Nope, never," he replied, shaking his head - his voice slightly bitter. "Well, anyway - you regret not taking ballet, I regret not playing football. I swear, if we ever have kids someday, we're going to let them pursue their dreams and support them no matter what."

His words momentarily stunned me. Did he just mention having kids with me? I looked at him for an answer, but his eyes were far away as he gazed absently at the field below us.

Kids were not something I had ever seen in my future - not even something I had ever considered before. But of course, Carlisle would have, wouldn't he? After all, he had been ready to marry Esme. Surely, the topic of children had been raised with her. Was that part of the reason they weren't together anymore? Her cheating on him had certainly been the main cause of their break-up, but he had also said that "the timing wasn't right" hadn't he? What if Carlisle had wanted kids, but Esme didn't? Was that a deal-breaker? Was that why she turned to another man?

Kids. I didn't even know what to _think _about me and kids.

"Bella? Hello? You okay?"

"Kids," I murmured absently, still lost in my thoughts.

"I'm sorry?"

"Huh?" I shook my head, snapping myself back to reality. "I mean, I'm fine. How are you?"

"You went away for a little bit there," he smiled at me. "Were you dancing at the Stuttgart again?"

"Not exactly, but it's not important, at least not now anyway. I hope."

"Are you sure?" Carlisle reached up and brushed a stray lock of my hair off of my forehead. "Talk to me."

I took a deep breath - did I really want to have this conversation now? "It's nothing, really - I was just a little thrown when you said, 'if we have kids someday.' Momentary freak out, that's all."

He was silent for a moment as he took in what I said. "I see."

I shifted uncomfortably in his lap. That wasn't quite the reaction I had been hoping for. "I'm sorry, it's just that I've never really thought about it before, ya know? But you've probably thought about it a million times already and it's no big deal. But I'm - I just, God, I don't know what I'm trying to say."

Carlisle chuckled softly. "It's okay. I didn't mean to freak you out. Yes, I've thought about kids before...when I was with Esme." he said, confirming my suspicions. "And I admit, I do want children someday, but that's years down the line. And if you don't want kids, sweetheart, well, I might be disappointed, but...that certainly doesn't change how I feel about you."

"I didn't say I didn't want kids someday, it's just that I had never thought about it." I wrapped my arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. "But if I ever do have kids," I whispered into his ear. "I'd want them to be with you."

He squeezed me back so tightly I thought he was going to snap my spinal cord. "I love you," he grunted.

"I love you, too. But Carlisle?"

"Mmmhmm?"

"I think we just missed kickoff."

xXxXx

The game was awesome - Cowboys dominated all four quarters of football, which made Carlisle as happy as a clam. The stream of tabloid fodder trickling in and out hadn't even bothered him after the 'Boys had scored their first touchdown. Though I had to admit that I had stared at some of them with fascination because honestly, when would a small town girl like me ever bump elbows with celebrities ever again?

We made our way back to the Mercedes, and I reluctantly handed the keys to Carlisle. "She's all yours again," I said. But to my surprise, he tossed them back at me.

"Go on, drive. I know you want to."

I stared at him in shock. "Really? Are you sure?"

"It's the least I can do to say thank you for one of the best days of my life."

"ALRIGHT!" I cried, climbing into the driver's seat before he could change his mind. But Carlisle just smiled as he slid in next to me. I turned the key and winked at him as I revved the engine a few times for good measure.

"Don't push it," he laughed. "You break it; you buy it."

I put the car in gear and nodded as solemnly as I could to hide my excitement. "Understood."

The sky gradually turned from a lovely shade of blue to a soft pink and finally to black while we flirted and rehashed the highlights of the game. Perhaps it was the fact that I had the first drive under my belt or maybe it was something else entirely, but I had never felt so free and confident before as I steered the vehicle along the highway.

"Do you mind if we stop by my place before we go back to your apartment?" Carlisle asked as we were nearing home. "I need to grab some clothes and things for tomorrow."

"No problem," I replied. "Or...we can always swing by _my _apartment first and spend the night at _your _place. You do realize that I've yet to spend the night in your bed, right?"

"That's true," he smirked at me. "Maybe we should remedy that."

"I think we should," I giggled, stepping on the gas a little harder.

Once we reached my apartment, I grabbed my stuff and ran back to the car in record time. Call me overexcited, but having never spent the night under Carlisle's sheets, I didn't want to waste a single minute more than I had to.

"That was fast," he commented as I tossed my bags in the back seat. "Are you sure you have everything?"

"Don't know, don't care. Besides, if I'm with you-" I leaned across the seat and pulled his lips to mine, "what more could I possibly need?"

"Point taken. And I believe you have something I need tonight, too," he said suggestively, running his hand along my thigh. "I'd start driving if I were you."

We giggled like horny teenagers as we ran from the car to his front door. Before I could unlock it though, I found myself pinned between him and the frame. His mouth devoured my own as I clawed desperately at his Cowboys t-shirt, pulling him impossibly closer. "Fuck, Bella," he murmured against my skin. "I want you so bad right now."

"Well, unless...you want your neighbors...to see the show," I gasped between kisses. "You'd better let me...unlock the door."

I assumed his responding groan was consent, and as I fumbled for the right key, he grabbed the nearly three days worth of mail from the mailbox.

I had barely opened the door before he had tossed the thick stack of paper on an end table and started hauling me toward the stairs.

But nearly four hours on the road and all-you-can-drink soda had taken their toll on my bladder. "Wait!" I cried, reluctantly pulling my hand from his grasp. "I'm sorry, but I have to umm, use the facilities first."

Carlisle sighed loudly and rolled his eyes. "Okay, but you'd better hurry!"

"I will," I promised, giving him a quick kiss on the tip of his nose before dashing off to the bathroom.

I tried to hurry - really, I did. But after I was done, something caught my eye in the mirror. I leaned over the mirror and studied my reflection. Something looked different. I didn't see the same girl with mousy brown hair and a too-full upper lip I'd always seen, staring back at me anymore. Instead, I saw a young, confident woman. The woman I was capable of being - and she looked...happy.

Happy.

Not just horny. No longer desperate. Not over-analyzing.

Just happy.

How long had it been since I had been able to _truly _say that of myself?

The woman in the mirror smiled at me, her eyes full of love - not just for the man who possessed her heart, mind, and soul - but love for herself. This woman didn't know where her life was going, but it didn't matter because with Carlisle by her side, she knew she could do anything she wanted. She was a self-assured woman who wasn't scared of having or not having kids someday.

I don't know where she had been hiding all these years, but I was ready to embrace her.

"C'mon," I whispered to her. "Let's not keep him waiting."

I strolled confidently back to the living room, ready to seduce and envelop Carlisle with the same happiness consuming me. To my surprise, he was sitting on the couch, one hand clamped over his mouth and the other tightly holding a sheet of paper.

"Carlisle?" I said softly. He lifted his face to look at me, and I knew in that instant that whatever that piece of paper said, it couldn't be good. "What is it?"

He opened his mouth, but nothing came out. Instead, he held the letter out to me. I removed it from his trembling hand and began to read.

"Professor Cullen, you are hereby notified that an anonymous complaint has been brought against you regarding an inappropriate relationship between you and Isabella Swan, a student of this University. Please be advised that an investigation..."

The paper floated lightly to the ground as my eyes met Carlisle's.

"Angela."

**A/N: A huge thank you to my girls uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for helping me with this chapter and for putting up with me in general. I don't know why they bother sometimes, but I'm grateful that they do. Also, thank you to everyone who sent me reviews, tweets, and pm's basically telling me to get off my duff and write. Sometimes I forget that some people actually care about this lil' story, and I very much appreciate the reminders that I'm not just writing this for myself. **


	36. Chapter 36

**A/N: BIZZAM! Another update! And it's NOT 3 months later! WINNING! I don't own Twilight or its characters - they all belong to that vatican assassin warlock, Stephenie Meyer. **

Chapter 36

BPOV

"I'm going to kill her," Carlisle snarled, snatching the letter off the floor. "Anonymous complaint, my ass! That coward. If she wants to try and ruin my career, she should at least have the _balls_ to slap her own name on it!"

"I don't understand," I said to him. "I though you said we were fine. How can she ruin your career? What is there to investigate?"

"I'm not sure," he replied, rubbing his temples. "But this isn't good, Bella. The Office of the Provost wouldn't send me this letter for an unfounded complaint."

"This is crazy! You aren't even my professor!" I protested as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. "Who are you calling?"

"First, I'm calling Dr. Meade. Then I'm calling an attorney."

"An attorney? Oh God, do I need an attorney?"

His fingers scrolled like mad over the small device. "I don't know."

"Fuck! I should have known she would do something like this, but then again, I also thought we were in the clear."

"We ARE in the clear. She obviously lied about us. This stupid 'investigation' will prove that. Hello? Dr. Meade? Yeah, hi, it's Carlisle Cullen."

He didn't give any indication that he wanted privacy for the call, so I sat down on the couch and nervously folded my hands together.

"Yes, I just got it today...I'm afraid I don't understand what the complaint is about...Are you serious?...No, I didn't lie to you...That's ridiculous, she was just helping me - she wasn't paid or anything."

Paid? What the hell was he talking about?

"Listen, I understand what this looks like, but I'm telling you - the girl who made this complaint is sick. She's Bella's former roommate and...I know the complaint was anonymous, but I'm not stupid - it had to be her, Maria!"

I could see Carlisle's face turning a deeper shade of red the angrier he became, and I shrank further into the couch with anxiety.

"Fine! Well, I'm calling an attorney, Maria. And I'd appreciate a little support from you. We didn't do anything wrong, and I intend to prove that...Goodbye," he snapped, before launching the phone across the room. Luckily, it hit the back of an armchair and fell with a soft thud to the seat cushion.

I looked at him expectantly. "So...?"

"So, the problem is...they believe you were my employee," he growled, raking both hands roughly through his hair. "And a relationship between employer and employee is 'expressly forbidden.'"

My mouth dropped. "Your employee? How was I your employee?"

"Apparently, you helping me with my book qualified you as my 'research assistant.'"

"That's what this is about?" I snorted angrily. "Well, some research assistant I turned out to be - we only met a few times for...wait."

"What?"

"Carlisle, I never told Angela I was helping you with your book."

He looked at me with confusion. "What do you mean?"

I shook my head. "I mean, she couldn't have known I was helping you with your book unless someone told her. Oh shit..."

"Oh shit, what?"

"Edward must have told her," I sighed, burying my face in my hands. "He knew."

"How the hell did Edward know?"

"Because...I kind of told him the story of how we met when Angela was getting her stuff out of the apartment."

"Jesus Christ, Bella, why would you do that?"

"I don't know! He asked me! How was I supposed to know it could be used against us?"

"It was none of his damn business in the first place!" I flinched as his voice shook the air in the room. "Now we don't know if it was that little maggot or Angela that made the complaint!"

"Don't yell at me," I glared at him. "I'm not the enemy! I know it was stupid, but Edward wouldn't do that to me."

"Right, because ex-boyfriends never try to fuck with their exes," he replied, rolling his eyes.

"Not Edward. He said he was happy for me, and I believe him."

"So happy for you that he would give Angela the ammunition to use against us? Great. That's just wonderful."

He had a point. Why would Edward tell Angela what I had told him? It didn't make sense, but neither did him submitting the complaint either. But truly, it could only be one scenario or the other...

"You're right," I said softly. "I don't know what to believe. I need to call Edward."

"I don't think that's a good idea," he replied. "If he's the one who made the complaint, then speaking to him could just make things worse. He'll twist your words and use them against us."

"But I know Edward..." I started to say. But in truth, I didn't seem to know him anymore, did I? Whether he was the one who stirred up this shit or instead gave the power to Angela, he clearly wasn't the person I thought he was. "What do we do, then?" I asked helplessly.

Carlisle glanced at his watch and then slumped down next to me on the couch. "Well, I don't think I can speak to an attorney tonight, but I'll find one tomorrow and see what they say. So until then, all we can do is wait."

"I'm so sorry about all of this," I said after a minute. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

He seemed to soften, and wrapped his arm around my shoulders. "I know."

"But we are going to fight this, right? Angela, Edward, we're not going to let them win, are we?"

"Of course not," he assured me. "I'll get the best damn attorney money can buy, if need be, to straighten this all out."

"Carlisle, that's well and good for you, but what am I supposed to do? I can't afford an attorney, and I doubt my parents can either, let alone one of the best."

"Don't worry about it. I inherited plenty of money after my parents' death. I'm sure an attorney can represent the both of us, if needed."

"When is the investigation?"

"I'm not sure. It may have already started for all I know."

We drifted into contemplative silence, but after a few minutes, I swung my leg over his thigh until I was straddling his lap and pressed my forehead against his. "I hate this," I said softly.

"Me, too," he breathed.

My thumb absently swept over his bottom lip. "But whatever happens, happens, right? We stay together. None of this breaking up for the greater good bullshit, right?"

"Right," he said, gently capturing my thumb between his lips. "Trust me, I've learned my lesson."

"Good," I whispered, sliding off his lap. "One less thing to worry about." I grabbed his hand and pulled him off the black leather. "C'mon. Let's go upstairs."

"Bella, is this really the right time?"

"What? You'd rather sit down here and stew about something we have no control over right now?"

"No, I just don't know if I'm in the mood."

"That's fine," I replied, pulling the Aikman jersey up and over my head before gently flinging it in his face, "I don't know if I am, either. But like you said, we're not going to solve anything tonight, so I'd rather go to go to bed or have some fun before the shit storm hits us full blast."

"Well, when you put it that way..." he said, as I drew his hand over my shoulder, leading him toward the stairs.

"You know, Woody Allen once said that sex alleviates tension."

"He also said that love was the cause of it," he answered, following me up the steps. His now discarded belt fell with a resounding clunk to the floor.

xXxXx

There was a small knot in my stomach as Carlisle dropped me off at my apartment early the next morning with a kiss and a promise to call me as soon as he had talked to a lawyer. I tried to busy myself with a shower, some breakfast, and gathering my books for class, but the knot simply refused to yield. I tried to tell myself that everything would blow over, but those quiet nagging doubts kept creeping in. Who was I to say that even if we jumped this hurdle that Angela wouldn't just have another one waiting for us?

I reluctantly left for my classes and work, clutching my cell phone tightly in my pocket in case Carlisle called with news. I knew I'd eventually have to speak to my parents about what was going on, but ever the procrastinator, I wanted to wait until I had all the facts first. My mother would be supportive, of that I was sure, but my father...well, he was hard to read sometimes. When I'd told him of my relationship with Carlisle, he'd merely grunted his congratulations and then asked me what the weather was like.

My classmates were curious about my absence, and their constant inquiries about my hands only served to remind me of how quickly everything had fallen apart with Angela. Even my boss Nancy had a million questions about how it had happened and how I was feeling. I wanted to scream at all of them to just leave me alone, but I tried my best to keep calm.

Finally, I received a text message from Carlisle asking if it was alright to talk to me. I excused myself to Nancy, explaining that I needed some fresh air and wanted to take my break.

I wandered into the courtyard and found a small cement bench far enough away from the groups of students studying and chatting.

"So...what's the word?" I asked him hesitantly.

"Well, I talked to Dr. Meade this morning, and she referred me to an attorney - J. Jenks - who can advise us." I let out a small sigh of relief before he continued. "But since this is an internal investigation conducted by the department, he can't officially represent us."

"Well, that sucks."

"I know, but I told him about our situation and he feels that we have a strong argument - you weren't my student, you weren't 'officially' a research assistant, so I had no reason to disclose that to Dr. Meade when I told her about us."

"So why are they even bothering with an internal investigation? Can't we just tell them that?"

"All complaints have to be taken seriously by the University," he explained. "It not only protects the students and faculty, but the University itself. Anyone could make up the most ridiculous lie about me, like, I'm selling crack to my students during class, and the U would have to treat it like any other complaint."

"I see," I replied, managing a small laugh. "So what does this internal investigation entail?"

"Basically, it consists of a three-person panel, made up of neutral parties. They'll talk to me, and they'll talk to you, as well as the complainant - "

"Which means Angela, right?" I interrupted.

"Well, we can only assume it's her. The complainant remains anonymous unless they decide to have their identity revealed."

"Whatever happened to the right to confront your accuser?"

"This isn't a court of law, Bella. The University wants to encourage people to come forward with complaints - not just of this nature - without the fear of retaliation or harassment from staff or peers."

"Oh." Well, that made sense, I guess.

"So anyway, the panel will decide whether or not there lies a conflict of interest in our relationship, and what steps to take from there."

"Steps like what?"

"Well, if they find no conflicts, then we're free and clear...again, so to speak," he chuckled quietly. "But if they think that I lied about our relationship or that there is a conflict of interest, I could be disciplined."

My blood ran cold. "Disciplined? Like, fired? Can they do that?"

"They could, but that's highly unlikely based on the circumstances. But they can deny me tenure or a promotion, or they could file a grievance against me."

"Oh my God, a grievance? What the hell is that?"

"Don't worry about it, because I seriously doubt any of that will happen. According to Mr. Jenks, all we have to do is be honest, and he's sure they'll see that Angela's complaint is completely unfounded."

"I sure hope so," I sighed.

"That said, have you spoken to your parents yet?"

"No, not yet. I'm done here at the library at 4, so I'll probably call them afterward."

"But aren't you supposed to be getting your stitches out at 3?"

"Ugh, you're right," I groaned. "I completely forgot. I better go tell Nancy that I have to leave soon."

"Do you want me to pick you up and take you? I can skip my office hours today."

"No, that's okay, I'll just take the bus; it's not far. But thank you."

"Alright then, but be safe."

"I will. See you tonight?"

"Be there around 6. Love you."

"Love you, too."

I snapped my phone shut and closed my eyes. I sat on the cold cement bench for a few minutes longer, trying to convince myself that Carlisle was right. As scary as some of the outcomes had sounded, certainly the truth would prevail. If the panel was going to speak to Angela, it wouldn't be long before they saw that she was a girl with issues and a vendetta. They had to.

Nancy was completely understanding about my needing to leave early, "Poor thing," she had cooed while I gathered up my belongings. "You've got a lot on your plate, don't you?"

"More than you know," was my mumbled reply as I slipped out the door.

**A/N: A most grateful thank you to my lovely ladies, uhyesplease and StormDragonfly. I love you more than I love making fun of Kristen Stewart - and that's a SHIT TON!**


	37. Chapter 37

**A/N: Here we go - another installment of everybody's favorite fic...Clementines!**

**Okay, so it's not _everybody's_ favorite fic. And I don't even own the characters - lame, I know. But I'm having fun and loving all your comments about whodunnit and how Angela's such a bitch and that Carlisle is fucking hot. Thank you for making me smile with every alert that hits my inbox - you guys ROCK.**

Chapter 37

BPOV

I sat in the cheerless, colorless waiting area of the hospital, biding my time until my name was called. As I sat flexing my soon to be free fingers, I found myself wondering if Edward was working today. I knew Carlisle didn't think it was a good idea to speak to him, but if I could only find out whether it was him or Angela who made the complaint...

No, I needed to push those thoughts out of my head. It would be like going behind Carlisle's back, and we didn't need any more added stress right now.

Finally, the nurse called my name, only to usher me in to another boring room to wait some more. After what felt like forever, Dr. Gerandy made his appearance.

"Hello, Bella," he greeted me warmly, rolling a small table and chair over to me. "How are you doing today?"

"I'm doing okay, thanks."

"And how is your friend? Angela - was that her name?"

"Umm, yes. Angela's...fine. She's at home in Forks with her family now."

"That's good to hear. She sounded like a very troubled young girl - she's very lucky to have a friend like you."

I shifted uncomfortably. "Yeah, right," I mumbled. "I just did what anyone else would have done."

"Don't be so modest, Bella, you deserve a lot of credit. A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out, and you did the right thing," he said, the corners of his eyes wrinkling warmly at me. "Now, let's take a look at those hands."

xXxXx

Dr. Gerandy's words still echoed through my mind as I navigated the dizzying maze of hallways and elevators toward the exit. I had tried to be a good friend to Angela. Really, I had. But she was the one who kept pushing _me_ away. What more could I do? And now with this complaint, how could we possibly repair our shattered friendship?

And yet, despite everything, I missed her.

"Are you just going to stand there all day?" I heard a voice say from behind me.

Dear God, would I ever be able to come to this hospital without running into Edward? Not that I was surprised, but jeez - was the dude just stalking me now?

"Maybe."

"You've been standing in front of the elevator for like, five minutes."

"Hmmm, is that so? Thank you for pointing that out to me." I reached out and pushed the button with my finger, fighting every instinct I had to throw him against the wall and demand he tell me what the hell had happened.

"I saw you were getting your stitches out, so I thought I'd say hello."

"Hello," I replied as politely as I could.

"Well? Can I have a look?"

I instinctively folded my hands under my armpits. "No, that's okay."

"Why not?"

"Because. That's why."

"Ummm, just taking a stab in the dark here, but is something bothering you?"

Okay, so either Edward clearly wasn't the one who complained, or he deserved an Academy Award for this clueless performance. I hedged my bets on the former. Edward was a terrible actor from what I'd seen in our school's production of Romeo and Juliet.

"Nope. Everything's just peachy keen with me," I lied. The doors opened and I stepped inside with Edward right behind me.

"C'mon, something's not right - you're trying to act all aloof, but you're not that good of an actress."

Touché. Neither one of us was a good actor.

"Talk to me," he continued.

"Edward, even if something was wrong, you would be the last of all people I would speak to about it," I sighed, tapping the button for the lobby a few times for good measure.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget it."

"No. I want to know what you meant. Why am I the last person you'd speak to? What did I do?"

"Ummm, let's see - you slept with my best friend, for starters," I replied, not caring that my voice was rising. "And _then_ you tried to kiss me that very same night - TWICE. AND you tried to pick a fight with my boyfriend. Need I go on?"

"Shit, Bella - I already said I was sorry," he hissed back. "I thought we moved past that."

"I thought so, too. Excuse me," I muttered, brushing past him as the doors opened.

"So, if it's not me, then I guess you're having trouble in paradise, then?" he called after me.

I stopped in my tracks.

"That's it, isn't it?"

I turned to face him. "And what would you know of my troubles?"

"Nothing. So, tell me - what did he do? Dump you for some older chick or something?"

I narrowed my eyes. Good ol' Edward - as wrong as he was, he always knew which buttons to push, and I would NOT give him the satisfaction of thinking he was right. "And why should I talk to you about anything? Maybe you'll just go blab to Angela again."

He looked momentarily taken aback. "Again? What do you mean, again?"

"Just never mind, Edward. I'm sure you'll figure it all out eventually. Goodbye."

"Real mature, Bella!" he called after me, as I pushed through the double doors. "What are we, in junior high?"

I didn't answer him, didn't cast him a second glance. I couldn't. Even though I was pretty sure by his reaction he wasn't the one who complained, I didn't want to break my promise to Carlisle any more than I already had.

Still, as ridiculous as it seemed, I hated to leave Edward hanging like that. I'd gone for several years seeing him only on occasion and being civil, and that had suited me just fine - and now to treat him like he had the plague didn't seem quite fair.

The bus ride home was long and crowded; by the time it dropped me off only a few blocks from my apartment, my head was spinning, and I felt slightly nauseous. I welcomed the cool air of the approaching twilight on my skin as I slowly walked toward my home. The little park I used to visit with Angela was empty and lonely-looking as I passed by. I paused for a moment, staring at the forgotten swings, and drew the zipper of my jacket higher, before stuffing my hands in its pockets and moving on.

I wasn't surprised to see an envelope from the University waiting for me in my mailbox. I didn't even bother to open it. However, I wasn't expecting to see a letter with Angela's return address in Forks. Once inside, I slit the envelope open with my shaking finger and found a letter from Angela's mom, Linda.

_Dear Bella,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Kevin and I just wanted to say thank for all of your help with Angela. While every day is a struggle with her, we both would like to assist you financially with the rent and any other utility costs you might incur without a roommate. Please accept this check as a small token of our gratitude for saving our daughter's life. We love you, and if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to ask._

_Sincerely,_

_Linda Weber_

I stared at the check in disbelief. In truth, I hadn't even thought of the money issues I might be facing. But I couldn't possibly expect the Webers to keep paying Angela's half of the rent. Did I need to post an ad on Craig's List? Or even _move?_

I tossed the letter on the kitchen table along with the rest of the mail and pulled out my cell phone.

"Hi, Mom? We need to talk."

xXxXx

Two phone calls later, I had told my parents everything - they were concerned to say the least, especially my father. But that was the cop in him - he'd be ready to arrest Angela and throw away the key at a moment's notice, and for once, I appreciated that. While they felt for my predicament, neither one made any offers to give me any money, and I couldn't bring myself to ask them for any either. Of course, my mother kept offering to book the next flight to apartment hunt with me, but I assured her that wasn't necessary. As much as I loved my hippy mother, I didn't want to end up living in a mud hut or tree house, and these were certainly not the circumstances I wanted her to meet Carlisle under.

I drummed my newly freed fingers along the smooth surface of the table as I stared down at the letter from the University. I usually considered myself to be a pretty patient person, but oh, how I wished there was a way to fast-forward to a point in my life where this was all behind me.

Eventually, I pulled my eyes away from the mail and dutifully turned to my homework. How proud _Professor_ Cullen would be to know what a breeze my Principles of Reasoning class had been today. I had been able to jump right in and understand everything the TA was saying, blushing slightly when she asked the class for an example of disjunctive syllogism.

At six o'clock, right on the button, there was a soft knock at the door. I ran to it and flung it open.

"Hello, handsome," I grinned before pulling him in for a kiss. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too, beautiful. How's everything here?"

"Not bad, all things considered. How was your day?"

"Same. Alistair sends you his _fondest_ regards," he said, smirking at me with his eyes.

"I take it you told him what was going on, then."

"Yep - I hope that was okay."

"Sure, I don't mind. What does he have to say about it?"

"He thinks it's all a load of manure, of course. And that we have nothing to worry about."

"Let's hope he's right," I sighed, relieving Carlisle of his suit jacket.

"Thanks. I'm sure he is. Meanwhile, I am ready to just relax and forget my troubles. How about you, babe?"

"I'd like nothing more, but first, I need to tell you a few things," I said, tossing the coat on the couch and pulling him toward the kitchen.

"Oh God, not more bad news," he groaned.

"It's not really bad news," I replied, handing him the letter and check from Angela's parents. "Look at this."

He took a moment and read the letter. "That's very generous of them. How do you feel about it?"

"I'm not sure. The Webers are like a second set of parents to me, and I know they wouldn't give me the money unless they really wanted me to have it. But at the same time, I can't let them do this every month; it wouldn't be right. So, I guess I should probably just bite the bullet and start looking for a new apartment."

"You don't need to do that."

"Well, it's not that easy finding a new roommate. And I don't want to live with some stranger I find on Craig's List."

"That's not exactly what I meant, Bella. I'm saying, _I_ can help you."

I shot him a grateful smile. "That's sweet of you, but I can't take your money - I would feel too weird. And no, I don't want to ask my parents for it, either. I'm sure it won't take me that long to find a new place."

"Bella!" Carlisle's voice sounded exasperated.

"What?"

"What I'm trying to say is, _you _can live with _me_. In my home."

"With you?" I said slowly, not quite sure I was hearing him correctly. "Like, in your home?"

"Yes, I just said that," he chuckled.

"Oh." I wasn't sure what else to say after that. A million thoughts immediately started racing through my mind - was he being serious? Or was this one of those times when someone felt like they had to offer, but didn't really want you to say yes? Was this moving way too fast? Would it be a huge mistake? Or would it be the start of a long and happy life together? Would I have my own room - like a _roommate?_ God, and what would my parents say?

A horrible silence filled the room until Carlisle cleared his throat and spoke.

"It was only a suggestion. I just thought since we spend so much time together anyway, you know, maybe it would be easier - more convenient - if you just moved in with me. I mean, that's not the only reason, of course - I would love to wake up to your face every morning just as I have the past few days. But I understand if this is too sudden or makes you uncomfortable. That wasn't my intention at all. I just love you and want to be with you, that's all. But living together is a big step, I know - "

I could have listened to Carlisle ramble on adorably for a while - something I thought I was only capable of doing - but decided to put him out of his misery.

"Carlisle, shut up."

"Excuse me?"

"Shut up and kiss me," I replied, wrapping my arms around his neck.

He obliged, pressing his lips softly against mine. But I didn't want soft. So I drew him in tighter and pressed my tongue against his lips until they parted. Eagerly, my tongue swept over his as his breath hitched in his throat. I felt his fingers dig into my back in response. Deeper, deeper I explored the intimate territory of his mouth, devouring his familiar, yet always delicious, taste.

When I'd had my fill, I gently broke away, and Carlisle looked at me with curiosity and slight confusion.

"That was my way of saying, yes. I'd love to live with you," I grinned at him.

"Really?"

"Really."

Before I knew it, my feet were off the ground as Carlisle spun me around in a circle. "You, little girl, have just made me the happiest man on the planet."

"We aren't making a huge mistake are we?" I giggled excitedly. "I mean, you aren't gonna get pissed when I hang my bras up to dry in the bathroom, right?"

"Of course not - I'm looking forward to it. In fact, let's go hang up the one you've got on right now!"

I groaned internally. Not that I didn't want to engage in some fun with Carlisle, but I really had wanted to get everything out in the open first. And I was positive that the topic of Edward would not make for the best post-coital conversation. So I took a deep breath and pushed him away slightly.

"Babe, I really hate to ruin the moment, but I have some other news for you as well."

"No...please?" he begged, reluctantly setting me down. "Can't we just be happy and celebrate for now?"

"Sure, if that's really what you want. I can wait."

"Shit." He slumped into one of the kitchen chairs and looked at me expectantly. "What is it?"

I plunked myself down in the chair next to him, and cleared my throat. "I ran into Edward today at the hospital."

His eyes momentarily flashed anger, but to his credit, he held it back. "And?"

"He didn't make the complaint."

"You asked him? I thought we agreed - "

"Of course not! I didn't even want to talk to him, but he kept following me and badgering me about what was wrong. I couldn't flat out ignore him."

"So what exactly makes you think he didn't do it?"

"I don't know, I just do."

"How very reassuring."

I shot him a warning look. "Why won't you believe me? Has he made threats against me like Angela has? Is he drinking himself into a psychosis like her, too? Are you really so threatened by an insignificant ex-boyfriend of mine that you would believe that he'd hurt me, just to hurt you?"

"Bella - "

"Please, just trust me on this. Give Edward the benefit of the doubt, you never know, we may need him later."

Carlisle snorted, "Great, how do you figure?"

"Well, right now, he's about the only one who Angela doesn't hate. So, if anyone's capable of knocking some sense into that girl, it's Edward. But I guarantee he won't do that if you keep seeing him as the enemy."

He was silent for a moment - mulling it all over in his brain, I assumed, so I continued. "I'm not asking you to like Edward; I'm not even asking you trust him. I'm asking you to trust me. Call it intuition or a sixth sense, whatever you want - I know it wasn't him."

"But again, he must have told Ang - "

"I don't believe that either," I interrupted.

"What? Are you insane?"

"No. I mean, I don't believe he told her with the purpose of her using it against us. I think she either overheard my conversation with Edward or that he told her not knowing what the consequences would be. I told you, Angela can be very manipulative when she wants to be. And Edward, well, he's very manipulate...able. I don't think he would've slept with her to begin with, if he'd been thinking with his brain."

"Classic inexperienced male behavior," he nodded.

"So with your permission, I want to speak to Edward again. I think he'll be willing to help us or, at least me, anyway. Please let me try."

"Fine. I suppose you're right," he finally conceded.

I leaned back in my chair and banged my fist down on the table triumphantly. "Damn right, I'm right!"

Carlisle looked started for a moment, then intrigued. "God, you're kinda hot when you're aggressive."

I raised an eyebrow at him. "Wanna see just how aggressive I can get?"

**A/N: Huge thanks as always to my girls uhyesplease and StormDragongfly (who just had a new bouncing baby boy, by the way - CONGRATS!). These ladies are like, the best betas ever. Seriously, I'd put money on this. **


	38. Chapter 38

**A/N: To quote Alice: "It's time." **

**I don't own Twilight. But I do own a ceramic bust of Elvis that my dad bought for me at a garage sale. It's awesome. Ask me to tell you my blond Elvis as Carlisle story some time.**

Chapter 38

BPOV

"So, is someone going to contact me to set up this interview or what?" I sighed as my fingers danced softly along Carlisle's smooth, yet still lightly tinged pink derrière.

"Do I need permission to speak, Mistress?"

"No," I giggled, marginally embarrassed. "You did very well. You may speak freely."

"Thank you," he replied, rolling over and propping himself up on one arm. "And yes, they'll call you or send another letter."

"I wished they'd just get it over with. I hate all this waiting."

"I imagine you won't have to wait long - my interview is tomorrow morning, so..."

"Tomorrow? Why didn't you tell me earlier?" I asked, sitting up to face him.

"I, uhh, didn't really get a chance...Mistress," he smirked.

I buried my face into his warm chest. "Ugh, please stop calling me that! I'm trying to have a serious conversation now."

"I'm just trying to explain what happened!" he protested with a laugh.

"Yeah, well, I get the picture, okay? I'm still trying to come to terms with what I - we - just did."

I felt his arms snake around me and pull me down until I was on top of him. "Alright, alright, no more mentions of Mistress Bella during serious conversation...as long as you promise she'll come back someday."

"We'll just have to wait and see on that. But for right now, I really wanna know what you're going to say tomorrow."

"Well, the truth, of course. And the good news is, I'm actually familiar with two of the people on the panel."

"That's good - anything I should know?"

"Let's see, Aro Sovrano is the head of the Performing Arts division of the University. He pretty much knows everything and is usually involved in these types of investigations. From what I've experienced, I imagine that he'll be extremely fair and impartial. I was somewhat surprised to learn that Marcus Black was also on the panel."

"Why? Who's he?"

"He's the head of the Human Relations department."

"I didn't even know that the University had an HR department."

"Oh, yes. But see, Marcus lost his wife in a car wreck about a year-and-a-half ago. Actually, it was the year after I started teaching here - she was an Associate Professor of Composition. I knew her pretty well."

I tightened my grip around Carlisle's waist. "That's so sad. But why would you be surprised he's on the panel?"

"Because ever since then, he's kind of shut himself down emotionally. I hear he pretty much just goes through the motions each day, and doesn't say much to anyone, unless he has to. I ran into him not long ago, and it was like he barely even remembered me, even though we'd talked several times at faculty get-togethers and whatnot."

"That's terrible. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to lose your significant other like that."

"Me either. I don't know what I'd do if I ever lost you."

"Let's hope you never have to find out." I pressed my lips against neck, and then settled myself in the crook of his arm.

We talked for a little while longer as my eyes grew heavy. And once my concerns were put to rest, we said our goodnights and agreed to see each other in our dreams.

xXxXx

In the morning, Carlisle and I tried to maintain some normalcy as we quietly showered together and got dressed. But somehow, knowing that Carlisle would face the panel had put a slight damper on our usual happy selves. I kept telling myself that everything was fine - that we had nothing to worry about and yet those tiny nagging doubts kept creeping up on me.

"You promise to call me after the interview is over, right?" I asked as I rinsed off our breakfast plates.

"Of course," he replied. "I won't leave you hanging."

"Good. Are you nervous?"

"A little," he admitted. "But who wouldn't be? I just have to keep telling myself that we didn't do anything wrong. There was no sneaking around. Nobody was hurt - we're the victims here."

"I know. They'll see that," I sighed. "They have to."

"They will." Carlisle's lips brushed lightly against my forehead, and he lightly flicked my chin with his fingers. "I better go. The interview is at 9:30, but hopefully it won't take too long. Maybe we can grab lunch together."

"Big Mike's?"

"Anything you want," he grinned. "I'll call you soon. Try not to worry too much while I'm gone, okay?"

"I won't," I promised.

He gave me another big smile, then grabbed his bag and headed for the door.

"Wait!" I cried, running over to him before he close the door behind him. He turned and caught me just as I jumped into his arms and mashed my lips against his. My legs tangled behind his back, pulling him tightly against me. His hands fisted the fabric covering my bum, until I thought for sure that it would split. But as our tongues rolled over one another, there were no signs of lust or even foreplay. Instead, it was a divine exchange of power. What amount of strength and perseverance I possessed, I gave to him. Any fears or doubts he had, I gladly accepted. We clung, burning together until time would no longer allow it.

"A kiss...for good luck," I gasped, my lungs almost too weak to breath oxygen again.

"Thank you," he smiled, resting his forehead against mine before setting me down. His thumbs brushed my cheeks with desire and appreciation. "I needed that."

A sharp cough cut through the air around us, and I turned to see Edward standing at the bottom steps. "That was beautiful - really touching - I almost hate to interrupt."

From behind, Carlisle's arms crisscrossed over my chest protectively. I could feel the tension coming off him in waves - tension I had just tried to remove. "What do you want, Edward?" he asked impatiently.

I turned my head and shot Carlisle a look and nudged him in the side with my elbow. "Be nice," I hissed, low enough so only he could hear me.

"I'd like to speak to Bella, if that's alright with you."

"Are you kidding me?" Carlisle said through clenched teeth.

I elbowed him again. "Sure," I nodded at Edward before spinning in Carlisle's arms to face him. "Calm down - it's okay," I assured him quietly, stretching up on my tiptoes to give him a light kiss. "Go to your interview and make them see the truth."

His eyes darted back and forth between me and Edward. "Fine, but call me if you need me," he said, reluctantly releasing me from his arms.

"I will. Love you."

"I love you, too." He pressed his lips to my cheek and then brushed past Edward.

"See ya," Edward smirked as the Mercedes pulled away.

I rolled my eyes at him. "Don't. I told him to be nice to you - you can return the favor."

"Yeah, I bet if he knew what I was here to tell you, he'd be kissing my ass right now. Can I come in? Or do you want to go for a walk or something?"

My heart paused for the briefest second. Even though I was now certain that I knew what he was going to tell me, I needed to hear him say it; it would most likely be the closest thing to a confession that I would get.

"Let me just grab a jacket and my keys."

Once I'd locked the door, I nodded to Edward, and we set off at a leisurely pace.

"So..." Edward breathed after we'd been walking in silence for a few minutes. "I had an interesting conversation with Angela."

"Okay."

"Well, now I partially know why you were acting the way you were yesterday."

"Partially?" I asked, somewhat surprised.

"I mean, I understand you were upset that she filed a complaint against you two, but why didn't you say anything? Why keep it from me?"

"Because the complaint was anonymous, Edward. I didn't know for sure that it was her."

"Who else would it have been?"

I didn't answer him.

"Wait." He stopped in his tracks and stared at me with hurt in his eyes. "Me? You thought it could have been me?"

I shook my head at him. "No! Not really. But how else did she find out that I was doing research for Carlisle? You were the only person who knew, Edward. What were we supposed to think?"

"I would hope that you, at least, thought higher of me than that."

"I wanted to. I kept defending you to him, but honestly, how can you blame me? You said you wanted us to get back together - you could have been trying to ruin what I have with Carlisle."

Edward started walking, but immediately turned around to face me again. "Yeah, I'll admit it." he shrugged helplessly. "I'm always gonna keep waiting in the wings, hoping you guys break up and you'll give me another chance." I flinched slightly at his words, knowing that they would never come true. "But I'd _never_ hurt you on purpose to get what I want."

"But the kiss - "

"A spur of the moment mistake, and I'd take it back if I could. I'm sorry if it caused problems between you and Grandpa Joe."

I couldn't help but smile a little at that. "His name is Carlisle."

"Whatever. But the truth remains - I'm not a manipulator. If you come back to me, I want it to be because you know that I'm your soul mate, not because I made an anonymous complaint."

"We're not soul mates, Edward," I said gently. "We can be friends, but Carlisle is my soul mate."

"It doesn't matter," he shrugged. "The point is, you can trust me. I'm not going to try and sabotage your love life."

"Good, because I don't want to be looking over my shoulder for two people," I sighed as we started walking again. "So, what all did Angela have to say for herself?"

"She's miserable. Forks has a lot of painful memories for her, and she blames you for her having to go back there. To put it simply, she wants to make you feel as miserable as she does."

"Great," I said, "Just great."

"I'm sorry - I really am. Once she told me what she did, I tried to convince her to change her mind, but she wouldn't listen, of course."

"Of course. Did she say what she's going to do when her plan ultimately fails?"

"No...but I don't think she sees failure as a possibility."

"Edward, I don't know what she's going to do after this. She's going to be angrier than ever."

"I don't mean to be rude, but how can you be so sure that she won't ruin everything?"

"Because it isn't possible. All she's doing is creating a major headache, but that's it. She wants me to be miserable? Well, anything short of murdering Carlisle isn't going to do it."

"Don't give her any ideas!" Edward laughed.

"No, don't YOU give her any ideas!" I replied. "But seriously, she needs help."

"I know," he nodded solemnly. "Major help."

"I don't know what to do. I can't get through to her, but I can't let her go either."

Edward wrapped his arm around me and gave me an affectionate squeeze. "I always admired that about you, Bells; you never give up. But I think Angela needs more help than you can give her - it's a pretty thick wall she's put between you."

Dr. Gerandy's words flickered through my mind for a second. People often build walls to keep others out. But what if that wasn't what was happening in Angela's case?

"Maybe," I said slowly, "she just wants to know if someone cares enough to knock it down."

**A/N: Awww, snap - it was Angela all along! I hope you're not disappointed, but seriously, did you really think it _wasn't_ her?**

**Muchas gracias to my chicas uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for all their hard work. They make me wanna dance and sing their praises with my mouth open really wide like Ewan McGreggor in Moulin Rouge.**


	39. Chapter 39

**A/N: I bought _The Twilgiht Saga: the Official Illustrated Guide_ and confirmed that I do not, in fact, own Twilight or any of it's characters. Well, that sucks.**

Chapter 39

BPOV

Edward and I walked and chatted for a little while longer about Angela, bouncing a few ideas off one another. Unfortunately, neither one of us was able to come up with a solid plan for getting through to her. But my mission was clear: if I couldn't restore my friendship with her, I had to at least help her channel her anger and abandonment issues toward the real cause - Lisa's death. If only she had told me when it had happened, maybe things would have been different.

"Did you know Lisa?" he asked me as we neared my apartment.

"A little - she came to visit Angela a few times."

"What was she like?"

"Cute, funny, energetic - she seemed like a fun girl. I could tell that she and Angela were close, probably even closer than Angela and I because they grew up together. Usually, they'd go hang out with Ben and his cousin when she'd come to visit."

"You didn't hang out with them?"

"No, she'd ask me to, but it always seemed like I had to work, or I'd have a paper to write, or something. Plus, I didn't want to intrude on her time with Lisa, ya know? Though in hindsight, maybe I should have," I shrugged. "Maybe things would make a lot more sense if I had blown off a paper or two and spent more time with them."

"Maybe," Edward mused. "But maybe not. No sense wasting time on it. Believe me - we can't change the past. No matter how much we might want to."

I gave him a sympathetic look, understanding what he meant. "You're right. And I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I was the one who ruined everything."

"Let it go, Edward," I said gently. "We both made mistakes that we wish we could take back. It's time for both of us to move on."

He pressed his lips tightly together and nodded. "I'll try. You're not an easy person to get over. Was it...never mind."

"What?" I asked, trying to read his expression.

"I just wondered, um, if it was hard for you, too."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you moved on after me; you made it seem so easy."

I swallowed hard. Memories of arguments about Jacob and motorcycles flooded my mind, along with the feelings of anger and resentment I had held onto for so long. What was the use of trying to explain it all to him now? Because in truth, I had gotten over Edward before we'd even broken up. "I really don't think we should go there," I said softly. "We're trying to move on, and we can't change the past, remember? You said so yourself."

"I guess you're right," he sighed. "Sorry to keep dragging it up."

"Listen, don't worry about it," I assured him.

"I won't," he said decisively, shooting me a lopsided grin. "I swear, I'm going to be good from now on."

"Thanks," I smiled, rolling my eyes a little. "And for or everything else, too - you've been a big help."

"No problem. Happy to be able to redeem myself a little."

"You redeemed yourself a lot," I reassured him. "Thanks for coming over, but I better get ready for class now. I'll call you if I think of anything new, okay?"

"You sure Grandpa J - I mean, Carlisle - won't care?"

I rolled my eyes and playfully punched Edward in the shoulder. "I'm sure, but he also doesn't dictate who I talk to."

"Ouch - I deserved that," he grinned back. "And I'll call you too, if I come up with anything."

"Thanks, I appreciate it. I'll talk to you later, then?"

"Yup."

It had been so long since Edward and I had talked - I mean, really talked - like this. It surprised me how comfortable it could be - when he wasn't trying to win me back, anyway.

There was an awkward moment of silence between the two of us - like neither he nor I wanted to be the first one to leave. Hesitantly, I opened my arms to him. He paused for a second, looking at me curiously before stepping into my embrace.

I must have hugged Edward a million times when we were together - how could I ever forget what he felt like? But he felt different now. I still caught the faint scent of his hated peppermint gum, but my body didn't mold to his like it used to. His arms around me no longer felt overly protective and slightly suffocating. And for that, I was both grateful and relieved. It felt..._normal_ now. No different than if I hugged Jasper or one of my friends on the reservation.

"I guess I'll see ya," Edward said as we let go of each other.

"See ya," I echoed.

He turned and gave me a small smile before sliding into his Volvo and driving off.

With a determined sigh, I went into my apartment and got ready for class.

xXxXx

As Professor Sage droned on and on about the requirements of our next paper on Shakespeare's King Lear, I became acutely aware of a faint buzzing coming from my purse.

Carlisle.

I glanced up at the clock.

Shit. Fifteen more minutes to go.

Why, oh why, had I chosen to sit so close to the front of the room today? There was no way I could sneak a peek at my phone without Professor Sage seeing me. I squirmed in my seat as my apprehension grew. It had to be Carlisle, right? I tried to focus on what the professor was saying, but it was like trying to eat dry broccoli with a plate of warm chocolate chip cookies in front of you.

After what felt like forever and a day, Professor Sage wrapped up her lecture and began passing back our graded papers. Providence must have been on my side as my name was called first. I barely glanced at the A+ on my paper before shoving it into my backpack and dashing out to call Carlisle.

"Bella?" he answered. "Are you okay? You sound out of breath."

"I'm fine. Just ran out of class, that's all," I said, trying to slow my breathing. "So? How did it go?"

"Pretty good, actually. They asked questions. I answered. They listened. And that was that."

"Can't you be a little more specific?"

"Can't you wait until lunch?"

"Carlisle!" I cried, stamping my foot like I was 4 years old. I wasn't in the mood for any games right now.

"I know, I know. I told you, it was fine. But they're not going to tell me what their decision is, not until they talk to you, anyway. They simply asked me to start from the beginning, and then they had a few follow up questions for me."

"Like?"

"Like why didn't I tell Dr. Meade that you were helping me with research. And had I considered asking a grad student to assist me. What are my future plans - stuff like that."

"And what did you say?"

"I told them that I didn't consider you to be a 'research assistant,' so it didn't occur to me to disclose that information."

"And what about your, umm...future plans?"

"I told them that I didn't see how that was relevant."

That struck me as rather odd. "I'm sorry, what? Why would you say that?"

"Two reasons: number one, because it just isn't relevant, Bella. The issue at hand is whether or not you and I had an inappropriate relationship. What happens between you and I from now on should be of no concern."

I bristled slightly. "No concern of theirs or no concern of yours?"

"You know that's not what I meant."

"I do. But I don't see what we gain by keeping it from them. You made it sound like you could dump me any minute. Like I'm just a fling or something. Why would they rule in favor of a fling?"

"Trust me, I did not make it seem like this was just a _fling_. And they'll rule in our favor because we didn't do anything wrong. But I'm not entertaining any requests for me to speculate on the future when it has no bearing on the past."

"Couldn't you have just said you didn't know? That seems better than refusing to answer their question."

"Bella, I don't want to argue about this. What's done is done."

"Fine. I don't understand, but fine," I sighed. "So what was the second reason?"

"Well, I didn't want to say anything out of respect for Marcus."

"Marcus?"

"Remember? I told you about him last night - his wife died?"

"Oh, right - that Marcus."

"Yes. I could see that he's still experiencing a lot of pain and grief over the loss of DiDi - that was clear to me when I explained our history. Expounding on our future was not only unnecessary, it would have been hurtful to a man to whom I owe much respect. Can you at least understand that?"

"Yes," I said softly.

"Good. I'm sorry, but I've got to go right now - someone's knocking on my door, but I'll fill you in on the rest of the details later. Are we still on for lunch?"

"Sure. I'll meet you at Big Mike's at noon?"

"Sounds good. See you then."

I clapped my phone shut and stared dolefully at it for a moment. Poor Marcus. Carlisle was right in that regard. I could only imagine how difficult it would be to sit and listen to someone talk about future plans with someone they loved. But as compassionate and understanding as Carlisle was, I wasn't entirely sure he'd helped state our case. Wasn't withholding information part of what got us into this situation? As uncomfortable as it might make Marcus feel, why not let him and the panel see how committed we were to each other? If Marcus was truly a man to be respected, he wouldn't let his personal grief cloud his judgment.

Slightly chagrined, I headed off to my next class.

I wish I could say that my frustration dissipated over the following hour, but it didn't. I just couldn't shake the feeling that Carlisle had made a potentially costly mistake.

He greeted me with a kiss outside of Big Mike's, and I did feel myself soften with relief at the sight of him.

"Hi, baby," he smiled warmly at me. "You hungry?"

I couldn't help but smile back. "Starved."

Once I had my good ol' #14 and Carlisle had his #5, we took our moveable feast to a park bench out of the way of pedestrian traffic.

"So how did everything go with Edward this morning?" he asked after a little while.

I chewed thoughtfully for a moment. "Pretty well, actually, given the circumstances. He confirmed that Angela was the complainer and that he had nothing to do with her finding out that I was your 'research assistant,' so to speak. But even if her plan doesn't work in her favor, she still fully intends to make me feel as much pain as she does, one way or another."

"Well, that's comforting," he snorted. "She's not going to try and stab me in the eye with a stiletto, is she?"

"That's what I said!" I exclaimed, followed by a small burst of laughter. "But really, Edward's on our side, Carlisle - you need to believe that. We're trying to come up with a plan for me to get through to her."

"Oh no - I don't want you going anywhere _near _her," he said, shaking his head vehemently. "You don't know what she's capable of."

I scowled at him and put down my wrap. "She's not _violent_, Carlisle. And she doesn't know what _I'm _capable of. If there's a way for me to break down her wall, I'm gonna find it."

"It sounds a little naive of-"

"I need your support, not your restraint," I quickly interrupted, a slight edge in my voice. "And I'm not being naive. I can get through to her. I _will _get through to her."

He stared at me, his eyes searching my own before finally nodding his head. "Alright. What can I do to help?"

"I don't know yet," I replied honestly. "But when I do, I'll let-" At that moment, my phone began buzzing insistently in my purse. "Hang on a sec." I fished it out, but didn't recognize the number flashing at me, so I showed it to Carlisle.

"That's a University number. You better answer it."

"Hello?" I asked hesitantly.

"Hi. May I speak to Isabella Swan, please?"

"This is her."

"Hello, Ms. Swan. My name is Gianna and I'm calling on behalf of the University Ethics Committee. Did you receive our letter?"

Shit. I had assumed that the letter I received was just a copy of the same complaint Carlisle had received. Apparently, it wasn't.

"Ummm, yes."

"Oh. Well, we never received confirmation from you, so does 9:30 tomorrow work for you?"

"That should be fine, I think," I said racking my brain to make sure I wasn't missing anything big.

"Great. Do you know where to go?"

Oh God, I had no idea. "I think so, but can you just remind me to make sure?"

"Sure. Just come to the main office in the theatre building and check in with me. The meeting will take place in Mr. Sovrano's office."

"That's what I thought," I fibbed. "I'll be there."

"Wonderful. We'll see you tomorrow at 9:30 then."

"Sounds good. Thank you."

I snapped the phone shut and made a face at Carlisle. "I guess it's my turn."

"You'll be fine," he assured me. "Don't worry about it so much."

"That's easy for you to say," I protested. "You know those guys!"

"True enough. But the trick is, I don't let them intimidate me. And you shouldn't either."

"Right," I said, picking up my wrap with determination. "I am a force to be reckoned with, aren't I?"

Carlisle reached up and stroked my cheek affectionately while I took a bite and chewed. "You can be pretty convincing when you want to be," he smirked. "You got me to watch Gilford Girls, after all."

I swallowed and rolled my eyes. "That's _Gilmore _Girls, buddy. And you loved it, if memory serves."

"I admit nothing. But you've got this," he replied before leaning in and pressing his lips against mine. "I know it."

"I hope so," I said, giving him a kiss back. "Because if you're wrong, you're gonna watch all seven seasons with me - marathon style."

"And if I'm right, you're gonna watch every playoff game with me until the Cowboys win the Superbowl."

"Deal." I held my hand out to him. "Shake on it?"

He grasped my hand in his and pumped it up and down. "Deal."

Incentive is a beautiful thing.

**A/N: A huge thank you to my lovely ladies uhyesplease and StormDragonfly. Believe me, if they were my mother, I'd spend every last dollar I have making sure they have the happiest, funnest, bestest Mother's Day ever, 'cause they deserve it for taking care of me so damn well!**

**Also, this lil' fic has been nominated for a Sunflower Award for "Best Carlisle." There's some pretty stiff competition, so go check out the link and peruse the candidates. After that, if you feel so inclined, I'd love your vote! I'm also nominated as an author for "Master of Cliff Hangers," so if you if you feel like rewarding my leaving you hanging half the time, you know what to do. **

**Here's the link: thesunflowerawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/p/voting(dot)html**

**And truly, whether you vote for me or not, I want to thank you for all of the support, reviews, messages you wonderful people have given me over this past year and a half - I'm like a heroin addict and you guys are all enablers. **


	40. Chapter 40

**Sorry for the hiatus folks, I had some personal stuff to take care of for a bit there. But you're all fine, understanding people, so I know you'll forgive me. **

**I don't own Twilight. And that's gonna haunt me until the day I die. Maybe. Probably.**

Chapter 40

BPOV

I stood outside the Theatre Building, trying my best to gather the nerve to walk through the doors. I heard a honk from behind me, and I turned to see Carlisle smiling confidently and gesturing for me to go inside. He'd been so good to me the previous evening, prepping me with questions the panel would most likely ask so that my responses felt comfortable. I knew I was being silly - there was no reason to be nervous. These people I was about to face were not my enemy, they were simply looking for the truth. Certainly that was nothing to be scared of.

I mustered up all of my courage and gave him a nod and a small wave before pulling the heavy blue door open.

_Here goes nothing_.

The main office was easy to find, much to my relief - the last thing I wanted was to be late because I was wandering around like a lost little kid.

"Can I help you?" said a young brunette woman swimming in paperwork behind a large desk. She had to have the most beautiful eyes I'd ever seen on a human being - they were almost purple.

"Yes," I replied. "I'm Bella Swan - I'm here to meet with Mr. Sovrano and some other people."

They had to be colored contact lenses, I decided. Nobody has eyes like that in nature.

"Ahhhh, yes. I'm Gianna - I spoke with you yesterday," she smiled. "Just have a seat right over there. Mr. Sovrano will come get you when they're ready."

"Thank you," I said, sinking into a molded plastic chair along the wall. I'd never been inside the Theatre Building before, so I set my purse in my lap and my backpack on the floor and looked around. Through the glass windows of the office, I could see into the main lobby where a few students sat at tables studying or chatting animatedly. Brightly colored flyers and sign-up sheets plastered every bulletin board, not unlike the same boards in the English building, except these actually had signatures on them. I noticed a few orange flyers on the small table next to me.

"Dramaturg Wanted" it announced. "The Tamer Tamed by John Fletcher"

Hmmm, John Fletcher. Now why did that ring a bell? And what the hell was a dramaturg?

Before I could answer myself, a door next to the desk opened, and whom I could only assume was Mr. Sovrano stepped out.

"Ms. Swan?"

"Yes?" I answered, standing up. A million and one butterflies immediately took flight in my stomach. So much for not being nervous.

"We're ready for you now."

With a slightly shaky hand, I stuffed the flyer into my bag, making a mental note to look it up later.

"It's nice to meet you, Ms. Swan," he said offering me his hand as we stepped inside the door. "I'm Aro Sovrano, welcome."

"Nice to meet you, too," I replied, trying my best to smile politely.

Mr. Sovrano's office was much smaller and more intimate than I was expecting. I don't know why I thought the head of the performing arts would have a giant office; however, that clearly wasn't the case. But as small as it was, it was absolutely pristine. Framed playbills hung from the walls with geometric precision. Not a single file or piece of paper sat on his desk. It was probably all sitting on Gianna's.

Mr. Sovrano took a seat behind his small, yet elegant, desk, flanked on either side by the other two committee members.

He gestured to the somber-looking man on his right. "This is Marcus Black from Human Relations."

"Pleasure to meet you," he said softly. I shook his hand politely and turned to the familiar-looking man on the left.

"And I'm Caius Lamia. From the English department."

I knew in that moment exactly why I recognized him. His picture hung in the hallway next to the lecture hall in the English building - the Lamia Lecture Hall. He still had the same long, greasy hair from the sepia-toned photograph on the wall. _Get a haircut, hippie,_ I couldn't stop myself from thinking.

"Nice to meet you," I squeaked out instead.

I had barely touched his hand before he brusquely told me to have a seat.

_Nothing to be worried about, my ass..._

I sat down in a chair facing the desk, neatly crossed my legs, and folded my hands in my lap.

Mr. Sovrano cleared his throat and gave me an expectant smile. "Well, Ms. Swan, I assume you know why you're here today."

"Yes, sir. I do."

He pulled up a drawer and retrieved a small notepad and pen. "Then why don't you go ahead and tell us how your relationship with Dr. Cullen began. We may interrupt occasionally to ask questions or request more clarification, but please relax, and be as candid as possible."

I took a deep breath. Thank God, Carlisle and I had walked through this part of the interview together. "Okay. I guess it was almost a month ago when I first met Carlisle - I mean, Dr. Cullen. I was shelving books at the library where I work when I ran into his leg with a cart of books. It was a total accident, but he was nice enough to help me gather up the books that had spilled. We chatted for a few minutes before he left, but that was all."

"Did you know Dr. Cullen was a professor at the University?" Mr. Sovrano asked.

"No, not until he told me."

"But he did tell you during that initial encounter, correct?"

"Yes, he did. He introduced himself as Doctor Cullen."

"Thank you. Please continue."

"I saw Dr. Cullen again briefly at an ATM downtown, and like a gentleman, he walked me to the bar where I was meeting a couple friends."

"Did he go into the bar with you?" Mr. Lamia interrupted.

His comment struck me as a little odd. "No. Did he say that he had gone in with me?" I asked. "Because he didn't."

"I'm not at liberty to divulge any information we have received from associated parties," he replied, almost smugly, like it was one of his favorite lines to use.

"Okay..." I said, mentally shaking my head to gather my thoughts again. "I guess the next time I saw, Car - I'm sorry, Dr. Cullen - "

Marcus Black gave me a tiny smile. "You can call him Carlisle, Ms. Swan. That's perfectly fine."

I gave him a grateful look and continued. "The next time I saw Carlisle was in the cafe at the library. I was on break, so I had gone there for a snack. He was there, too, doing research for his book. I accidentally dropped a glass bottle on the ground, and was pretty embarrassed about it, so he asked me to join him at his table, and I did."

"Had you told Dr. Cullen that you were working that day?" Mr. Lamia cut in.

I frowned in thought for a moment. "No, I didn't. Why?"

He didn't respond, just raised an eyebrow at me that clearly meant this was MY interview and not his.

"So we just talked at the table together while he shared a clementine with me, and then we got on the subject of his book. It sounded interesting and after discussing it a little more, he asked me if I would be willing to help him out with it."

"Help him out how?" Mr. Sovrano asked, leaning forward a little over the polished wood of his desk.

"Ummm...by pulling books and copying pages - that kind of stuff."

"Why do you hesitate?"

"Because we never really got that far. I mean, we went over some...poems and stuff, but that was all." God, I hoped I wasn't blushing.

"Please elaborate."

I took another deep breath. "If I'm being honest with you, helping Carlisle out with his book was just a way for me to be closer to him. I mean, don't get me wrong, I wanted to help him out, I really did - but I was attracted to him from the moment I first saw him. But when I found out he was a professor, I didn't think there was snowball's chance in - well, you know. Certainly, I didn't think he had any interest in _me_ like that, but I wanted to be near him, even if I couldn't be _with_ him. It was very selfish of me, but that's a big part of why I said yes."

Mr. Sovrano and Mr. Black nodded at me encouragingly, so I continued.

"We were supposed to meet at the library for our first session, but his dog, Jane, was freaking out, so he asked me to come to his house instead. And so I did. We got to talking and one thing led to another and..." I trailed off, not quite sure what to say.

"Did you have sex with Dr. Cullen that evening?" Mr. Lamia asked, point blank.

My eyes opened wide at him, and if I wasn't blushing before, I certainly was now. "I'm sorry? I don't understand what two consenting adults-"

Mr. Sovrano quickly raised a hand toward me, so I stopped speaking. "What my colleague here is trying to ask, is did you begin a physical relationship with Dr. Cullen that evening?" The glare he shot Mr. Lamia was noticeable.

"We, we kissed that night, but that's all, I swear. And when I left his house, I thought he regretted it. So I'm not sure if you could really say our relationship started that night." I hung my head and stared uncomfortably at my hands. "But I don't know if it really makes a difference, because...we were...intimate...the next night."

Mr. Lamia smirked at me, almost triumphantly. "So clearly, he didn't regret kissing you," he added.

Something sparked inside me. My head snapped up to meet his eyes. _What was this guy's deal? __  
_  
"Carlisle was worried that he had taken advantage of me. And he was also afraid of the repercussions of my being a student and his being a professor. I'M the one who said I didn't care about that. I told him that if he wanted to be with me, nothing should stand in our way. If our relationship was forbidden, I was more than prepared to hide it," I said boldly. "But _he_ was the one who told Dr. Meade about us. _He_ didn't want to hide, because that's the kind of honest and compassionate person _he_ is - he does the right thing. So if you want to blame someone, blame me, because if anything, _I_ took advantage of _him_."

"I see," Mr. Lamia said slowly, obviously thinking of how to phrase his next question. "Can I ask if Dr. Cullen ever came to the library where you work?"

I crossed my arms over my chest. "That's where we met. He was doing research there."

"Yes, of course. But I mean after you entered into a relationship."

I frowned. What did that have to do with anything? This interview was certainly NOT what I had been expecting.

"Yes, once, I guess. On a Sunday. He just came to say 'hello.'"

"And that's all?"

"Yes."

"You didn't take time away from your job to 'rendezvous' in the aisles?"

_Rendezvous? What the fuck?_

"No," I shot back at him, my anger growing. "I was on my break. I would never sneak off at work to do something like that. And the only way you'd even know that I'd kissed him in one of the aisles is from my very disturbed former roommate, Angela. So let's not pretend this is an anonymous complaint from a concerned citizen. She's trying to punish me for her inability to handle her own life!"

"Ms. Swan, please calm down," Mr. Black said, his voice almost sad, but as soft as ever. "You know that we can't release the name of the accuser unless they want it known."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Black. I know." I closed my eyes and took a few calming breaths. "I'm just feeling a little frustrated right now."

"I understand."

Mr. Lamia cleared his throat, and spoke again. "So did your little public display of affection in the library occur before or after Dr. Cullen disclosed your relationship to Dr. Meade?"

I had to think for a moment before I could respond to his sarcastic question. "It was before."

"And was the encounter planned?"

"Planned? No, of course, not. Carlisle just decided to surprise me. And like I said, I was on my break, when _Angela_," I said pointedly, "saw him and I kissing. Afterward, she left me a note on my truck saying, "END IT." I bet she didn't tell you that, did she?" I reached into my backpack and pulled out the crumpled piece of paper and placed it on Mr. Sovrano's desk as evidence.

I watched as the three men exchanged glances with each other. Mr. Sovrano scribbled something down on the pad of paper in front of him.

"You're certain of the author of this note?" he asked.

"Yes. And she also threatened me, said that she would make me 'sorry' for wanting her to get professional help. Her mother was there - she heard it, too," I explained anxiously as Mr. Sovrano continued to write. "Look, Angela's cousin committed suicide not long ago. She's not 'right' anymore, and she wants to punish me for what she feels was me abandoning her. But I didn't. She was my best friend - if I'd had any idea what she was going through-"

"That's enough, Ms. Swan," Mr. Lamia interrupted.

I was ready to rip his blonde hippie hair out in fistfuls. "Are you kidding me? I'm telling you why this whole mess started, and you don't want to hear it?"

Mr. Sovrano shot another warning look at him, and then turned to me and gave me a sympathetic smile. "It's not that, Ms. Swan. Your concerns have been noted, but that is not the point of this investigation. We would like to move our focus back to your relationship with Dr. Cullen."

I bristled in my chair. "I'm sorry, but what IS the point of this investigation then? I wasn't working for Carlisle as a 'research assistant.' He disclosed our relationship to his superior. We did nothing wrong. I know you can't acknowledge that Angela was the one who complained, but I'm trying to tell you what really happened, and you're telling me that it's not the point of why I'm here? That's ridiculous."

"I think the young lady makes a valid point," Mr. Black's quiet voice chimed in. "I'd like to hear what she has to say."

The silent communication among the three men continued for a moment, before Mr. Sovrano nodded his head at me. "Alright. Please continue."

I sat up a little straighter and moved my hands back down to my lap. "Like I said, Angela's cousin committed suicide about six months ago, and she didn't take it well. She never even told me that it had happened, and according to her mother, Linda, she refused to even accept that it had happened. She even refused to attend the funeral. That is when Angela started drinking more and more, but she hid it well from me. I was trying to buckle down and focus on my classes and working at the library, so I didn't see what was going on until it was too late.

"About a week and a half ago, she got drunk and slept with my ex-boyfriend to try and hurt me for not telling her about Carlisle and me, and we got into a fight about it. After I went to my room, she fell off a chair trying to get a bottle of vodka down from our pantry shelf and hit her head pretty badly. I slipped and fell after running into the kitchen to see what had happened, and cut my hands open on the broken glass." I held my healing palms up to show them the road map of scars covering them.

"I managed to call 911 before I passed out from seeing all the blood, and we were both taken to the hospital. I just needed some stitches, but Angela had a concussion and had to have her stomach pumped and everything.

"Her mom wanted to take her out of school and bring her back to Forks to get help, but Angela didn't want to go. She was afraid of what others would say about her. So she tried to blackmail me into letting her stay in our apartment - saying she could quit drinking and everything would be fine. When I refused, she said that I would be sorry and that she would report Carlisle and me to the University.

"And so here we are: she made good on her promise after overhearing a conversation between me and my ex-boyfriend about how Carlisle and I had gotten together. She twisted the information she had about me 'working' for him, his visit to see me at the library, and basically made it all seem like Carlisle had used and seduced me from the beginning. But that's not what happened. I simply fell in love with the greatest man I've ever known, and for whatever reason, he loves me too. Nothing is going to change that - not Angela, not your decision, not anything."

Mr. Black smiled solemnly at me. "Thank you, Ms. Swan. I appreciate your candor and sympathize with your situation."

"Thank you," I replied. "Is that all, then?"

"I think we've gathered as much information as we can," Mr. Sovrano said decisively, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

But Mr. Lamia quashed my respite. "Regardless of our decision, it sounds as if you and Dr. Cullen have a solid relationship. Tell me, do you have future plans with him?"

Now I understood why Carlisle had chosen not to answer the question. Whereas I didn't get the same feeling of sympathy for Mr. Black as Carlisle had, it certainly served no purpose to tell Mr. Lamia what our intentions were.

"Why?" I asked him bluntly.

"Excuse me?" he said, leaning forward as if he hadn't heard me, his stringy hair falling across his clenched jaw.

"Why do you want to know what our future plans are?"

"Ms. Swan, need I remind you that we are the ones who ask the questions in these circumstances, not the other way around?" His voice was cold. I glanced over at Mr. Black - there was an almost apologetic look in his eyes. Like he was ashamed to be associated with Mr. Lamia. Not that I blamed him.

"I know," I replied. "But I'm genuinely curious as to how that information would be used. I mean, do you think we've calendared a date to break up once this is all over? Do you think we've sent out 'Save-the-Date' cards to our friends and family? Would any of that information influence your decision on whether or not Carlisle and I came together under acceptable circumstances?"

"I see," he sniffed. "If you don't want to answer the question, that's up to you."

"Then I won't," I said, knowing that I would make Carlisle proud. I knew that there truly was no reason for them to know about our future. Although, there was a part of me that wanted to snap: _We're moving in together, asshole! How do ya like them apples?_

I stood up to shake hands with each of the men. "Thank you for taking the time to listen to me today."

Mr. Black squeezed my hand warmly. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Ms. Swan. Good luck in your future endeavors."

I squeezed his hand back. "Thank you, and thanks again for listening to me."

I then politely shook Mr. Lamia's hand, whose silence, along with his cursory stare, said everything.

"We should have our decision by the end of the week," Mr. Sovrano informed me as he took my hand. "A letter will be sent to you."

"Thank you. I look forward to it," I said, reaching for the note from Angela and shoving it back into my backpack before slinging it over my shoulder. "Goodbye."

And just like that, it was over.

I'd done it. I'd said what I needed to, and surely they had a clearer idea of what had really happened between Carlisle and me. I was grateful to Mr. Black for encouraging the others to hear me out, and frustrated with Mr. Lamia for being an evil dick. He didn't seem interested in discovering the truth; he only wanted to gauge my reaction to his inappropriate questions. And he'd nearly succeeded. I could only hope that I would never see him again.

I breathed in deeply - the crisp fall air felt good in my lungs as I made my way down the front steps of the building.

I fished my cell phone out of my backpack, and called Carlisle.

"This is Carlisle."

"Hey babe, it's me."

"Hey! How did it go?"

"Alright, I guess" I replied, "but that's not why I'm calling you."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'll tell you about the interview later tonight. But right now, I need to get back to the apartment, so I can get my truck."

"What? Why?"

"I need to drive to Forks to break down a wall."

**Thank you thank you thank you to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly. This chapter was really hard for me to get "right," and I couldn't have done it without their help and feedback. They R-O-C-K my S-O-C-K...s! Uhhhh off!**


	41. Chapter 41

**A/N:** **I don't own Twilight. But that's okay. Some things just aren't meant to be. Like me and Peter Facinelli, apparently. :-(**

Chapter 41

BPOV

I declined Carlisle's offer to come pick me up and take me back to my apartment knowing that he had plenty of work to do that day. I did, however, give him Angela's address as well as my parents' phone numbers at his insistence. I told him he was being overly cautious, but in the end I knew it was better to be safe than sorry.

When I got home, I headed straight into Angela's room. It looked like it had been ransacked, but that was par for the course when it came to Angela's housekeeping skills. I eyed her bookshelf, and saw what I was looking for: Angela's collection of scrapbooks and photo albums. I opened each one and flipped through it's contents, and it didn't take but a minute before I found the one I wanted. Perhaps a reminder of all the good times she'd had with Lisa would help me get through to her.

I shoved the album in my backpack and moved on to her closet, not sure what else I might find. Buried deep in a corner, behind three or four plastic bags filled with empty glass bottles, was a small, unlabeled shoebox. I knew it didn't contain shoes - Ang only owned about three pairs, and I could see her lone pair of heels lying unceremoniously near her dresser.

Curious, I removed the box from the closet and sat down on Angela's bed, my fingers sweeping lightly over the smooth cardboard lid. I wondered if I should open it - I mean, I had already violated her privacy by digging through her belongings, so what did it matter to look inside the box? If it held any kind of information I could use...

My thumbs popped up the lid, and I set it down next to me. I recognized Angela's handwriting right away on the crumpled pieces of paper inside. I took one and smoothed it out on my lap.

"Dear Ben,

I don't know how to tell you this, and I don't want you to hate me for what I've done." was all it said.

I pulled out another one.

"Dear Ben,

I'm writing you this letter because I don't think I can face you when you learn..."

I was definitely more than curious now. The next few pieces of paper were just as mysterious, but the last one made my heart stop. My hand flew over my mouth as I stared at the missing piece of the puzzle.

Quickly, I folded the piece of paper and tucked it into my pocket.

I needed to get to Forks NOW.

xXxXx

Despite pushing my poor truck to its very limits, the drive seemed to take longer than it ever had. I was thankful that I'd had the foresight to shove a couple granola bars into my bag - the only stops I was willing to make would be for gas.

I called Carlisle one more time, to let him know what I had found. Of course he was concerned for both me and Angela, but I assured him that I knew what I was doing. It was only a half-lie: I knew what I was doing, but I had no idea if what I was doing would work.

I chewed my oats 'n' chocolate as the scenery flew by, wondering exactly what I would say to her. I wondered if I should have asked Ben to come with me, or at the very least, called to let him know what was going on. But in the end, I couldn't think how to tell him the truth any more than I could think of what to say to Angela. The only thing I knew for sure was that if this was going to work, I was going to have to let go of my hurt and anger and forgive her completely. This was a one-shot opportunity - if I couldn't come to her with a clean slate from the get-go, there would be no getting through to her.

The Weber's house looked exactly as I had remembered it - white picket fence, meticulously trimmed hedges, dark green window shutters, not a peel of light gray paint anywhere. A more welcoming home did not exist in Forks.

I took a deep breath before knocking tentatively on the door.

"Bella, sweetheart! What a nice surprise!" Linda cried, pulling me into warm hug.

"Hi, Linda! It's good to see you again!"

She clasped her hands around mine and took a step back. "You, too, sweetheart! I see you got your bandages off - how are your hands?"

"Much, much better, thanks. How have you been?"

Her smile faltered slightly, and it was then that I noticed the deep circles under her eyes. "It's been tough; we've caught her trying to sneak out of the house a few times, but Kevin and I are holding up as best as we can. We're still trying to get her into a program, but she's barely speaking to us, unless it's to say the most hurtful things she can think of."

"I'm so sorry, Linda," I said squeezing her hands. "I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. I'd like to speak to her today, if you think that'd be alright."

"It's alright with me, but unfortunately, I don't know if she'll speak to you, or what she might say if she does."

"I'd still like to try."

"Come on in, then. She's up in her room."

I followed Linda up the familiar stairs, passing by silver picture frames - each holding memories like Angela's senior picture, the twins' first communion, and family portraits. I noticed one was missing.

"Linda? What happened to Angela's baby picture? It's been hanging here for as long as I can remember."

"She took it down, sweetheart. Said that she couldn't stand to look at it anymore. I didn't want to start another argument with her, so I just let her take it."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.

"Angela? Someone's here to see you." Linda called softly, rapping lightly on the wooden door.

"Who is it?" Angela called back after a short pause.

"It's me, Ang. I'd really like to speak to you," I replied.

She didn't respond.

"Please?"

Still no response.

Linda's sympathetic eyes met mine before whispering, "I'm sorry, sweet-" But the sound of a creaking floorboard interrupted her.

The door slowly swung open, and there she was - still in her pajamas, hair a nightmare, dark circles matching Linda's under her eyes - a look not unfamiliar to me.

"Here to yell at me, too?" she asked warily, looking me up and down carefully, as if she was looking for weapons or any other threat.

I shook my head. "No, no yelling. I just want to talk, I swear."

"I'll just be downstairs," Linda said, rubbing a gentle hand over my shoulder before leaving us alone.

Angela sat down on her bed and looked at me expectantly.

"So how are you doing?" I sat down as well, making sure I left plenty of space between us. I didn't want her feeling any more threatened than she already did.

"Just peachy. Life's a ball here in Forks," she snapped. "How are you?"

I had decided on the drive over that I would not allow Angela to push my buttons. So I calmly replied, "I'm doing okay. I had my interview with the investigation panel this morning, in case you were curious."

She turned her head away from me slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, you do," I replied, keeping my voice low and even. "And I'm not mad at you. Not anymore."

"Of course, because you have no reason to be mad at me."

"Ang, I know it was you. Edward told me what you did, and my interview with the panel practically confirmed it as well - they knew things only you could have told them," I said gently.

She shifted back toward me, and her eyes quickly fixed on mine. "So what? I only told them the truth. He seduced you and took you away from me. It wasn't right, and I had to do something about it."

I sighed softly. "Can't you just be honest with me? You know he didn't take advantage of me. You wanted to hurt me. Make me feel as bad as you do. You feel alone and scared, and I understand that. We should have talked about that a long time ago."

"What good would that have done? You were always studying or working. You didn't care about me."

"I'm sorry you felt that way," I replied, watching her chew her bottom lip. "No test or paper or job is more important than being there for you. If I'd have known about what you were going thr-"

"I'm so sick of this!" she shouted at me. "I don't want to talk about Lisa!"

I tentatively placed my hand on hers and looked her in the eye. "Which Lisa?"

Her face unscrunched and she stared at me wide eyed. "Wha - what do you mean, _which _Lisa?" I pulled the folded sheet of paper from my pocket, smoothed it open, and placed it on the bed between us. She glanced at the piece of paper, and all the color drained from her face. "Where - where did you get that?"

"I found it in your closet. I wasn't trying to snoop, but I was desperate." I lifted the note and read it out loud. "I would have named her Lisa, after my cousin."

A strangled "NO" escaped her lips.

I realized she was crumpling over, and without hesitation, I pulled her into my arms. She resisted at first, but after a few moments, I felt the wall between us to break down. She wrapped her arms tightly around me, crying hard into my neck and chest.

"Shhhhh, it's okay. It's okay." I repeated over and over, hugging her close. I was weeping openly with her now; her fingers dug into my flesh, but I didn't care. She could break my bones if it would take away the pain we were feeling at that moment.

"When...when were you...pregnant?" I finally asked when her sobbing had slowed.

"About a month after Lisa killed herself." She pulled away from me and buried her face in her hands. "I-I didn't even know I was...until..."

"You miscarried?"

She nodded, not lifting her head. "Yes," she whispered. "I thought, I thought I was just having really bad cramps. I was working at the box office and I had to go to the bathroom. I was bleeding and...and..."

"I'm so sorry, Ang. I can't imagine what that was like."

"It was awful. Bella, I - I killed her! It was all my fault!" she wailed, tensing up all over again.

"Shhh, you don't know that," I said, running a hand over her tangled hair.

"But I did! I didn't know I was...so I kept...God; I drank so much...she didn't have a chance. What other explanation could there be?" She was shaking now, overcome with fresh memories she had probably tried to bury for so long. My heart was breaking for her. How could anyone have gone through that alone? And so soon after the death of a loved one?

"It's not your fault. I know you, and I know you would never have done something like that on purpose. It was an accident, a horrible accident, but you can't blame yourself."

She sat up and wiped her nose with her sleeve. "Then who should I blame? Ben for getting me pregnant? Lisa for killing herself? _You?_"

"Why does it have to be someone's fault?" I countered gently.

"Because it doesn't make sense! Something was _alive_ inside me, and then it wasn't! So either _I _was being punished, or _she _was, and since she was innocent - what am I _supposed_ to think?"

"I can see why you'd think that," I said, nodding my head. "But that's not the way I see it at all. You didn't know you were pregnant. You didn't consciously decide to drink or do anything to jeopardize your baby's life. How can you blame yourself for what you had no knowledge of? I certainly don't, and how could anyone else?"

"Ben could."

"Have you tried telling him?"

Another tear rolled down her cheek. "No. I couldn't face him. I started to write him a letter - lots of letters, actually - but you probably already know that," she said dryly.

"I'm sorry. But I'm glad I found them. Now I have a better sense of what's been happening with us. I can't believe the hell you've suffered all alone." I pulled her into my arms again. "And I don't want you to ever feel that alone, ever again. You need to tell Ben what happened. He deserves to know. She was a part of him, too."

"I don't want him to hate me."

"He won't. Just tell him the truth. I'll come with you, if you want. He should hear it in person."

She pulled back and looked at me incredulously. "Really? You'd do that? After everything?"

"Ang, you haven't been yourself for a long time. You need time to heal and find yourself again. I know it won't be easy, but I want to help you, be there for you, anything I can do. I don't invest in people who aren't worth it, and believe me - you're worth it."

She reached across her nightstand and grabbed a handful of tissues. "I don't deserve that after what I did."

"Of course you do. You made a mistake, that's all, and I forgive you. The hardest part is forgiving yourself." I took a deep breath. "I think, I think if we hold onto the mistakes we make, they just sit and fester inside of us. They build walls instead of bridges, and no one can see what's really happening on the inside."

She sat, dabbing at the corners of her eyes, taking it all in. "So...what do I do now?"

"I think seeing a therapist would be a great start." She blanched a little at my suggestion, so I squeezed her hand. "Nothing permanent, just until you're feeling better and ready to come back to school."

"Do you think I could come back to our apartment, too?" she asked hopefully.

I hesitated. Up until today, I had been planning to move in with Carlisle at the end of the month. But as much as the idea had excited me, perhaps we had been a little hasty in our decision. If we were truly in love, it certainly wouldn't be a problem to postpone our future living arrangements for a few months until Angela got back on her feet. Besides the fact that she wouldn't be able to pay the rent on her own, I couldn't bear the thought of her coming back to an empty apartment.

"Of course," I smiled. "I'll be waiting for you."

**A/N: Thank you so much to my favorite ladies in the world: uhyesplease and StormDragonfly. I'd be so lost at sea if it wasn't for the lanterns of love these two carry for me to see. Also, a special thanks goes out to FionaRhiannon for allowing me to "test the waters" of this chapter with her. I don't know if I would have had the courage to write it without her help. **

**I am so lucky to have these women in my life. **


	42. Chapter 42

**A/N: Check it out - another chapter! Yeah, I know - I'm amazing. But not amazing enough to own Twilight and its characters. *sad panda***

**Real quick: I've been nominated for nine, count them, NINE Hopeless Romantic Awards for _Clementines_ and my smutty Rosalie/Emmett one shot, _A Broken Home_. I've got stiff competition, so you might as well head over to www(dot)hopelessromanticawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com/ and look at the nominees. Then, if you feel so inclined, I'd love your vote!**

Chapter 42

BPOV

As I drove back to Carlisle's house, my brain tried to reconcile all the things Angela had told me. The guilt I felt for not noticing that something was amiss with her paled in comparison to the guilt and shame she must have felt for losing not one, but two lives in such a short time. I had listened with tears in my eyes while she told me about the last day she spent with Lisa before she'd killed herself. She too, wished she had seen the signs that Lisa was depressed before it was too late.

I'd asked her how she knew the baby she had lost was a girl. She had shrugged at me and said it was the only part that made sense to her - like Lisa was trying to be reborn through her, but that she'd failed her once again. I kept reminding her that she hadn't failed anyone and that it wasn't her fault, but I knew it would take a lot more than just my words to help her finally believe that.

Linda and Kevin were overcome with emotion when Angela and I explained what all had happened in the last six months. Angela was just as overcome when Linda tearfully confessed that she, too, had lost her first child when she and Kevin were trying to conceive. Apparently miscarriages were common on Linda's side of the family. I squeezed Angela's hand, and pressed my forehead against hers. "See?" I whispered, "These things happen." In that moment, I saw a small spark of hope and belief in Angela's eyes.

When I left, Linda followed me to the door. Before I could even say goodbye, she wrapped her arms around me tightly. "Thank you for not giving up on my daughter. You are one special girl, Bella Swan, and Angela's very lucky to have a friend as loyal as you."

I pressed my lips together and nodded, determined not to cry again. "You're welcome. Let me know if there's anything else I can do."

"Will do, sweetheart. Please, drive safe."

When I was about an hour away from the city, I decided to call Carlisle. He was understandably a little upset with me for taking off so quickly, but listened patiently while I explained to him that I'd actually managed to get through to her.

"I'm very impressed - I can't wait for you to get home so we can celebrate," he said. "And, I have a surprise for you."

"I hope it's food," I laughed. "Because I've barely eaten all day!"

"Well, that wasn't the surprise, but that can certainly be arranged. How does Chicken à la Carlisle sound? It's actually just chicken with pesto, but it _is_ my specialty."

"Sounds delicious. And do I get a hint about this surprise?"

"Hell no. Not after the torture you put me through, little girl!"

I guess I deserved that. "Fine, I'll be home in about half an hour, I think."

"I'll be waiting. Drive safe."

"I will. Love you."

"Love you, too."

After I'd hung up the phone, I groaned. I had completely forgotten to tell him about the change in plans for our living arrangement. Oh well, it was probably best to tell him something like that in person anyway.

Thirty minutes later, I pulled into Carlisle's driveway - still with no plan of execution as to how to break the news.

My knuckles had barely made contact with the door before Carlisle flung it open and pulled me inside. His lips crashed so hard against mine, it nearly knocked the wind out of me.

"Miss me?" I gasped, laughing.

"Just a little," he smirked. "And someone else missed you, too."

I cocked my head to the side, a little confused. "Who?"

"I'll be right back," he said, backing away from me. "Stay right here. Staaaaaay."

He disappeared around the corner, and I heard his muffled voice speaking to someone and then sound of metal banging on metal.

_What the hell was going on? Who was here?_

My answer came tearing around the corner at me.

"Jane!" I yelled, dropping to my knees and ruffling her fur. "How are ya, girl?"

She licked my face happily, and then lifted her head and yodeled loudly.

"I know! I missed you, too!" I laughed. I looked up to see Carlisle leaning against the wall, smiling with satisfaction. "Is this my surprise?"

"Well, part of it," he nodded slyly. "I figured it had been too long since you ladies saw each other. And if things hadn't worked out with Angela or with the panel, I thought you might need a little cheering up."

"Well, thank God it didn't come to that!" I said, kissing the top of Jane's head. "But I'm happy to see you anyway!" She yodeled again and started dancing on her hind legs, throwing her front paws excitedly at me. "How long do we have her?"

"As long as we want," he grinned. "I talked to Esme, and she doesn't mind us keeping her for a while. Apparently, little Miss Jane here ruined a very expensive rug in Mr. Slimeball's abode."

"Jane," I said sternly. "Did you do that?" She growled back at me, still dancing. "I'll take that as a 'yes.'"

"I'll let you two catch up - I'd better go check on dinner."

"It smells great," I called after him, getting up and moving over to the couch. I patted the cushions, and Jane took her cue to jump up next me. She was still excited, and I enjoyed petting and kissing her while speaking in what was probably the most annoying voice ever. Eventually she settled down, laying her head lazily across my leg. I stroked her fur gently, humming softly to myself, until Carlisle came back and announced that dinner was ready.

I gave Jane one last snuggle and then headed for the dining room.

"Oh Carlisle, it's beautiful," I breathed. His dining table was covered with a crisp, white tablecloth with royal blue edging. Soft light flickered from the candles nestled in their elegant silver holders. The smell of chicken and creamy pesto wafted through the air, making my stomach whine and beg for me to _just sit down and eat already!_

Ever the gentleman, he pulled out a chair for me and gestured for me to sit. As I did so, my eyes fell on a small, black jewelry box resting next to my plate. My heart instantly began to beat faster.

_No way. No way this was what I thought it was. _

"Is this, is this the other part of my surprise?" I asked nervously.

"Can't get anything past you, can I?" he grinned. "Open it."

With shaky fingers, I snapped open the lid. Tears welled up in my eyes as I lifted the box's contents. Two silver keys hung from a heart-shaped keychain inscribed with the words "if it feels good, do it."

"Carlisle, I-" But I couldn't finish - I had no idea what to say. I looked up to see Carlisle beaming at me, sure that he was seeing tears of happiness from me. The thought only caused me to cry even harder. How much heartache could I take in one day? I couldn't even properly appreciate the sentimental message he'd had engraved onto the silver. I placed the keys back in the box and pushed it away from me.

"What? What's wrong?" he asked, alarmed.

"I, I have to tell you something, and I don't know how you're going to take it," I said, trying my best to regain some composure.

Carlisle sat down in the chair next to me. "What is it?"

"I'm sorry," I sniffed. "First of all, I just want to say that I'm disappointed, too."

"Bella, you're scaring me - just tell me what's going on."

"I can't...I can't move in with you. Not right now, anyway."

His face fell. "I see."

"It's not that I don't want to," I said quickly. "But it's Angela. I finally convinced her to get help, and she asked if she could come back to our apartment when she's better, and I'm so sorry, but I couldn't say no to her, Carlisle. Not after what she told me about losing her baby. She can't stay in that apartment alone - she wouldn't be able to afford it, even if she got her job back."

He didn't reply. Just sat there slightly nodding his head up and down.

"Are - are you okay?" I asked him nervously.

He let out a long breath of air and reached for the box. Disappointment was written all over his face.

"I'm so sorry. Please, say something," I begged, watching him roll the box back and forth between his hands.

"Well, this sucks."

I dabbed at my eyes with my napkin. "I know," I said, nodding. "And I'm sorry. Are you mad?"

"No, I'm not mad," he sighed. "Just...disappointed, I guess. But I also understand where you're coming from. Angela is a big priority for you right now."

"But not bigger than you. You two are the most important people in my life," I tried to explain. "And well, she needs something to look forward to, a reason to come back. How could I possibly take that from her? But, but she's not moving back in right away, and even when she does, it's not like I have to be with her 24/7 - we'll still be seeing each other."

His face brightened significantly at the thought. "That's true."

"And I'm not saying I'm not ever moving in - just delaying the inevitable a little, that's all."

"That's true as well." He opened the velvet box, placed the keys in my hand, and folded his hands over mine. "Here, take them. You should never have to knock on the door of your - our - own home."

I smiled at him. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." He grinned back.

xXxXx

Once my bad news was off the table, the rest of dinner went swimmingly. I couldn't believe what a good cook Carlisle was. He had actually made the creamy pesto sauce himself using _real_ basil and cream. How had he not told me about his culinary skills before? I mean, had I known, I certainly would have been demanding this meal at least once a week since we'd met!

Over a delicious dessert of Cherry Garcia, I was also finally able to give him all the details of my interview with the panel, apologizing for doubting his reasoning for telling them about our future plans.

"You were already so nervous, I didn't want to make things worse by telling you what an asshole Caius was," he explained sheepishly. "I'm sorry for not giving you a heads up."

"It's okay," I assured him, rinsing off my plate. "It's probably best that you didn't. But man, what _was_ up his butt?"

"Honestly, I have no idea. You're probably more familiar with the English department staff than I am. But some people want to exert their dominance over others just because they can. And that's the feeling I got with him. He also didn't seem very happy that Aro was the one in charge for the inquiry."

"Well, considering Mr. Sovrano doesn't have a recital hall named after him, I can see why!" I laughed before asking him soberly, "So when do you think we'll hear their decision?"

"Depending on whether or not they've officially interviewed Angela for her statement, I would say by early next week at the latest. The University prefers to not drag out these sorts of things."

"That's good, I guess. I hope they haven't interviewed her yet. I have a feeling she'd tell a very different story right now. Maybe even withdraw her complaint."

"It wouldn't matter at this point," he sighed, loading the last glass into the dishwasher. "Even if she hadn't officially complained, just the mere mention of some kind of ethics breach would have sent the University on our asses. We still would have been investigated and interviewed."

"But Angela taking it all back would help our case, right?"

He kissed me gently on the forehead. "Of course. I have no reason to believe that their decision won't be in our favor."

**A/N: A huge thank you to uhyesplease and StormDragonfly, the awesome ladies in my corner, for getting this chapter back to me so quickly. I really hope they know how much I love and appreciate them.**


	43. Chapter 43

**A/N: I'm baaaaaack! And no closer to owning Twilight than I ever was. I've decided I'm going to try and work on owning The Hunger Games trilogy instead. Have you read those books? If not, good lord what is stopping you?**

Chapter 43

BPOV

The rest of our evening was quite low key: curling up on the couch, flipping back and forth between various sports programs and reruns of House, with Jane nestled firmly at my side. But I'd cried so many times that day, that even by nine o'clock I could barely keep my eyes open. After a giant yawn nearly split my head in two, Carlisle laughed and offered to drive me back to my apartment.

"No," I protested weakly, laying my head across his lap. "I just want to stay here with you tonight. Can I?"

"Of course - it's your house, too. You can do whatever you want."

I felt his fingers comb lightly through my hair, and I sighed contentedly. "You realize that's going to put me to sleep, right?" I murmured, snuggling even deeper against him.

"You should sleep, little girl. You've had a long, emotional day." Carlisle's soothing voice sounded far away.

"I have, haven't I?"

"Yes, so go ahead and close those beautiful eyes of yours; I'll see you in the morning."

I obeyed. Not that I had any choice - my eyelids were already losing the fight against gravity. Soon enough, the combination of fatigue and the light strokes of Carlisle's magic fingers were too much to overcome. At some point, I sensed that I was being carried; I had no idea what time it was, nor did I care. I wanted to hug Carlisle and thank him for taking care of me, but the moment my head hit the pillow, I was out again.

xXxXx

The next time my eyes opened, it was still dark outside. Carlisle lay on his stomach next to me, one arm draped over my abdomen, his breathing slow and even. I turned onto my side and gazed at his peaceful face, illuminated by the pale cast of moonlight. He was so handsome - even more so than when I'd first laid eyes on him. How could I have ever gotten through the events of the past few weeks without him? One might argue that the only reason I'd gone through them in the first place was due to our relationship. I had to smile though, because everything that happened had only served to strengthen the love I felt for him. I reached out and tentatively brushed my thumb over his lower lip. It was slightly fuller than his top - the exact opposite of mine. I pressed my lips gently against his and smiled to myself. Maybe that's why kissing came so easily to us: we were made to fit together.

My lips traveled lightly over his neck and shoulder as I breathed in the fading scent of the cologne he had put on that morning. He shifted in his sleep, moaning ever so softy as he drew my body closer to his. Laying my head on his exposed arm, I comfortably wrapped my leg over his waist. It seemed that no matter which way our bodies moved, we would always fit. Happily, I discovered that he wasn't wearing any pajama bottoms. I swear, nothing ever looked as beautiful as Carlisle wearing only the moonlight and my kisses. I considered waking him up for a little early morning action, but he looked so peaceful, so content, that I couldn't bring myself to do it. Instead, I watched the steady rise and fall of his chest with fascination.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

Mesmerized, I placed my palm under his ribcage where it met his abdomen. This man, this body, belonged to me. Just as I belonged to him. For so long I had been a pleaser, giving my body to anyone and everyone because I had confused lust with love. I did it quickly and easily and with total abandon and gotten my heart eaten every time.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

But now that I had Carlisle, I realized how foolish I had been. I hadn't just given my heart to him; he had taken it from me because he wanted it. I knew because it had been the same way for me. I wanted him more than anything in the world, because from the very beginning he had seen something more in me than a clumsy girl who dropped books and bottles, or a girl who would probably put out for anyone who bought her a drink. No, he'd thought I was intelligent, insightful even. Never again would I offer my heart to someone who eats hearts.

In.

Out.

In.

Out.

"I love you, Carlisle," I said softly, kissing him one last time before drawing the comforter over us and closing my eyes once again.

Too soon, the harsh buzz of Carlisle's alarm jarred us awake.

"Nooooo," I groaned, burying my face into the pillow. "Not yet."

"Sorry, babe," he yawned, leaning over to slap the offending device into silence. "Duty calls."

"Ugh. Can't your TA's handle it today? Let's just stay here in bed and be lazy."

Carlisle rolled me over, and I scrunched my eyes shut at the bright light now flooding the room. "I'm sure they could, but today is the mid-term assessment for the Theory I students, and I really should be there. But you're welcome to stay here and babysit Jane if you like."

The thought was tempting. But I knew that I had already missed more classes than I could really afford. "No, no," I grumbled, throwing the covers off of me. "I'm up, I'm up."

"Did you sleep okay?" he asked as he tossed me one his clean t-shirts. "You were out like a rock last night."

I winked at him. "It was a pretty good night's rest."

"What's that supposed to mean?" he replied, raising his eyebrow.

I sauntered over to him and kissed him gently, morning breath be damned. "Wouldn't you like to know, Mr. Heavy Sleeper?" I teased before heading into the bathroom.

"Awww, that's just cruel!" he called after me.

"I know! But so is a 7 am wake up call!" I retorted, closing the door behind me.

After Carlisle dropped me off at my apartment, I had some major cramming to do before my 11:30 class. We were supposed to have a quiz on Part I of Don Quixote. Of course, I'd read the book when I was a sophomore in high school, so I hadn't made the effort to re-read the book, as I probably should have. I had some much-needed brushing up to do.

I made myself a pot of coffee, put my earphones to my iPod in, and settled down on the couch with Emmett.

Fully engrossed in the trials and tribulations of poor Don Quixote, I let the time get away from me. "Shit, Emmett! Why didn't you tell me it was 11:15?" I gasped. I hadn't even changed out of Carlisle's t-shirt yet, much less put on a bra. Oh well, fuck it. The bra was in my backpack; I could put it on after class in the bathroom.

I raced to the English building, making it in record time just as the professor was handing out the quiz papers. Out of breath, I ignored the curious glances from a few classmates and slid into an open desk.

"Twenty minutes begins...now."

Thank God I had studied, because the professor certainly wasn't going easy on us with this quiz. By the time it was over, my head was swimming, but I was fairly certain I had pulled off a decent grade.

After the professor dismissed the class, I headed straight for the bathroom to fix my little bra problem. However, before I got two steps out the double doors of the Lamia Lecture Hall, I spied Mr. Caius Lamia himself.

"Ms. Swan, if you have a moment, may I have a word with you?" he asked dryly.

I swallowed hard and nodded. "Umm, sure."

"Don't worry, this won't take long."

He turned and rudely wagged his fingers over his shoulder at me. Despite the surge of rage coursing through my veins, I followed the clicking of his heels down the hallway until we reached the administrative offices. He brushed past the secretary, whose head noticeably lowered when he entered the room. We went into his office where he ushered for me to sit down in the hard-backed wooden chair in front of his desk.

"So, Ms. Swan, you'll be pleased to know that the committee met early this morning and has decided that even though Dr. Cullen exercised poor judgment when asking you to help him research his book, no ethics violations occurred in regard to your relationship."

I was dumbstruck for a moment - I hadn't been expecting that. Hadn't I been told that I would receive their decision in writing? Why would Dr. Lamia call me into his office to deliver such news?

"Did you hear me, Ms. Swan? No policy or ethics violations occurred."

"Wow, I thought I'd get a-" With a quick shake of my head, I tried to snap myself back to reality. "I mean, thank you. That's - that's great news. Thank you." The words felt stuck in my throat for some reason.

"You're welcome," he replied, giving me an annoyed look. I could feel my blood beginning to boil. What did he expect me to do? Start turning cartwheels in his office? Throw my arms around him and give him a smack on the lips? Instead, I focused on my breathing and tried to center myself.

"Does - does Carlisle know?" I managed to ask, not sure if I was overstepping my bounds.

"If Dr. Sovrano wishes to inform Dr. Cullen of our decision before the official letter is sent, that is his choice." He gave a small I-don't-give-a-shit shrug of his shoulders.

"Oh. Why d - did you...decide to tell me?" I shifted in my seat. I was genuinely curious, but I didn't want to push my luck either.

"Because we do realize how stressful these situations can be. So Mr. Black suggested that it might be nice to inform you a little early. Considering you were right down the hall from my office, I felt it was of no major inconvenience to me to listen to him," he sniffed.

Ahhhh, so I had Mr. Black to thank for all of this. No wonder Mr. Lamia looked like he could care less whether I knew or not. Good to know that relieving my mind was "of no major inconvenience" to him. Who did this man think he _was,_ anyway?

I stopped myself from slapping his infuriating face in the nick of time. "Well, thank you again," I said. "I appreciate your taking the time to tell me."

"You're welcome," he replied with a curt nod of his head.

I guessed that was my cue to leave, so I stood up and slung my backpack over my shoulder. "Have a nice day, Mr. Lamia."

He didn't respond, just coughed and waved a dismissive hand toward me.

"I'll just see myself out then," I mumbled.

I left the English building wishing I felt more relief than I did. I began kicking a random rock down the sidewalk with frustration. God, Mr. Lamia was such a dick! As I kicked, I absently fished my phone out of my bag and called Carlisle, but it went straight to his voicemail.

Shit. What did he say was going on - something about midterm assessments? If they'd started at 8:30, how much longer could they last? Or maybe he was talking to Mr. Sovrano right now.

I glanced at my watch. I didn't have a whole lot of time before my 1:30 class, but I really wanted to speak to Carlisle. The music building wasn't too far out of my way, and besides, I realized that I hadn't even seen his office yet. Maybe he wouldn't mind if I paid him a surprise visit. I mean, if he hadn't heard the good news yet, maybe he'd appreciate hearing it from me first. And considering Mr. Lamia had taken all the wind out of my sails, the only way I would get it back would be in Carlisle's arms.

I gave the stone one final kick.

Ready or not, Carlisle. Here I come.

**A/N: As always, thank you to my girls uhyesplease and StormDragonfly who know better than anyone that honesty is the best policy. :-P I would never be where I am without them.**


	44. Chapter 44

**A/N: I don't own Twilight...wait...did anyone else just have a case of d****éjà vu** ?

Chapter 44

BPOV

My pace was brisk as I walked to the music building. I hoped Carlisle wouldn't be annoyed that I had decided to come see him unannounced. I tried to call him twice more along the way, but again, the calls went straight to his voicemail.

As soon as I entered the building, I realized that I had no idea where Carlisle's office would be. I looked around for some kind of directory, but seeing none, I decided to just wander and hope for the best. A cacophony of sound from the students practicing accompanied me as I made my way up and down the gray hallways, reading every sign on every door.

As I turned the corner of one hallway to go down the next, I heard a familiar voice.

"Bella? Is that you?"

I spun around. "Alistair!" I cried, happy to see a friendly face.

His eyes lit up as he walked toward me. "How wonderful to see you!" He grinned, and then kissed me affectionately on each cheek. "What brings you to the music building today?" I opened my mouth, but he cut me off before I could say a word. "No, no - let me guess. You're here to attend my conducting seminar, aren't you?" I couldn't help but laugh as I shook my head. "No, of course not. You're here to sign up for the Steel Pan Ensemble because you heard they're looking for a new clave player, and you wanna get your 3-2 son on, right?"

"Steel Pan Ensemble? 3-2 son? I don't even know what that is," I giggled.

He winked at me. "I think you'd rather enjoy it. But really, I'm guessing that you're here to see Carlisle, correct?"

"I am. But I have no idea where his office is," I replied looking around.

"Ahh, but I do." He grabbed my arm and linked it through his. "It would be an honor and a privilege to escort such a beautiful woman to Monsieur Cullen's office.

I saw several students watching us and covered my face with my free hand, certain that I was blushing now. "Alistair!" I hissed. "People are staring!"

"They are enchanted by your beauty - who can blame them for staring?"

"Oh shush! Just take me to Carlisle, please," I begged, trying to ignore the tittering I heard behind me.

"As you wish, Mademoiselle." Alistair straightened his back and shot me a teasing grin. "Shall we?"

"The sooner, the better."

We strode down the hallway together, while Alistair loudly pointed out "landmarks" along the way, such as the stairwell where the principle clarinetist had dropped her instrument right before a concert and the practice room where he had once caught two students engaged in some "hanky-panky", as he called it. We turned a corner and there he was – casually leaning against a doorjamb, arms folded across his chest, and talking to a student. He looked like a god or a superhero to when he stood like that.

"Voilà!" Alistair cried, patting my hand excitedly and pointing. "Seek and ye shall find!"

Carlisle turned his head and his eyes widened with surprise when he saw us. I cringed; suddenly not sure my coming here had been a good idea. I hadn't meant to embarrass him - how could I have known that I would run into an overzealous Alistair?

"Excuse me," Carlisle said to the student, giving her a small pat on the shoulder before she walked away. "Bella? What are you doing here? Is everything okay?"

"I - I just wanted to talk to you. You weren't answering your phone," I stammered, trying to pull my arm free of Alistair's hold.

"She's lying, Carlisle. She's here to tell you that she's leaving you and running away to Paris with me," he laughed while my cheeks flamed hot.

"Is that so?" Carlisle smirked at me, and I immediately felt some relief. He wouldn't joke like that if he were annoyed or upset, right?

"Of course not!" I said, deciding to play along. "We're actually running away to Italy!"

"Oh, that's right, I forgot," Alistair chuckled as he stroked his chin in thought. "But you know, now that I think about it, England is always nice this time of year..."

"Whoa. Now you've crossed the line, old pal," Carlisle said with mock aggravation. "If anyone's taking Bella to my old stomping ground, it's going to be me." He pulled me away from Alistair and to his side. "Right, Bella?"

I wrapped my and arm around his waist and grinned up at him. "Right. Sorry, Alistair."

He threw his arms up in defeat. "I knew bringing her to you was a mistake! How could I possibly compete?"

"You best gather what dignity you have left and leave us alone, old pal. I'm sorry it worked out this way," Carlisle replied giving me a tight squeeze.

"I'm sure you are," Alistair said with a smirk, before snatching up my free hand and pulling it to his lips. "Well, until we meet again, Mademoiselle Bella, I bid you adieu. My dignity and I must get ready for today's conducting seminar. Carlisle - take care of this one."

"Will do."

I couldn't help but laugh as he walked away, puffing his chest out with his nose in the air. "Bye, Alistair. And thank you!" I called after him. He spun and gave a rolling bow before disappearing around the corner. I turned to Carlisle. "Are you two always like this?"

"Pretty much," he chuckled. "He's quite the flirt, as you can see, but he's also one of the first friends I made when I started teaching here."

"He's a little overwhelming, but I can see why you like him," I mused.

Carlisle's eyes sparkled at me. "You should see him when a new, single female joins the staff."

"I can only imagine!"

"So," he said, "you wanted to talk to me? Sorry, I've been observing students all morning, so my phone was on silent."

"I figured as much. Do you have time? I didn't mean to interrupt."

"No problem - the evaluations are over. Shall we step into my office?"

"Sure."

Carlisle swung the door open wide and gestured for me to go inside.

"This is your office?" I asked, looking around.

"Yep. Like it?"

I had to admit I was somewhat disappointed. I'm not sure what I had been expecting, but it just looked like any old office I had seen a hundred times before. The walls were, well, the walls were just plain ugly and bare. A beat-up upright piano shoved against the wall made the room seem even smaller. An oak desk, flanked by two rickety chairs, had clearly seen better days and sat next to what had to be the tiniest window I'd ever seen. In a corner a rusting metal filing cabinet stood pitifully alone.

I eyed a stack of seemingly forgotten paintings or pictures leaning against the side of his desk. "It's, um...it's...nice."

"Really? You think so?" he snorted, giving me a knowing look. I felt relieved - at least he was aware that his was not the most beautiful of offices.

"It's just...not what I thought your office would look like," I said, still wanting to be polite.

"Me either. I changed offices at the beginning of the year, and well, I just never got around to fixing this one up yet." He shrugged. "So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

I could feel my excitement beginning to grow - obviously he didn't know yet. "I had an interesting little chat with Caius Lamia this morning," I started, holding back my grin.

His eyes widened with concern. "Interesting? Why?"

"Well, he was waiting for me outside of my class for starters, which was weird. And then he asked me to come to his office so he could speak to me. Once we were there he said that the panel knew how difficult it can be to wait to hear about their decisions, so he decided to tell me before the official letter was sent."

"Yes, AND?"

I shook my head at him. "I'm sorry, Carlisle." I paused for a moment - just long enough to watch his face fall, before continuing. "I guess we're just gonna have to fix this ugly old office up together, because you're going to be using it for a long time. Mr. Lamia said that we're in the clear!"

Carlisle look stunned. "Are you joking? Please tell me you aren't joking!"

I grinned and shook my head. "I wouldn't joke about this."

"Are you sure? He really said that?"

"I believe his actual words were, 'even though Dr. Cullen exercised poor judgment when asking you to help him research his book, no ethics violations occurred in regard to your relationship,'" I mimicked.

He turned and slumped into his office chair. "I don't believe it. Oh my God, I just can't believe it."

I followed him and perched myself on top of his desk and crossed my legs. "Believe it, baby. We did it."

"I'm just...oh boy...I'm just at a...loss," he murmured, a dazed look forming on his face before he lowered his head to rub his forehead. "Wow."

I leaned forward, cupped his cheeks with my hands, and gently lifted his head. "Everything is fine - WE are fine. Just like you said we would be." I pressed my lips against his, and smiled.

"Did I say that?"

I nodded. "Yes, you did."

He closed his eyes for a moment, and then clapped his hands together, startling me. "Well, hot damn! I guess I can stop writing my letter of resignation now!"

"Your what?" I asked, taken aback. "Letter of resignation?"

"Kidding! I'm just kidding!" he laughed, wheeling his chair closer and gripping me tightly on each side my waist. "Holy shit, Bella. Do you know how fucking happy I am right now?"

He squeezed my hips, causing me to squeal and jump a little. "I have a vague idea!" I gasped as he continued to tickle me. "Stop it!" I tried to beat his hands away, but I was no match for his strength. The next thing I knew, he was standing between my legs with our arms tangled together and I was completely out breath from laughter. His eyes knowingly met mine for a moment, and suddenly our lips were like magnets - wet, sloppy magnets at that. "Wait!" I panted, pulling away slightly. "What if someone-"

I didn't get to finish that thought before his lips were on me again, his hands making their way underneath the t-shirt I was wearing. "They won't," he breathed in between kisses. His palms slid up my sides and around my back until they traveled to my breasts, and then he paused. "Bella? Are you not wearing a bra?"

"Sorry," I said as I wrapped my legs tightly around his waist, loving the feel of him through the fabric of my jeans. "It's a long story."

"Naughty girl," he smirked, running his thumbs over my nipples until they hardened under his touch. He pinched me gently, causing a small whimper to escape from my lips. "What time is your next class?"

"Um, 1:30," I managed to reply as I made quick work of the buttons on his white Oxford shirt. "Do we have time?"

"I'll make time," he grunted, pushing me gently backward until I was lying flat on my back. His hands continued to massage and play with my breasts while his mouth explored my neck.

I knew we were getting carried away. There could be any number of students standing outside Carlisle's office. It would only take one rude student to fling open the door to talk to him. But then again, I had never felt anything so carnal, so raw and lustful with Carlisle before. If we were to burst into flames at that very moment, I wouldn't have noticed - we were already on fire.

Carlisle pushed the t-shirt up and over my chest and began laving at my already aching nipples. My fingers tangled in his hair as he bit down on one causing a flood of hurt-so-good to course through my body. "Oh God," I moaned, trying to keep my voice down. I tightened my legs around him, trying to create the friction I so desperately needed.

Understanding me perfectly, his hands moved down to the waist of my jeans. He fumbled with the button and zipper for a moment, but managed to succeed after only a few tries. "Panties, Bella?" he asked, his breath hot on my neck. "I'm rather disappointed."

If I hadn't been worked up into a sexual frenzy, I might have been able to come back with something clever to say. Instead, I just whimpered out a "sorry" and chose to jam my tongue into his mouth. At that same instant, he braced himself with one arm and quickly slipped his fingers under my panties and inside of me. After a sharp intake of breath, I was completely paralyzed. I had not been expecting that, but clearly, my body had. I could hear the sounds of my desire squelching around his nimble fingers as he pumped them in and out of me.

Regaining my mobility, I pawed frantically at Carlisle's shoulders until my arms encircled his neck, ensuring he couldn't break our kiss. He groaned approvingly as my tongue went into overdrive, my thighs spreading as far as they could to create as much access as possible. He alternated his technique between dancing his fingers lightly over my clit and plunging them back into my depths until I felt I was going insane. I didn't know how much more I could take.

"Oh God, Carlisle...I'm, I'm..." I gasped against his skin. "Don't...don't stop!"

He responded by thrusting harder, adding his hips for good measure. I could feel the heel of his palm connecting with my sensitive bundle of nerves, giving me the stimulation I needed as he continued to fuck me with his hand. I untangled a foot from around him and braced it along the edge of the wooden desk. His magical fingers continued their welcome assault, pulsing against the special spot inside me.

"Fuck ME," I sobbed loudly as I began to come apart underneath him. Terrified someone might hear, I managed to bury my face into his neck before another torrent of expletives escaped from my mouth. My body convulsed and shook almost as if I were having a seizure. His fingers stilled inside me, but remained in place as I softly chanted "Fuck...fuck...fuck..." over and over again as each diminishing wave rolled through me. In the short time I'd been having orgasms, that had to have been the quickest as well as one of the most Earth-shattering.

Carlisle collapsed on top of me, planting hungry kisses on my neck and collarbone. "Damn, Bella," he moaned as I began running my fingers through his soft blond hair.

"I know," I giggled. "That was hot."

"I'll say..."

We lay on the desk for a few more minutes before I gently pushed him up and off of me, whimpering slightly when his fingers left my body, but I wanted to make him feel just as good as he had made me. He sat down on the desk next to me, and placed his now sticky fingers into his mouth. I stared at him wide-eyed.

He raised his eyebrows at me. "What?" he asked, feigning nonchalance.

"I'm just..." I squirmed and swallowed hard, watching him suck and savor his digits like they were covered in honey. "You're turning me on all over again."

"Sorry." He shrugged and released one of his fingers with a noisy pop. "I'll stop, then."

Oh, he was gonna pay for that. Two could play at this game.

I hopped off the desk and took my place in front of him. I lifted his hand to my mouth and slid one of his fingers past my lips. "Mmmmm," I purred, lowering myself to my knees. "I taste so fucking good...I wonder how we taste together..." I unzipped the fly of his pants and played with the fabric until the smooth head of his cock poked through the opening of his black boxer-briefs. My tongue darted out and licked the small bead of pre-cum had formed at the tip, then placed his fingers back in my mouth. I threw my head back, trailing my fingertips down my neck and moaned. "Oh my God, we're delicious..."

He was breathing heavy now, staring at me with eyes wider than dinner plates. "Bella...please..."

I could see his cock twitching in front of me, so I batted my eyelashes at him. "Please what?"

"S-s-suck me," he stammered.

"I'm sorry, what?" I cupped my hand around my ear, and frowned. "What was that you said?"

He cleared his throat, obviously trying to gain some composure. "Suck me. Please."

"That's what I thought you said," I smirked at him. "But I like hearing you beg." I pulled his pants and boxer-briefs down, until his cock sprang free. I blew a gentle stream of cool air over him as I caressed the soft skin with my fingertips. "Sooo pretty," I cooed before I placed my lips over the head and swirled my tongue in circles.

"Oh, thank God..." I heard him breathe.

I took him in as far as I could to lubricate his shaft before wrapping one hand around him and pumping slowly. I set a leisurely pace, running my tongue in broad strokes over his length and humming happily to myself each time I reached the head. His fingers gently caressed my jawline, and I knew he was working hard to control himself. I wiggled my tongue against the underside of his cock as I tugged lightly at his balls with my other free hand. He moaned in approval, so I repeated the pattern a few more times. His hips began to involuntarily flex, which I took as my cue to speed things up a bit.

I smiled and ran my lips over his tip a few times before quickly swallowing him whole, lightly running my fingernails back and forth over the sensitive skin of his groin area. As I slowly pulled back, I allowed my teeth to lightly graze his shaft, and I felt his knees buckle slightly.

"Fuck...Bella." He rasped as I released his cock with a loud, playful pop. It bobbed between us, wet and swollen.

Looking up at him, I grinned. His handsome face was flushed, head thrown back, and jaw clenched. "Are you close, baby?" I purred, casually stroking his length, sweeping my thumb over his head.

He looked at me pleadingly, "God...yes!"

Another drop of pre-cum dribbled out, and I greedily lapped it up before taking him back into my mouth. He'd waited long enough. I kept my eyes locked on his as I moved up and down, fascinated and proud by the way he reacted to me.

My name came out in short breathless gasps between the moans he was trying to stifle. Wrapping my hands around his thighs I sank deeper, sucked harder, encouraging him to lose control, to come. Carlisle didn't need much encouraging, his hips bucked erratically. I felt a set of fingers tighten in my hair, while he stuffed a fist into his mouth to hold back whatever sounds threatened to escape his lips. He swelled and jerked, and moments later, warm cum hit the back of my throat.

I swallowed everything he gave me, caressing the back of his shaking thighs as I did so. "Thank you," he breathed as I neatly wiped my mouth and planted a tender kiss on the tip of his beautiful cock - the cock I was now ready to slap a saddle on and ride for all it was worth.

"Don't mention it," I replied.

But before I could move, there was a loud knock on the door.

My heart immediately started pounding in my chest as I snapped my head up to look at Carlisle. No way, we did not just hear that. But the realization forming in his eyes told me I was dead wrong. "Oh fuck!" I whispered, frantically stuffing little Carlisle back into his pants.

"Oh shit. Oh shit," he chanted as his hands took over buckling his belt. Quickly, I stood up and began buttoning his shirt as fast as I could while making damn sure I didn't miss any. I pulled my own jeans up, and silently asked him what I should do next. He opened his mouth, but not a sound came out. Clearly, he was not capable of rational thought so...soon. On any other day, it would have been funny.

He began walking briskly toward the door, smoothing his shirt and making sure it was tucked in. He cast me one last panicked look, and not knowing what else to do, I immediately dropped to the floor and crawled under his desk. "Bella! No," was his hoarse response, but it was too late; I had made my decision, and I was committed to it.

He cleared his throat several times before I heard the door open, and several pairs of footsteps entered the room.

"Dr. Meade - Aro! What a lovely surprise!"

"Hello, Dr. Cullen. Is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all," he replied, lying through his teeth. "Would you like to sit down?"

I recoiled further under the desk. What the hell was he thinking?

"No, that's okay. This won't take but a minute."

"Alright then. What can I do for you?" I smiled to myself - Carlisle knew just as much as I did about what they were about to tell him.

But then another wave of panic hit me. What if Mr. Lamia had lied to me? What if we really weren't in the clear? Would a University official do that to someone for his own sick pleasure? No, that was impossible. They couldn't...could they?"

"Mr. Sovrano, why don't you go ahead and tell Dr. Cullen the news?"

"Thanks, Dr. Meade. Well, Carlisle, it is with great relief that I inform you of the investigation panel's decision that no ethical violations occurred in your pursuit of a relationship with the student, Isabella Swan. In fact, all charges were dropped by the student who made them in the first place."

I covered a gasp with my hand before it could escape. So Angela, _had _done the right thing. But then I frowned. Why hadn't Mr. Lamia told me the same thing?

"Really?" I could tell Carlisle's surprise was genuine. "That _is _a relief."

"Yes, indeed," Aro replied. "We had found the allegations to be baseless before the complainant withdrew them, but wanted to inform you of our decision regardless."

"Thank you very much for that. I can't tell you how relieved I am."

"You don't have to; it's written all over your face."

I nearly choked - just what _did_ Carlisle's face look like right now?

"Yes, Dr. Cullen, I was very much relieved myself," Dr. Meade chimed in. "You are an asset to our program, and I would have hated to see anything tarnish your reputation."

"I understand. And I do apologize for my error in judgment of asking Bel - Ms. Swan - to do any kind of research for my benefit. It was a poor decision on my part."

"Yes, well, the panel was not happy to learn that part was true, however, we understand that it was not an official research position that would have placed you in a position of authority."

"I'm certain it won't happen again."

Carlisle must have made a face or something because all three of them started laughing.

"Well, Carlisle, we'll leave you be. You can expect an official letter in the mail in the next day or so describing our findings in more detail."

"Thank you, Dr. Meade, Aro - I appreciate you taking the time to stop by and let me know in person. I'm happy to put this all behind me and move on from here."

"You're welcome. Have a good afternoon, Dr. Cullen. I'm sure I'll be seeing you at tomorrow's Symphony Band concert."

"Wouldn't miss it. Thanks again."

I waited until I heard the footsteps exit the room and the click of a lock being turned into place before I poked my head up from the behind the desk. Carlisle was leaning against the door with one arm, his head bowed - almost as if he were giving a silent prayer of thanks - then turned toward the desk and me. I gave him a small wave. "Hi."

"You, little girl," he said, "are insane."

I nodded and stood up. "Sorry. I kind of panicked."

He stuffed his hands in his pockets and walked toward me. "Do you know what would have happened if they had found you under my desk?" His voice was stern, but I could hear a layer of amusement in it.

"A whole new panel investigation?" I guessed.

"Possibly, and a whole mess of other troubles."

"But they didn't find me," I replied, jutting my chin out a little.

"No, they didn't." I noticed him fighting the smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Not this time, anyway."

"Then all's well that ends well, right?" I said, and his hand reached behind my neck, fingers twisted into my hair, pulling me close so that our lips were only millimeters apart. "We'll just have to be more careful from now on."

"I suppose so." His lips pressed firmly against mine, and as his tongue slid achingly slowly over mine, I knew all was forgiven. He pulled back and I recognized the devious glint in his eye. "I guess the only question left is, 'Where were we?'"

I licked my lips and smiled. "Holy shit," I sighed happily, waiting for my favorite reply.

But it didn't come.

Instead, Carlisle gently pushed me back onto the desk. "Holy shit, indeed," he breathed into my ear.

**The End**

**A/N: So yeah, that's the last chapter - save for the epilogue that I'm currently working on. I hope you enjoyed reading my little story as much as I (usually) enjoyed writing it. I'd love to hear your thoughts, even if you've never reviewed before. And if there's anything you want to know about, please let me know - I might just want to add it to the epi! I do plan to write a few more outtakes to this fic, but they will be from Carlisle's POV and posted to _Clementines: The Carlisle Files_. Be sure to add it to your story alerts if you're interested in reading them.**

**Huge thank yous to my wonderful betas uhyesplease and StormDragonfly for all the hard work and effort they put into making this chapter interesting and coherent. Thanks also to AutumnSong for helping me squeeze some juice out of a lemon I thought had gone dry. :-P**


	45. Chapter 45

**A/N: Here it is folks - the epilogue. I hope you enjoy it. Yesterday was my birthday, and I wished really hard that I could own Twilight, or at the very least, just Carlisle. But alas, it seems that it didn't work. :-( **

Epilogue

BPOV

"If I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am become sounding brass, or a clanging cymbal..."

My eyes met Carlisle's as I stood at the altar, a bouquet of bright yellow sunflowers and tiny daisies clutched tightly in my hands. He gave me a wink and a small nod, and I quickly focused my attention back to Angela's father. Certain looks from Carlisle could still elicit a wicked blush from me, and now was neither the time nor the place for blushing.

"Love suffereth long, and is kind; love envieth not; love vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up..."

I could feel the lump rising in my throat as Pastor Webber continued reading from I Corinthians, one of my favorite Bible verses. I did not consider myself to be a very religious person, but I knew good poetry when I heard it.

"Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things..."

I was sure Carlisle was feeling the same way as I did at this moment. The troubles our relationship had gone through during its early stages were well behind us now. Though we'd had a few other hurdles along the way - like Carlisle spending an entire semester teaching a class at the Royal College of Music in London which nearly drove us both insane, or when we ran into a not-so-sober Felix at a bar who decided he wanted to take what I wouldn't give him before. Carlisle needed a few stitches in his own hand after that encounter.

I stole another glance at Carlisle as I remembered how he had proposed. He had even gotten my boss, Nancy, in on it. She had given me some books to shelve right in the very aisle where we had said our first "I love you's." While my back was turned to place the books in their respective slots, Carlisle had snuck up behind me and silently dropped to one knee. When I turned around to grab the next books and saw him sweating and nervously holding that little black box, I immediately burst into tears.

I would have been lying if I said I hadn't expected him to propose at some point, and he would have been lying if he said that he didn't know I'd say "yes" - we had talked about marriage several times after I'd moved in with him, and we were both definitely ready. But still, that didn't stop the emotion from completely enveloping us when the big moment came.

"Bella, oh my beautiful Bella," he'd choked. "I've loved you since the moment I met you. You have already made me the happiest man in the world; it seems almost greedy of me to ask you for more. Will you marry me?"

"Yes. Yes. A million times yes!" I'd sobbed as he'd slid the ring onto my shaking finger.

He had stood up, tears brimming in his own eyes as I leaned back against the shelves, worried that my legs would give out. He'd braced one arm above me and leaned in to seal the proposal with a kiss. His free hand had cupped my cheek gently, tipping my head up until our lips met. I'd closed my eyes and placed my hand over Carlisle's, feeling more connected to him than ever. Everything had been absolutely perfect.

"Say cheese!" had come the sound of Nancy's voice, interrupting our romantic bliss.

We both had turned to see Nancy standing at the opening of the aisle, camera in hand, and a large, goofy grin plastered across her face. Before we could react, we had both been blinded by the flash of her camera. Rubbing my eyes, I'd turned to look at Carlisle, who gave me a helpless shrug of his shoulders, and I knew then that she must have been in on it. She'd taken a few more photos, but in the end, we both loved the candid photo the best - and even used it in our engagement announcement.

Our engagement had been long - almost a year and half - partially due to Carlisle's semester of teaching in London, but we were a patient couple and had wanted to wait until the timing was right. I'd wanted to earn my Bachelor's degree first - which I did - graduating Summa Cum Laude, thanks in part to the help of a certain relentless Professor. I was now in my second year of grad school, working on a Master's degree in Dramaturgy.

Finding that flyer for "The Tamer Tamed" had been life changing for me. After Carlisle had explained that a dramaturg helps with the historical research and development of plays, I decided to volunteer for the job. It was only a small production, but it had been amazing nonetheless. The director had told me I had a real knack for the gig even though I was so inexperienced. He'd let me consult with everyone, from the actors to the costume and sound designers, who'd all seemed grateful for my insight and input. For once, I felt like I had found something I could do well and enjoy doing for the rest of my life. And so Carlisle had encouraged me to apply to grad school, telling me he was willing to follow me wherever I chose to attend. Fortunately for the both of us, I had gotten into the program right at the University.

"But now abideth faith, hope, love, these three; and the greatest of these is love."

I cast another look at Carlisle who beamed back at me, before Angela turned to me and handed me the bouquet of flowers she had been holding so she could join hands with her soon-to-be husband.

Pastor Webber cleared his throat, and took a moment to wipe his eyes with a handkerchief. "Please repeat after me: I, Edward, take thee, Angela, to be my bride."

"I, Edward, take thee, Angela to be my bride."

"I will be faithful to you and honest with you," he continued, with Edward echoing each meaningful line.

"I will respect, trust, help, and care for you;  
I will share my life with you;  
I will forgive you as we have been forgiven;  
and I will try with you to better to understand ourselves, the world, and God,  
through the best and the worst of what is to come, as long as we live.

Angela, please repeat after me: I, Angela, take thee, Edward, to be my husband."

Her voice barely above a whisper, Angela tried her best not to break down crying over every line. I knew exactly how she felt; I had been through it myself almost two years ago, with her standing right by my side.

"And now, the rings," her father smiled.

I reached into the small silk pouch hidden behind my bouquet and fished out the smooth, white gold ring and handed it to him, while Edward's best man, his father, retrieved Angela's ring.

"Angela, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love."

"Edward, I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love."

I couldn't help but stare at my own wedding band that had never left my finger from the moment Carlisle had slipped it on. Knowing that flashy had never been my style; he had picked out a simple Marquis-cut solitary diamond on a platinum band that had suited me perfectly. Our matching wedding bands, also platinum, each contained the same inscription of "My Cup Runneth Over" - the name of the song sung at our ceremony by none other than Carlisle's Best Man - Alistair, of course.

Angela's father continued. "Wedding rings are made precious by our wearing them. Your rings say that even in your uniqueness you have chosen to be bound together. Let these rings also be a sign that love has substance as well as soul, a present as well as a past, and that, despite its occasional sorrows, love is a circle of happiness, wonder, and delight. May these rings remind you always of the vows you have taken here today."

I bit my lip, and willed myself not to cry. Angela and Edward's path to each other had been a surprising one - one that I had not seen coming.

After Angela had started her treatment and confessed to Ben about her miscarriage, he'd forgiven her completely and asked her to get back together. But sobriety had been a struggle for Angela. She had a couple breakdowns when times got rough, and all of us banded together to help her through them. And somewhere in the middle of it all, Edward had begun to develop feelings for her, but never acted upon them. But those breakdowns eventually took their toll on Ben. It was Edward's shoulder that she had cried on when Ben finally told Angela that it was over. I had been out of town on a weekend trip with Carlisle, or else it would have been my shoulder there for her. But if I had been there, perhaps Angela and Edward's story would have ended very differently.

Soon, he'd become the one she called first whenever she felt herself slipping. He'd stay with her in those long, sleepless nights as she'd fought against her demons. Of course, I had always been there for her whenever she needed me, but it wasn't until the two of them had come to me to ask for my blessing on their relationship that I realized they had become more than friends. I had been speechless at the time, shocked that I hadn't seen what was right in front of me, but I hadn't felt betrayed like I did when they had first slept together. Instead, I'd seen the connection the two of them had developed and known it was the real thing, so I had told them that I was happy for them.

And nearly two years later, here we were.

"By the power vested in me, by the state of Washington, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Edward, you may now kiss your bride."

I whooped and hollered along with the rest of the guests as Edward took Angela into his arms, dipped her low, and sealed the deal with what looked like an earth-shattering kiss. Her face was bright red when she finally righted herself, but the grin on her lips was undeniable.

"Ladies and gentlemen, family and friends, I present to you for the first time: Dr. and Mrs. Edward Masen!" Angela's father announced proudly.

Doctor. Yes, Edward was a doctor now, having just received his medical license. Getting on the fast track so early on in college had paid off, and he was now set to start his internship at the Forks Hospital as soon as he and Angela returned from their honeymoon. I couldn't have been happier to see his dream come true. Clearly, his father was too, as I observed him clap Edward on the back and pull him into a giant hug. It was still up in the air whether or not Edward would accept his father's offer of a full-time position in Forks after his internship, but I knew he and Angela would decide what was best for them together.

Angela turned to me, and I handed her a Kleenex to dab away the wetness under her eyes. She looked absolutely stunning in her strapless cream-colored column dress, her hair a cascade of curls flowing over one shoulder. She was so tall and slim, and now that she was healthy, any dress would have suited her figure perfectly. But when she'd come out of the dressing room wearing this ruched goddess gown, I'd known it was the one. Her tear-filled eyes had met mine, and it had been obvious that she felt the same way.

I dabbed at my own eyes and thought back to my own wedding dress - a heavily-discounted Alice Whitlock Original. I loved that dress, and I couldn't thank Alice enough for offering it to me at cost. I wouldn't have even bothered trying one of her creations; they were so out of my price range, but as soon as Jasper had received his save-the-date card, he had insisted that Alice send some dresses to the bridal shoppe with a note that "she could work something out." The Grecian inspired, chiffon gown had immediately caught my eye and from the moment I'd slipped it on, I'd known I had to have it. I'd never forget how Carlisle had looked at me when I walked down the aisle. He'd said it had looked as I though were floating, which was fitting, because I'd certainly felt like my feet weren't even touching the ground.

Angela and I smiled at each other, and then hugged as she took the bouquet of flowers back from me. "I love you," she whispered, kissing my cheek gently before slipping her arm through Edward's.

"Congratulations," I replied as the recessional music began to play. The guests clapped loudly as the happy couple made their journey toward the back of the church. And as Edward's father and I followed behind them, I saw Carlisle nod approvingly at me from his seat in the pews. I winked at him, knowing he would be joining me at the reception soon. I also acknowledged my father, as well as Jake, who were sitting next to each other. I wished my mom would have been able to make it, but she promised to be here in spirit, and truth be told, I really could feel her presence.

Angela and Edward had decided to have their reception at the Masens' home on the outskirts of Forks. It felt a little strange to be coming back here, but to be honest, I'd always loved the house Edward grew up in - it was so beautiful, so open and airy, and also rather modern compared to the rest of the community.

They had practically cleared out the entire downstairs, setting up round tables with sunflower centerpieces and chairs covered in white linen and yellow bows - Angela's favorite color. Buffet tables lined one wall, and my mouth watered at the thought of all that delicious food just waiting to be eaten. A three-tiered white cake with lemon curd filling was calling to me, as it sat majestically on a silver table in the corner. Wasn't it time to eat yet?

I felt two warm hands cover my shoulders and a pair of soft lips press against my neck. "Hello, handsome," I breathed as I turned around.

"Eyeing that cake, are we?" Carlisle smiled at me.

He looked so handsome in his black suit and yellow tie, that I licked my lips at him. "Yes, but now I'm hungry for something else."

"Naughty girl. Later," he whispered. "But here's some sugar to tide you over." He took my face in his hands as he kissed me chastely - after all, we weren't the only guests milling about the food area.

"Yummy," I replied, giving him my best doe-eyes. "So, what did you think of the ceremony?"

"It was nice. Good musicians, not too long, no sobbing brides - everything I like in a wedding. So where are the bride and groom?"

"Upstairs. Angela is changing - she can barely breathe in her wedding dress, let alone sit down and eat!" I giggled.

"Shouldn't you be helping her? Isn't that the matron of honor's job?"

"She wanted a little 'alone time' with Edward, so I guess I'm not needed," I mused.

"Can't wait until the wedding night?" Carlisle smirked.

I elbowed him gently in his side. "Oh hush, you could barely keep your hands off me at our reception. Let them get it out of their system now."

"I guess. Man, if you would have told me four years ago that I would be attending Edward's wedding, I never would have believed you."

"I can hardly believe it myself," I nodded. "He's come a long way. Angela, too. They're kind of perfect for each other."

"Indeed," Carlisle agreed before wrapping his arm around my shoulders. "It looks like everyone's starting to gather in the foyer. Perhaps we should join them."

I kissed his cheek as we strolled toward the foyer, waiting for the grand entrance of Dr. and Mrs. Masen.

xXxXx

The food was just as delicious as it had smelled, and I cleaned my plate, despite it being covered with nearly ten pounds of Steak Diane, asparagus de mornay, and the like.

"Any room in there for cake?" Carlisle teased, but I assured him that I always had room for dessert.

I heard the sound of tapping on a microphone, and my heart started pounding. Edward's father was standing up on the opposite side of the table, holding a microphone and grinning wickedly.

This was the part of the evening I had been dreading: the toasts.

Sensing my nervousness, Carlisle rubbed my thigh reassuringly while Edward, Sr. began his speech. "You'll be fine. Just stick to what you wrote, and it'll be great," he whispered.

"Easy for you to say," I hissed. "You speak in front of room full of people every day!"

"Just relax. Imagine all the guests in their underwear, if you have to."

"I can't do that! My _father_ is out there!"

"Okay, then just imagine _me_ in my underwear."

"And run the risk of dry-humping you in public? I don't think so!"

"Then like everything else, you just have to suck it up and do it. I have faith in you."

Before I knew it, it was my turn. I stood up as Edward's father passed me the microphone and gave me an encouraging smile. He remembered me and my fear of public speaking all too well.

"Ummm, hi every - " I started before a loud screeching noise from the speakers cut me off. The guests covered their ears and grimaced. Great start. As the reverb died out, I felt Carlisle place his hand on my lower back and give it a gentle rub. I took a deep breath. I could do this.

"Hi everyone," I began again. "I'm Bella, and I can't tell you how happy I am to be here today to celebrate Angela and Edward's wedding. I've known the two of them since high school, which was what - a hundred years ago? But it wasn't until college that Angela became one of my best friends. She has always been there for me whenever I needed her, and she has the biggest heart of anyone I know - she truly is the sister I never had, but always wanted. I love her so much, and I am so happy that she found someone who loves her just as much as I do: Edward. Edward, what can I say? I can't believe you're the same man I knew in high school - you've amazed me with the person you have become. Angela needs a strong, dedicated man, and I know you'll take good care of my girl. You two were meant for each other. You understand each other in ways no one else can. And I am honored to be standing here, wishing the both of you every happiness the world has to offer. Congratulations." I raised my glass and everyone followed suit. "To Angela and Edward."

"To Angela and Edward," they echoed before taking a drink and applauding.

I passed the microphone back to Edward's father and took my seat. "That was beautiful." Angela smiled at me, wrapping her arms around me. "Thank you."

"You're welcome. I meant every word," I replied, hugging her back.

"Oh my God, you're shaking!"

"I was...a bit nervous, that's all."

"Hey, you did great, little girl," Carlisle said, his eyes sparking brightly at me as I composed myself.

"Piece of cake."

"Can I get you some more water?" he asked, glancing at my near empty champagne flute.

"No, I was asking for a piece of cake," I grinned at him, rubbing my tummy. "She's hungry."

"Tell her to be patient, cake is coming up soon."

"Okay," I sighed and looked at the small, but noticeable bulge under my dress. "Daddy says we have to wait, sweetheart. Can you hold on a little longer?"

My eyes opened wide and shot up to meet Carlisle's.

"What? What it is?" he asked, sounding alarmed.

"She - she kicked! Oh my God, she just kicked!" I gasped.

"She's kicking?" he cried in disbelief, an excited smile spreading across his lips.

Angela spun around to face me. "She kicked? Is that the first time?"

I nodded, hardly able to believe it myself. "Here, feel it!" I placed both Carlisle's and Angela's hands on either side of my stomach. "We have to wait for cake, darling," I cooed, trying to coax her into kicking again.

I felt another tiny nudge, and from the looks on their faces, Carlisle and Angela had felt it, too.

"Oh my God, that's amazing!" Angela nearly shouted, grabbing her husband's hand. "Edward, you gotta feel this!" She placed his hand next to Carlisle's.

I looked up at Carlisle, gauging his reaction to Edward touching me, but to my relief, he looked too happy to care. Carlisle had never quite warmed up to Edward, even after all these years, but at least the tension between the two of them had recently dissipated. I guess the wedding must have finally convinced him that Edward was no longer "using Angela to get to me."

"Whoa...that's - that's something else!" Edward removed his hand and extended it to Carlisle. "Congratulations, man. When is she due again?"

Carlisle took his hand and shook it, and my eyes nearly bugged out of my head. "Thanks. She's due to arrive in about three-and-a-half months."

"Have you given any more thought to names?" Angela asked, still palming my stomach.

"A little. Carlisle wants to name her Jane. But I refuse to let my baby be named after a dog - as special as that dog is!" I laughed.

"Hey! I'm not the one who suggested some weird hybrid of our mothers' names! What was it again? Ren- "

"Oh, hush. I wasn't serious about that!" I mock-glared at him, and playfully swatted his arm. "So no, we have no idea yet. But we've got plenty of time to figure it out."

"Yes, we do," Carlisle agreed. "I'm sure it'll come to us."

At that moment, the guests began tapping their champagne glasses loudly with their silverware. Knowing exactly what they wanted, Angela and Edward stood up for a mandatory kiss.

The rest of the dinner went swimmingly, and my little girl was certainly happy after she'd had two slices of that delicious cake. As Angela and Edward took to the patio, which had been transformed into a dance floor, I snuggled into Carlisle's side and kissed his cheek.

"Remember our first dance?" I asked him.

"How could I forget?" he replied, nuzzling my neck. "You were so worried about stepping on my toes, you barely paid attention to the music."

"That's not true - I barely paid attention, but not because I was worried about stepping on your feet! It was because I was too busy staring at the man of my dreams, wondering how on earth I was so lucky to have all my dreams coming true."

"Ahhh, I see." Carlisle began rubbing my stomach. "Mine are still coming true."

I had always known that Carlisle had wanted a child. I was hesitant at first, but we had talked about it several times, always coming to the same conclusion: it just wasn't the right time. But about six months ago, I had decided to hell with timing - I was going to leave it up to the fates to decide. I'd stopped taking the pill, but purposefully hadn't told Carlisle, and just continued with our normal, healthy sexual appetite. One month later - BOOM - I was pregnant.

To say that Carlisle was surprised was an understatement. He had very nearly fainted when he came home and saw me sitting in his easy chair with a big pink and blue bow draped over my stomach, holding the positive pregnancy test in my hand.

From the moment I'd seen our tiny bean on the sonogram, I wondered how I could have been so hesitant before - this baby was the best gift I could have ever given Carlisle. Oh, who was I kidding? She was the best gift I could have given us.

"Mine, too." I leaned over and kissed his soft lips before curling up to watch Angela finish her dance with Edward.

When they were done, Kevin cut in for the requisite father/daughter dance. Again, I felt a lump form in my throat as I remembered my own dance with my father. He had never been one for dancing or getting emotional, but he picked out the song "I Loved Her First" by Heartland, and I don't think there had been a dry eye in the room.

_I __loved __her __first, __I __held __her __first__  
__And __a __place __in __my __heart __will __always __be __hers__  
__From __the __first __breath __she __breathed__  
__When __she __first __smiled __at __me__  
__I __knew __the __love __of __a __father __runs __deep_

_And __I __prayed __that __she'd __find __you __someday__  
__But __it's __still __hard __to __give __her __away__  
__I __loved __her __first__  
_  
I hadn't been able to look at him during that dance. Instead, I'd buried my face into his neck so our guests wouldn't see the tears streaming down my cheeks. I wasn't going to be his little girl anymore - though, I guess I hadn't been for a long time. But still, the way my father had choked back his own tears as he smiled proudly at me, had made me never want to let go of his hand.

I was lost in my own thoughts, when I felt Carlisle nudging me. "What?" I asked, turning in his arms.

"Listen."

I turned my attention to the song playing through the speakers and laughed - Michael Bolton, singing "When a Man Loves a Woman." The same song we had danced to at our wedding, only we had danced to the original Percy Sledge version. But only he and a select few others knew that Michael Bolton was my guilty pleasure. "Did you request this?"

He gave me a little smirk and nodded his head toward the dance floor. "Indeed, I did. Would you care to dance, Mrs. Cullen?"

"I would, thank you." He offered me his hand, which I took, and he led me to the dance floor where other couples had begun dancing. He wrapped his other hand around my waist, drawing my body close to his.

Angela caught my eye and gave me a wink. She hated Michael Bolton, so this must have been some sacrifice for her to have him played at her wedding! I mouthed the words "thank you" to her as she wrinkled her nose and pretended to gag, and we giggled at each other from across the patio.

"So, how did you convince Angela to let you request a song by this 'no-talent, ass-clown'?"

"Oh, just that we'd name our first born daughter after her."

"You did not." I studied his face and saw the twinkling in his eyes.

"Okay, I didn't. But she did make me promise to be nice to Edward for the rest of my life."

"And you agreed? Carlisle, I'm impressed!"

"Well, I figured it was time to let bygones be bygones. And it's worth it if it makes you happy."

"Oh, it makes me very happy. Thank you for being the most wonderful husband in the world." I laid my head against his shoulder as we continued to sway in time to the music. I inhaled deeply, breathing in the scent of the light cologne he was wearing, when I felt another small nudge from our little bean, and I knew she was happy as well.

I couldn't wait to get Carlisle home and show him just how happy we were.

**A/N: So that's it, kiddos. What did you think? Do you still hate Angela and Edward? Or are you, too, willing to let bygones be bygones? **

**Thank you so, so much to uhyesplease - the saucy little minx who introduced me to this whole fandom. If it wasn't for her, Clementines wouldn't exist. She's not just a beta - she's my sister, my friend, and ****my biggest cheerleader. She is one of the sweetest, most supportive people I have ever had the privilege of knowing. That she has stuck with me for over TWO years on this fic, speaks volumes about her loyalty. I couldn't imagine taking this journey without her.**

**A million thank yous to StormDragonfly. Who would have known that a few reviews and pm's between her and I would turn into the friendship it is today? She pushed me to write outside my comfort zone and challenged me when I absolutely needed to be challenged. She went above and beyond the call of duty to answer any questions I had - I mean, what more could you ask for in a beta? **

**And of course, thank you to all the friends I've made and to everyone who read and reviewed Clementines. You welcomed me with open arms and really made me feel like I belonged in this community. You've given me more than I can possibly ever give back. ****I'm tempted to say I'm done with writing, but who knows? Maybe someday I'll have the urge to write an outtake or a one-shot. But until that day, all I can say is thank you again for all of your love and support, oh, and BELLA AND CARLISLE**** FOREVER!**


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